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Kevin looks back into the house. I can see the fear on his face and can feel it radiating off him.

"Kev?" AJ asks, as he approaches behind me. I glance at him and see that he must have heard the mention of a body. He looks more than a little sick.

"Stay here," Kevin orders him quietly as he opens the back door of the police cruiser.

"What's going on?" I hear Howie ask in an overly sleepy voice. A moment later I hear a loud crash as he trips and falls into the coffee table. "Damn...what the...who tied my shoes...? dammit, Nicky!"

I smile back at Nick, who smiles very briefly before turning and heading back into the house.

"Stay here, my ass," I hear AJ mumble and then he's brushing past me and following Kevin into the back of the waiting police car. A few moments later Howie appears in the doorway. His shoes have been abandoned.

"What's going on?" he asks worriedly. He glances back into the house and then hurries up the walk to join the others in the car. He doesn't even bother to close the front door. I can feel his dread as he breezes past me and into the car.

I watch as the car pulls out of the drive and heads back to the cliff side. I am torn as to whether or not I should follow. I don't want to go down there. I know what's down there. I saw what the fall did to my body and it's not pretty. I don't want to see it again.

The decision is made for me, though, as the door slams shut behind me. A few moments later, all the windows of the house close all at once. Nick clearly wants to be left alone. So I leave him and run after the car. Oddly I am not only able to keep up, but I know that if I wanted to, I could surpass it. And my body doesn't have the normal strain that comes with running. My muscles don’t ache; they don’t even feel the effort being put on them. I don't have to struggle for breath. Of course that is probably because I don't actually breathe anymore, but it's still quite amazing. In fact, I find myself running past the SUV and on up the cliff's edge for what must have been about a mile or so just to enjoy the feeling. I understand now why so many people choose running as a way to relax.

I return just as the officers begin making the trek down the cliff to the beach below. I watch as Kevin makes his way down the path, following them. They need someone to identify the body.

Howie and AJ are both here, but they're staying up top the cliff with the Durango. They both look pale and sick. They're also both shivering like it's freezing out, but it's a warm summer night. I wish I could say something to them, comfort them a little, let them know that Nick and I are okay. Except that I guess we're not. We're dead. I know that, but we're still...here. Which is, to say the least, very weird.

I've thought a lot over the years about what it would be like to die, and what happens after death. As I believe I've mentioned before, I've been here on God's grace since I was five years old. I've lived a good twenty plus years past what doctors told my mom I would. And they've been a great twenty-some years. Extraordinary, even. I'd love twenty or forty more, of course, but I'm grateful for what I've had. I just expected that when the time did come that things would be a whole lot different. You know...in the afterlife. I thought maybe there'd be that whole floating on a cloud thing or like that angelic choir, possibly a few harps. Cheesy, I know, but I thought it'd at least be something like that.

But it's not.

Everything is exactly the same. Except for the fact that the only one who can see me is Nick, and that's only because he's dead too. I can't be there to comfort the friends I know need comforting. Except Nick, of course. But the slamming of the windows made it clear that he didn’t want comforting just now.

I pat AJ on his shoulder as I pass by him, heading after Kevin. I shouldn't make him go alone. I glance back and see AJ raise his hand and scratch his shoulder absently for a moment. Then he looks over at Nick's Durango and sighs. "Please be okay..." his whisper floats on the wind after me.

I hurry down the steep trail, catching up to Kevin quickly. His face is a mask of determination. He stops as we near the bottom. He isn't quite ready to go around the last bend to see the body that awaits. For a moment his mask falls away and his fear is evident.

One of the officers notices him lagging behind and stops, turning to watch Kevin sympathetically. Kevin stares at him for a few moments then nods, recovering. The mask is back in place and he starts walking again.

