[ - ]
Table of Contents [Report This]
Printer Chapter or Story Microsoft Word Chapter or Story
- Text Size +
“AJ, you promised,” Kevin’s tone was low, his eyes narrowed in frustration, “You said when Nick was brought in, you’d go back to your room. That was two hours ago. AJ, please...”

AJ shook his head, his hands holding onto Nick’s lax one tighter. He sat in the same chair, his form slumped forward with his elbows leaning on the edge of Nick’s bed for support. His dark eyes never left Nick’s face, his hearing never strayed from the rhythmic whoosh of the ventilator. How could he leave? He just couldn’t.

Kevin looked to Howie for help, who was gradually succumbing to exhaustion as well. Howie returned Kevin’s look, then addressed AJ with a weary voice, “You can’t keep this up, AJ. It won’t help Nick if you get sick. Please, you have to rest...”

“Where is he?!” called a worried, exasperated, and angered male voice. Three heads snapped to the door and one figure awoke with a start, sleep laden, bloodshot eyes looking for the cause of the noise.

The young man strode into the room, the figure stopping beside AJ’s suddenly sullen form. Kevin blinked, glancing at Howie and then back to their new arrival, “Alec?”

Hazel eyes looked up from their stare of AJ, “Yeah. I’ve been lookin’ for this fool for the past hour. I told him he could go for a walk, not that he could leave!”

Kevin pinned AJ with surprised eyes, “Alec? Alec was the EMT you ditched? AJ, how could you do that?”

AJ’s tired eyes narrowed, frowning behind the oxygen mask, “I had to see Nick and Brian. I wasn’t gonna sit in no hospital room by myself, and I ain’t leavin’.”

Alec ran a hand through his chestnut hair, his eyes darting to Kevin, “I had to go on another call, that’s why I left him. I didn’t think he’d do this. He even changed out of the hospital gown and back into his clothes. AJ,” Alec let AJ see his concern, “You really shouldn’t be up like this. You’re gonna get sick. You need to lie down and rest.”

AJ released Nick’s hand and shot to his feet, ignoring his pain, “Damn it! I’m not leavin’ him!” AJ ripped off the oxygen mask, his brown eyes glaring at the startled faces, “I refuse to let him go, even if it means I stay here for a month, I don’t care! He can’t leave us, I won’t let him!”

“AJ-” started Kevin, his expression startled at AJ’s emotional words.

AJ was about to cut Kevin off when the room suddenly seemed to tilt and grow dark. He lifted a hand to his eyes as the room then began to spin, his legs losing their strength to the point that they could no longer support him.

Kevin’s stunned face abruptly changed to fear as AJ fell forward, pure instinct causing him to lunge forward to catch him, “AJ!”

Alec was there right beside Kevin, helping to support the unconscious rebel. Alec saw Kevin wince in pain and remembered the broken arm, “Hey, I got ‘im Kevin. You better let go with that arm, I got ‘im.”

Reluctantly, Kevin released AJ’s weight to Alec, who carefully settled AJ back into the chair. Howie finally found his voice, his eyes wide, “What happened to him? Is- is he gonna be okay?”

Alec looked over at the Latino, who still sat in the chair at Nick’s other side, leg propped on the bed, “He passed out. It was all just too much. The exhaustion, pain, and stress finally got to him. He should be okay if we get him to bed, the chair doesn’t help his shoulder.”

AJ groaned softly, his head moving slightly. Kevin was on his knees beside him immediately, “AJ?”

AJ was mumbling something and Kevin had to lean close to make anything out, “Not leavin’... Please, don’t make me go... ...please...”

Kevin got to his feet slowly as AJ went quiet, succumbing to the blackness once again. Kevin looked at Alec, “He’s stayin’ here.”

“But Kevin-” Alec protested, but was stopped.

“He’d just sneak back here as soon as he could anyway, Alec,” reasoned Kevin. “He’s got it in his head that if he left, Nick wouldn’t be here when he came back. Please, Alec?”

