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Kevin fumbled around in the kitchenette of his hotel. Shakily, he filled a glass with ice and
water. With the other hand, he popped two pills into his mouth. He smiled bitterly as he realized
he wasn’t even sure what he had just taken.

It didn’t matter though really. It would give him a him a great feeling for a while and then knock
him out soon enough for him to be able to make it and function at work in the morning.

Kevin sipped more of the water, waiting for the drug’s effect. No one really cared if he made it to
the studio in the morning or not. It wasn’t like they needed his voice or anything. He only went so
they wouldn’t suspect anything and intervene with the comfort he had found. It wouldn’t be long
though, he guessed, before he wouldn’t care what anyone thought.

The man opened his bar to stare and contemplate taking advantage of it’s contents. He decided
against it though, worrying that the alcohol on top of the drugs would mess him up too badly.
Leaving the kitchen part of his suite, a sound through the cracked balcony door caught his
attention.

It was the sound of laughter. A laughter he knew so well. Nick…followed by Jenn…and the rest
of his band mates. He walked up to the glass screen, peering down to confirm what his ears had
heard. Sure enough, there was Nick with his girlfriend, Sara, Jenn, AJ, Howie, Brian, and some
other girl he remembered as AJ’s friend. AJ seemed to be running his mouth as usual and Brian
was standing behind him, mocking every movement. The others were laughing.

They had forgotten about Kevin. Sure, they had invited him out to dinner earlier… but none of
them even cared about where he was now. It had been that way for a couple of months, ever
since they had gotten back together. They still saw Kevin as their father. He didn’t want to be the
serious one anymore. He had tried so hard in recent interviews to become like them…joking and
being funny. But he couldn’t shake the image…

Tears started burning his piercing green eyes as he slammed the balcony door shut. He just
wanted to fit in somewhere…wanted to have someone to fit with him. Kevin had dreamed of a
family ever since he was growing up in Kentucky. But he just couldn’t seem to find anyone…he
just kept losing.

Angry at himself for letting this get to him, he roughly wiped the sadness from his eyes and
bounded back into the kitchen. He grabbed his bottle of pills and then headed for the bathroom.
There, he stripped down to his jeans and studied himself in the mirror. He still looked like Kevin
Richardson, the Backstreet father. As he stared into his own eyes though, even in the image of
the mirror, he found the hurt lying within.

“Damn it, Richardson, you fuckin’ crybaby!” His face became splotchy as he rubbed it with his
hands again. “Why aren’t these fucking pills working?” Kevin popped another one into his mouth
and then turned out the light in the bathroom, unable to face himself any longer.

~*~*~

Jenn sat quietly on Nick’s couch watching him play Solitaire while Sara pointed out cards for
him to move from over his shoulder. She smiled as Nick lost and shoved all of the cards off of the
table and stood to stretch, ignoring the fact that he had just lost to a bunch of cards.

“You okay, Jenn?” Sara smiled towards her, a concerned look crossing her face. They had just
met, but she seemed nice enough.

“Yeah, just a little bit tired. I’ll probably leave in a bit…” She replied with a yawn to emphasize
her words

“I’m going to the store to get some cigarettes and chips. Y’all need anything?” AJ wiped his
hands on his pants as he emerged from the bathroom.

Everyone shook their heads negatively except for Brian.

“ME!” Brian squeaked, poking his head out of the kitchenette door. “NEED a slurpee.”

“Don’t let him have anymore alcohol!” Nick laughed as Brian cursed his finger for getting caught
in his shoelace.

“Anyone else want a slurpee?” Brian asked, wide eyed, as AJ bent to grab his own shoes.

“You’d take them from us anyway, Bri.” Sara laughed, curling up beside Nick.

“You don’t want anything to drink, Jenn? You’ve been drinkin’ that nasty water all night.” Nick
furrowed his eyebrows towards her. Damn, he had noticed that she hadn’t drank anything.

She actually considered it, but after a warning glance from her brother, she only smiled and
shook her head. “Too late to start now.”

