Cancer? Hodgkins? Two weeks? Nick??? The worlds swirled around Brian's head as he tried desperately to grip the situation. Nick had to be lying, pulling his leg..anything. There were not a chance that his little brother could be sick. Coud he?
The moment Nick had uttered the magical word the world stopped. It became hard to breath and Brian didnīt know what to say. As in slow motion he heard himself ask all these questions. His emotions were all hay wire and nothing made any sense. Anger, sadness, shock it was all bland in a mixture.
Nick! His Frack sick? An impossibility.
“Are you sure?” Brian could hear himself choking out the words as he stared at his blonde friend.
Nick nodded. “Yeah, they done some tests and it came out positive. My spleen is infected and now they want me to go back since the radiation shit isnīt working as good as it should. And it makes me feel like crap!"
“Aha.”
There was silence again.
“Does your mother know? Your parents?”
Nick shook his head. Furioulsy. “ No! And I donīt want them to know anything either.” There were threats in his voice and Brian had to calm him down. Tears were streaming faster now and this had Brian confused.
“Nick, man, Iīm so sorry.” Brian breathed hard. Nick was hurting and he couldnīt do anything about it. This made him feel so small. Small and helpless. In a thrieving attempt, he put his arm around Nick, waiting for him to shrug it away. When nothing like that came, Brian gave him a hug. His own tears were starting to spill over. This was the worst that could have happened and the whole situation felt surreal.
“ Frack, it will all be ok. It will,” he murmured softly as he hugged Nick tight.
For anyone passing by, this must have looked akwardly, yet none of the guys cared. Nick wasnīt as small as he had when he was young yet he leaned his head against Brian. Resting, taking in the warmth that the Kentuckian provided.
“ I donīt know..I donīt know anything anymore.” Nick sobbed.
“ You have to tell the guys. They need to know.”
“ Noooo!!” Nick pulled hastily away from Brian's grip. “ No!”
“ Nick they do. They are your friends, your brothers and they have the right..”
“I said NO!” The voice was firm and Nick stared into Brian's eyes. “ They will not..I repeat..NOT know anything.”
“But..”
“ Oh fuck, why did I tell you anything? I knew that it would be like this!” Nick screamed as he banged his fist in the wall.
“No Nick..No” Brian tried to calm Nick down, but it was useless. Nick was much too upset and Brian felt scared looking at his friend. The eyes were wild and it reminded him of a caged animal. He was white as a sheet and tears streamed down his face, leaving him red-eyed and bloated. His hair hung close to his skull and looked almost as lifeless as the whole appearance.
“ I didnīt mean to upset you. Iīm sorry.”
Nick turned his blurry eyes towards him, mumbling, “ No..Iīm sorry. Heck I donīt know what came over me. Iīm being such a sissy these days.” There was a small smile toying in his lips and Brian tried to match it.
“ Itīs ok..it really is. I have no business saying what you should do.”
Both of the men looked at each other. Something had happened. Something that had changed their lives forever. Nothing would be the same anymore. The cancer had come between them. The secret of death.
“S’ok.” Nick ran his hand nervously through his tousled hair. Brian didnīt know what to say. Nick was the first one to break the silence that had occured, saying, “Brian I want this to be a secret between just you and me. You know like the old days. Frick and Frack.”
“I have to tell Leighanne.” Brian mumbled and Nick's eyes hardened.
“No you donīt. I donīt want anyone to feel sorry for me. Besides Iīm going to beat this shit and pity I can do without.”
“ But Nick, Nick you canīt do that alone. You need friends and..”
His words got interrupted by Nick, “Iīm not alone. You know it donīt you? And youīre my friend, ainīt you?” There was a hesitation in the tone and Brian felt his heart ache with pain. He wasnīt thinking clearly.
“Yes Nick. Yes...” Brian whispered, “ Iīm your friend.”
“ Good.” Wiping his eyes he continued, “ Then lets go back to the others. Theyīre waiting.”
Brian stared at Nick. It was like he had told him something ordinary like he had a headache or something and not cancer. There were so many questions that Brian wanted to ask, but they wouldnīt be let out.
“ Come on then. What are you waiting for?” Nick opened the door to the restroom, as if nothing had happend and Brian trudged along. Silently.
As soon as they came back to the studio both Kevin and AJ attacked them wondering where they had been.
Instantly Brian wanted to shout out that there was no need at sounding like this and that Nick was sick, but a warning eye from his friend had him stop, gaping.
“Sorry man, but my stomach is just really messed up and I couldnīt leave the restroom.” Grinning the blonde tried to get out of the situation.
“ If you ate more healthy you wouldnīt be in such discomfort all the time.” Howie interjected sourly.
“Talk about fast food.”
AJ grinned and there was laughter in the room. All but Brian smiled and they made some comments about Nick and his situation. Even Nick laughed and when Brian opened his mouth to object, Nick was soon there with a “Donīt” gleaming in his eyes.
The day dragged along. Brian felt like the news he just received was just a bad dream. A nightmare. Nick was acting like he always did. Maybe less goofier and silly, yet he didnīt look like he was suffering from some deathly disease.
Brian wanted nothing more than to take Nick aside and ask him more about his condition, and as soon as he would get a chance he would pull Nick asisde. Right now it was like the blonde was ignoring him, acting like nothing had happend and this had Brian upset.
“Frack, man we need to talk.” Brian whipsered as soon as Nick came out from the record booth, finally setting the song straight.
“Not now.” Nick was pulling away and when Brian insisted he sneered, “What the heck. Canīt you see that Iīm busy?”
Brian jerked. What was it with Nick? One second he bawled into his arms and the next he was acting like he was thin air? Deep inside he suspected that Nick felt embarressed over the whole situation and that he wanted it to be long forgotten. Yet there was no way that Brian could forget the words that Nick had said. After all it wasnīt everyday that you heard that your friend had cancer.
Was it?