Alec took in Kevin’s expression, then Howie’s. He sighed, “All right, Kevin. I’ll see if I can get a cot in here or somethin’. The hospital’s gonna get on yer case, though. I hope yer gonna be ready for it.”

Kevin’s face hardened, “Oh, I’m ready. Don’t worry about that.”

Alec rubbed the back of his neck, trying to work away a day of tension, “I’ll go and see about that cot, then. I’ll be back.”

Kevin nodded and sat down on the edge of Nick’s bed as Alec left the room, weariness beginning to overtake him. He stared down at Nick’s still form, not noticing the sad blue eyes watching from the other bed.

Brian didn’t move, not wanting to draw attention. He’d seen AJ collapse and had felt a twist in his gut. How many more of them would fall? The look on Kevin’s face at that moment broke Brian’s heart. He looked so sad and lost, not the confidant and proud Kevin he normally saw. His blue eyes switched to Howie and he winced. Howie looked wiped out. Everything about him was worn, from his tousled dark hair to his weary face. Brian frowned as he looked at AJ’s slumped form. Even unconscious, AJ looked stressed and worried. Brian carefully let out a soft sigh, trying to find the strength to look at his best friend.

Finally, he forced his eyes to his blond friend’s visage and couldn’t stop the small sob from escaping, “Nick...”

Kevin’s head snapped up at the soft cry, his green eyes landing on his cousin’s pained face. He grimaced and pushed to his feet, sparing Howie a glance. Howie returned his worried expression. Kevin looked back at his cousin, “Brian-” Kevin stopped, not sure what to say. He walked over to and sat on Brian’s bed, his green eyes sincere as Brian looked up at him, “Brian, he’ll be fine. Okay? He’ll be fine.”

Brian’s eyes filled with liquid and his bottom lip trembled as he held the tears back. He looked at Kevin for a minute longer, then returned his gaze to Nick. Brian didn’t say anything, he just shut Kevin out.

Kevin’s brow furrowed, “Brian?”

No answer. Brian closed his eyes and shut them all out, the tears he’d held back escaping and silently sliding down his face.

~/~/~/~/~( )~~~~~

Howie blinked his eyes open, the gray light of early morning streaming through the window at his back and illuminating the crowded hospital room. He yawned and rubbed his face, attempting to wake up fully. He hadn’t meant to fall asleep, he had wanted to sit up with Kevin to watch over their three friends. Now, as he focussed on his dismal surroundings, he wondered how the sun had the nerve to shine at such a horrible time.

Sitting up from his slumped position in the chair, Howie winced and rubbed the back of this neck. The chair was not meant to be slept in, that was for sure. Howie half grinned, remembering the confrontation of Kevin and the hospital staff that had tried to kick them out of the room. Kevin had basically told them they’d have to fight him to get him to leave. Obviously, the staff backed down. It wasn’t going to hurt the patients that they stayed, more that it would wear the visitors down. Howie and Kevin didn’t care. They stayed.

Howie looked at the cot stationed at the end of Nick’s bed, his small smile falling away at AJ’s sleeping form. The rebel laid on his side, his unhindered arm buried beneath the pillow at his head while the oxygen mask was once again over his mouth and nose. AJ hadn’t woken up from his deep sleep since he had collapsed. Howie hoped he’d be okay, Alec said he would. Howie prayed he was right. He didn’t want anyone else to hurt like Brian and Nick.

Brian. Howie sighed and let his eyes fall on the sleeping southerner. What were they going to do about Brian? He wouldn’t talk to them, he hardly even looked at them. It was like he’d shut himself off from the world. Howie bit his lip. Nick was the only one that could get to Brian now. God, how they needed Nick to be okay. He had to be, they didn’t know what’d they do if he wasn’t. Howie had a horrible feeling that everything would just fall apart if Nick didn’t make it.

