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AJ stumbled backwards stunned by Nick’s sudden strike. He could taste the metallic taste of blood on his lips and he touched his finger to his lip to survey the damage his young friend had done. “Nice work there, Nicky. Now, what the hell is wrong with you?” he asked, his voice low and menacing.

“That’s what I’d like to know,” Brian cried, stepping between the two angry men. “Nick, what is going on?”

“Oh, I think we should ask AJ and Bianca,” he spat their names and continued to glare at AJ.

It only took Bianca a second to react, even though it felt longer. Pushing Brian out of her way, she stood between the two, staring at Nick. “What is your problem Nick?”

“My problem? Why don’t you answer your own question,” his eyes filled with hurt, but quickly flashed to anger. “Since when is it okay for you and AJ to sleep together?”

“Look,” AJ said, “What Bianca and I do is our business. And it all stopped being your business the day you two broke up, so-”

“Hey!” Brian shouted, startling the three who were still glaring at one another. “I think you all need to wait and handle this some other time. Tonight we need to be worried about Howie, so you all need to sit your asses down and shut up.” Damn, being assertive feels good!

“You’re right, Brian,” Bianca turned to look at him before abruptly turning and heading toward the elevator. The three men only stared at her retreating figure, before Nick started to go after her.

“I don’t think you need to follow her,” AJ spoke loudly.

“I don’t care what you think right now,” Nick turned back to look at AJ. “I don’t even wanna look at or talk to you right now, so why don’t you butt out of my life and keep your thoughts to yourself.”

“Yeah, I’d say you pissed him off,” Brian stated matter-of-factly as they watched Nick make a run for the elevator.



“Hey, man, you wanna get out of here?” AJ walked up beside Howie and looked up at the rain clouds that were rolling across the sky. “You should get some sleep.”

“I’m not tired. I’m not anything right now, J. It’s kinda funny; I feel numb all over,” his tone was even and his gaze was set on something in the distance. “I stopped feeling when the doctor told me Ivy was dead. Do you know how it feels to know that you just lost someone you’ll never see again?”

AJ only shook his head, feeling extremely uncomfortable. He didn’t know what to do or say to comfort his friend and everything he thought of seemed empty and meaningless. He had never been through something like this and he didn’t truly know what Howie must be feeling.

“I wonder if it will ever stop?” Howie mumbled quietly, still fixated on some unseen object.

“What?” AJ gave his friend a quizzical look.

“The hurt…it feels so consuming. Like it’s…like it’s taken over everything in my life and it’s gonna stay there forever,” Howie sighed as a fresh wave of tears began to sting his swollen brown eyes. He turned to AJ, with a helpless look in his eyes. “I feel like it’s smothering me and I can barely breathe. Do you think that will ever go away?”

“Yeah,” he nodded. “You will always feel hurt, but it won’t be as bad.”

“I feel like it should have been me that died, J. She didn’t deserve it; it wasn’t even supposed to happen,” he ran his right hand through his dark curls. “I got shot in the shoulder and I’m fine. Why in the hell did they have to shoot her at all?”

“I dunno why, D, but you know it was for a reason…maybe it saved your life.”

Howie only shrugged and turned his back toward the town below. “Maybe we should get out of here.”

AJ nodded and followed his friend, shaking his head sadly. He knew Howie was hurting and he only wished there was something he could do.



Nick burst from the stair well, panting heavily from having run down six flights of stairs to catch Bianca. God help me, I’m so out of shape, he thought. It felt like his lungs were on fire and his sides were aching. Looking up when he heard the ever familiar ding of the elevator door opening he saw that he had indeed beat it down to the first floor. There must have been other people getting on and off. He quickly walked over so that he was blocking the door way.

Before the door could open completely, Bianca rolled her eyes and began pressing the “Close door” button. She didn’t want to see him or talk to him, was that too hard to understand? Luckily the door closed, almost on Nick’s hand no less, and she pressed the button for the third floor—the maternity floor.

Nick watched as the elevator passed the second floor and stopped on the third. It didn’t move from the third floor and Nick could only wonder if Bianca had stopped there or maybe someone was getting on the elevator. He decided that he would take his chances looking on that floor and if he didn’t find her, he would find Brian or Howie and they would leave. What else could he do? He decided to take the elevator up instead of the stairs. When the doors slid open to reaveal the maternity floor, he had to fight to hide his surprise. Then he remembered the letter… Even though I still lost my baby, it wasn’t because I decided I wanted to…and I’ve accepted that everything happens for a reason. He almost immediately found Bianca as she stood staring into the nursery at all the newborn babies.

“Bean…” Nick whispered hoping she wouldn’t blow him off again. “Can we talk?”

“About what Nick?” she placed her hand on the cool glass and smiled despite herself. The babies were all so beautiful and they didn’t have a thing to worry about in the world. She found herself fighting back tears as she thought about the baby she could’ve had. “Do you wanna talk about how you just made an ass out of yourself or how stupid I am or what?”

Nick sighed sadly. He didn’t want to fight with her; he only wanted answers. “Bean, stop. I just wish we could sit down and talk about everything that’s happened.”

“You know what?” she turned to him, angrily wiping her eyes. “I’m sick of talking, that’s all anyone ever wants to do anymore. Sometimes, I just want to be left alone…why is that so hard for people to understand and respect?”

