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For those of you who read the sneak peek, this is the whole chapter.. Again, I'm sorry for not updating sooner, but as someone said, health is more important!
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It wasn’t until late that night Brian returned to his room. As he closed the door behind him, he let out a sigh as he closed his eyes for a second. So much had happened since they arrived earlier that day. He was exhausted and longed for a good night’s rest, but doubted he’d get one. His expections were set high for the following day and thoughts of what was to come kept racing through his mind.
As he rubbed his face, he walked into the bathroom and looked in the mirror, but the reflecting image of himself scared the man. The stress had taken its toll, not only on his strength and faith, but on his appearance as well. He slowly shook his head as he pulled his shirt off, throwing it to the floor. Turning back around, his eyes drank in the image in the mirror, lingering on the scar decorating his chest.
Slowly he traced it with his finger, thinking of how this scar, that part of his life, still seemed surreal, as if it never happened to him. But the scar was proof, nothing other than proof of the days when his life was on the line and the surgery that saved him. He remembered how alone he felt when the men he thought to be his friends weren’t there for him when he needed them most. He had been scared, but it seemed as if they didn’t care at that point. It hurt back then, and even though they apologized and he forgave them, sometimes he felt the hurt as if it was yesterday. He didn’t know why, and he didn’t understand, but it did.

As he leaned on the sink and looked at himself, he realized his eyes didn’t sparkle like they used to. When things were normal, they always were, as did Nick’s whose eyes stopped sparkling months ago. And even though Nick was the one who was fighting the biggest battle right now, Brian was fighting his own. He was struggling to keep his faith steady, trying to believe that his best friend would make it, but on the other hand his mind was trying to tell him that maybe it was time to accept the fact that maybe he wouldn’t. That maybe the time had come to slowly start thinking of saying farewell, instead of ‘I’ll call you’.

“It can’t be..”, he whispered. “I cannot say goodbye to him.. I can’t..”
As tears welled up in his eyes, he closed them and tried to think back to some of the good times they shared, the beautiful memories they made. They brought a smile onto his features, but at the same time, tears started to fall. This mixture of feelings was something he hadn’t gotten used to, even though he experienced it frequently.

All kinds of memories flashed before him. He saw the two of them playing basketball, followed by Nick throwing up because of the chemo. The two of them goofing around on stage, followed by one of Nick’s tantrums of the last six months, caused by feelings of hopelessness and frustration. Happy memory, sad memory, happy, sad, happy, sad, sad, sad. The last few memories during these moments of reminiscing, would always be sad ones, even though Brian desperately tried to push those to the back of his mind. The harder he tried, the more of them rose to the surface. Eventually he stopped trying and let those memories flash before him as he walked back into his room and sat down on the bed, hugging his knees as he cried for the loss of his best friend, even though he was in the room next to his.

The Nick he knew, was no longer there. How could he be after all he had been through already? This whole ordeal had changed him, or them for that matter, forever and it scared Brian. Even if he did make it, if this doctor had a cure for him, would they ever be able to rebuild what they once had? And if not, could they accept that and start things over? Or would he lose him eventually, not to cancer or A.J., but to a new best friend outside of the group, because they couldn’t cope with the things that happened? Would they fall apart, because of what they had been through together? Before, Brian would have said ‘no’, but now with all that had happened, he wasn’t so sure..

Twenty minutes later, he had regained his calm and taken a shower. As he was shaving himself, he heard his cell ring. He quickly cleaned his face and rushed into the room, having a feeling it was his wife who was on the other end.