Howie’s sad brown eyes landed on Kevin and he felt a compassionate expression take over his face at the sight. Kevin sat at Nick’s side, his good hand gripping Nick’s. Kevin was asleep, his head resting on Nick’s left side. The sight warmed Howie’s heart. He knew that Kevin was scared, scared to death at losing Nick. What was worse, he also knew Kevin felt he was losing his cousin along with Nick. Kevin couldn’t bare it when the one’s he loved were in pain. The whole situation just sapped what Kevin had left of himself, drained the man’s spirit away.

Taking in and releasing a long breath, Howie eased his plastered leg from Nick’s bed. He winced as the injured limb throbbed, the blood rushing through it as he lowered it to the floor. He gripped the arms of his chair and scooted it closer to Nick’s bed. The chair’s wooden arm hit the bed’s metal bar and emitted a hard clang. Howie shot a look around, he didn’t want to wake anyone--well, except Nick. That was one person he desperately wanted to wake.

Kevin’s head moved and Howie winced. He watched as Kevin slowly lifted his head, blinking at the gray light until he focussed on Howie’s face. Howie smiled apologetically, “Mornin’, Kev.”

Kevin yawned, “Mornin’.”

Howie watched as Kevin looked about the room, their situation slowly working through the sluggish mind as sleep left him fully. Kevin’s eyes fell on Nick and then the hand he held. He gave it a squeeze.

Without looking up, Kevin asked, “No change?”

Howie cringed inwardly at the hope in the simple question, then shook his head, “No, but I just woke up, too.”

Howie reached forward and grasped Nick’s other hand, his ears listening to the soothing sound of the ventilator. Suddenly, the rhythmic pace of it changed and Nick’s chest rose abruptly in a gasp. The ventilator became uneven in breaths and Kevin’s and Howie’s eyes locked, fear clearly showing in their depths. Howie gripped Nick’s hand tighter, his voice pleading as he tried to reach Nick’s now gasping form, “Nick, no! Don’t do this! ...Please, Nick... Don’t do this to us!”

“Oh, God!” cried Kevin, his face white with panic and fear, “Nick! Stay with us! ...Please, Nicky!”

In a moment of clear thought, Howie reached with his other hand and punched the call button. Almost immediately, a nurse rushed in, “What happened?” She asked as she checked Nick’s vitals.

Kevin looked up to her, “We- we don’t know. His breathing just changed.”

She nodded curtly and rushed out of the room, soon returning with Dr. Foster and other nurses. Dr. Foster quickly checked Nick over and then faced the nurses, “We need to get him off of the ventilator, now.”

As a couple of the nurses nodded their heads in understanding, Dr. Foster addressed Howie and Kevin, her voice assuring, “He’s fighting the ventilator, trying to breathe on his own.” She suddenly smiled at them, her eyes lighting up, “He’s waking up.”

Their eyes widened, not daring to hope. Howie found his voice, “He- he is? He’s going to be all right?” By now, Howie was smiling, his brown eyes alight with happiness.

Dr. Foster nodded, resting a hand on the shocked Kevin’s shoulder, “That is what he’s doing right now, he’s semi-conscious and responding to the ventilator. He’s trying to wake up.”

Howie and Kevin almost fell out of their chairs as the hand they each held suddenly clasped tightly about theirs, the grip crushing.

“Holy Christ!” gasped Kevin, shocked from not only the grip, but the almost desperate feeling it communicated.

Howie shared a looked with him, his voice soft, “He’s scared.”

Then, suddenly, Nick’s eyes snapped open. The long since missed blue orbs roved around in terror, seeking help. Kevin leaned forward and tried to get Nick’s attention, tears of relief pricking his green eyes, “Nick... Nicky, it’s all right. Everything’s all right... I’m here, Kevin’s here. Okay? Howie’s here too, but you have to calm down...” The panicked blues finally focussed on Kevin’s face, locking with the green. Kevin smiled, “It’s okay, Nick. You’re in the hospital and you are on a ventilator that was helping you breathe. The doctor is going to remove it, okay? Then you can breathe on your own...”

Kevin watched as understanding slowly filled the blue eyes, but the fear remained unchecked, a shadow of pain surrounding them. Kevin squinted in sorrow, though his voice was strong, “I promise you, Nick. Everything will be fine. I promise...”

