Suddenly, she heard footsteps on the deck above her. “I knew it!” Taking a deep breath, Elisabeth rushed forward and onto the deck of the boat…
***
Elisabeth slowly opened her eyes when she felt her bed moving slightly. Lifting her head, she smiled as a pair of blue eyes peeked at her from behind a huge pillow.
“Mommy, I had a bad dweam,” the wide-eyed four year old said quietly. “Can I schweep wid you?”
“Of course you can kiddo. C’mere,” she smiled and lifted her covers for him to crawl under. When he started fidgeting around, Elisabeth pulled him to her in a tight embrace. “You’re okay now, sweetie. Just go to sleep.”
Looking down at the now sleeping child cuddled in her arms, Elisabeth couldn’t help but be engulfed by a flood of memories. He was the spitting image of everything Nick had been, and that proved to be both a blessing and a curse for her. She didn’t find out about her pregnancy until almost halfway through her second trimester and though it had been a pleasant surprise, it was a surprise nonetheless.
Now, here she was. Her oldest child, Katy, at 24 was planning her dream wedding with her dream man while Jacob had finally gotten his driver’s license. God help us all, she thought jokingly. And here in her arms was David Carter Walker. They were her saving grace; the only thing that kept her going after that night.
***
“Nick!” Elisabeth cried as she burst onto the deck. Even though the sun was only beginning to peek above the horizon and the sky was a lighter shade of gray, she had to shield her eyes. “Nick?”
“Ma’am?” a large man, obviously with the Coast Guard, asked as he grabbed Elisabeth’s arm, startling her. She turned toward him, but continued to look around looking for Nick. The man gently squeezed her arm and asked, “Ma’am? Are you okay?”
“I’m fine, but I need to find Nick,” her voice was urgent. “Where is he? Is he okay?”
“I think you need to come with me,” he told her in a grave voice.
***
“Come on Jake, we don’t have all day,” Elisabeth called up the stairs to her oldest son. “We still have to go pick up Winnie and Madelyn.”
“Okay, Mom,” Jacob rolled his eyes as he galloped down the stairs with his baby brother clinging to his back giggling wildly. “Hey, can I drive?”
“Well,” she hesitated for a second, “I guess so.”
“Awesome! Hear that Carter?”
“What?” Carter gave his big brother a quizzical glance.
“I get to be your chauffeur today,” Jake sat him down and ruffled his unkempt blonde hair.
“My what?” Carter cried dramatically and brushed Jacob’s hands away.
“I get to drive you around all day.”
Carter’s mouth went crooked as he appeared to be thinking over what his brother just said. Then, stone faced and serious as ever, he uttered a quiet “uh oh.”
Elisabeth laughed out loud and picked Carter, who was no grinning from ear to ear. Patting Jacob on the back, she stifled another laugh. “Come on, boys. We need to go.”
***
Elisabeth sat wrapped in a large blanket as she watched people bustle around her. Every time she tried to stop someone to ask them a question, they would always assure her that everything was under control. It was the same answer from anyone she asked: “Everything is fine, ma’am. Just sit back down and try and stay warm.”
She was growing impatient and she only wanted some answers. Was Nick okay? Where was he? What happened? So many questions were rushing through her mind and no one would tell her anything. Standing up, she saw one of the men standing alone.
“Excuse me,” she asked quietly as she gently tapped him on the arm. “Can you please tell me if Nick is okay?”
“Lizzie?” Her heart jumped into her throat. Nick? Turning around she found her father and Ben rushing toward her.
“Daddy!” she cried and threw herself into his arms. “Have you heard anything about Nick? They won’t tell me anything.”
“Sweetheart, we need to talk.”
***
Elisabeth smiled as Winnie and Madelyn stepped out onto the porch to greet them. Winnie seemed to have aged a bit more in the past five years, but she was strong and stubborn just like Nick. It was not hard to see where Nick’s personality had come from. And Madelyn was growing up so quickly. Elisabeth made sure she tried to spend as much time with Maddie as possible, and in the past few years, they had become very close.
“I see you let Jacob drive you,” Winnie said with a wink to Jake as she placed a kiss on Elisabeth’s cheek.
Elisabeth chuckled and returned the greeting before she turned to look at Maddie. “Hey, beautiful.”
Madelyn looked up at Elisabeth with tear-filled eyes. “Hey,” she said softly.
Placing a warm hand on Maddie’s cheek, Elisabeth smiled a sad smile and then pulled her into a hug. After a few minutes, she looked around. “You guys ready?”
***
“Lizzie…” Robert stopped unable to find the right words. “I didn’t want to have to tell you this…”
She knew. Before he ever started to speak, she knew. “No,” tears pricked the corners of her dark eyes. “No.”
Robert’s brow furrowed as he only nodded. “I’m so sorry, sweetie.”
“No,” her voice was a heartbreaking whisper as she shook her head. Ben stepped forward to try and comfort her, but Elisabeth stepped back. “Don’t touch me, please.”
“Liz, come here,” Ben once again took a step forward causing Elisabeth to back into the rail of the boat.
