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This is a message from my co-writer, who wrote this chapter. PLEASE READ!! >>
I put a lot of thought into the second part of this chapter. I have a feeling it may hit some nerves. Without giving anything away, I know how sensitive a subject this is/was and I put it in here as a way to show people how hard times must be. Both fictional and maybe not. Anyways, I just hope no one misunderstands where this is coming from. Let me know what you think.
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Kevin stood silently in the empty bathroom, his body hunched over as he grabbed the sink with a white-knuckle hold. Emerald eyes bore straight ahead, completely unwavering, almost as if they were trying to see into a soul. The urge to blink broke the mask of unreadable emotions placed on the older man’s face and he bushed his body up slightly, flipping on the water and letting it run for a moment. Taking a deep breath, he bent down again, cupping his hands together and watching the cool liquid pool in his embrace before splashing it onto his face with a small gasp. Blinking roughly, he shut off the faucet, resuming his position as he watched the crystal beads trickle down his face, his mind a million miles away.
How long Kevin had been in the bathroom he was unsure of, having left Howie not long after their argument. Unable to stand the tension in the room, he had offered no explanation to his younger friend, simply turning on his heel after about five minutes of silence and finding the first place he could to try and sort his emotions out. Which was exactly what he was trying to do, frustration hitting him in every angle. Throughout this entire ordeal, he had sworn to himself that his father’s death would have nothing to do with Nick’s case; that he was fighting for Nick. Only Nick.

But that didn’t stop the flashes of his father’s funeral he saw every time he saw Nick asleep. Or the final moments of his Dad’s life that echoed in his mind whenever Nick mentioned dying. And the dreams that haunted him during the night, the ones that woke him in a cold sweat, his heart thudding. False memories of Nick’s funeral jumping before his mind, images of walking up to the casket only to find his father inside of it instead, shaking him to the core.

“So then who am I trying to save?” Kevin breathed, shutting his eyes roughly as he shook his head. Howie’s words had brought forth his worst fears and the more he considered his behavior, the more he realized that his father had everything to do with Nick. The harder he concentrated on his youngest friend, the more he saw his Dad at every turn. “But what am I supposed to do?” He shot his eyes upwards, moving away from the sink, beginning to pace the length of the room. “Is it right to think of you every time I look at Nicky? To want him not to waste away into nothing? Just like…” He paused for a moment and swallowed harshly, “Just like you did?” Kevin let out a deep breath, running his hands through his hair. “I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t even know what this is about.”

“I’m stuck there too.” The eldest turned at the sudden voice, his eyes landing at the door, where Howie uncertainly stood, his body shifting from foot to foot in an uncomfortable manner. His brown eyes were on the floor as he spoke, hands shoved deep into his back pockets. “I’ve been trying to find you.” A dim smile slid onto his face, lasting a moment before falling away. “This place is confusing as hell. I mean, I figured you’d be in the bathroom or something but it took me almost 15 minutes to find it.”

“You shouldn’t have left the waiting room.” Kevin snapped, his somber attitude diminishing as he moved to brush past the younger man, shoving the door open. Howie let a frown color his features, shaking his head as he hurried after the older man, falling into step behind him. “What if someone came looking for us?”
“We do have cell phones, Kev.” The Latino sighed as he entered the waiting room a moment after Kevin, who was glancing around the empty room with a large scowl on his face. “Kevin, look, I wanted to talk to you ab-”

“Where the hell is everyone?” The older man demanded, cutting off Howie as he walked towards the receptionist desk, placing his hands on the counter as he looked around, trying to find someone. “There hasn’t been anyone at this damn desk since we got here!” He fumed, slamming his hands down on the counter. “Do you have any missed calls?” Kevin was in the process of pulling his cell phone out as he asked, glancing at his screen before shooting a glare at Howie. “Well?”
“We weren’t gone that long,” The younger man tried, relenting as Kevin gave him a deadly look. Dragging his phone out and flipping it open he looked over it before shaking his head. “No.”

“Maybe I should call AJ. Brian may have called him first.” Kevin was in the middle of punching the numbers into his phone when it was snatched out of his grasp. “Hey!”
“Stop! Kevin…look, first of all, if Brian did call anyone, he would have called you first. Second, if he HAD called AJ, you know AJ would have called you. Third, we were gone for less than 20 minutes,” Howie let out a large sigh as he handed the phone back to Kevin. “So just chill out okay? Nicky is probably still doing all the testing. Now, would you please listen to me?” He asked as he fell into one of the chairs with a long breath. “I want to talk to you.”

“Fine.” Nodding curtly, Kevin dropped his cell phone back into his pocket, adjusting his stance as he turned to face his younger friend, crossing his arms over his chest. “Talk.” Biting back another sigh of exasperation, Howie nodded in return. “I,” He paused for a moment and ran a hand over his face tiredly. “I wanted to…apologize for what I said. I shouldn’t have assumed what I did about your feelings towards Nicky and you Dad.” The Latino shrugged, “I guess I just got up in my own apprehension and feelings and what I said…it was out of line. And…and I’m sorry.”

