“Thanks for letting me celebrate your birthday with you Nick,” the young woman smiled, leaning in to kiss him deeply.
“I should be thanking you,” Nick smiled, leading her over to the door.
“So you’ll call me then?”
“I’ll try my hardest.”
“Mmm, make sure you try real…”she slid her hand down over his jeans, “…hard. Ok?”
He cleared his throat, “I will. I’ll talk to ya later Tanya.”
She gave him a small wave before making her way out. Nick shut the door and headed into the kitchen to make some coffee. It was late afternoon, almost one, a shower was in order. He’d been too tired to after Tanya had fallen asleep, and they’d been up most of the night screwing around, he’d crashed early in the morning. After starting the coffee maker, Nick walked over and checked his answering machine. He’d been vaguely aware of doing it last night, but he couldn’t remember anything he’d heard. He’d been drunk, horny and distracted. There were several birthday wishes, a message from his Mom which he quickly deleted, another from his Dad, deleted as well.
Rubbing at his eyes, Nick made his way back into the kitchen, grabbing the now full pot of coffee and pouring some into the mug he’d set out. After a few sips, he made his way back out and up the stairs to his room. Gathering up his clothes he made his way into the bathroom.
Another year older and what did he have to show for it? Nothing, not a damn thing. He knew he shouldn’t be complaining, he was lucky, damn lucky to have all the things he did. Still, something was missing, he wasn’t sure what, but with all that he had, he still felt empty, alone. When it came down to what really mattered, he was seriously lacking. He had friends sure, but his family life was seriously lacking. Was it too much to ask to have a normal loving family? Nick would watch the rest of the guys with their family and the jealousy at times would be overwhelming. Even AJ, whose personal and family life had suffered greatly over the last few years had never been quite like his. AJ at least had some kind of relationship with his Mom, while he was estranged from his Dad, his Mom had just remarried and he really liked his Stepfather.
Why couldn’t he have that?
Not only was his family an issue, the rest of the guys all had someone. Kevin and Brian were married, Brian had a family. Howie was in a serious relationship; AJ had just come out of one and was a recovering alcoholic, so his situation was a bit different. Again there was jealousy. Why couldn’t he be in a relationship that worked? A normal, sane relationship. It seemed he had the worst luck with women. It was an ongoing joke amongst the guys and even his fans. So why bother he figured? Why not have a little fun with no strings attached? It’d become a way of life for him here lately, and he’d be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy it. It was just easier for him that way. Until someone came along that made him want to make a commitment, made him want to make time, he’d keep on doing what he did.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nick made his way inside, sighing at the air conditioned building. Turning, he made his way down, turning into his aisle and found his box, putting the key in the slot and opening it. Smiling, he reached in and grabbed the card shaped envelope, before shutting and locking the door. He’d been thinking about this all day. He’d rushed through his shower and lunch before making his way out. Turning, he headed over to the short line, waiting for his turn. A short time later he made his way out, glad he wouldn’t have to make separate trips here anymore to get his mail. Climbing into his truck, he set the card on the seat next to him and took off. Today he decided, he’d spend at home. One of his few days off, he’d been running around too much lately, and he felt like being lazy.
Pulling into his driveway, he punched the code in and made his way up. After getting out, he made his way up, letting himself inside, setting his keys down before heading back out to get the mail. Once at the mail box, he opened it, grabbing all the envelopes stuffed inside; when he noticed a piece of paper from the post office telling him that there was a package waiting for him at his neighbors. A bit confused, he made his way over to his neighbor’s knocking on the door.
“Oh, hello Nick!”
“Hi Mrs. Tanaka, I received notice that I had a package waiting for me here,” Nick announced smiling, holding up the slip of paper.
“Yes you do! It must be fun getting things like this in the mail,” she winked, turning and reaching down next to her, picking up a rather large box and holding it out to him. “Here you are.”
Nick blinked, he hadn’t ordered anything, what could this be?
“Thanks for holding onto it for me,” he replied, setting his other mail ontop of it before taking it out of her arms, it was fairly heavy.
“Not a problem. I had to sign for it, the mailman said it didn’t matter who so long as it was signed that someone received it.”
“No problem. Thanks again!”
“Anytime honey!”
Nick gave her another smile before turning and making his way down. Ten minutes later he made his way into his house, kicking the door shut. He quickly made his way over to the living room, sitting down on the couch, setting the box on the coffee table in front of him and removing his mail from it. Leaning in, he looked at the return address, his eyes widening.
Veronica Peterson.
He blinked, what’d she send him? Taking a closer look, he saw that it’d been sent out yesterday and that she’d had it delivered overnight mail. She told him about the card, but what was this? Why would she spend so much to have it arrive today? Looking at the stack of envelopes, he grabbed the card she sent him, ripping the envelope open and pulling the card out. It was one of those Hallmark Shoebox greetings. He read the front and then opened it, chuckling at the silly joke, it was signed simply,
Happy Birthday!