Finally, some of the fear left the wide eyes, which now looked to Howie. Howie gave Nick’s trembling hand a squeeze, “It’ll be okay, Nick. We promise...”

Nick’s gasping slowed to a more controlled level and his eyes moved to the dark haired woman in the white coat. She smiled, “Hello, Nickolas. I’m Dr. Foster. We’re just going to remove that tube from your throat, okay? Then you’ll be able breathe a lot better, all right?”

Nick glanced at Kevin, who gave him a nod of assurance. Nick managed to nod his head at the doctor. She smiled and motioned the nurses forward, Kevin and Howie making to move away, but the grip on their hands tightened even more and they had no choice but to simply try and stay out of the doctor’s way as much as possible.

Dr. Foster leaned over Nick and removed the tape that held the tube to the side of Nick’s mouth, then she gently grasped the tube. She looked him directly in the eyes as she spoke, asking him to trust her, “Now, I’m going to pull this out, Nickolas. I need you to cough, it’ll hurt to do so, but you must to remove the tube. Do you understand me?”

Again, Nick managed a nod, “Okay, on the count of three I want you to cough. One, two, three.”

Nick coughed, more gagging then anything else, as the doctor pulled the tube out. As soon as it was gone, Nick gasped in a deep breath, simultaneously crying out in pain. Nick’s eyes widened at the fierce pain that sliced through his chest and echoed throughout his head, then he pressed his head back in the pillow, shutting his eyes and releasing a low moan of pain.

“Take it easy, Nick,” soothed Kevin, “Just take it slow, buddy.”

Nick squinted one eye open to look up at Kevin, his whole face a picture of pain, “Hurts.” Was the one, croaked word of reply.

Howie could have fainted dead away at the sound of that voice. God, he couldn’t express how much he had missed it--feared he’d never hear it again. He looked up at Dr. Foster when she spoke.

“We’ll get you some pain medication immediately, Nickolas. We didn’t have you on much because we hoped the pain would help you to wake up.” She motioned to a nurse behind her, who then handed her a syringe. Without a word, Dr. Foster injected the pain reliever into the IV.

Nick just shut his eye and continued to hold on to Kevin and Howie’s hands, he wasn’t all that sure what was going on. What had happened? Why was he in the hospital? Why did it hurt to breathe?

Kevin shared a blinding smile with Howie, then turned back to Nick, “God, we’re so glad you’re gonna be okay, Nicky. You had us all real worried.”

Nick was beginning to feel detached, the medication taking effect. He opened his suddenly heavy eyelids to gaze bewilderedly at Kevin, his voice hoarse and slurred, “What happened?”

Kevin drew back, his surprised green eyes darting to Howie. Howie shook his head, not knowing what to say. Kevin blinked, how could they tell him? Looking back at Nick, Kevin realized he wouldn’t have to. The blond’s eyes were slowly sliding shut and within a short moment, Nick was asleep.

“He’ll be out for a while,” informed Dr. Foster, the two young men looking up at her words, “If we had kept him on the ventilator, it would have done more harm than good to that healing lung. He would have just continued to fight it.” Pausing, she smiled at Kevin and Howie, “He’ll be off his feet for a good while, but I’d say he’s going to be just fine.”

Kevin closed his eyes with relief, “Thank God.” He then spared a glance at Brian, then at AJ. Neither had been awoken with the commotion, “What about AJ? He’s been asleep for a long time.”

Dr. Foster frowned as she looked upon the object of discussion, “He’ll be fine, granted he gets the rest he needs to heal. That boy should have been in bed this whole time, not traipsing all over the halls of the hospital.”

Howie smirked, “Well, that wouldn’t be AJ. He lives to break the rules, and he hates hospitals.”

Dr. Foster rolled her eyes, “Wonderful. I have a maverick.” She grinned at the two confused faces that appeared at her words, elaborating, “He’s the kind of patient that will give me hell until he gets out of here.”

