Downtime
I had a dream last night and it was by far the weirdest one I have ever had. Well, besides when I was six and dreamt about being chased down the hallways of my elementary school by a giant tamale. My brother said I was tossing and turning and screaming “don’t eat me!” I even threw my pillow across the room. Even now, when I eat a tamale I see its horrible fangs as it laughs in a sinister way.
Wow, I think I’m hungry. I wonder if I can get room service to send me some tamales?
Anyway, back to my dream. I was on stage with the boys and we were singing one of our newer songs, maybe it was Incomplete or Climbing the Walls. I grabbed the microphone off the stand and made my way towards the front of the stage. The crowd loves when we do stuff like that, get all nice and close to them. This time though, just as I looked up, everyone disappeared. The music was still blaring and the boys were still there with me, but we were playing to nobody. The feeling I had in the pit of my stomach when that happened stuck with me as I opened my eyes.
It was a classic anxiety dream and I couldn’t help but wonder if it was going to be our new reality. After doing the press tour we did, I couldn’t help but feel that way. The press people made us feel that way. They made us feel like we weren’t worthy enough to still be doing this. I mean didn’t we know that there was an expiration date on boy bands? Why didn’t we take a cue from Nsync and 98 Degrees?
I just wanted to be alone when we were done. I wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone about any of it. I didn’t want a pep talk from Kevin or listen to a bitch session from AJ or Nick. What I needed was to sit quietly and process what had happened. I ended up just watching the business report on TV and falling asleep to that very weird dream.
I hated waking up all anxious but that’s what happened. What if we were about to make a huge mistake? I mean this could really end our careers if everything didn’t go exactly right. Our album was coming out in less than a week, it was too late to turn back the clock and have a do-over. “Oh my God…I’m freaking out!” I decided to scream into my pillow. I’m glad no one was there to see that.
“Everything alright Howie?” Okay well almost no one. I forgot my brother was here with me. He’s seen worse though.
“Uh…yeah. I’m just freaking out a little bit.”
He smiled at me, “I see that.”
“I had an anxiety dream.”
“Were any tamales involved?”
“Nope, but I sure am craving some. I was thinking maybe room service. What do you think?”
“Tamales for breakfast? Do they do that here?” He asked me as he rubbed at his chin; my brother’s way of showing me he’s putting a lot of thought into his words.
“It’s New York…I’m sure they do.”
“Excellent.”
We were in New York City for the rest of the week leading up to our album release. When I found out we would have a day or two for free, I decided to try to get something going here for my foundation. With only a few calls here or there, we managed to set up a bowl-a-thon which was also a great way to get my family to come up and be with me. Johnny came the second I called him. He misses me, they all do.
“What do you want to do today?” He asked me after getting off the phone with room service, “Oh and they said they’d send up some tamales. They are going to go get us some personally. I love this town.”
I had to laugh at my brother’s enthusiasm. It’s been a long time since we’ve not been pampered in a hotel. That may sound vein to say but it’s only the truth. Still, whenever he joins me on the road he always has this wide-eyed kid’s view of things. I love my brother and after the last few days, I’m glad he was here with me.
“That’s good to hear, and I don’t care it’s up to you. Whatever it is, let’s make it low key. After these interviews I don’t feel like seeing a ton of people.”
“Howard…don’t let it all get to you man. The fans are what matter and boy Angie said they are bombarding her with calls for this bowling thing.”
I smiled at Johnny, he was right. Sometimes I lose sight of the fans, the ones who never left us. The fact that they are always so willing to support everything I do, it’s really quite extraordinary. “Really?”
“Yup, she said we have about ten tickets left.”
“Wow, that’s awesome!” Maybe I should get the guys to show up for this thing as well. Imagine the look on the fan’s faces when I show up with the rest of the guys. “Maybe I’ll ask the rest of the guys to come.”
“Think they will?” He asked as he went into the fridge and grabbed a Fresca out of there.
“What is it with you and Fresca? You never drink that crap anywhere but hotels.”
“Because I never see it anywhere but hotels.”
“Do you even like that stuff?”
“I don’t see how that’s relevant.” He said opening it up and chugging it, letting out a huge burp when he was done. It was so funny how much my brother and Nick had in common….scary but funny.
I just rolled my eyes at him and tried not to smile, “I am going to at least try to get Nicky and AJ to come. I know the girls will love that.”
“Yes they would.” He agreed then looked down at his soda can, “Fresca sounds like your hot Italian lover…eh?” He winked at me and I cracked up.