I hesitate, not wanting to go around that last bend either. I already know what waits there, and I'm not sure that I can face it again. But when I hear Kevin making a choked sobbing noise, I know I need to be there for him--even if he doesn't know I'm there. I hurry around the bend in time to see Kevin fall to his knees, staring at the body in the sand a few yards away. I don't look at the body. I've seen it already and don't ever want to see it again. Unless of course it's in a mirror and is looking back at me. I look only at Kevin, who can't tear his eyes away from it.

I move beside him and place a hand on his shoulder. I have to resist the temptation to pull away as I feel the grief radiating from him. "It's okay, Kev. I'm still here," I whisper to him, but he only stares mutely at the body. I look over at the officers who came with him. "Somebody please cover that," I ask them. I can't even refer to it as me anymore. It's not me. I'm here, not there. "Don't make him keep looking at it."

"Can you identify him for us?" one of the officers asks as he approaches.

Kevin nods, his eyes tearing. "Yes.” He takes a deep breath. “He's...my cousin Brian. Brian Littrell."

The officer smiles sympathetically, resting his hand on Kevin's shoulder--not even remotely aware that my hand is right there, too. I'm all too aware of it, though. A strange sensation fills me as his hand melds into mine. It's like his life is flowing through me. I can't really explain it other than I feel like my hand is immersed in water, and it's being soaked up through my fingers and into the rest of my body.

I feel his--Officer Webster, I somehow know his name to be--sympathy amplifying my own. And I feel his strong desire to go call his teenage daughter...Jennifer. He wants to call Jennifer just to make sure she's alive and safe and not lying dead on a beach like this Brian Littrell. Webster hates working homicide nights like tonight. He's hungry and wants to stop for burgers and a big cup of coffee. He wonders how Brian Littrell ended up dead at the bottom of a cliff. He has a strong suspicion that the answer lies with the missing owner of the Durango that sits up top the cliff. When they find him, they'll have their answer. Damn kids.

I pull away quickly, shocked by the sensations flowing through me. I feel dizzy and somewhat nauseous. What the hell just happened? I stare at the officer, slightly angry at the assumption he's made. "It wasn't Nick's fault," I tell him, knowing he can't hear me. I look back at Kevin, who is still staring at the mess. "Kev, stop looking at it. Turn around. Go back up to AJ and Howie. You need them right now." But Kevin, of course, does not respond to me. I turn away, feeling helpless.

"Can you tell us anything about Nickolas Carter?" the officer asks Kevin, ignoring his obvious state of distress. "Anywhere he might have gone? We'll need to talk to him."

They still haven't found Nick's body. I scowl. How blind are they? I turn to look at the ocean. Specifically at the spot where Nick's body had been left.

It isn't there. Nick's body is gone!

I rush to the water's edge, scanning the waters for the missing body. It’s nowhere to be seen. I step into the water and am a little unnerved by the way the water is completely undisturbed by my presence. The water flows into me, much like Officer Webster's life had. I walk farther into the water, awed by the sensation. The beauty of the ocean is filling me. I understand now why Nick loves...loved the water so much. I look back up the beach toward his house and see him looking out of his bedroom window. I know I shouldn’t be able to see him from this distance, yet I can. As clearly as if I were looking at him through binoculars. He gives me a faint smile before stepping away from the window. A few moments later, the curtain closes, blocking my view of him completely.

I turn my attention back to seeking his body. There is no sign of it. I walk a little farther, searching the dark waters, but it's just plain gone. I stare out into the vast ocean for a few moments, silently saying a little prayer for the body contained within the waters. The body will probably wash up on shore when the tide comes in, but...if not, that may be the closest thing Nick gets to a proper burial. Burial at sea. At one time, Nick probably would have appreciated that, but after tonight, I'm not so sure that's the case.

I turn back to where the officer is still trying to question Kevin, who is still staring at the uncovered body.

"For God's sake, somebody cover that!" I yell at them as I move back over to Kevin. But nobody does. Instead, someone is taking photographs of it. From every possible angle. And someone else is sticking little flags in the ground all around the body. They ignore Kevin in his grief, just as Kevin ignores the questions Officer Webster is asking him about Nick.

