Too bad Carson Daly is such a Giant Tool!
“No one is on our side anymore AJ.” I looked over at Kevin and wasn’t quite sure what to say to that. When he saw my eyes he continued, “It’s like no one wants us to succeed.”
“Our fans do.”
“Yeah, I know…I mean no one else.”
“Kevin, we can’t let a few bad interviews get to us.”
“A few?” He raised his eyebrow at me. I wish I could say he was exaggerating but he really wasn’t.
After we finally got out of the traffic jam and into our first interview, things went from bad to worse. Station after station all said the same things to us. It was as if they all had a secret meeting to try to decide how to take us down. They mentioned the ‘boys’ in the band name. How we were too old to be considered boys and should change the name to men. When they finished talking about that they made sure to bring up all of Nick’s problems with the law and Paris etc… Then there were always my past troubles and the fact that we have been out of the limelight for so long will people even remember us? It happened that way interview after interview after interview. Seemed like all we did was defend ourselves.
The one ray of hope in all of this was the fans. For every single radio station we stopped at, there they were waving at us, flashing pictures, and carrying signs. They made it hard for all the DJs to say people had forgotten about us as their own voices were being drowned out by the shouts of love from our fans. Still, by the end of the day as we drove back to our hotel, none of us were very happy.
“It’s only going to get worse.”
I sighed. When Kevin got like this all I could so was sigh really. He was supposed to keep me calm, not the other way around.
“Kevin, we just aren’t used to it anymore.”
“No, this type of stuff didn’t happen to us before; it’s like a whole new beast.”
“Times have changed, we’ve changed.”
He nodded at me, “Yeah, I don’t like it.”
“Me either, but looking on the bright side, it’s kind of like starting all over again but this time we have fans already.” I was trying to be optimistic about the whole thing. It was hard though. During our fourth interview, this one DJ was being particularly rude cracking jokes on the side about our sexual orientations and what not. That’s really old news and none of us had a problem with it, but then he started in on Nick, saying that he most likely would be the type to hit Paris and brag about it to his friends. The guy looked at Kevin of all people and said, “So did he brag about it to you?”
Kevin stood up, walked over to the guy and for a minute I was afraid he was going to deck him, not that it would have been a bad thing or anything. I have seen that look on Kevin many many times and let me tell you something, it’s not a pretty sight. Howie even uttered a very low “Kev…don’t.” But Kevin just stood there, intently staring at the DJ, “I think it’s time to go,” was all he said before turning around and walking out of the room.
“You can’t walk out on every interview where you’re insulted!” Johnny said furiously as we took the elevator to the ground floor. “You just gave them even more fuel for their fire.”
“Johnny, I don’t give a rat’s ass about their fire. I am not going to casually laugh along with them while they insult us and call us abusers and everything else under the sun.”
“It’s part of the business Kevin.”
“Well it’s the part I hate!” He said that so loud that it silenced our manager, which isn’t an easy thing to do.
I remember glancing over at Nick at that point. He had been so oddly quiet during all of the interviews. He barely cracked a joked or even smiled. Who could blame him really? Most of the negative things were directed at him. I felt for him, I’d been there myself, too many times to recall. When I looked at him he glanced my way really quickly and then flashed me a small smile before once again darting his eyes downward.
“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to complain. I know we’ve all been through hell today.”
I placed my hand on his shoulder, “It’s all good Kevin and just for the record, thanks for sticking up for me today. You came to my rescue more than once and I appreciate it. I know Nick does too.”
“Well, there’s only so much I can take you know? I mean I can call you both fuckups all I want but that’s because I know you.”
I laughed at him and the serious way he said that. Only Kevin could get away with calling me a fuck up and mean it as a compliment. “Maybe tomorrow will be better.” I said wanting to smoke more than anything else but knowing that he would ring my neck if I were to light up in the car.
“Can’t get any worse I guess.”
“Oh I’m sure it can.”
“Thanks AJ, that makes me feel a lot better.”
“At least we don’t have to go on TRL, can you imagine what that would be like now?” He looked over at me and shook his head.
“We’d be booed off the stage now.”
“Yup.”
“That sucks,” And it really did. Back in the day, we ruled that show now we could probably walk past the windows outside and not even get recognized. Times certainly do change, don’t they?