“You are nuts, you know that?”
“Of course…so are you feeling better now? No more freaking out?”
“No more freaking out, for now anyway.”
He walked over and gave me a hug, “Good, because when you freak out little brother…I freak out.”
“We can’t have that, can we?” I said, moving away from my brother’s embrace. His hug felt good, strong and reassuring. “When are Angie and Polly coming?” My anxiety about the dream I had earlier and just this CD in general, was beginning to go away now. I’m sure Johnny was responsible for that. Well, maybe Johnny and the tamales that managed to knock on my door. Well let’s hope it wasn’t the actual tamales because that would be odd and frankly very nightmare like.
John moved to the rolling table and uncovered our breakfast while I dug through my pant pockets from last night for the tip. Why he couldn’t hand the guy some money was beyond me. After finally finding a crisp new ten dollar bill and handing it to the kid who was patiently waiting, my brother had already downed one of my tamales!
“Hey! Slow down.”
He looked at me and smiled, “Sorry…I’m hungry and to answer your question, Polly and Angie will be here tomorrow I think.”
“Nice.” I sat down and finally helped myself to my breakfast.
“Honey breakfast is here.” I opened my eyes when I heard my wife’s voice. I swear it felt like I just went to bed a few minutes ago. Sitting up I yawned as my eyes wandered towards the clock.
“Wow it’s late.” I flung the covers off of me and hobbled over to the bathroom. At least that’s what Leigh calls it when I get out of bed first thing in the morning, my little morning hobble. With age comes hobbling I guess.
“I thought you were going to sleep the day away,” She said as she lifted our son into his high chair, moving him closer to the food.
I walked over and pat his head before kissing his cheek, “I must have been more tired than I thought.”
She smiled and nodded at me, “I guess so…well I ordered us some eggs so dig in. We’re still checking out the Zoo today right?”
Sitting down and yawning once again, I nodded at her. Secretly I would have loved nothing more than to just not do a thing today. The last thing I wanted was to be at a zoo amongst a lot of people who could potentially recognize me but just looking at my son’s face as he ate his pancake with his hands, made me change my mind. For Baylee, I could endure a few hours with screaming kids and monkeys. If I can endure Nick, I can endure that.
Just thinking about Nick I remembered the little argument we had in the car last night. How he accused me of thinking I was better than him. “Do you think I’m pompous?” I blurted out. It seemed random and out of the blue.
“Why do you ask? Did a DJ call you pompous?”
I shook my head, “Nope, a good friend.”
“Well, can’t be that good of a friend because he barely knows you. Brian, you are not pompous at all.”
“Not even a little? Like I don’t come off looking like I’m better than anybody else?”
“For the record, you ARE better than everybody else.” She said that with such an honest inflection in her voice, I couldn’t help but laugh at her.
“Well, let’s keep that a secret between you and me then. I wouldn’t want anyone else thinking I was a pompous behind!”
When I said the word behind my son laughed. Nice to know we have the same sense of humor. Still, I think when I’m done with breakfast I might give Nick a quick call to see if we could finish that conversation. Maybe being refreshed and more relaxed because of the few days off we have, we’ll be able to talk more candidly and I could get what’s really bothering him out in the open.
“It was Nick wasn’t it?” She asked after catching me staring into space.
I almost shook my head and lied to her, but decided not to, “Yeah.”
“I knew it.”
“He was just upset because I didn’t say anything about the Paris issue, you know weigh in like everyone else.”
“You have your own reputation to protect. If he does something stupid, he should pay the consequences without the four of you coming to his rescue all the time.”
It was at that moment that I realized my wife maybe thought that Nick could have done what he was accused of doing to Paris. “You think he did it, don’t you?” I asked her honestly then looked over at my son who was so occupied with his breakfast he hardly noticed his parents at all.
“I don’t know Brian…sometimes yes I think he could do something like that. He has a hot enough temper. Tell me in the back of your mind you don’t think he’s capable of that.”
“I can tell you from the back and the front of my mind, he’s not capable of that. He does have a horrible temper but he would never beat up on a girl Leigh. He loved her.”
“That’s what a lot of abusers say Brian…I love her I would never hurt her.”
I didn’t like how this conversation was going at all. In many ways it was so much worse than the one I had the night before. “I know him. I have known him for almost his entire life and I know if he did it, he would have told me or one of us. Nick isn’t capable of holding something like that in. He said he didn’t do it and I believe him. I wish you did too.
