”This sucks,” Nick moaned as he tugged on the IV line that he had running through his hand. After taking his temp and giving him a brief examination, Dr. Andersen had ordered glucouse since she thought he was dehydrated and needed fluid to get some energy into his body. Then she had left him and now Nick and Brian were all alone in the sterile examination room.

“I know,” Brian whispered as he soothingly stroke the sick man's hair in long smooth moves.

Nick looked up at his friend, who sat on a hard plastic chair by his side. “I´m sorry.” His voice cracked and he turned to face the wall, blinking away the tears that was threatning to spill over.

“For what?” Brian asked in mock surprise.

“For always causing you so many problems.”

“No you´re not causing problems,” Brian objected getting interrupted by Nick.

“Yeah I am. I have always been a pain in the butt.” Turning back to his friend he flashed a brief smile.

Brian couldn´t help but chuckle, “Yeah maybe you´re right. But I wouldn´t wanna be without this 'certain pain.' He stopped in midsentence as he thought what he had said to his friend.

Nick didn´t seem to mind. “Well looks like you´re stuck with me once again."p>

“Huh?” Taking away his hand from the blondes hair he looked confused.

“I mean you´ve always had to “tend” to me. Remember when we were in Europe and I was young and you stayed with me playing video games and played pranks with me and ....”

This time it was Brians time to interrupt his friend, “Nick, I did it beacuse I WANTED to, not beacuse I felt obligated to do so.” There was a short pause before Brian continued, “Like now. I'm here because I want to be. Don´t think anything else.”

“Leighanne needs you.”

“She can cope.”

Brian was short in his words and this had Nick a bit puzzled. He could tell that his friend was hiding something from him. Not wanting to drop the subject he said, “Speaking of her, how is she doing?”

Startled Brian glanced over at Nick. When had Nick ever showed any interest for his wife? “Eh..why?”

“Oh nothing, it´s just that you haven´t talked so much about her like you use to do. Is everything alright?”

“Well she is fine!”

“Okay...okay.” Nick held up his hands in defense. He could tell when Brian didn´t want to talk about something and decided not to press the issue anymore. Besides he was starting to get really tired and closed his eyes in an attempt to doze off.

Brian frowned. Did Nick suspect something? He didn´t dare to bring up the subject of his wife afraid that he would spill about the baby. He really wanted to share the great happening with his friend, but somehow this wasn´t the right time for such news. His insides felt torn. One part of him wanted to be close to Leighanne and their baby and the other part wanted to be close to Nick. Why did he have to choose? It wasn´t fair.

He had to try and talk Nick into coming and staying at his and Leigh's house in LA. That way he could be close to the two that he loved the most. But knowing Nick, he knew that this was as farfetched as it could be. Nick would never accept something like this and the outcome of him moving to LA for the duration of treatment was zero!

Instead, he had to arrange Leighanne to come and stay here in Florida with them. He knew that he wasn´t allowed to let her know about Nick's condition, yet he soon had no other chance than to spill his guts to her. This was becoming harder for each day to bare and he felt like the biggest liar everytime she called to ask how he was doing. Leighanne was a good humanist and she could tell that something was up, even if he had denied it.

But what would be even worse than getting Leighanne over here was to get the boys to continue with the recording over in Florida. They were all set to work on the next album in LA and therefore it would be a hassle to get them to move the setting to Orlando without letting them know anything about how ill Nick was.

It would be much easier to move a mountain with the tip of his finger.

Yet he couldn´t afford to loose Nick! Fingering at the pamplets that the doctor had given his friend, Brian eyed them over. A patient advocate was a serious thing, that he knew. He had assigned one once, his father, when he was going in for heart surgery. Just in case something would have happened. Nick had acted stupid as always when it came to this matter, but he knew deep inside that Nick was thinking about things like this all the time. Even if it didn´t show.

Nick was a deep personality. He claimed that he enjoyed living life when Brian knew that he actually was very serious. He was outgoing, yet clamped shut. And not letting anyone in too close on his life and thoughts. He knew that Nick was often suffering from depression and it was more than one time he had been by the young mans side. Except for this past year when they had drifted further apart from each other. But that was another story.

“Mpf,” Nick stirred in his sleep and instantly Brian was by his side, stroking his hand. The weeks of radiation had really taken a toll on his friend's body and he feared what chemotheraphy would do to him. Nick was not in the best of conditions and he had heard that chemo could be pretty bad on your health. But then if the doctors said that it was for the best, then he wouldn´t object to it. And neither would Nick. He hoped.