“Carson would probably get booed off the show too though.” I laughed at Kevin. He had a point; the kids that didn’t know us anymore wouldn’t know him either. That somehow gave me comfort especially since he got his own show on NBC and whenever he said anything about us, it was negative. Kevin sat there in silent reflection. I could tell maybe his mind had briefly gone back to those days. “Carson is a giant tool!” He said finally.
All I could do was nod in agreement, of course I would have gone with dick or ass hat, but tool works too!
“You sure you’re alright?”
“I’m good Brian.” I looked over at Brian and smiled, wishing that everyone would stop asking me if I was okay. Today was embarrassing; I hated it, everything about it, but now that it was over I just wanted to forget. Go back to the hotel, take a nice hot shower and wash this day from hell off of me.
“Because if you want to talk about it…”
“There’s nothing to talk about.”
“You sure?” He was making me mad and the last thing I really wanted to do was fight with Brian. I wanted to drive home with him because I was sure he would be the one person who wouldn’t even bring any of this stuff up. There was no way I was getting into a car with Kevin after today, no friggin way and the same with AJ. The two of them kept giving me these looks all day long. Anger mixed with pity, and those are the worst looks ever! Howie kind of decided he was riding alone this time around so I was happy to grab Brian and kidnap him into my car.
“I’m sure, let’s just talk about something else, okay?”
He bit at his lip and half nodded, his way of saying he disapproved but he would do it anyway. “What do you want to talk about then?”
“I don’t know, politics, global warming, why they call it coconut milk even though it’s not milk.”
He laughed, “Do you know anything about any of those topics?”
“Pfft…uh…no, do you?”
“No, well a little about global warming but that would only bore you to death.”
“Being bored to death might be a good thing.”
“If that was the case, you should have taken the ride back to the hotel with my cousin, don’t you think?”
“I’m telling Kevin you said that.” I sat back and slouched down as far as I could go. Closing my eyes, I realized how exhausted this day has made me.
I’m not one to get embarrassed very easily. Let’s face it, when you come from a kooky family like I have, you kind of get used to feeling like a dumb ass. But today I just felt so stupid and not in control of anything. It was seriously a very weird feeling. I knew exactly what to expect going into these interviews but even still, the way I was attacked time and time again just kind of sucked the life out of me.
Kevin stood up for me just about every chance he got. Like he promised me in the car ride over, he answered most of the questions. AJ also came to my defense. Howie I expected to be quiet and non-combative just because that was his way but I have to say I was kind of surprised by Brian’s reactions to the statements.
I was expecting Brian to come to my defense a little, but he didn’t. Instead he just remained quiet or looked at the floor or ceiling. A couple of times he excused himself to make a call to his wife or to run to the bathroom.
Great time to realize I was secretly pissed at the guy sitting next to me. Not pissed as much as disappointed. It was as if in his silence today, he was agreeing with what was being said. “I thought Kevin was going to punch that one guy in the face today.”
“I thought you said you didn’t want to talk about it.”
“The thing is, what would you have said if the guy asked you that question?” I didn’t look up at him, really I didn’t want to, and I’m not even sure why I asked it in the first place. Maybe I just needed to fight with someone and Brian was the only one around.
“What kind of a stupid question is that?” He sounded annoyed and the little boy in me, the one that never wanted Brian to be mad or upset, instantly wanted to apologize to him. I didn’t though. I think deep down I really needed to hear the answer to this question.
“One that needs an answer so, what would you have said?”
Brian sat a little more erect and once more bit at his bottom lip before answering, “I wouldn’t have said anything to him.”
“One way or the other huh?” I muttered that under my breath but just loud enough to be heard.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing…never mind.” I wish I never brought it up but that’s just how I am. Talk first, think about it later.
“No, I’d like to know what’s going on inside that crazy head of yours.”
I glanced at my watch, when was this day going to end? “Don’t worry about it. It’s been a long day and I’m crabby, that’s all.”
“Do you think I am on their side?” He wasn’t going to let me drop this.
“I don’t know man, are you?”
“Nick, how could you even ask me something like that?”
I let out a sigh, rubbing my eyes with the palms of my hands, “I wish I didn’t feel like I had to, but I don’t know, lately I just get that vibe from you.”
“What kind of vibe is that?”
“It’s not important, drop it.”
“No, we’re not dropping anything. You brought it up, what kind of vibe?”
“You think you’re better than me, that’s all. I just feel like you think I’m a total loser and that you do think I’m a bad person.”