“I don’t think he did it either, I’m just saying there was a moment of doubt, that’s all.” She admitted as she took a sip from her cup of coffee. There was an uncomfortable silence, one that often occurs when a fight about one of my friends comes up. Finally she finished her thought, “And if you do think he isn’t capable of it, then why didn’t you come to his defense?” She raised her eyebrow at me.
“Because I’m a pompous ass,” I answered honestly.
“Daddy said a bad word!”
“Yes he did.” She smiled at me and I knew this whole thing was to get me to see things the way Nick did. I love my wife.
“Excuse me a minute…” I said as I walked away and dialed Nick’s room.
“Nick…it’s the phone, wake up!” I didn’t want to open my eyes so I just ignored her, whoever she was. “Nick!” It’s hard to ignore someone when they are yelling in your ear though. “Nick!”
“I hear it! Let it ring!” I shouted, not meaning to, but still.
“What if it’s important?”
“Then they’ll call back.” I turned and pulled the blankets over my face. I could tell I was going to have a major hangover from hell today. Thank GOD we had the day off.
Have you seen my pants?” Okay this girl was beginning to annoy me. I don’t even remember how she got in here. I hope she came home with me and she’s not some random crazy pants less person looking to stab me with a letter opener.
“No.” My eyes opened up when I wasn’t the one that answered her.
“I know they were here somewhere because like duh… I was wearing pants when I got here, wasn’t I?” Girl number one…the phone obsessed one, said.
“Yeah, check in the bathroom.” Girl number two answered.
That’s when I decided to maybe sit up and figure out what kind of trouble, if any I had gotten myself into. Sure enough there were two gorgeous blondes in various states of undress, roaming around my room in search of pants.
“Hey.” One of them said smiling at me as she roamed around looking for either her pants or the other girls. It was hard to tell since neither were wearing any. That’s when I decided to look down to see if I was and sure enough, I was naked as a jaybird down there.
“Hey,” I answered trying to will my head not to fall off my shoulders. I hated moments like this. I mean I party a lot, but when I party so hard I don’t remember a thing, those moments scare the crap out of me.
I recall coming back to the hotel after the day from hell and hating my life. I was just going to go to bed but then I had the urge to go out instead, so I remember calling Marcus and telling him that. We went to maybe two or three nightclubs I think. After that second one my memory was a little hazy. “So ladies, I take it we had a good time last night?” I asked. I know that was probably a stupid question but eh, what is the appropriate conversation starter with two naked strangers in your room? I think ‘so what about this crazy weather?’ isn’t going to cut it.
“We had a fabulous time Nick.” She said winking at me and blowing me a kiss. Well, at least that’s good to know.
“I found them Liz! They were in the bathtub of all places.” The other blonde came out with two pairs of small leather pants. She threw one to Liz and then put the other pair over the chair.
“Think we should order some breakfast? I’m starving.” The one with no name said to me. I felt bed, but I just wanted them to go away so I could go back to sleep. The thought of having food right now was just not working for me.
“Can we Nick?” Liz asked.
“How about I just give you guys some money and you can go out for whatever you want? I’m just still kind of wiped and want to crash.”
“You throwing us out or something?” I have decided I do not like the one with no name.
“No, I’m just offering to let you eat.” I was becoming self conscious of my nakedness now so I found myself looking around the bed for my boxers. “Were my boxers in the bathroom as well?” I asked the one with no name who was putting on her own pants.
“No silly, you lit them on fire and then tossed them in the toilet, don’t you remember doing that?”
“Uh…yeah, sure I do…of course…and why did I do that again?”
Both girls laughed at me. “You were completely wasted last night.” Liz said.
Uh, you think? I wanted to say but I knew better than to be a jerk to these two so I just laughed along with them. “Are you serious? Did I really do that?”
“Yeah you did, right after you called Kevin’s room and told him you were going to do that.” Sweet mother of God, this just keeps getting worse and worse.
“I hope you’re shitting me.”
The one with no name started laughing, “Baby, I wish I was too, but I dared you to do it and then Charlene triple dog dared you so you finally did it.”
“You dared me to call Kevin?” And if the other one was Liz and I still didn’t know this one’s name then who the hell was Charlene?
“Yes and the next thing I know, you picked up the phone and called him.”
“Did he answer?”
They were amused by the way I was acting. I could tell I was fulfilling some of their inner fantasies by being scared that Kevin was going to bust my ass. But sorry…the last thing I needed on hangover day was a Kevin lecture, especially about setting things on fire in a drunken stupor.
