It’s 5 in the afternoon and I’m sitting here waiting for Nick to call, but I’m almost positive he won’t.
Since Italy, our relationship has been going downhill. I called him twice and that was it. Our conversations were only ten minutes long each. According to AJ, he’s acting the same, selfish and crazy. All these things are running through my mind and I don’t know what to make out of any of it. I keep thinking about how it was when we were first together. He surprised me, always took me places and talked to me, and constantly told me he loved me. All of it has seemed to stop.
After another hour of waiting around, I decide to head over to Nick’s, and if he’s not home, I’ll wait for him.
“Sarah I’m leaving, k?” I shout towards her bedroom.
“Where are you going?” She asks walking out with her head tilted, trying to get an earring in.
“Are you sure you wanna go over there now? Maybe you should wait until tomorrow.”
“No, I’m going. I’m not waiting anymore.”
“Ok well have fun…I guess.”
I make the drive over to Nick’s, and as I get nearer to his house I notice that there are cars lining the streets.
I slowly make my way up to the house and park in a rare empty spot. As I step out, I hear the pounding bass from a stereo echoing out of the house and the sound of people laughing and screaming.
Making my way up to the front door, I see that it’s propped open so I just walk in. The music is deafening and there are people everywhere. I scan the house looking for Nick but I find nothing except drunk people and a couple practically having sex on the stairs. I don’t think I have seen anything like this since college.
I push my way through the crowd and head out to the backyard where I spot him, standing in the middle of a group of people. As soon as I cautiously head towards him, he sees me and walks over.
“What are you doing here?” he asks.
“Well hi to you too, Nick.”
“Sorry, I just wasn’t expecting you to come over.”
“I can tell. Why didn’t you call me when you got in?”
“I donno, I kinda just forgot I guess.”
“Thanks, that makes me feel special.”
“I’m sorry. Well I should get back over there but I guess you can stay if you want too.”
“No I’m just gonna go. I’m going to come by in the morning, ok?”
“Yeah, sure.” He says and as he turns around he puts his arm around one of his buddies and takes another swig from his beer bottle.
I hurry out of the backyard through the side gate, and head back home.
*30 minutes later*
I walk back into the apartment and see Sarah making a cup of coffee.
“Hey make me a cup will ya.” I ask her as I walk into my room to change into my sweats.
“Sure, that was a fast trip. How is the blonde?” She yells from the kitchen.
“Oh fine; having a party, getting drunk, you know, the usual.” I say sitting on the bed feeling pathetic.
Sarah walks in handing me a steaming mug.
“I’m sorry honey.”
“This is exactly the problem. I feel like people are always telling me how sorry they are when he goes and does something stupid and selfish. I feel like we aren’t getting anywhere, like we’re stuck in a ditch. He’s stuck in his party phase and I’m just caught in the middle of it.”
“Well, I don’t know if you are going to like what I’m about to say but I think the relationship is over. It’s breaking you down, and it’s not fair. I bet if you pulled some of the shit he does he would flip a bitch. i just don’t think he’s the right one.”
“I love him, but I just can’t take this anymore.”
“Precisely my point. I mean, look at it this way, you want to get married and have kids, but can you see yourself doing it with him. Look at the way he acts and treats you. I just think it’s over.”
I take a deep breath and take a sip of my coffee. Sarah gets up and pats my back, but before she walks out she says, “You just relax tonight, think about things. I have to go finish getting ready for my date.”
I set the cup down on the side table and lay my head on the pillow.
*The next day*
All night I tossed, turned, and got very little sleep. I laid there thinking about everything, and realized what I have to do, even though it’s the last thing I want to, so this morning when I pulled myself out of bed, I quickly got ready and drove to Nick’s.
I walk up the familiar path to his front door and knock. I hear him coming down the stairs and then he appears at the door.
“Hey, come in.” he says to me.
I step into the house and follow him to the living room, where we each sit down on a separate couch.
After a few moments of silence, Nick says, “You’re upset, I can tell.”
I look up at him, and in a shaky voice, say, “Nick, I can’t do this anymore.”
“What are you talking about?” he says with a shocked, scared look on his face.
“You know what I’m talking about. Us. This relationship.”
“What’s wrong with it!?”
“Are you kidding? We are at totally different places in our lives. We want different things. You just want to have fun and party, while I want to get married and have a family. We can’t be together if we don’t want the same things, not to mention you being a jerk to me half the time. We just can’t do this anymore.”
“No I’ll change, I promise. We can get married and I’ll stop going out.”
“Stop. That’s not what you want and we both know it. If we do that then you won’t be happy; I won’t be happy.”
“I’ll do anything.”
“I don’t understand why you want to fix things when it’s too late to fix them. You hurt me so bad, Nick. I flew out to Italy to see you and you left me alone. You didn’t even care I was there. You came home and you were drunk, again. And before you and my dad got into that yelling match, you both overreacted. And before that you couldn’t even tell me what you did the first time we went out. How about ignoring me, and hanging out with other girls? Sounds kinds like what you are doing now.”
“I’m not cheating on you!”
“I didn’t say anything you were, but I have seen pictures of you with girls in clubs though. I’m sitting at home while my boyfriend is the overseas party animal. You broke my heart.” I say as I stand up and wipe a tear from my face.
“Anna, don’t do this.”
“I have to, and if you don’t think this is hard for me to do, you’re wrong because it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done. All I want is to be with you, but all we do is fight and I’m tired of it. I’m tired of being ignored and blown off. I feel like I don’t fit in your life.”
“You do fit. I want you in it.”
“I want to be in it. I just can’t be in it the way I am now.”
I start walking to the door. I’m about to start sobbing, so I try to leave before I do. I make it to the porch but then I feel Nick grab my arm. He turns me towards him and grabs both of my hands.
“Baby please, I can’t loose you.”
I look down to the ground. If I look at him I’ll loose it.
“I’m sorry.” I whisper.
I move my head up and get on my tip toes to kiss his cheek. I let go of his hands and turn to walk down the steps.
“Don’t go!” he says, following me.
I try to ignore him and keep going until I get into my car. I lock the doors and out of the corner of my eye is see members of the paparazzi, snapping away. They always make bad situations worse.
I turn the keys in the ignition but before I get a chance to go anywhere, I see Nick’s face in the passenger window of my car.
“Anna come on, let’s just talk we don’t have to breakup..”
“There isn’t anything else to talk about. I’m sorry.”
I slowly pull away from the curb leaving him behind.
I don’t look in any of my mirrors, all I hear is him yelling, “Anna I love you!”
When I’m a few blocks away I pull the car over.
I had everything thought out, the reason we couldn’t be together and I knew what I was going to tell him about his drinking and partying, but I never thought of how I would feel afterwards. I realize that I just left the man that I love, and possibly the only one who has ever really loved me.
I sit in the car until my heaving sobs turn into quiet tears, and then slowly drive myself home.