“I have a right to know why you left, Bianca,” Nick said the anger rising in his voice. “You owe me that much. Especially if you’re fucking AJ.”

Before he knew what happened, her hand met his cheek with a stinging force. “I don’t owe you a damn thing, Nick,” she said, her voice angry and hard. “What right did you have reading something that wasn’t even yours?”

Nick had to take a second to recover from the surprise of the slap, but as soon as he did, he looked at her and narrowed his eyes. He was sure her handprint would be on the side of his face for quite a while. “How was I supposed to know it was yours? I didn’t even know that was you on the couch because I couldn’t see your face, and I picked up that piece of paper thinking it was trash and I was going to throw it away.” So the last part was a little white lie…what would it hurt?

“Uh huh…so, it just fell open in your hands?” she crossed her arms over her chest. When he didn’t respond, she nodded. “Yeah, that’s what I thought. Look, Nick, we don’t need to be having this conversation now; Brian was right, we should be worried about Howie.”

“When did you start sleeping with him?” Nick wasn’t willing to let it go just yet. “Before we broke up? Is that why you left…because you were pregnant with his baby?”

Bianca’s eyes filled with tears before she could react. She almost slapped him again and she would have if a nurse had not been standing just a few feet away. How could he say something like that knowing full well how much she loved him. “I can’t believe you could even ask that question.”

“Stop being evasive, Bianca. Tell me the truth,” he spat the words at her like she was nothing. The hurt in her eyes and on her face was enough to rip open his heart, but Nick wouldn’t let that get to him. He was just as hurt as she was, maybe more, and he wasn’t going to let her get by without at least explaining everything to him.

“No, I refuse to justify that question with an answer.” I am not going to cry… She turned and started to walk off, but turned back to look at him. She searched his eyes for a minute. “How could you even ask me something like that? How could you accuse me of cheating on you?”

“How could you leave without an explanation?”

Despite her best efforts, a single tear broke free and traveled the lonely path down her cheek. She turned her head when Nick reached out to wipe it away; she didn’t think she could stay strong if he touched her or tried to comfort her. She couldn’t break down though. “Don’t answer a question with a question…if you don’t have anything else to say, I think we’re finished here.”

“Why can’t you just tell me what’s going on? Let me in…”

“It’s not that simple, Nick,” Bianca shook her head and took one last look at all the babies that were on the other side of the glass.

Nick watched as she walked past him without a second glance. She got in the elevator, keeping her eyes to the ground. Although, as soon as the doors slid closed, she broke down. She didn’t know how hard it would be to see him and she definitely didn’t know how much harder it would be to walk away again. But she did it, and she was as strong as she could be even if it wasn’t as much as she had hoped.



Brian was sitting in the waiting room trying his best to fight off sleep when he finally heard AJ and Howie coming from the hallway. He offered Howie an encouraging smile and stood up. “You ready?”

AJ had his arm around Howie’s shoulder and nodded to Brian. “I think we should all just find a hotel somewhere and get some rest before driving back to Orlando. I don’t think it would be real safe for us to try and drive.”

“Yeah, I think you’re right,” Brian said and grabbed his jacket. “Where are Bianca and Nick?”

“Nick’s probably harassing Bianca. Knowing him, he followed her until she agreed to listen to him,” the hostility in AJ’s voice was noticable.

“No, everything is fine,” Bianca’s voice joined the conversation. She smiled weakly, “I just took a walk and ended up on the baby floor.”

AJ’s eyes softened and he reached out to take Bianca’s hand. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

“It’s okay,” she whispered back, fighting to keep herself composed.

“So, you haven’t seen Nick,” Brian questioned as they all entered the elevator.

“Nope,” her answer came quickly. “I don’t have a clue where he could be.” I hope they can’t tell I’m lying.

“Well, Nick’s a big boy…he can find his way to a hotel. Surely he wouldn’t be dumb enough to drive home as tired as he probably is,” AJ commented as they came to a stop on the ground floor. “I would hope he’d have enough sense to get some rest before trying to make the drive back to his home.”

“He does,” Brian answered as they made it to the parking lot.



Nick turned the radio on as loud as he could stand it and turned the air conditioner on wide open, despite the fact that it was December and cooler than normal. He knew that he should have stayed back in Pierson in a hotel, but all he could think about was getting home. After his talk with Bianca, he didn’t want to see or talk to anyone about anything.

All he could think about was getting back to his house and getting into his warm bed. He craved sleep. It felt like it had been days since he had been able to sleep, even though it had only been a matter of hours.

He sighed to himself when he saw a road sign. 45 miles to Tampa…why didn’t I stay in Pierson? Feeling like his eyelids were made of steel, he rolled down all four windows and let the cool air blow in with the air conditioner.

Ignoring the chill in the air and the pain in his heart, he kept driving. Telling himself that he only had little while to go before he was back home where he could sleep off his memories of Bianca. Sticking his hand in the pocket of his jacket, he felt the crumpled piece of paper. Just the thought of what that paper said was enough to break his heart and piss him off all at once. He thought for a moment about throwing it out the window and never thinking about it again, but something stopped him and it stayed in the confines of his pocket.

“What a great Christmas.”