“I don’t know. You were talking to someone, so maybe he did?” Liz said with a shrug. I could tell she felt bad for laughing and for possibly taking advantage of my drunkenness unlike the other one. I’ll call her Busty McBoobies.
“Okay, well then you guys better get going before he comes here and gives me a lecture.”
“Awe how cute, he really does stuff like that, huh?”
“Uh, yeah he does.” I wrapped the sheet around my body as I stood up and made my way to my wallet. I felt bad rushing them off, well Liz anyway. She seemed like a nice enough person.
I went in my wallet and grabbed the last $50 I had. I could swear I had almost $500 in there last night before I went out. Jesus I’m out of control. I handed it to Liz and smiled at her, “I’m glad we had fun last night. Go out and have a great breakfast and maybe I’ll catch you girls next time I’m in town.”
She took the money and I could tell she was having a crisis of conscience about whether or not to except. If she declined I would have found her tonight and taken her out for a real dinner, maybe gotten to know her better. This was always a vital test for me, whether or not they can be bought off.
She nodded and put the fifty in her pocket. “Thanks.” She said coming over and giving me a kiss on the cheek. Ah well, maybe AJ will be free for dinner tonight.
“Have fun” I said to Busty as she came over and slapped me on the ass, trying her best to move the sheet away as she did.
“You shouldn’t cover yourself up like that.” She said, winking at me. She seemed like a complete bitch but I bet the sex with her was amazing.
“Come on Tara.” Liz said as she pulled ‘Tara’ out of the room.
My phone rang again but I ignored it, especially because I was damned sure it would be Kevin. I can’t believe I called Kevin and why the hell did I set my boxers on fire?
“Kevin, come back to bed.”
I looked over at Kris who was rolled in her sheets so tightly she looked like a pig in a blanket. A sexy one…Ack! I’m glad I didn’t say that out loud. That’s definitely one of those things we as men would mean as a compliment but would totally be taken the wrong way by the ladies. “I am trying to get Nick on the phone.”
“You really think he’s awake? I mean he was wasted last night, wasn’t he?”
“Yeah,” I said as I dialed his number once again. I hated getting calls in the middle of the night from anybody. When someone called you after 2 in the morning, nothing good would come from that conversation. It usually meant something bad had happened. I remember once when I was a kid, my mother got a call after midnight about my brother Gerald being in a car accident. The way she screamed when she got that call was enough to send shivers down my spine whenever I heard the phone ring that late. As I got older the time I would worry would get later and later, but after 2 in the morning, a phone call usually meant bad news and Nick’s call came at almost 3 A.M.
He was so drunk he was slurring his words. I was just grateful to know he was calling from his hotel room and not some random bar somewhere in New York City. I knew he was going to get wasted, in fact once I got into the hotel those were the first words I said to my wife. “He’s going to get stupid drunk tonight.”
We both actually thought about inviting him out with us, but since it had been awhile since we had one on one time, we decided to just go out alone. By the time we got back, I asked our security if Nick had left and sure enough, he had.
“I’m sure he’s okay…come back to bed.”
“He was setting things on fire in his room last night.”
“The alarms didn’t go off.”
“Doesn’t mean he didn’t manage to hurt himself or someone else.”
“Honey...bed…NOW!” that made me drop the phone and climb into bed with her. I knew how to take orders, especially from Mrs. Richardson.
“What do you want to do today?” I asked her once I managed to wrap my arms into her little pig’s blanket.
“How about we just lay in bed all day today? Order room service, watch movies and not do a damn thing. Let’s not even answer the phone or the door.”
I kissed the nape of her neck, “Sounds good to me. I’m so glad you came out, I really needed you here.”
She turned to face me and smiled, “I needed you too.”
In a perfect world, we could do this all the time. Just lay in bed staring at each other together, but this wasn’t a perfect world and finding the time to do stuff like this was getting harder and harder with every year and every album we made. I wanted her to be able to come on the road with me for this tour but now that her career was picking up, there was no way she would find the time. I hated that.
“Are you sure you can’t come out with me? Even for a week?”
“Kevin, you promised me you wouldn’t talk about this at all while I was here.” She put her finger on my mouth.
“I know, and I’m sorry, I just miss you, that’s all.”
“Well, I’m here now.”
I raised my eyebrow at her and smiled, “I love you Kris.”
“I love you too Kevin and I know you want to go call Nick again, so go ahead, I promise I won’t have sex with anyone until you get back.”
“Nick can wait…” I said as I put my head under the covers and mounted my wife.