“Oh,” nodded Kevin, then smiled, “Well, then I guess you should know that Nick’s just as bad, if not worse.”

Dr. Foster sighed, then smiled pleasantly, “Well, I suppose they keep this job interesting. I’ll have to go now, though. I have rounds to complete. I also don’t suppose that you gentlemen will now vacate the premisses now that Nickolas is going to be well?” She shook her head at the answer she read in their eyes, “I should know better.”

“Yes, you should,” grinned Kevin. He found he couldn’t stop smiling. He just felt so good, everything was looking up. If they could only get through to Brian now. Kevin looked at Nick’s peacefully sleeping form. Maybe Nick could get through to him, maybe just the fact that Nick would be okay would be enough.

“Well,” toned Dr. Foster, “I’ll be going now. Oh, just to let you know, the police have been trying to get a hold of you. I’ve been holding them off, for your privacy. If you want, I can report that you’ll see them now.”

Howie nodded, “Thanks for the help, and yeah, I s’pose you can tell them that. We shoulda known they’d be wanting to talk to us.”

Kevin grimaced, but said nothing. Dr. Foster nodded and left the room. Howie smiled at Kevin, “It feels damn good, doesn’t it?”

“God, yes,” sighed Kevin, leaning back in his chair, “Just about everything is looking good now.” Kevin looked across at Howie, “What are we going to do about Brian?”

Howie shook his head, “I don’t know, Kev. Honestly, I think Nick’s the only one that’ll get through to him.”

Kevin tilted his head at Howie, “But Nick doesn’t remember what happened.”

Howie closed his eyes briefly, remembering, “Then I just don’t know, Kev.”

“Don’t know what?” asked a muffled, groggy voice.

Their eyes snapped to the form struggling to sit up on the cot. “AJ! You’re up!” grinned Howie.

AJ looked at Howie, wondering how the man could be smiling at a time when his friends were in the hospital, unless... AJ’s eyes widened, sleep leaving him, “Nick?”

“Woke up,” smiled Howie, watching AJ’s face light up, “Just a few minutes ago. He’s gonna be fine, AJ. Nick is going to be just fine.”

AJ fell back on the cot, eyes on the ceiling, “Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you.”

“Ah, AJ?” ventured Kevin, unsure of how to tell the rebel, “We ought to tell ya that the cops are gonna be comin’ to see us pretty soon.”

AJ groaned, “Ya know, I was feelin’ pretty damn good until to said that.”

Kevin grinned, “Sorry.”

“Yeah,” scoffed AJ, “Sure you are.”

~/~/~/~/~( )~~~~~

He had never felt so much fear in his life. His best friend’s life was at risk and he couldn’t do anything about it. He stood stock still as her eyes changed, becoming totally insane. He knew what was about to happen and reacted, not really comprehending what he was doing, just knowing he had to.

First he felt himself slam into his friend, then something burned through his chest. The pain flared and then blackness closed in on his mind.

When he woke up, he found he could barely breathe and the pain in his chest was almost unbearable. Then it all came back to him. He gasped and stared up into a worried face, those green eyes turning scared as he cried out one word.

“BRIAN!”

Brian jerked awake at his name, blue eyes flitting around the room as Kevin, Howie and AJ jumped at the shout. He watched as Kevin leaned over Nick’s bed, blocking his best friend from view.

“Nick...” Kevin soothed, his soft words barely reaching Brian, “Nick, wake up. It’s okay, Nicky... Brian’s okay. Wake up!”

Brian heard a gasp and then something he could barely believe.

“Kevin?” gasped Nick, his voice unsure and shaky, “Oh, God... Bri- Brian?”

“Nick?” breathed Brian, disbelief coloring his face. The soft utterance went unheard.

“He’s okay, Nick,” assured Kevin, closing his eyes in relief that Nick remembered what happened. He didn’t think he could have told him, “Brian’s okay, he’s right over there.”

When Kevin turned around so Nick could see, he was surprised to look into his cousin’s awake visage. Lord, Brian was almost white in shock. Kevin took a step toward Brian, then looked back at Nick. He sighed. How was he supposed to handle this?