“Hi honey..”
“So how did things go, Brian?”
“Good evening to you too.” He smiled.
“Good evening, now tell me. Please.”
“Alright, alright..” Brian decided to leave out the silent treatment they gave him during the flight and told Leighanne about his conversation with Kevin. “I told you he’d understand. How about the others?”
“Well.. As I walked out of his room, I bumped into Alex..”
“So, did you talk?”
“We talked alright...”
“And??”
“Well.. How’s our angel?” Brian asked her, partly to tease her, but partly because he already missed the two of them somewhat. Singing Baylee to sleep was their little father and son ritual and he just wished Baylee hadn’t caused his wife any trouble with getting him to fall asleep without it.
“He’s fine. I can sing too, you know..”
“Not as good as me though..” Brian chuckled.
“Yeah yeah, you’re the greatest.” She was smiling, he could tell. That brought a smile onto his features as well. She could always make him feel better, and he knew he was one lucky man to be married to her. When she almost yelled his name for the second time, she snapped him out of his thoughts. “Brian!! Tell me what you two talked about?”
“Well.. As I said, I bumped into him as I walked out of the room Kevin and he share...”
“And?”
“Well, at first he.. Wait a sec, someone’s at the door.” Brian replied as someone knocked on his door for the second time. “Coming!!”
“You’ve got to be kidding me..” Leighanne sighed.
“Honey, it’s Nick. Can I call you back?” Brian asked his wife after he looked through the little peephole in the door and recognized the person standing there in the hallway.
“Sure sweety. I love you.”
“I love you too..”

Having said those words, Brian closed his cell and opened the door. “Hey Nick..”
“Hey Bri...” Nick replied as he walked over to the couch and slowly sat down, his elbows on his knees and his hands clasped tightly together. “Did I wake you?” the youngest asked since he hadn’t heard Brian talk to Leighanne. “Do I look like I just woke up?” Brian smiled as he sat down next to him. Nick returned the smile. “Well, you do look like shit..”
“Gee thanks..” Brian softly poked him, causing Nick to slightly wince in pain. “Sorry.. Are you okay?” Brian whispered as he noticed the look on Nick’s face. “Yeah.. It’s okay.. Just don’t do it again, cause I can still kick your ass when needed.” Nick grinned.

"You and I are treating Nick like he's made of glass."

Brian remembered the words his cousin spoke, and he now again realized Kevin was right. He should really stop doing that, it only made situations more awkward than they already were. Silence overcame the two men as they were in their own world. Brian was thinking of something to say or do to ease the tension, and Nick was trying to think of a way to bring up what he wanted to ask Brian. They stayed that way for over ten minutes, when at the same moment, they both spoke up.

“Brian-”
“Nick-”
“You go first..”
“No, you go first..”
“Alright.. I’ve been thinking a lot these last few weeks..” his voice trailed off, unsure of how to proceed. “Did that hurt, the thinking and all?” Brian smiled. Nick chuckled as he hit his friend over the head. “Dork.”
“Always.. But what have you been thinking about?”
“I don’t know.. All sorts of things.. The things that have happened.. to me, you, us, the others.” Nick turned his head and locked his eyes with Brian’s. “I’m scared, Frick..”
“This might sound stupid, but what are you scared of, Frack?”
“A lot of stuff.. I don’t know..” All of a sudden, Nick got up and started walking over to the door. “This is bullshit! Forget about it. I’ll see you in a few.”
“I’m scared too.” Brian softly spoke as he watched his best friend put his hand on the doorknob. “Every night before I go to bed I’m scared that in the middle of the night I’m gonna get a call from Alex telling me that you passed away.”
Nick slowly let go of the doorknob as he turned around, waiting for Brian to continue.
“Everyday I’m scared I’m gonna lose it again, and yell and scream at you or the others and never get the chance to say I’m sorry afterwards, because something has happened to you. I’m scared that tomorrow this doctor will tell us there’s nothing she can do to help us.
I’m scared to think of how my life will be without you here. And I know we’ve all been talking about faith and holding on, but now I’ve come to realize that with doing that, we never gave you the chance to talk about your fears, because we’d immediately tell you that everything’s gonna be okay when frankly we don’t know. We don’t know and DAMN I’m so scared to face the fact that maybe you won’t make it, because I simply can’t deal with the thought of losing you. And I’m not only talking about this disease, but in general. I’m so scared that when you do prevail this ordeal, our friendship will not, simply of what we went through. Nick, I’m scared too..”

