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A/N - Just wanted to tell you all again to go nominate yourself or a friend in the Step Back From Reality Fan Fiction Awards at http://www.geocities.com/sbfrffa/ THANKS!


Chapter 29 – Plunging Into The Unknown

Nicola swallowed the urge to curse as she turned once again in her large bed. She pulled her body up roughly and collapsed onto her back. She bounced lightly on the springy bed, glancing toward her clock for confirmation. It was already two in the morning and she couldn’t recall one period of slumber during the entire night. Nicola wanted to scream and knock herself unconscious. She couldn’t sleep. Her mind refused to slumber while Howie’s proposal toiled inside her troubled mind. She fitfully tossed and turned every half hour. Nothing seemed right and wouldn’t seem right till she corrected the problem. She needed to speak to him – now.

*~*~*

Howie yawned sleepily as he slowly wheeled himself to the door. He couldn’t imagine who would want him at three in the morning, but the insistent banging made him think otherwise. Howie scratched his bare stomach as he punched the button to make the door open. He nearly choked when Nicola came into his blurry vision. He felt his heart pound irrationally at her disheveled state. Howie believed that she made boxer shorts and a baggy t-shirt look as beautiful as a hundred dollar dress. Howie gulped nervously as he just stared at her, unable to make any words form.

“I need to talk to you,” Nicola started uneasily. She reached to pull her unruly curls into a tight ponytail. She smoothed out her crinkled boxer shorts, suddenly becoming aware of her shabby appearance. Howie’s intense eyes always did a number on her heart, but it was too late to make herself presentable.

“You never called, Nic,” Howie whispered.

“I know, that’s why I came…” Nicola explained, following him into the living room. She sat down on the couch, facing him. She felt her palms grow sweaty, so she quickly wiped them off on her shirt. She tapped her feet nervously, trying to form her words properly. She didn’t want to screw this entire procedure up.

“I thought you were going to turn me down—”

“Not entirely,” Nicola hesitated.

“What do you mean?”

“I have to tell you that I wasn’t completely honest with you.”

“About what?”

“About why I was so hesitant in starting a relationship with you.”

Howie felt his heart sink against his stomach. “Oh.”

“Don’t give me that sad look yet, just let me explain, okay?”

“Okay, go ahead…”

“When I told you that I was worried about my job role combined with your patient status, I wasn’t lying. But another road block was my past, Howie,” Nicola explained slowly.

“What about it?”

“Well, I was married when I was seventeen. I met my husband, Trevor, in high school. We were pretty crazy, which caused me to become pregnant at seventeen. My mother understood the consequences and loved both Trevor and me regardless of our stupidity. She promised to help with the baby when I started college, because I had gotten pregnant close to high school graduation. Trevor understood that I wanted to go for physical therapy in college and said that I could do whatever I wanted. He loved me a lot. So, we got married after my graduation from high school and I enrolled in the same college he was attending. Everyone promised to help and Trevor was so excited about having a baby. We seemed like the perfect couple with our heads held high, because everything would work out to be a dream come true,” Nicola began softly. She tried not to notice the shocked look upon Howie’s face, but found herself studying his features as she continued.

“Just like everyone else, I thought it was perfect. I thought that nothing could hurt us, because we were moving forward with our family and careers at the same time. But, that first Christmas together as a married couple ruined everything. I was beginning my third trimester of pregnancy and I wanted to show off my rounding tummy to our friends. Hollie was having a Christmas party the day after Christmas and I so badly wanted to attend. Trevor just wanted to stay with my family for the evening, but I insisted we see Hollie. Trevor just wanted me to be happy, so we went. We had such a great time at the party. We laughed, danced, kissed, and just let everything blossom, but coming home was a different story. Trevor had some alcohol, so I drove. We were coming onto the highway for a straight shot to my mother’s home and Trevor was holding my hand. He held my attention for a second to tell me I was beautiful… Needless to say, I never saw the drunk driver on our side of the road heading straight toward us.”

“Oh my God,” Howie hissed in absolute surprise.