Your Friend (hopefully)
Veronica.
It didn’t say anything about a package on it. He reread the card, a smile playing on his lips. Setting the card down on the coffee table, he stood and headed into the kitchen, getting a pair of scissors, and heading back into the living room. Slumping down on the couch, he took the scissors and started cutting the box open on the side and then drew one of the blades down the center quickly. He set the scissors down and opened the flaps to find a ton of those packing peanuts. Nick riffled around inside anxiously, sticking his hand further. He’d just about reached the bottom, when his hand hit something. He stopped, shifting a bit; sliding his hand up until he reached what he believed was a corner. After getting a good grasp, he slowly pulled up. It was heavier than he thought, so he stuck his other hand inside, pulling the object out and clear of the peanuts.
It was a large flat item, wrapped in colorful birthday wrapping paper. He carefully set the object down, and then dug back into the box to see if there was anything else. His hand hit something else, his eyes widening. He stuck his other hand in again, managing to pull the other item out; it too was flat but much smaller and thinner. It was wrapped in the same wrapping paper. Taped to the top of it, was another envelope. Nick set the item down, pulling the envelope off and opening it, pulling the single sheet of paper out.
Nick,
Surprise! Well, I didn’t know I’d be sending you this until I thought of it, but that’s ok, it’s nice that I can surprise you like this.
Anyway, inside the box you’ll find two things. The first one, the large flat thing, open that first. I really hope you enjoy them. The large item…well I guess it’s the fan in me coming out. It’s a bit silly I admit, but, it turned out better than I’d hoped. I really hope you like it. There’s a note inside the second thing explaining it further.
I know it’s not much, but…what do you give someone who has everything?
Take care and happy be-laded birthday!
Veronica
He chuckled a bit; even she thought he had everything. Nick set the letter down beside him and grabbed the large item, setting it on his lap carefully. Starting at the corner, he ripped a small piece and then slipped his finger under, pulling back, ripping the paper. Growing restless, he tore the paper back fiercely, looking down as he did and then stilled. It was a picture frame, but it was what was inside that gave him pause.
Nick carefully lifted the frame, pulling the paper the rest of the way off. He swallowed hard, staring intently at it. Inside was his album. The CD was mounted next to the case and then there were pictures all around. Pictures from signings he’d done, radio and TV interviews, quotes from magazines, small articles. She’d printed out a listing of the tour dates, and there were various pictures from several concerts scattered throughout. It looked like she’d printed pictures onto picture paper, they weren’t actual photos, which meant she’d done it all herself. Found pictures, bought the paper, done all the printing herself.
He couldn’t tare his gaze from it, he just kept staring until the pictures and everything started to blur, his eyes starting to burn and sting, his throat starting to close. Unconsciously he started nibbling on his bottom lip as he brought his quivering fingers up, trailing them over the glass slowly. He’d received several of this kind of thing when he was with the guys. Far nicer, more professional than this. There was one he got when his album when gold, but it hadn’t felt the same, not as good as it should‘ve. This, this was different though. It was homemade and it was perfect. His album, the tour, everything had been so important to him, and yet it’d made so many people so mad. While he loved doing it, he hadn’t enjoyed it as much as he should’ve, and towards the end, he couldn’t even remember why he’d done it. What the positives were. Nick looked down at the frame again and smiled, this had reminded him. How could he have ever forgotten something so important? It really was stupid to let himself be so affected by something like this, but he couldn’t help it. It was so unexpected, so right.
Slowly he set the frame down next to him, letting out a deep breath. Rubbing at his eyes furiously, he reached out and grabbed the other item, ripping at the paper to revel a paper folder. Frowning in confusion, he opened it, remembering that Veronica had said there was a letter of explanation inside. Inside were several sheets of paper, fastened to the long strip attached to the folder. He pulled the sheet of paper from one of the pockets and opened it.
Nick,
These are some poems I wrote a few years back when my parents were going through the divorce. They’re all about the mood I was in and whatever. I thought maybe they’d help you some…when it’s really hard sometimes and it feels like you’re alone and no one understands. You can read these and know that someone has been there before, and that they know what it feels like.
I’m always here if you wanna talk.
Veronica
He put the paper back in the pocket and looked at the poems. There were pages and pages of them. Some long, some short. He flipped to one scanning it over. It was too much, all of it and more than a little overwhelming. Slowly he closed the folder, slumping back, staring out blankly. No one had ever given him anything quite like this. It wasn’t overly fancy or extremely expensive and yet somehow it meant more, so much more. How would he even begin explaining to her how much it meant to him, how much he appreciated it?
Slowly, almost mechanically he gathered up the wrapping paper, heading into the kitchen to throw it out. He felt a curl of fear starting to gather in his stomach, fear that he’d been found out, that someone was actually listening. How could he deal with the fact that there was someone out there who understood, someone he least expected.
Nick gathered the frame and folder up and headed up to his room.