“Brian!” Nick’s face was almost split with a wide smile, blue eyes dancing despite the pain that came with every breath. Howie looked up at Kevin. It was the first time for a long while since they had seen the blond smile like that. Kevin returned the look with a smile. Nick would turn Brian around, they just had to give him the chance.

Nick looked around at his friends, elated that they were all there. That they all were alive. That could have been vastly different if Lalita had had her way. Nick’s eyes darkened at the name, his face scared as he looked to Kevin, “L-Lalita?”

“Gone, Nick,” answered Kevin, laying a hand on Nick’s leg, “She can’t hurt us anymore. It’s finally over, Nicky.”

Nick sagged in relief, feeling a burden lift from his shoulders. Finally, he could relax, they all could. He turned his blue eyes back to Brian and frowned at what he saw. He glanced at Kevin, AJ, and Howie. Something was wrong.

He was attempting to sit up, when the pain that held his chest stopped him with a gasp. He shut his eyes. God, he hoped he wouldn’t hurt like this for very long. His head pounded and his chest seemed on fire, even with the pain meds. He still didn’t know why it hurt to breathe, and it was somewhat difficult to take in a breath. Nick’s attention turned to the door as it opened, admitting Dr. Foster. She walked up to them, her smile apologetic, but also hiding something, “I’m sorry to interrupt, but Police Chief O’Rielly is waiting outside. I believe he just wants a statement.”

Kevin took this as a way to leave Brian and Nick alone, for Nick to figure out what was wrong. Kevin knew that Nick had perceived something was wrong, now he just had to figure out what. He had no doubt that Brian would confess to Nick. It was only a matter of time.

Kevin grabbed the handles of the wheel chair that AJ sat in, preparing to push him from the room as he answered the doctor, “We’ll talk to him.”

AJ protested as Howie followed them out of the room, “Kevin! I don’t want to talk to that spaz O’Rielly! Kevin! ...Hey! Are you listenin’ to me? Kevin!!”

Kevin sighed as Dr. Foster held the door open for them, a smile upon her face. AJ had stayed in bed for a total of twenty-five minutes after waking, thus the incorporation of the wheel chair was made. If Dr. Foster couldn’t keep him in bed, she would atleast keep him off his feet. And now AJ didn’t need the oxygen anymore, something Kevin was reconsidering putting back in effect. AJ was a whole lot quieter with it on.

Nick half smirked as the door closed behind AJ’s complaining form, not able to stop his amusement. He then felt the silence that descended upon the room. It felt oppressing, as it seemed to hold something behind it. He tried to take in a deep breath, but winced and ended up releasing it with a shaky whimper of pain. He didn’t understand what it was that was wrong, then he went white with a thought. Were the guys not telling him something? Was something wrong with him? Was that what had Brian all quiet?

Brian’s eyes had flicked to Nick at the whimper of pain, not able to stop his concern, “Nick? You okay?”

Nick turned his scared blue eyes on his best friend, “Brian? Wh- why does it hurt when I breathe?”

Brian looked away, biting his lip. Nick’s eyes widened, “What? What’s wrong with me?”

Brian’s eyes shot back to Nick at the fear in the shaking voice. Brian shook his head, “Nothin’s wrong with you Nick...” Brian paused, trying to find the right words, “You- um, When the... When you were,” Brian had to force the word out, “shot... the bullet knicked your lung and- and they had to sew it up. It’s still healing, that’s why it hurts.”

Nick’s mouth made an ‘o’ shape and he closed his eyes, relieved. He then pinned Brian with bright eyes, “So what’s up with you then?”

Brian studied the edge of his blanket, refusing to answer. He had to shut them away, he reminded himself. Even Nick. He didn’t want anyone else hurt because of him. He laid back and stared up at the ceiling, closing Nick’s gazing eyes off.