I try to pull the blanket over the carcass myself, but can't close my fingers on it. If Nick were here, he'd probably be able to do it. After all he'd managed to tie Howie's shoes together.

I turn to look back at Nick's house, wondering how he's doing. Maybe I should go, but I can’t bring myself to leave Kevin. Despite the fact he doesn’t even know I’m here. Besides, it is clear that Nick wants to be alone.

I stay with Kevin until finally, he gets up and starts the trek back to the top of the cliff. I am relieved to get away from the body in the sand. But I can feel that Kevin’s dread is getting worse. He isn’t even able to look at AJ and Howie as he approaches. He doesn’t want to tell them. They already know, though. I don’t think anyone’s actually told them, but they have, I’m sure, heard that there’s a body.

“Is it them?” Howie asks in a subdued voice.

“Let’s go back to the house,” Kevin suggests, not answering the question.

“Oh, God,” AJ closes his eyes. If he didn’t know before, he does now.

“What happened?” Howie asks.

“House.” Is all Kevin can say. It’s clear that he’s trying his best to stay strong and keep himself together. He ducks back into the police car. The other two exchange glances before following him.

I watch as the officer gets back in the car and drives them back up to the house. I’m not sure I want to go. I turn and look back toward the ocean. I shiver involuntarily as I am reminded of the last time I saw this view. I guess I really don’t want to stay here, either.

I start walking back up the cliff’s edge toward Nick’s house.

By the time I get there, the guys are back inside. There are a couple cops still waiting around outside, but for the most part, the action is now down on the beach. I can see that the media has started to arrive, though. Pretty soon the beach will be swarming.

I head into the house.

“--don't know, Howie,” Kevin is saying. “I just know that Brian’s dead. He hates heights. I know he wouldn’t have just gotten too close to the edge and fallen.” Kevin looks tired and angry. “Unless someone forced him.”

He knows then. I knew he’d figure it out.

“But then where is he? Wouldn’t he have called the police or something?” AJ asks. “He wouldn’t just...leave.”

“He got scared,” Kevin countered angrily. “I know he didn’t mean to, but he must have pushed Brian too far.” I suddenly realize what he is thinking. Oh, Kevin, no.

I see a slight movement out of the corner of my eyes and see that Nick is there in the room. Sitting in the corner. Rocking back and forth with his knees tucked up to his chin. He looks ghostly pale (imagine...)

I quickly cross the room to him. “Hey, it’s okay. Don’t worry, he’s just...he’s confused and upset. He doesn’t really think you killed me.”

Nick lets out a bitter laugh. “Yes he does.”

“He got scared and he took off,” Kevin continued ranting. “That’s just like him. Takes off when he doesn’t want to face the consequences of his mistakes."

“I wouldn’t do that!” Nick yells, leaping to his feet. He runs at Kevin, but goes right through him. He looks stunned for a moment, then turns and starts looking for something. “Just get out.” He growls at Kevin.

“Nick, he doesn’t mean it.”

“Yes, he does,” Nick replies angrily. “I could feel it.”

And I know that he’s right. But I know that Kevin wouldn’t normally be this irrational. “He’s just upset and not thinking straight,” I try to defend Kevin as AJ and Howie both are trying to defend Nick.

“Maybe he’s in trouble. I don’t think he would have just left. Even if he...” Howie can’t complete that out loud.

“In trouble? Like...kidnapped you think?” Kevin looks incredulous. “Right. Sure. Good one, Howie,” he snaps. That, really, isn’t that far from the truth, but Kevin is obviously not buying it. “He killed Brian and then ran for it.” He is definitely being irrational.

At this point, so is Nick.

“Get out,” he orders Kevin, who of course cannot hear him. I notice AJ looking distinctly more uneasy, though.

Realizing that voicing his demand is ineffective, Nick picks up Howie’s shoes and flings them at Kevin. “Get out!” he yells. The house’s doors and windows all burst open in unison.