Brian slowly lifted his head, in hopes Nick wouldn’t storm out of his room after hearing him confess the things that plagued his mind. He didn’t. Nick simply stood there, not saying a word, not moving an inch. They stared at each other, Brian hoping Nick would open up to him about his fears, Nick unsure of what to say or do. After a minute or so, he slowly walked back to the couch and sat down, staring at his hands for a moment, before he looked at Brian, who was relieved to see he didn’t leave. “Thank you..” Nick choked out, after which he swallowed a few times, trying to get rid of the lump in his throat that was making it hard to speak. “Thank you for being honest with me.” Brian nodded as he moved towards Nick and carefully hugged the younger man.

A few minutes later Nick spoke up. “Every night I’m scared that I might not live to see the sunrise the following morning. I’m so scared that there will be more pain, more nausea, more of everything this cancer is causing.. I don’t wanna die, Brian. I know I said I do a couple of times, but I don’t. And it’s not just the fear of dying itself, but the way I might die. I could suffocate, you know.. If that doctor can’t help me, the cancer will spread and it might grow so fast that my trachea.. damn..”
“I understand, Frack..” Brian interrupted. Nick opening up to him, was something he’d wanted, but to hear him say these things was hard on the eldest. Nick nodded, relieved that Brian didn’t make him explain things further.
“I want to go see that doctor tomorrow, I really do. But it also scares the shit out of me. If she tells me there’s nothing she can do, then that’s it, Bri.. That’s it for me.. Then there’s nothing I can do but wait ‘til it’s over...”
“I know..” Brian replied. He could lie and tell him things were going to be okay, but he knew honesty was what they needed right now. They needed to talk about this, even though it caused so much pain to do so. “But know one thing, Nick. You won’t have to do this alone.”
“Ofcourse I do. If so, I am going to die, not you.”
“If you die, Nick.. a part of me will die too.. I can’t be Frick without my Frack..”
Brian fought to hold back the tears, but he couldn’t and when he looked at Nick, he saw he was trying to fight them too. As the two men hugged each other, they let their emotions run free and cried on each other’s shoulders.

“Brian?” Nick managed to whisper as he started to let go of his best friend. “Yes Nick?” Brian replied as he did the same, after which they both wiped away the tears. “I love you man. I know I never said it much, but I do. You’re the best friend I could ever wish for. Thank you for everything you’ve done.” Brian swallowed as he felt the tears sting again. “I love you too little man.. And I’m sorry-”
“Don’t.. I understand. Just remember one thing, okay? I am the KING of Mario Racing!!”
They both chuckled at those words, and Brian gently hit Nick over the head. “That is getting old, you know?”
“Yeah right.. you still can’t handle the fact that I won 99% of the time..” Nick grinned.
“Sure.” Brian rolled his eyes at the comment, happy to see a little bit of the old Nick back, even if it was for a split second, because Nick asked him if he could ask him a serious question.

“Shoot.”
“If I do die, will you make sure that my will is carried out? I already arranged most things, but I want someone to make sure the details are carried out too.. Would you-”
“Ofcourse I will.” Brian replied.
“Thank you, the papers are at A.J.’s, probably somewhere in my room... Brian, do you remember that day when I asked you how it is to become and be a father? You told me I’d find out for myself, but would you mind telling me now? Just in case I don’t get to find out.”
“Nick-”
“Please? I’m not giving up Bri.. Really, I’m not. I still wanna beat this thing. I just wanna know, just in case..”
Brian slowly nodded his head. “Alright..”
“Owh, and Bri.. skip the delivery part, I do NOT wanna know all the bloody and horrifying details. If I do get the chance to have a child of my own, I do not want think of how Leighanne was biting your head off, I’ll probably need to stay focused to keep my wife from biting off mine.”