It had been a rough couple of hours but finally Nick was allowed back home, even if he had gotten some glucose he was still not running high on energy and he didn´t dare to think how he would have felt if he hadn't gotten this fluid.

He flipped through channels, restlessly, while waiting for Brian to come back from the grocery store. Nick wasn´t much of a tv watcher and he became impatient when the shows were too long. Soaps had never been anything for him, neither had talk shows. But he loved documentaries. This was something that very few people knew or would even have guessed about him, but Discovery Channel was something that fascinated him. Learning about other people and science and facts of life. AJ had teased him several times, not to mention the rest of the guys. For a while he was even called “The Little Professor,” but that was mostly when he was really young. It had something to do with this nutty video about library that he was in. The guys had cracked up so bad when they got a hold on this and he remember being so pissed at them. These days it just made him laugh.

Because of the Backstreet Boys he hadn´t got a chance to go to high school. Not that he was lacking something, it was just that he really longed to live an ordinary life. Especially when things were getting tough and he had to be in the center all the time. All he ever wanted to do was play with his friends some b´ball and dating girls. But his life had become so much different. Instead he was a famous popstar that was one of the richest performers in the world and he could afford to do almost everything. Yet he was stuck here, in his own home. Batteling a deadly disease. So far away from glamor and partylife as could be.

Life was ironic.

Sitting up, Nick glanced through the papers about a Patient Advocate. He knew that Dr. Andersen had been very serious when she suggested something like this. He wouldn´t say against it, it was just that he had a hard time realizing that he needed this kind of support. She had been very frank with him when she told him that his prognosis was not so good. Was this the end?

His thoughts were interrupted by a loud signal and automatically he reached for his cell phone.

“Nick.”

“Hi Nick, this is Leighanne,” A female voice said in a cheerful tone and he sharpened up. No need to let her into how crappy he felt.

“Hi, wazz up?” That´s it Nick, sound happy and the whole world smiles with you, he thought miserablely.

“Not much. Is Brian there?” Leighanne didn´t sound very talkative, and he didn´t push it.

“Nah, sorry. He went to the grocery store.”

“Brian? Grocery Store?” There was a hint of amusement in Leighanne's voice, like she thought he was joking with her.

“Yeah he needed to pick out..um..stuff.”

“Okaayyy.” Leighanne drew her breath, then she said, “Ask him to call me back as soon as he gets here ok?”

“Sure. Want me to give him a message?” Nick shifted on the couch. His stomach felt all funny again and he hoped that his health wouldn´t betray him.

“Well..” Leighanne thought for a moment then she said, “Just tell him that we got a time at the doctors and..”

“Doctors!” Nick interrupted her before she had a chance to spell out the words. Finish her sentence.

“Yes, we have time for an ultrasound and..”

“ULTRASOUND!” Nick was now yelling into the phone. What was she talking about? Who was sick?. Did Brian lie to him? Was there something wrong with him too? His heart? Questions rinsed all over him at once.

“Yes,” Leighanne sounded confused, “you do that when you´re 16 weeks in pregnancy and..” Once again her sentence got cut off.

Nick was really upset. “Preganancy?” He yelled with mixed feelings.

“Didn´t Brian tell you this?” she asked quietly and he shook his head negatively. “No..no he didn´t”

“Oh,” More silence.

Nick felt bad. It was like she was suspecting Brian from with holding this from him. Which he was, but not in the way that Nick thought she was. Mixed complications.

“Well, um..tell him that I called. Bye.” With that Leighanne hung up, leaving Nick standing there with his cellphone in his hand.

Brian, his best friend had lied to him! Even tough he talked so much about honesty. He hadn´t told him that he was going to be a father and now Leighanne was upset too because of this. He strongly suspected that the reason why his “brother” had left out such an important information was because he thought that Nick couldn´t cope with hearing such news.

Life couldn´t be more shitty than this!

“Hey Nick, help me out!” Brian called from the hallway and he got up from his couch to meet his “friend.” Brian was smiling widely as he dropped loads of brown paper bags on the floor. “Jeeze Nick I have never thought about myself for being a housewife.”

“Mhm.” Nick stared at him coldly before saying, “and I thought that we didn´t have any secrets to each other. But I´ll guess that it only applied to me!”

“What?” Brian's smile faded quickly when he saw the anger in Nick's eyes.” Uh?”

“And you´re saying that I keep secrets from YOU! What if it´s the other way around?” Nick yelled as he ran past him, up the stairs.

Brian just stood there as he heard the door to Nick's bedroom slam shut. What did he do? What had happened? He felt totally confused.