~A few weeks later~
“God this weather sucks.” AJ muttered, his brown eyes glancing around the scenery before him, a frown on his face. “I mean, can you believe it’s still fucking raining like this?” He swept an arm out lazily, gesturing at the pouring rain outside the car. “It’s ridiculous! We haven’t had constant downpours like this in years.”
“It’s a sign, is what it is.” Brian replied, flicking on the windshield wipers to give to the two men a brief moment of clarity before it was blurred out again. Heaving a sigh, he sat back in his seat, shaking his head slowly. “A major sign.” A snort of disbelief met his remark and he turned slightly, quirking an eyebrow at his younger friend. “What? You don’t think so?”
“A sign of what exactly, Brian?” A large frown took shape on the Kentuckian’s face and he rolled his eyes, before casting them downwards. “What do you think?”
AJ let loose a dry laugh, shrugging his shoulders as he maneuvered his body around in the car.
“What? Of Nick dying? Or how much it fucking sucks?”
“Um, both, I guess.” Came the slow response.
“Well if it’s some cosmic and beyond sign, then should I expect weather like this,” The rebel jabbed a finger at the windshield, “The rest of my goddamn life?” He shot Brian a small glare. “Because this situation is never going to stop sucking.” Brian let out a muted sigh in response, running a hand over his face. “I was just using it as a metaphor AJ,” He nodded slowly in the younger man’s direction. “You know that.”
“Where did Kev and D say they were?” Brian stayed silent for a moment, a frown etched into his features at the abrupt subject change before he sighed again, deciding to just let the matter drop. “I dunno.” He met AJ’s gaze for a moment, “Supposedly they were like 20 minutes away when I last talked to them.”
“According to?”
“Kevin.”
“And that was how long ago?” The Kentuckian glanced at his watch quickly,
“About 40 minutes ago.”
“Bastards.” AJ mumbled, an easy grin sliding onto his
face. “What the hell do you think is taking them so long?”
“The weather, I suppose.” He gave AJ a small smile, “That, and Howie is the one driving.”
A loud groan left AJ and he slumped down into the seat, mashing his hat onto his head. “Howie’s driving?” The rebel let out another groan at Brian’s nod. “Jesus Christ…they won’t get here until like, tomorrow!” He earned a genuine chuckle from Brian, who nodded again. “I’m surprised Kev let him drive.”
“Kevin couldn’t find his car keys.”
“Grrrreeeeeaaaaat.” AJ sighed. “I’m sure that put him in a fan-fucking-tastic mood.”
“Yeah, he didn’t sound too thrilled about it.”
“Nick always swore you could get somewhere faster by crawling than by riding with Howie.” A laugh left Brian and he grinned, “God, he used to harp on D so bad about his driving.” Brian laughed again, his blue eyes twinkling with memories. “I remember one time,” He turned around in his seat, fully facing the rebel, “We were waiting at some venue for sound checks…I think we were in San Francisco…but anyways, Nick and I had gotten there first and we made these bets on who would come 3rd, 4th and 5th.”
“Did you now?”
“Uh huh.” Brian’s grin widened, “He was convinced Howie would come dead last and I bet he’d come 4th. So we waited and waited…remember? You showed up 3rd, then both Kev and Howie ran late.” Realization dawned on AJ and he shook his head slowly, smiling. “God, is THAT what you two idiots were giggling over that day?”
At Brian’s nod, a rough chuckle let him. “Yeah, I remember that. You kept asking me who I thought was faster, Kev or Howie.”
“Right, so Howie of course, comes next and Kev came last cuz he had gotten stuck in traffic. Nick was so mad…we bet video game time, like he had to go without it for a week if he lost. He got all up in Howie’s face, asking him why he had chosen that day to not drive like a blind old lady.”
“Riiiight, that’s right.” AJ snapped his fingers at the memory. “D was pissed that night and kept threatening to trip Nick on stage if he didn’t shut up about his driving, and of course, he didn’t.”
“So then Howie did!” A burst of laughter left the two men, “Remember? During Shape of My Heart, Nick was walking backwards towards the ramp and Howie just kinda stuck his foot out…he went crashing down and we blamed it on the wires.”
“Yeah! Yeah! Nick was like, ‘I’m here with my confesssssshhhhiiit!’” AJ mimicked, “Then, BOOM!” He slapped his hands together, “He hit the ground.” AJ chuckled again, “God, Howie was pleased with himself about that one.”
“Even Kev thought it was funny.” Brian smiled, “We all did.”
“Remember the article the next day in the paper? Some of the mothers complained Nick had sworn.”
“That’s right!” The older man laughed, “Oh man, that was some funny stuff.”
“I thought management was gonna shit a brick when they saw it.”
“Me too.”
“Didn’t we convince them it was the wiring Nick tripped over, too?”
“Yeah, we did.” Brian slowly shook his head. “Man, I had to keep kicking Nick under the table to keep him from ratting Howie out. He was so annoyed!”
A moment of silence fell over the two men, the sounds of the rain hitting the car the only noise surrounding them. “God I miss him.” A sympathetic smile surfaced on AJ’s face and he nodded. “Me too.”