Kevin was silent for a moment before he sighed himself, redirecting his hands and shoving them into his pocket, rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet as he thought things over. Licking his lips, he rolled his eyes, “It’s done with Howie.”
“Kev, listen-”
“D, you were right, okay?” The eldest rushed out, cutting off Howie who turned his eyes from the floor to stare at him. “What?”
Letting out a small groan, Kevin walked forward taking a seat next to Howie.
“As much as I try to deny it,” He trailed off for a moment and played with his jeans as he tried to find the right words. “I am trying to make up for losing my father. I mean, not completely but you were right. Every time I think about just sitting back and letting fate take it’s course, I remember how much it hurt just watching him slip away. How much pain it caused my family. So I push a little harder, hope a little more and pray to god that THIS time, this time things will be different.” Kevin let out a breath, his head falling slightly as he covered his eyes, rubbing his forehead. “But then I see how sick Nicky’s getting and know in my gut, that this….this time,” He shook his head, letting it drop further at a loss for words.

“Is going to be the same at it was last time.” Howie finished lowly, his gaze on the floor. “And all you can do is hope like hell that you’re wrong. And the dreams you have of carrying Nick’s casket to that damn graveyard, just like you carried your sister’s or father’s will never come true.”
“But then you remember how it was last time, all the hoping and praying and waiting.” Kevin added, nodding slowly. “All for nothing. But all we CAN do is wait. And that’s when the fear sets in. When the memories take over.”

“Kev?” Howie sighed after a long moment of silence.
The older man looked up at the address, his green eyes meeting Howie’s chocolate gaze.
“You know how they tend to say history repeats itself?”
“Yeah….”
“Pray like hell they’re wrong this time.”
“That’s all I’ve been doing from the start.” Came the soft answer as Howie nodded, leaning back in his chair. “I just don’t know if it’s enough.”

~~~~

AJ sat silently at the table outside, his cell phone folded and closed, laying next to him unused. Brown eyes were bloodshot and puffy, eyeliner smudged and smeared, a sight thankfully hidden behind colored lenses. His arms lay folded, his chin resting on top of them as he gazed wearily out at the world, feeling exhausted. Biting his lip, he let out a shaky breath; his breathing uneven as sniffles darted in and out of him.

Raising his head, he slowly brought a hand up, glancing at his watch before rubbing his face tiredly, pushing his sunglasses up as he closed his eyes, massaging them roughly. He had been outside for over an hour, his breakdown lasting almost as long. AJ couldn't remember the last time he had gotten so upset over something; not even his grandmother's death had shook him the way today's events had. An all too familiar feeling of anxiety slid over him, and he let out a small moan, shaking his head as he closed his eyes.

"Not now. Not now." He whispered, a jittery sensation beginning to crawl through his veins. The rebel knew this feeling. Dreaded and hated it. It was the overwhelming urge to succumb to alcohol, to take the plunge and slip away into an oblivious haze where nothing could hurt him. And no one could see how weak he really was. AJ took in a long, deep breath, forcing himself to count to 10 slowly as he got to his feet. "I'll walk. I'll go for a walk and it'll be fine. I just need to walk it off." AJ mumbled to himself as he grabbed his cell phone, dropping to back into his pocket. His shoes squeaked on the pavement as he walked, slipping and sliding on the wet surface as he headed away from the Hospital, various anecdotes and tricks from rehab entering his mind. He was fighting familiar demons, though AJ couldn't recall the last time his craving had been this bad. "Situations have never been this fucked before." He said through clenched teeth, shoving his hands into his jacket pockets as he tried to calm his nerves.

The chain on his jeans swayed lightly as he moved on, an audible 'tap' reaching his ears as it repetitively hit his cell phone through the thin material. Brown eyes stayed glued to the ground, not bothering to take notice of where he was going. All he wanted to do was escape. After what seemed to be an eternity of walking, the rebel finally halted his journey, bringing his chocolate gaze up and sweeping it around. "You've got to be shitting me." AJ exclaimed after a moment before he looked miserably up at the sky, his expression incredulous. "What the hell are you trying to tell me?!" Suppressing a large sigh, he shook his head, turning to face the building that stood almost mockingly beside him. "Fuck." he spat before taking a few steps forward and shoving the door open. Glancing around, a sense of nostalgia hit him and he quickly took a seat, tugging his hat low and licking his lips as he kept his eyes down. A light shadow fell over him and he glanced up, a dim smile on his face directed towards the older man that now stood in front of him, rambling on about something AJ could not understand. At the clueless look, the rebel was rewarded a kind smile,

"American?"

"Yeah." A curt nod from the rebel accompanied his answer and he shifted nervously in his seat.
"Welcome to Breakaway. What can I get you?" AJ didn't remember answering; he didn't remember the man in front of him saying anything in response. All he knew was that the next time he looked down, a glass sat in front of him, halfway filled with ice and an amber colored liquid. It was if he was on autopilot as he picked the drink up, swirling the glass around and watching, as the ice broke apart. He stared at it for a long while, his mind moving incomprehensively slow. His throat felt dry, his grip shaky, his heart thudding in his chest. Common sense screamed at him to stop, but every inch of his body seemed to be on fire as he raised the glass higher, touching it to his lips, his breath fogging the cool glass. Shutting his eyes he mutely begged for the strength to stop, knowing in the back of his mind how wrong this was. Still, he allowed the glass to linger on his lips, a simple flick of his wrist needed to toss back the Jack Daniel’s. All he needed to do was move, push a little further and he would be embraced in solace. And that was all he wanted. It was all he had ever wanted.