“He completely totaled our car and even flipped it a few times. He climbed out of his car without a scratch on him. I came out with bruises and a broken arm, but Trev was paralyzed from the waist down. Mom said I wasn’t hurt badly because of the baby, but it didn’t matter. Trev was so bitter after the accident. He refused to take physical or emotional therapy, insisting that I do it because I was being trained anyway. I was arrogant and didn’t push him to go, because I thought I could take care of him. I thought that I could actually heal him. But he just got worse. He was bitter, cruel, and hateful as the days passed. Whatever I had fallen in love with dissolved completely beneath his dark persona. He lashed out at least every day and I sobbed at least every day for him. Depressed had ate his soul until finally, after two months, he killed himself while I was taking my last final.”

Howie watched a few tears escape from the corners of Nicola’s weary eyes. It looked as if she had been fighting this story for too many years. He reached out to take her hand. He pushed himself closer, gently stroking her hand with his thumbs. “Go ahead, Nic,” Howie whispered softly, knowing that she needed to release this burden. “You can tell me everything, Sweetheart, no matter what.”

“His suicide note blamed me for everything that happened. For the crash, for the wheelchair, for his suicide… Everyone told me that he was just bereaved, but I felt so guilty for so long. I never had time to properly grieve his death, because my daughter was born a week after his funeral. Imagine, an eighteen year old, first year college student, mother, and widow.”

“I’m very sorry that this happened to you, but I hope you realize that it wasn’t your fault.”

Nicola foolishly pulled her hands away from Howie’s grasp to wipe away her falling tears. “It’s okay, Howie. I’m a lot better now. It was five years ago and I’ve had time to adjust. I have a beautiful daughter named Lucille Marie Tilley that helped me beyond the pain. All she’s had in her life for a father figure was my younger brother. She’ll never know her real father, but she doesn’t seem to mind much as long as I’m around. She will when she’s older, but I’ll cross that bridge when it comes. She’s so smart and talented, though, everything a mother could hope for.”

“She probably looks exactly like you,” Howie stated with a knowing smile. The idea of Nicola having a child did nothing to alter his thoughts of her. If anything, the story enhanced Nicola’s appeal. She had struggled for so long with such a dastardly accident, but still continued to enjoy life’s other mysteries. Many would have crumpled under the pressure, but Nicola seemed to bloom. Howie knew at that moment that his love for her would only grow with time. No way would this story unhinge the wanting in his heart.

Nicola offered a shy smile. “She does, but she has her Daddy’s sapphire eyes.”

"She must be beautiful.”

“Thank you,” Nicola whispered, drawling herself into silence.

“Nicola, why did you want me to know your story?” Howie whispered after several moments of silence.

“Because I thought you needed to know the biggest reason to why I was hesitant in starting a relationship with you. I was terribly afraid of committing to you, but not anymore. My mom made me realize that I deserve to love again, because that’s what Trev would want. I’ve had enough heartache to last me five lifetimes. And, I know that I do love you. And I’m willing to take a chance on this love as long as you can love both Lucy and me,” Nicola explained, kneeling down on the floor to face Howie in his wheelchair.

Howie looked at Nicola as if it were absurd to even assume he wouldn’t want both her and Lucy in his life. He leaned downward to gently kiss Nicola. She shivered at the intensity of their kiss, causing Howie to chuckle lightly. He had dreamed so long of this moment. He pulled Nicola to her feet and then made her crawl into his lap on the wheelchair. He wrapped his arms tightly around her waist, leaning up to kiss her neck. “I can’t wait to meet Lucy, because I love you and I know that I’ll most definitely fall in love with her, too.”

Nicola smiled with relief. “I dropped her off at Momma’s house before I came here. She was a little unnerved about being dragged out of her bed with her Mommy in boxer shorts. I was a wreck.”

“So I noticed, but I think you look quite sexy in boxer shorts and a t-shirt.”

“Yeah, I must have shocked many men while speeding down the road…”

“They probably took pictures,” Howie teased softly.

“I hope I at least get some kind of wage benefit from their profits.”

Howie laughed and kissed her again. “Bring Lucy over for the dinner today early, so I can meet her before my parents and siblings get here.”

“You mean it?”

“Yes, of course I do. If I want to be a part of your life, I need to be a part of Lucy’s life, too. Plus, Mom has been ragging on me to get a family started. Guess she won’t have room to chide me when you and Little Lucy are romping about in my life, huh?”

Nicola leaned down to kiss him deeply. “I love you.”

“I love you, too. And Nicola?”

“Hmm?”

“Would you spend the night and not run out of here before I wake up?”

“Okay,” Nicola sighed with contentment, bringing her lips to his, knowing that the plunge was well worth the sleepless night.