Nick was first stunned, then hurt at the snub. He didn’t understand, everything was supposed to be fine now. Lalita was finally gone, they could go back to their old lives without having to look over their shoulder anymore. Nick took measured breaths, finding it didn’t hurt as much when he didn’t take a full breath. He let his eyes move to Brian again, his mind just now registering the bandages and the pain that caused Brian’s eyes to crinkle at the edges. Nick almost gasped as a thought slammed into him. He hadn’t helped Brian, he was still shot... Oh, God... Did Brian blame him for getting shot? That Nick couldn’t stop it? Was that why Brian was being so cold toward him?

Nick felt tears sting his eyes, his eyelids drooping as he whispered the broken words, “I’m sorry...”

Brian blinked, not sure he heard what he thought he heard. He looked at Nick, his heart skipping at the desolate expression that he was greeted with. Sorry? What did Nick have to be sorry for? He almost died saving him and he was apologizing? The broken look in the blond’s blue eyes pushed at Brian, forcing him to reach out to the emotional youth, “Nick? What- what are you sorry for?”

Nick raised his eyes and Brian winced at the pain shining in their depths, Nick’s soft voice twisting his heart, “I’m sorry I- ...sorry I couldn’t stop you from getting hurt. I’m so sorry, Brian. I tried-”

“No!” shouted Brian, his eyes wide in shock. “No,” Brian’s voice turned tearful and strained, his eyes filling with tears, “Don’t you do that, Nick. Just don’t! This is NOT your fault. You saved my life! How can you apologize for that?” Brian took in a trembling breath, blinking as a tear fell, “You- you don’t know... You just don’t know...”

“Don’t know what?!” cried Nick, his voice hoarse as he broke down, “That I almost got you and the others killed?! She was after me, Brian. The whole time, she hurt you because of me!” Nick turned away and cried, the pain rising from his chest and pounding through his head a distant second to the pain in his soul.

“And you almost died saving me!” wailed Brian as a sob tore through him. He watched through blurred vision as Nick turned back to him, his voice shaking, “You almost died, Nick. DIED. And it’s all my fault! If I hadn’t been just standing there, you wouldn’t of had to push me out of the way! If I had just moved my own butt out of the way, you wouldn’t have been shot! It’s my fault! Everything!! All of you are hurt, and it’s my fault. You’d all be better off without me, all I do is get you all hurt...” Brian trailed off, gasping in a breath, “It’s my fault, Nick. Never you, me.”

Nick sniffed and shut his eyes, raising a shaking hand to wipe his face. He didn’t open his eyes as he spoke in a low tone, “Is it your fault that you’re my best friend? Is it your fault that some lunatic kidnapped us? Is it your fault that she then targeted us again because I killed Jake? Is it your fault that she wanted to kill you, because you are my best friend?” Nick looked at Brian, his gaze level, “If it’s not my fault you are lying in that bed, how can it be yours that I lie in mine?”

Brian opened his mouth to speak, but Nick shook his head, “You’re shutting us off, Brian. Do you have any idea what that is doin’ to me? To Kevin? Howie? AJ?”

Brian stared at Nick, the words slowly sinking in, “Brian, it’s over. Lalita’s gone. We have our lives back. Don’t do this, not when we’re finally, truly, back--back to our lives. We can live again, Brian. Please,” Nick took a small breath, “we have to put it behind us. It’s over, Brian and it’s no one’s fault.”

Nick lowered his eyes, his voice soft, “We’re a family, Brian. You can’t leave us.”

Brian stared. He tried to understand all the emotions whirling inside, tried to voice his sorrow and regret at what he had almost lost by his self hatred and guilt, for the pain he had caused his closest friends.

“I’m sorry, Nick,” whispered Brian, his eyes distant, “I’m sorry for what I almost threw away. I’m sorry for what I was doing to you and the guys.” Brian locked eyes with Nick, “Can- can you forgive me? For what I’ve done? For what I almost did?”

Nick smiled slightly, “Nothin’ to forgive, Frick. Just say you won’t leave us, not emotionally, and not physically.”

“I won’t,” vowed Brian, a once lost light sparking in his jeweled blue eyes, “I promise, Frack. I’ll never leave.”