The silence that followed was horrible! I wanted him to yell at me or something, but he just sat there and didn’t even move a muscle. I hated thinking that way about Brian, I really did but in a way it also felt good getting it out in the open. I’ve felt like this since we’ve been back together and the whole Paris ordeal just kind of magnified it. I looked over at him but that still didn’t seem to work. Now I did it, we were getting back to normal and I went and fucked it up because of the stupid ass mood I was in. “You know, forget I said anything. I’m sorry man…like I said it’s been a long day and I’m tired and…”
“I’m sorry.”
I stopped my babbling and looked over at him; an apology was the last thing I expected. “What?”
“I said I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel that way. I don’t think I’m better than you and it saddens me that you think that.”
I let out a sigh, “Brian…”
“Let me finish Nick.” I nodded at him and let him continue, “I just worry that’s all. I don’t know what to say and how to act around you sometimes. If I press it seems like I’m lecturing you and you shy away from that. But if I ignore it, you think I don’t care. It’s a hard line, that’s all.”
“I guess I just need to know that you’re on my side.”
“I’m on your side buddy, of course I am.”
I nodded and smiled at him but deep down those words still held doubt in my mind.
Glancing at my watch I couldn’t believe how late it was. We had been at these interviews all day long and the fact that we had another entire day of them tomorrow made me almost want to make our driver pull off the side of the road so I could wretch. AJ and I talking about the old times just made me melancholy for those days. Sometimes this reunion seemed like a blessing but other times, like today it seemed like a curse. Something that would be mocked by just about everyone under the sun before one of us gave in and ended up on a stupid show like Dancing with the Stars or living in a house with other rejects who tried to make unsuccessful comebacks.
“What are you thinking?”
I looked over at AJ and smiled, “Just trying to figure out which one of us will cave and do Dancing with the Stars.”
“I’d win that one.”
“I figured it would be you.”
“I didn’t say I’d do it, just saying I’d win it.”
“Nice to know.”
“Why were you thinking that, just out of curiosity?”
Now this is where I had to ask myself if I wanted to be honest and say, well you see I was just thinking about what we could do once our record comes out, flops and we end up laughing stocks in the music industry….or I could play the safer route. “Because to me that’s the ultimate form of selling out.”
“Going on Dancing with the Stars?”
“Yeah.”
“But not Fear Factor?” I knew the smartass was going to bring up that show.
“No, at least I climbed a building and almost drowned.”
“Okay, as long as you ‘almost’ drowned.”
I ignored him, “You know what I’m going to do tomorrow? If the interviews go like they did today I’m just going to say fuck it.”
“Whoa Kev…” He looked at me as if I had never cussed before in my life which is pretty funny because just between you and me, I curse an awful lot. “Seriously, I’m not going to let all this crap get to me anymore. We are doing this because we want to, not because we have to.”
“You don’t have to sell me on anything buddy. I’m with you.”
“Well good because I’m tired of feeling like I need to apologize for us getting back together and doing this again.”
“I for one am looking forward to you telling someone to fuck off.”
“I didn’t say I would do that.”
“I know, but I wish you would, just once. I’d pay you a friggin thousand dollars if you did!”
“Really?”
“Dude, really! To see the look on someone’s face if you told them to fuck off! Oh my
God, priceless!”
“A thousand dollars?”
“Yup.”
“Okay, it’s a deal.” I shook his hand and smiled.
“Yes! This is the best! I have to call Nick and tell him! It’ll make this day from hell almost seem worth it.”
I tried my hardest not to laugh at AJ and his excitement. “Hey AJ.”
“Yeah?”
“Fuck off!”
His eyes opened wide as his mouth dropped. He looked like Droopy Dog in the cartoons and that made me actually laugh out loud. “You’re right. The look on your face was priceless, now where’s my money?”
His words hurt me more than I let on, but I didn’t tell him that. How on earth could he think I wasn’t on his side? Has our relationship changed that much? I am better than him? That’s the other thing that surprised me. How he could think I felt I was so much better than he was. In reality though, in Nick’s reality anyway, everyone was better than he was. Yes, my little brother suffers from an inferiority complex. It’s funny kind of, because the media always makes it seem like he’s this cocky, conceited son of a bitch, but in reality he’s not. The kid thinks he’s garbage and whenever he says things like he said to me, it only confirms that age hasn’t helped him to get over those feelings.
In all the years I have known Nick; I have done nothing but stick up for the boy. I can’t even tell you how many times I went to bat for him, many times when I should have just minded my own business. For him to say those words just now cut me to the core. I seriously wanted to scream at him, tell him to go to hell, but then again there has to be a reason for him to think that way. Maybe I’m not as supportive as I should be. I have no idea.