“I said don’t touch me!” she shouted as tears cascaded down her cheeks. “Just leave me alone.”
“Please, Ben, just do what she asks,” Robert said quietly as he pulled his daughter into his arms.
***
At the end of the pier, Elisabeth stood with Winnie, Maddie, and Jacob all stood looking out over the ocean. It was sunset, and the beach was calm and quiet. Elisabeth sat down on a bench, pulling Carter onto her lap, and watched as the others stood each holding a single rose. She silently watched as they one by one tossed it over the railing of the pier.
Winnie stood for a moment longer than the others had, tears glistening in her faded blue eyes. “I miss you both so much,” she whispered. Dabbing her eyes she turned and held her hand out to Carter. “You wanna come with Nana and your brother to get an ice cream cone?”
Carter nodded vigorously and took Winnie’s hand while grabbing Jacob’s hand and they slowly strode back toward the tiny story at the beginning of the pier.
Elisabeth smiled and went to stand beside Madelyn. “Hey again, beautiful.”
“I miss him,” she whispered tearfully.
“I know, sweetie, so do I. But you know what?” Elisabeth wrapped her arm around Maddie and pulled her close. “It’s not always gonna be this hard.”
“How do you know that?”
“I just do,” she sighed and gently tossed her rose over the pier into the water. “I love him…I always will, but it won’t always hurt so much.”
“I love you, Daddy,” Maddie followed Elisabeth’s actions and watched as the flower landed atop the water.
“Feel like taking a walk?”
Maddie nodded. “Sure.”
***
Watching the waves break on the shore, Elisabeth wiped her eyes and pulled her knees to her chest. It was February 27th. Exactly five months since Nick had been taken from her and just two days ago she found out she was pregnant. Unable to believe the news the doctor had given her, she had not yet told anyone. The same question kept coming back to haunt her: What on earth am I gonna do? Of course, she had been a single mother for a few years now, but she had never had to raise a baby on her own, and she was having serious doubts about her abilities now.
Wrapping her arms more tightly around her legs, she hid her face and began to sob. What had she ever done to deserve this? The only man she had ever truly loved was taken away from her and now she was faced with raising his child alone.
“I miss you so much,” she turned her eyes toward the water. It seemed so calm and soothing. But she knew what it was really like, and though it was beautiful, she had no intention to ever set foot in that water or on a boat ever again. Some would call it fear, others would call it ignorance. Elisabeth thought it was keeping her sanity.
Standing up and wrapping her arms around herself to block out the cold wind, she walked to the edge of the water and stood just out of range of the breaking waves. Stooping down, she placed a rose down on the wet sand and watched as a wave picked it up and carried it out to sea. “I love you, my darling.”
***
After walking to the other end of the beach, Elisabeth sat down and pulled Madelyn down beside her. Maternal instincts began to kick in once again and she brushed Maddie’s hair away from her face and looked at her expectantly. “I know just how much you miss him. You know you can talk to me about anything and I’ll listen.”
“I’m so angry,” she sobbed.
“Oh, sweetie, I know you are. It’s not easy losing someone you love.”
“I just don’t understand.”
“Honey, no one does. But understand this: I love you like you were my own and you can always come to me for anything. Don’t ever forget that, okay?”
Wiping her blue eyes, Maddie nodded. Hearing their names, they both turned to see Winnie calling for them. “Aren’t you coming?”
“You go ahead,” Elisabeth tipped her head toward the others. “Tell them I’ll only be a minute, okay?”
Turning back toward the ocean, she felt as thought she were reliving the same scene again. Now though, it was easier to look out over the water. Taking in a deep breath, Elisabeth stood up and brushed herself off. “Thank you for teaching me how to love. And for giving me such a wonderful family.” A single tear broke free and slipped down her cheek. “Thank you for making me complete.”
The sun reflected in your eyes
Kissed me unexpectedly
A moment I just can't forget
We filled the air with promises
Took them up so tenderly
But life never asks you what you want
It's just gonna have its way
Sometimes it doesn't give like it takes
If I never see your face
If wings take you away from me
And tomorrow never happens, baby
If the world comes tumbling down
And crumbles all around us
Fate turns cruel
You're on your knees
So desperate for one truth
Know that I have loved you
Don't think I'll write another letter
Or watch another pink sunset
Without thinking about you
I take a walk along the blue seaside
How will I sleep at night
How will I wipe the tears from your eyes
If I never see your face
If wings take you away from me
And tomorrow never happens, baby
If the world comes tumbling down
And crumbles all around us
Fate turns cruel
You're on your knees
So desperate for one truth
Know that I have loved you
Without a single hesitation
Without thought or reservation
Baby, I'll be waiting
Even if I never see your face
And wings take you away from me
And tomorrow never happens, baby
If the world comes tumbling down
And crumbles all around us
Fate turns cruel
You're on your knees
So desperate for one truth
Know that I have loved you
I have loved you
If I never see your face
If wings take you away from me
With all my heart and all my soul
The world comes tumbling down
And crumbling all around
I have loved you
If I never see your face
If wings take you away from me
I have loved you*
The End.
***
* “I Have Loved You” by Jessica Simpson