“Not on slurpees!”

“C’mon Rok.” AJ shook his head, patting his friend’s back towards the door.

“Well,” Nick sighed, watching the two leave, “Our entertainment’s gone. What do we do now?”

Suddenly, Jenn felt a bit awkward…and nauseas. “I…I think I may go. Very soon.” She shut her
eyes tight, a feeling of sickness invading her throat.

“Noooo…” Nick whined, throwing a small fit by tossing his limbs about, almost smacking Sara in
the face.

“Nick, really…” Jenn stood, rolling her eyes at his ever present whining. “I don’t feel too great.”

“Are you sure it’s not just that you’re bored? ‘Cos we can watch a movie or…” Nick stood to
move towards his friend who moved toward the door. As she moved in front of Nick to hug him
goodbye, a sudden strong whiff of his cologne made her gag.

The noise sent Nick flying back, tripping over a shoe behind him, and falling onto the couch,
where Sara fell onto the floor in a last ditch effort to save herself from being suffocated by her
boyfriend’s giant ass.

~*~*~

Jenn made it out eventually as Sara started working with her to distract Nick. It wasn’t that she
didn’t want to spend time with her friends, she just needed time to think. Or talk…

In a sudden change of mind, the woman switched directions. It was bothering her that she was
so close yet so far. As the days were carrying on, she felt more and more alone in this world.

Then, she was standing at Kevin’s door. Jenn knocked quietly and then a bit louder seeing as
she received no response the first few times. Her hand moved to the doorknob, twisting it gently
on the slight chance that it might be unlocked. To her great surprise, it was.

“Kevin?” She called into the darkness, peeking her head inside.

“What?” A deep voice answered, almost bitter.

“I, uh, I was just checkin’ on ya.” Jenn answered, becoming intimidated as was usual when she
was first speaking to the man.

“Too late.” Kevin answered in monotone. “I’m dead.”

“Haha Kev.” Jenn spoke with sarcasm. “Where are your damn lights?” She asked, searching for
the switch on the wall.

“On the ceiling, I guess.” He answered.

Just then, a brightness was cast about the room and Jenn bit her bottom lip at the scene before
her. Kevin was sprawled out, shirtless, on his couch, a glass of wine on the table. He turned his
head around to look at her. “Ah, you found me.”

His speech was becoming more and more slurred as he continued to talk. Jenn furrowed her
eyebrows and walked over to him. “Kevin…”

“Ha, you remember my name.”

“Of course I do, I…”

“It’s funny how you speak as if everyone remembers me.” Kevin’s eyes had a pink and glassy tint
to them as he turned his head to look at Jenn and then he returned his stare to the window. “You’
ll learn soon enough.”

“Kevin, I don’t understand.” Jenn narrowed her eyes as she sat down on the coffee table,
adjacent to the couch.

“You don’t now…but you will when you’re here a couple of days.” He rubbed his scruffy chin.
“But, soon, you’ll be just like them.”

“You…you’re not making sense.” She had almost forgotten what she had came there for when
the whiff of alcohol seemed to become too strong for her.

“Who cares…” He struggled to stand now.

“Look, Kev, we need to talk.” Jenn spoke up, wanting to get out, regretting ever coming.

“Mmm, you can talk.” He was stumbling away from her, finding things to clutch on to for stability
along his way. “I can’t promise that I will.”

“You always have something to say…” She muttered under her breath, standing and crossing her
arms.

“Hell, I can’t even promise that I’ll listen or remember any of it in the morning…” He continued,
leaning back against his bedroom doorway, a thoughtful look crossing his face.

Jenn threw her hands up, feigning laughter. “This is serious, Kevin. I…I can’t talk to you right
now.” She began to make her way towards the door.

“We could…” Kevin smoothly caught her in the crook of his arm around her waist and pulled her
against his bare chest. “…Talk in the morning.”

“Kevin…no…” She whispered with a shaky breath. “We can’t…can’t do…this.”

“Sure we can.” He whispered into her ear. The faint smell of wine in his warm breath did not
nauseate her this time. It intoxicated her.