“Holy shit!” AJ squeaks.

“Get out!” Nick yells again as the three just stand there, gaping openmouthed at the scene around them. I try to stop Nick but he reaches out and grabs a glass from the table and hurls it at Kevin, too. “Get out, get out, get out!”

I grab his arms before he can find something else to throw. Unlike the other beings I’ve touched lately, I can’t feel what he’s feeling. I have a pretty good guess, though, anyway.

He pushes me off him and continues grabbing every loose item he can and hurling it at my cousin. “Get out!” Much as I try to stop him, he’s a lot bigger than me, and he’s running on adrenaline (or the ghostly equivalent, I suppose) and easily just pushes me aside. He continues throwing things until the three of them are forced to flee the house.

As soon as they are out, all the doors and windows slam shut again and Nick sinks down against the door, looking completely drained. All the anger is gone and immediately I see the hurt look on his face. “How could he think I’d do that?” he asks.

I tactfully don’t mention the severity of his temper. He usually keeps it in check, but times like just now...“He’s just upset,” I justify Kevin again. “Ya’ll can be irrational when you’re upset,” I added, looking around the room pointedly.

Nick smiles sheepishly and wipes his eyes. “Yeah. I guess.”

“Try not to be too mad at him. He’ll figure it out. And you know him. He’s gonna feel bad that he thought that.” Probably for years. Guilt complexes run in the family.

“Yeah,” Nick agrees. “I know. I didn’t mean to flip out. I...just lost my temper, you know?” Hadn’t noticed. (That is, but the way sarcasm.) Sometimes I swear Nick and Kevin are too alike.

“I know. And you know he doesn’t think you’d hurt me on purpose, right?”

“I guess.” I can tell he doesn’t believe that at all, but decide not to pursue it. “Um, Brian...?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you think...” he stops, looking away guiltily.

“Nope never,” I quip. “Nothing up here at all.” I rap the side of my head with my fist.

He cracks a small smile. “No. I didn’t finish.”

I look at him, waiting patiently for him to finish.

“Do you think we’re like...stuck here?”

I don’t have any idea. I wish I could tell him that no, we’d move on. To eternal rest or Heaven or wherever it is that people pass on to. But I can’t tell him that. I don’t want to lie or give him false hope.

“Brian?”

I realize I’ve been quiet too long. “I don’t know, Nick.”

”It’s okay.” He hesitates before asking, “Do you think maybe I could be alone for a bit?”

I glance at him. “You sure?”

“Yeah. Sorry. I mean...I just need to think...”

“Okay. Yeah. Of course. I’m just going to go...” I don’t have any idea where I’m going to go. What am I supposed to do? But I don’t want to bug him, either. “I’ll be outside.”

“Thanks.”

I head outside, feeling like maybe I shouldn’t leave. I should stay there with Nick. He’s clearly very upset. Unstable, even. I’ve seen his temper flare before, but he’s not the type who usually flies off the handle like that; throwing things and all. Though I suppose since he couldn’t yell at Kevin, it was the only way he had of expressing himself.

I sigh and head outside. The door closes gently behind me, though I know Nick didn’t get up to follow me.

There’s still a cop car sitting in the drive, but the other guys have all gone. I don’t really feel like hanging around outside the house alone, so I head back down to the beach to walk along the shore. Maybe the ocean will relax me. If I can convince Nick to face the waters again, I know he would love the sensation. Though I completely understand if he never wants to even see water again. I’m not so sure I would want to if I’d gone through what he had.

I can’t help but look back down the beach toward the crime scene. I see that the coroner’s team arrives and I watch with morbid fascination as they start their work. One of them kneels beside me and is apparently saying some sort of prayer.

Last rites.

It really happened. I’m really dead. No! I want to run up the beach and tell him to stop. I can’t be dead! This is all a mistake!

“Sorry to tell you, but it’s not a mistake, Boy-o.”

