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Being a kid isn't easy. When I would hear that old saying on televison spewed by people who were three times my age, I would grumble. Almost laugh to myself. How would they know? It has been a long time since they were kids.

Being a kid IS easy. You get to play all day long, occasionally stopping long enough for ice cream, or a movie. Sleeping in late, watching cartoons all morning and then playing video games all night. Carefree and most of all easy.

At least it is for normal kids...

I remember being normal. Doing all the things a kid my age is supposed to do. I remember enjoying acting stupid, coloring in my little sketch pads and making stupid howling noises just for the sake of doing it. I remember laughing all the time and not looking over my shoulder to make sure it was politcally correct to do so. Heck I even remember when I didn't know what politicaly correct meant.

It seems all that is gone now.

Sketch pads have been replaced with questionaire's, howling noises replaced by screams. Nothing even remotely normal about that.

Yet it's supposed to be.

I'm supposed to act like this is the life that I wanted more than anything else in the world. Like a thirteen year old is capable of making that call. Give me a break. Yes, nothing makes me happier than having old business type men drooling over me calling me marketable, as if I were a new toy or something. Poking and prodding at me, actually asking me to show them my teeth and turning me around to look at my butt.

He's a keeper! someone I am supposed to pretend I like actually said about me. As if I was a puppy or something. Like if I wasn't up to his standards, I would be brought back to the kennel were someone else would be given the opportunity instead of me.

It makes me sick. It really does.

But above all else, probably the worst thing is being thrust into a world with four other guys who I barely even know. I mean I kind of know them but not really. In a normal world, we wouldn't be friends. They are so much older than me. We are all so different. I like them. I like them a lot. But they don't really like me much.

"But he's just a kid" Kevin had said when he was first introduced to Howie, AJ and I. He greeted both of them with hesitant hugs but when he got to me, that is all that left his mouth. He almost got up and walked out. "You've got to be kidding me" He said in a whisper to Lou. A loud enough whisper so that I could hear.

I didn't know what to do at the time. Do I pretend to not hear him? Is that the politically correct thing to do? Howie heard him. Loud and clear.

"Don't listen Nicky. He just doesn't know you yet" He winked and smiled at me.

"Yeah, when he gets to know you, then he will REALLY hate you!" AJ had added.

So I pretended that my feelings weren't hurt. I always did that. Lou referred to us as family. Something that made the last member of our group cringe every time it came out of 'Big Poppas' mouth. See to Brian what we were and what he considered family were always two different things.

But as a forced family, we each had our role. Kevin the older brother, Howie the peace maker, Brian and AJ the middle kids. And me, the baby. Looked good to everyone else I suppose. Couldn't have painted a better scenario. But that's all it was. A scenerio.

Five guys forced to become a unit.

Seemed like it was working too. Except when it came to me. They all bonded and I was always left behind. How it all changed is an interesting story. A story that could only happen in show biz!

Yup...being a kid isn't easy. Those old guys got it right.