His long fingers found their way through Jenn’s hair and then cradled the back of her head as he
placed kisses down her neck.

A delighted sigh flew from her lips. She and Kevin had always had a twisted sort of relationship.
They could make love as quickly and as easily as they could start a fight. No one really knew
about the love side, though, everyone would soon enough.

The thought made Jenn push away from her captor. “Kevin…” She whispered, catching her
breath and taking his face into her hands. “We can’t.” She emphasized the words before
dropping her hands and walking away.

“Jenn…I…we…woah.” She turned to see Kevin holding his head with one hand and the wall
with his other. His eyes weren’t focusing and his face contorted with a mask of pain.

“Kev…” Jenn rushed back into the room, taking his hand away from the wall and into her own.
“What did you do while we were gone?”

There was no response. She caught his eyes for a brief moment to see fear invading them. The
hand she held was becoming shaky and clammy. “Help me.” He whispered quietly, his knees
sinking to the floor.

“I’ll call the hospital, ok, Kev?” Jenn was moved to tears. This wasn’t happening. Not to him.

“No Jennifer…” He swallowed as she laid him down on the floor. “No one can know about this.
No one. Not even….AJ…” He was struggling with breath now.

“But Kevin…” She was crying. Kevin hid the pain that he felt over her crying.

“Just…just help me to the…bed…” He breathed, his mind clearing a bit.

Slowly, Jenn assisted him in getting into the bed. She made him sit up while she made down the
bed and then pulled his jeans off and tucked him in. “Are you okay?” She asked quietly. Scared.
She was so scared.

“I think.” He didn’t tell her that he still couldn’t really make out anything in the room. Or think
clearly. He had a struggle simply forming words.

Jenn ran her hand down his face and soon, he felt a damp cloth across his forehead. Why, he
wasn’t sure, he was so cold. “You’re sweating.” She seemed to answer his thoughts. He pulled
the blankets tighter to him.

“Don’t go, Jenn.” He whispered, closing his eyes. “I…I’m scared.”

For the first time in his life, Kevin Richardson had admitted being scared to a girl. A girl 8 years
younger than he.

“Scared of what, Kev?” She asked curiously. There seemed to be more to his reason.

“Scared of this.” He answered quietly. “Scared that…that they’re going to hate me even more.”

“Who, Kev? No one hates you.” Jenn found herself concerned about the way he kept talking like
this.

But he was already asleep.

Jenn stood and took the damp cloth to lay on the side of the bathroom sink. That’s when the
bottle of pills caught her eye. She opened it to find an array of multi colored tablets. Surely he
wasn’t…

She shut her eyes, the thought making her sick. Taking the bottle with her into the living room,
she threw them into her purse and made out the sofa bed.

“Oh god…”She whispered. The wine glass was still sitting on the table, half empty. She picked it
up and took it into the kitchen. That would explain it. He had drank on top of taking pills. A
lonely tear fell into the glass. Just one of the lonely tears that would match the hundreds that
Kevin had running down his face in his bed. Jenn could hear him crying as she stood there in the
dark kitchen and struggled with herself until it got the best of her.

“Oh, Kevin…” She downed the rest of the wine with slight regret and made her way back into his
bedroom.

There, Jenn crawled into the other side of his bed and took him into her arms. “Listen, Kev, I don’
t know what’s going on, but I don’t like seeing you like this.” Her own tears began to form again
as she felt Kevin’s hands start to cover his own face, hiding his raw emotion. “You don’t have to
hide Kevin. I love you.” She couldn’t believe the words had come out as easy as they did.

Slowly, his hands began to drop, his body relaxing. His arms wrapped around her as well, his
head pressed against her chest, soaking her with un-dried tears. It scared her how comfortable
she felt lying there. The girl laid there quietly, contemplating all of this until Kevin was sound
asleep. And then, against her own plans, Jenn found herself asleep beside him.

It would be almost morning before she woke, gathered her things, and kissing Kevin’s forehead,
left for her own room.