Startled, I whirl around to see a strange man approaching.

Wild is the best word I can come up with to describe him. Everything about him. He is a rather robust man with long fiery red hair and an amazingly shaggy beard. His eyes are wide and intense.

“You...can see me?” is the only thing that comes to mind to even ask at that point.

He chuckles. “Of course I can! How else do ya expect me to get you to your appointment on time?”

“My appointment?” I ask. “What...appointment?” Even when I’m dead I have appointments. Amazing.

“With your therapist!” the man answers, acting as if it’s the most obvious answer in the world.

I shake my head. “I don’t see a therapist...”

He shakes his head, a wide grin on his face. “You do now, Boy-o.”

“I really don’t think...”

“It’s a requirement for all new LDPs.”

I raise an eyebrow questioningly.

His grin widens, if that’s even possible. “Life Deficient People.”

“Political correctness really has gone too far, hasn’t it...” I mutter. He nods, then shrugs and moves on. Seems he has an attention span much like Nick’s.

“So let’s get you up there for registration and assessment.”

I groan, but start to follow as he turns and heads back the other direction. I stop though, as I catch sight of Nick’s house. “We should go get Nick.”

The guy frowns and looks at me for a moment. “Nick?”

“My friend. He’s dead...er...life deficient, too.” I motion up toward Nick’s house. “I left him up there.”

The guy pulls a little book seemingly out of nowhere and starts flipping through it. “Hmmm. No...nope...ah here we ar--nope read that wrong...nope...” He slams the book shut. “Afraid he’s not on the schedule, yet. Now let’s get going or you’ll be late for your appointment. Ye miss it and it’ll be a long wait in line to get a new one.”

Line. Ugh. Some things never change. But, “I can’t just leave him here. I told him I’d just be outside.” Besides, I’m not so sure that I want to go anywhere with this guy. I don’t know who he is. And I sure don’t want to leave Nick alone down here. He already seems paranoid about that. I know he’s a good person and all, but...he isn’t on this guy’s schedule. That worries me a bit. Plus, I’d much rather have him with me. I don’t want to be alone, either. “He could come with us. It’ll save you a trip back.”

“No can do,” the guy tells me.

I look hesitantly back at the house. “I can’t go without him. He’s my best friend...”

“Don’t worry, Boy-o--"

“Brian,” I finally correct him. I mean ‘Boy-o’? What is up with that?

“I know who you are. I’m Gilroy,” he replies. “Good to meet ya, Brian Littrell. Been a fan for years.” Can things get any stranger? “But don’t worry, Boy-o. This is just registration and assessment. Won’t take too long. You’ll be back.”

“I should at least tell Nick--"

“Sorry, no time. You can tell him all about it when you’re back.”

I know that Nick wants to be alone anyway, so I reluctantly agree.

“Good. Now let’s get going...” he turns and starts walking again. I’m about to ask him where on earth it is that we are going when suddenly a giant golden staircase appears. There goes the whole ‘on earth’ thing. “Right this way, Boy-o.”

That nickname is going to irritate me, but I keep quiet and follow.

It’s a long way up. We seem to keep climbing for hours, but I don’t get at all tired. At last I see the top approaching. Thank God. I blink. I wonder if I’ll be able to do just that. After all I’m dead. God’s probably around somewhere...

We get to the top and I’m a little disappointed to find that it looks much like a doctor’s office waiting room. Complete with magazine racks.

And forms to fill out.

Some things never change.

“Just have a seat there and fill out these forms,” Gilroy instructs me, handing me a small stack of papers and a pen. It’s not even a really neat pen. “I’ve got a schedule to keep, so I’ll be seeing ya. The doc’ll be with you in a few minutes.” He grins sheepishly. “Or hours.”

Have I mentioned that some things never change?

I sink down into one of the chairs, which are actually quite comfortable (now there’s a change at least) and start filling in the information being requested.

It all goes quite well until I get to the last question:

How did you die?

***