“Sometimes I forget that he’s gone, you know?” The Kentuckian sighed heavily. “I wake up thinking it’s just another normal day.”
“Yeah, I’ve been there.”
“Do you think we’re rushing into all this?” The rebel frowned at the question, pushing up the brim of his hat to meet Brian’s worried gaze. “Come again?”
“I’ve just been thinking,” Brian shrugged. “You know, it took that boy almost three years to completely move into his house?”
“Was it really that long?” AJ laughed. “I got so used to seeing boxes all around his place that I just stopped keeping track.” He shot a confused expression at his friend, cocking his head momentarily to the side. “What does that have to do with anything?”
“We stripped that place bare in less than two weeks.”
“Ah.”
“And now we’re here? To say what Kevin is calling our ‘final goodbyes’?” Brian quoted the last word with his fingers, a pained expression on his face. “AJ, I…Nick died 43 days ago…I don’t want to say my final goodbyes to him yet.” Blue eyes drilled into brown and Brian shook his head vigorously. “I feel like we’re trying to go through this process as quickly as possible in an effort not to hurt as much but I don’t think I can keep up.” He sighed again. “I still miss him so much and I don’t expect not to but I mean, God, we’re going so fast. We cleaned out his house a week after he died, we talked about going back into the studio last week, w-”
“More like argued.” AJ interjected, rolling his eyes slightly.
“True. But I mean, I can’t even hear one of our songs without practically breaking down and I know it’s all part of the healing process but I don’t know if I’m ready for this yet.”
“It’s definitely a lot to take.” The rebel agreed, glancing out the window at the cemetery. “It’s classic Kevin Richardson.” At Brian’s confused expression, he let out a breath. “This…God, I’d call it a fucking schedule, that we’re on.”
“Schedule?”
“Yeah, this, everyone-heals-in-their-own-time-but-it-has-to-be-on my-time-table bullshit that Kevin’s been running lately.”
“Oh.” Brian nodded. “That.”
“Yeah, that.”
“I don’t know Jay, I don’t know what to think anymore.”
“All I know, is that this whole final goodbye thing…I don’t consider it as absolute as I think Kev is.”
“So why do this?” AJ shrugged, adjusting his jeans slightly as he thought for a moment before answering.
“Because I think it’s more about saying goodbye as a group than as individuals.”
“Apparently you haven’t heard Kevin talking about each of us having our time to say goodbye to Nick privately.” Brian muttered, fighting the urge to roll his eyes. “He’s making it seem like this is the last time we can come here and do this.”
“See, that’s what I thought too.”
“That implies you don’t think that anymore,” The Southerner said slowly, “Yes?”
“Look Rok, no one, not Kevin, not even my Mom can tell me when to stop saying goodbye to Nick. Hell, I could do it for the rest of my life and no one could tell me shit. I mean they can keep telling me to stop but I don’t have to listen.”
He motioned to the cemetery before the duo. “This is the same thing. I think what Kev is trying to do is noble and I know, when it comes down to it, he has our best interest at heart. I know he thinks he’s helping us heal and what not and maybe in some way, he is. But this whole final goodbye thing isn’t what it sounds like.”
“So then what is it AJ?” Brian sighed. “Because for the life of me, I don’t see where you’re going with all this.”
“This is our chapter two Bri.”
“But I’m not ready fo-”
“Yes you are.” AJ interrupted. “We all are and we entered chapter two the moment Nicky died.”
“Closing one chapter and starting another sounds pretty darn final to me.” The older man pointed out, his frown deepening. “I mean, from what I understand, we’re here to say goodbye to Frack as a group. Right?” At AJ’s nod, he nodded as well, “But a group of what? Are we saying goodbye to the Backstreet Boys? To a brother? To a friend? I mean, why are we here to do this ritualistic goodbye? What’s the point?”
“The point is to begin this whole healing process we keep dancing around.”
“Okay, let me get this straight,” Brian held up a hand to stop his younger friend. “You said you didn’t like the fact that Kevin was basically planning out how to mourn for Nick but you’re also saying it’s the correct way to go about things because we’ve started some sort of second phase in our lives that is, for lack of a better word, sealed as soon as we say this group and/or individual goodbye to Nick?”
“Exactly.” An exasperated expression skittered across Brian’s face and he shook his head,
“AJ…that doesn’t make a bit of freakin’ sense!”
“Sure it does.”
“No, it doesn’t!” Brian argued. “All you did just now was talk in circles…I have no clue what the heck your point is.”
“My point is,” The rebel sent Brian a small smile, “That ready for it or not, on a schedule or not, all things aside, I guess this is something we need to do.”
Brian opened and closed his mouth a few times as he gaped at his friend, unable to decide on how he wanted to respond. “You have the most screwed up logic I have ever heard Alex.” He finally sighed, rubbing his temples for a moment before shooting AJ a gentle glare. “I still don’t know what in God’s name you’re talking about, but I give up.”
A small chuckle left AJ and he shrugged, his eyes on his nails as he picked at the peeling black nail polish. “Nick is worse than I am.”