“Bri?” his voice was so quiet and small I almost didn’t recognize it.
“Yeah?”
“I’m sorry.”
I could tell he felt really horrible, but the thing is I kind of wanted him to. I know that’s probably immature and petty of me but I didn’t care. He hurt my feelings, and now I wanted him to feel bad about it. So sue me!
“I just can’t believe after all we’ve been through you’d actually think…” I stopped because I was going to start saying things I didn’t want to say to him.
“I’m sorry.” He said it again and even softer this time.
I finally glanced in his direction just as we pulled up to the front of the hotel. To my surprise there were a gaggle of fans waiting outside to greet us, some of them had signs but most just had cameras. I wasn’t in the mood to act all happy right at the moment. All I wanted to do was go back to my room and spend some time with my family.
“Great…” I didn’t realize I said it out loud until Nick looked over at me and nodded.
“Looks like Howie’s up first.” He said as we watched D get out of the car and head towards the door, only to be thwarted by fans as they stopped and begged him for hugs and pictures.
“Seems like they didn’t get the memo.”
“What do you mean?” I asked Nick as he watched in awe of the way Howie handled the girls all around him, the smile never leaving his face the entire time.
“That we aren’t worth their time anymore… seems like no one let them know that.”
The serious way he said that made me just crack up for some reason. It was probably just a form of stress relief but once I started, I couldn’t stop. “Why are you laughing?” Nick asked mid giggle. Great if he started I’d never be able to stop myself.
“I have no idea.” I confessed as Kevin and AJ now joined Howie out in front of the small crowd.
“Maybe while they are signing we can sneak in the back?”
“Doubtful, we’ve been spotted.” I motioned to the three girls who had their camcorders trained in our direction.
“What do you want to bet they have those things on full zoom and are all up in our nostrils and stuff?”
“Nostrils and stuff?” That was it, I started laughing again.
“Brian, are you taking some foreign substances I should be aware of, or have you just lost your mind?”
I was laughing so hard that tears were streaming down my face and the dumbfounded look on his face wasn’t helping to calm me down. One of our bodyguards, the only one accompanying us on this little radio tour, lightly rapped on my door signaling it was time for us to exit the car.
“Let’s do this.” Nick said looking at me and shaking his head, probably relieved that I was laughing and not cursing him out.
Once he got out of the car, Nick was instantly enveloped into the crowd of admiring fans, just like he always has ever since he was so small I could fit him in my front pocket. I smiled when I watched him hugging his fans and licking them as they took pictures.
“Seems like you guys were having a lot of fun in there.” I turned to the girl who said that. They used to be so little, but clearly this was a woman. They all were grown up, just like us.
“Yeah…” I nodded at her, thinking how funny it was that sometimes they had no idea.
We all had our own little orbit of fans around us within seconds of Nick and I leaving the safety of our car and it stayed that way for about thirty minutes before Kevin finally was able to make it to the lobby’s door and wave to the crowd. Once he did that, it became easier for us all to follow. The oddest thing happened though, I wanted to stay and so I did. Nick did too, the two of us signing autographs and taking pictures because this is what felt like home. Within a few minutes Kevin, Howie and AJ were back as well. They probably felt the same way.
As we headed towards the elevators leading to our rooms, Nick mouthed the words, “I’m sorry,” once more. I wasn’t even mad anymore, I was just tired. That’s when we saw the funniest thing ever. As we were entering the elevator and our fans were still standing around in the lobby watching us, a guy in a baseball hat with his head bowed down walked right past them all. We all recognized him instantly, but not our fans. He was with a few people himself as they entered our elevator right before it closed.
“What’s going on out there?” He asked one of his friends, oblivious to the fact that we were there with him.
“That was for us.” Kevin said, followed by a “Hi Carson.”
Carson looked up with glazed over eyes and smiled, I don’t think he had a clue who we were or who he was even. He looked like he was completely wasted. “Oh.”
“Have a good night,” He said as he left the elevator.
My cousin and AJ looked at each other and started laughing, “He’s such a tool!” They said in unison which got me going again. The five of us continued to laugh as we exited the elevator and said our goodnights.
By the time I got back into the hotel room, my son was sound asleep across my wife’s lap as she read a book. The horrible day I had dissipated as I moved next to her and planted a kiss on her neck.
