It was his father's dream.
Ever since Nick was a small boy, living in Jamestown, he had heard his father talking about the ocean and how great it would be to own his own boat. Especially a racing boat. One day when his father had finished the restaurant for the night, Nick curled up in his father's lap. Bob had talked about the boat. Saying that as soon as they could afford it they would go down to coast on a vacation. Yet it was just a dream since money was not something that the Carter's had little of. Wrapping his small arms around his father's neck Nick breathed, "Daddy, when I get old I will buy you a fast boat. I promise." His father chuckled, "Yes Nickolas," he had said, "Yes, Iīm sure you will."
It had sounded so far fetched at the time, and now almost 17 years later they were there. Ready to fulfill his fathers dream.
Looking through his bangs at his father, Nick thought that Bob looked like an excited boy that got his first bike. He talked fast and with an entusiasm that told them that this was one of the best moments in his life.
"This baby will purr like a kitten," the salesman said as he talked about how much horse power the motor had with it's inboard motors. "I tell you the girls will LOVE it," he flashed a toothy white smile on a tanned complexion.
Not answering he just nodded, sending his father into frown. As their eyes met Nick gave a smile back, reassuring his father that everything was just fine. He was afraid that it would upset his father even more. It was not that he wasnīt excited, not on the contrary he was just as happy as Bob. What lay like a cloud over his happiness was the lingering pain that he felt in his stomach. The pain had become more evident in the last week, and on top of that he felt totally exhausted. Yet this was not something he would reveal to anyone since that could spoil his father's excitement. Instead he was set to tough it out. When his father was reassured that Nick was fine he turned back to the salesman, the young man listened, like a shadow in the background. A nice, warm feeling filled his heart as he thought that he was finally being able to make his father really happy.
There had been some rough times during the years and in some period Nick and his father didnt even talk to each other. There had been times when Nick had wished that he would never have to see Bob again. All those bad feelings were gone now and all Nick wanted was to please his dad. And today this was a reality.
When it came to his mother he hoped that he had already been able to fulfill some of her dreams. He knew that she had a dream of becoming a singer and that she had started to take on a profession as a preformer when she got pregnant with him. Not being able to afford taking singing lessons she had to give up her plans and then they had started a small restaurant in Jamestown. They had no money at all and Nick had a vague memory of living in a small apartment above the resturant. His dad worked often late hours and when his sisters came they worked more than full time. Nick's early memories from Jamestown wasnīt so happy since his father was always exhausted and his mother was busy with his siblings. Nick was pretty much a boy that had to handle things on his own. Suddenly his dad had developed stomach problems and one day he decided to quit his business and they moved to Florida.
It had been the start of something new.
When his mom had noticed Nick's singing talent she had sent him off to all sorts of auditions. He also took singing and acting lessons. At first Nick had thought it was rather fun, but it was a hard times work. He had to practice all the time and there were times when he had to preform even if he would rather had played with his friends out on the playground.
A memory when he was 9 years old, auditioning for some cereal commercial, popped up in his head. He had cried, not wanting to do it since he hadnīt been feeling well. His mother had pushed him, saying that there were times when you had to do things that you didn't like, and that he had to set his own feelings aside. It came with the territory of becoming famous. He had went on with the audition, nearly passing out from pushing his limits. Always trying to do his best. When he had returned from the audition it turned out that he had a fever of 103! No wonder that he had felt like crap.
There were years of hard work behind him. Striving to reach his mothers goal. To be a preformer. Famous. 'Ironic,' he thought, 'Now when he had fulfilled his parent's dreams and it was time to work on his own, his days were numbered.'
His dream even since he was 7 years old was to give out a soloalbum. He had worked for a year on material and now when it was time to go into the studio he had no strength to do so. The cancer was taking it's toll on his body, more than he ever wanted to admit.
He was also in the process of going into the studio, to start to record the new Backstreet Boys album, and since he didnt want to let the boys and fans down that was his number one priority. His own dreams had to wait. As always.
"Are you alright son?" His fathers concerned voice broke the wall of thoughts.
“Huh?”
“You looked like were spacing out, are you feeling okay?” Bob asked with concern in his voice.
Nick gritted his teeth and clenched his fists. It was the endless questions that he was sick of answering from the guys and now it was from his father.
“Yup,” he replied tersely.
Sizing his son up and down and taking note of his body language, Bob was about to say something when the salesman approached them, papers in his hands.
“Man,” he grinned, “I always hate having to do credit checks, but it’s part of my job and I knew you wouldn’t have a problem getting approved, in fact I could have sworn once I keyed in your sosh number, the printer took off like Osama binLaden running from the caves.”
“Nice anaology,” Nick mumbled, wishing the transaction could be finished so he could get into the car and go home.