“Was.” AJ’s head shot up at the quiet statement, his gaze meeting Brian’s and he nodded slowly.
“Yeah,” He mumbled after a second. “Right.”
The ringing of Brian’s cell phone caused the two men to jump, AJ cursing at the noise as Brian fished it out of his pocket, glancing at the screen before bringing it up to his ear.
“Y’all finally here?” AJ watched as Brian rolled his eyes a few times, waiting in silence. “Alright…yeah, alright. See you there.” He shut the phone quickly, dropping it back into his pocket as he nodded towards the windshield. “They’re pulling into the parking lot…they wanna meet at Nick’s.”
“They want us to wait in the pouring rain?”
“We’re gonna have to stand in the rain either way to do this.” The Southerner sighed, reaching into the backseat and grabbing his umbrella. “I just wish this weather would let up.”
“Fat chance.” The younger man muttered, tugging his hat down as he pulled his hood up over it.
“You have an umbrella?” Brian gestured to AJ’s sweatshirt. “That’s not going to keep you dry man…it’s not waterproof.”
A shocked look surfaced on AJ’s face and he looked at Brian with wide eyes, “What?” He gasped and Brian immediately rolled his eyes. “You mean cotton isn’t waterproof?” AJ put his hands on his hips, “Since when?!”
“Smart ass.”
“You love me.”
“Pffsh.” Came the retort as Brian reached into the backseat to grab a second umbrella, tossing it into AJ’s lap. “You bug me.”
“Eh, same difference.” AJ answered as he opened the door, his voice slightly muffled by the rain. Extending the umbrella out, he quickly hopped from the car before turning and kicking the door shut. “This weather SUCKS!”
“Don’t kick my car McLean!” Brian was next to the younger man in a second, a frown on his face as he looked over his car. “You got mud all over the door!”
“It’s raining man! There’s already mud on everything.”
“But…” The Kentuckian shook his head, “Nevermind, whatever.”
A shiver raced through Brian as he glanced around, squinting at the signs. “Let’s just get to Nick and meet up with D and Kev.” He started to walk forward and AJ followed suit, slowly shaking his head. “The way you keep putting it makes it sound like we’re going to his house or something.”
“What would you have me say instead?”
“I dunno.” AJ shrugged. “It wasn’t meant as criticism, just an observation.” He earned a deep sigh from his older friend, “I’m sure.” The pair stopped at the bottom of a fairly steep, grassy and muddy hill and AJ glanced up it, muttering a few choice words under his breath as Brian began to make his way up. “Howie and Kev are up there.” He called down to AJ, who had fallen a few steps behind, slipping and sliding in the mud.
“What?”
“I said, Howie and K-”
“I heard you.” The younger man snapped. “How the hell did they make it up so damn quickly?” A shrug met his response and he cursed as he almost dropped his umbrella, the cold rain hitting him quickly. “SONofa…”
“Hey guys.” Howie greeted a moment later, steeping back from the edge of the hill as Brian and AJ finally made it to the top. A smile graced his features and he nodded. “Steep climb, huh?”
“No shit.” AJ growled. “Why the hell did we put him all the way up here anyways?”
“He picked the spot, not us.” Kevin replied, sending AJ a small glare.
“Besides, there are stairs on the other side…remember?”
A sheepish expression crossed over Brian’s features and he let out a giggle, tipping his umbrella back a bit in an effort to see AJ. “Oooh yeah. Sorry man, I totally forgot.”
“You FORGOT?” An incredulous expression surfaced onto AJ’s face and he gaped at the older man. “You just made me hike up fucking Mount Everest in the pouring rain because you FORGOT about the stairs?” He shook his head. “I could have slipped to my death.”
“Stop being so dramatic, AJ.” The eldest sighed, twirling his umbrella mindlessly. “You lived and if you hadn’t, at least we coulda just tossed you in any open hole…saved some money and such.”
“Funny Kev. Real funny.” AJ said dryly as he glanced around, letting out a deep breath. “I still don’t know why the kid chose the top of a freakin mountain to be buried on.”
“Because it’s a beautiful spot.” The Latino shrugged, looking around. “I mean, despite the weather, you know?”
“Yeah,” Brian agreed softly. “All things considered, it’s got a really pretty ocean view.”
“Am I the only one who knows that none of that really makes a damn difference?”
“AJ!”
“What?” AJ threw an arm out, his eyes masked by dark sunglasses. “This is a cemetery! Who the hell cares if they get a fucking ocean view?! I mean, good god, it’s not like they’ll be sitting around staring at it.”
“Must you always be so pessimistic?”
“You’re not serious, are you?” A dark look passed over Kevin’s face at the comment and AJ spotted it at once, biting the inside of his cheek to keep his temper in check. “Alright, alright. Look, I’m sorry, okay?” He met Kevin’s emerald gaze, “I’m sorry. Let’s just,” He sighed. “Let’s just get this started, yeah?”
Author's Chapter Notes:
Well, I said in one of the reviews, that this would be the last update.. I lied.. ;) Well, I didn't lie, we just decided to split things up so we could give you guys an update sooner. So here's a new (short) chapter. Enjoy!