The salesman flashed a toothy grin and pulled a pen from his pocket, clicking the barrel. “Okay, the bank’s approved the loan and all you need to do is sign on the following pages where I’ve marked it with an X.”
Nick accepted the pen from the man and walked over to a small table where the man laid the contract out. As Nick bent over to sign the form, a sharp pain raced through his stomach causing him to take a sharp breath in. He quickly straightened up. The salesman heard Nick’s gasp and studied his young customer.
“Are you alright?”
Nick rolled his eyes beneath closed lids. There was that hated question again. “Yeah, I’m fine, I guess I’m a little warm.” He looked at the contract laying on the table. “Is there someplace where I can sit and sign the papers?”
“Sure, follow me,” the man replied as he scooped the papers into his hand and trudged towards some desks that were surrounded by smoked glass cubicle walls.
Bob rushed up behind his son and took him gently by the elbow. “You look a little pale to me, are you sure---”
”I said I’m okay!” Nick snapped. “Let’s just get this overwith and go home.”
“Nicky, are you sure you want to do this?” Bob asked, hurt creeping into his words.
Ignoring his father’s comments, Nick slowly took the seat across from the salesman and picked up the pen. “Where do I sign again?”
The man walked around his desk and leaned over Nick’s shoulder, the gold heavy gold chain bracelet made jingling sounds as he gestured towards the spots on the documents, the heavy smell of Canoe cologne hung in the air almost making Nick gag. “Here.. and here... and over there.”
Nick quickly scribbled Nickolas G. Carter on all of the spaces indicated and laid the pen down.
“No, the pens yours to keep, compliments of Starwind Seacraft,” the salesman grinned and offered an open hand to shake on the deal.
Offering a weak handshake in return, Nick stood up and took a faltering step back and landed hard back into the chair.
“Nick?”
He swiped at his father’s hand as he reached out to him. “I’m just clumsy,” he lied. He didn’t want to admit that he just had a wave of dizziness come over him. That would only lead to more ‘Nick are you okay’ questions and he had more than he wanted to hear.
The drive back to Nick’s was quiet, and uneventful, both men deep in their own private thoughts.
Walking into the house from the garage entrance, Nick was immediately greeted by a swarm of dogs, all yipping and begging for their master’s attention. Nick barely aknowledged them as he pushed his way through towards the cupboard that held his meds. Bob quietly took note of his son’s mannerisms. This clearly wasn’t the son he knew, Nick always played with his pets and today he seemed to be bothered by their presence.
He sadly watched his son pull one prescription bottle after another, dumping different pills out onto the counter.
“How many of those things are you taking?”
Nick sighed. God, more questions. “Twelve, but this is the mid day meds.”
Bob’s mouth dropped open in shock. ”Twelve?”
Shrugging his shoulders, Nick filled a tall glass with water from the tap and scooped the pills into his free hand and shoved them into his mouth, tossing them back down his throat with the drink of water. “Yep, life sucks, don’t it?”
The older man shook his head in sadness. “How long have you been carrying this burden and not telling anyone?”
Dumping the remaining water into the sink, Nick turned and faced his father. “Probably since the Japan tour stop. Doesn’t really make any difference, nothing would have changed things. I knew something wasn’t right with me, but I denied that it could have ever been something as bad as this.”
Tears welled up in Bob Carter’s eyes. “Oh Nick, god, you should have come to your mother and I.”
“No, it’s been fine just the way it is dad, I wouldn’t have done anything different,” Nick sighed.
Bob gently took his son by the shoulders. “Nick, I want you to come fly back to California with me. We want to take care of you.”
Nick placed his hands ontop of his father’s forearms and gently pried them off his shoulders, ducking away from his grasp. “No, dad, my life is here in Florida, you don’t need to take care of me, I’m doing okay. Besides, Brian’s here so it’s not like I’m alone.”
“Nick, quit kidding yourself,” he replied, his voice cracking with emotion, “cancer is very serious.. you could, well you know it could happen--”
“Oh the dying part?” Nick sing-songed as if it were some game they were playing now. “I’ve got that covered dad, Brian’s my patient advocate.” He studied his father’s shocked face as he paused. “You see, I know what’s happening to me and I’m planning for it.”
Bob’s only reaction was his tanned face starting to take on a paleness. Nick nonchalantly patted the older man on the back.
“If you’ll excuse me, I need to take a nap, this boat shopping wore me out, god knows you have packing to do so you won’t miss your flight in the morning. I’ll see you at dinner.”
Caught up in his emotions, Bob hasitly wiped the tears from his cheeks as he watched his son walk out of the kitchen. “Nick?”
Nick stopped and slowly turned around. Bob rushed up to his son and wrapped him in a tight bear hug and Nick reciprocated the action. Both men wept quietly.
“I love you Nick,” the older man cried into his son’s shoulder.
