It felt as if it had only been a few short hours ago that Alyssa had returned from downtown with Nick and the others and already she could feel herself being jarred from her sleep. She could swear that she felt somebody nudging her side and calling her name from far off. Trying to fight against it, she groaned and buried her head deeper into the pillow.
“Lyss… Alyssa, you have to wake up for me.” The voice was getting irritably louder to her ears and she was now able to recognize it as Nick’s. “Don’t make me start whining.”
That threat was enough to perk her right up. “No, whatever you do, please don’t whine. I’m up.” She sat up in bed and rubbed her eyes and realized that the room was still dark. “What fucking time is it?”
“About a quarter after four,” Nick answered.
“AM? What the fuck? Why did you wake me up so goddamn early?” she complained. “My flight isn’t until this afternoon and we only got to bed like three hours ago.”
She could barely make a smirk out on his face. “Now who’s whining?” He got up from the bed and Alyssa realized that he was already dressed in jeans and a t-shirt. “Come on… Get dressed. I want to show you something.”
Alyssa frowned at his suspicious behavior, but grudgingly slipped out from under the covers. “This better be good.” She gazed in the direction of her suitcase not sure of what she should put on. Were they going out someplace?
Nick must’ve noticed the confused look on her face because he elaborated more. “We’re going out, but you can just throw on whatever. It doesn’t matter.”
Shrugging Alyssa didn’t even bother to change out of her shorts and tank top. She just added a zip up hoodie from her suitcase and flip flops. “Please tell me coffee is at least involved?” she asked, stifling a yawn.
“We can stop on the way,” he promised. “We need to get going though or it’ll be too late.”
Too late? Maybe he’s officially gone off the deep end. Alyssa sighed and followed him out to the garage shivering a bit in the early morning air. Maybe she should’ve changed into pants after all. Nick headed towards the BMW, so she followed this time settling into the passenger seat.
The roads were pretty much deserted at that hour of the morning, making it almost eerie. Not having a clue where they were headed, but too tired and fed up at Nick to question it, Alyssa remained quiet. She wasn’t sure if this was some sort of strange form of apology from him or what, but being dragged out of bed after only three hours sleep did not make her any more forgiving at all. They drove for a few minutes before stopping at a Starbucks for coffee and then continued towards what Alyssa assumed must have been their intended destination. Somewhere along the way, she closed her eyes and must’ve fallen back asleep because the next thing she remembered Nick was lightly shaking her shoulder and telling her to open up her eyes.
Trying not to resist too much, Alyssa looked around completely bewildered. They appeared to be stopped in the middle of nowhere it seemed. Through the dim light that was just beginning to break through the sky she was able to piece together that they were parked at some kind of clearing of some sort. Further examination, showed that they were probably on a cliff or in some area of higher elevation. “What is this place?” she asked, sounding confused.
“It’s one of the best spots to watch the sunrise in all of LA,” Nick proudly responded. “Well, one of the best that I’ve been able to find.” He pointed in front of them. “We’re right above the ocean here and when the sun rises over the water it’s really pretty.”
Alyssa wrinkled her nose. “You dragged me out of bed at four in the morning to watch the sun rise? And since when are you the type to be into this kind of stuff anyway?”
Nick just shrugged. “Guess I’m just full of surprises. You just have to see it though.”
Taking Nick’s word for it, Alyssa leaned back against the cool leather seat and grabbed her cup of coffee from the cup holder. They both sat in silence for a few minutes watching the scenery unfold before them. Just when Alyssa was just about convinced that the entire early morning adventure was a total waste, the dark sky above began to slowly lighten to a light gray. In the eastern part of the horizon she could just barely make out the orange orb of the sun beginning to reflect off of the water below. She took in a deep breath of awe as the sky became a mixture of purple, orange, and blue. Nick had been right. In all its simplicity, it was truly one of the most beautiful things she’d seen in her whole life.
The expression on her face must have given her thoughts away completely because Nick just grinned. “I told you that you’d enjoy it.”
“It’s beautiful,” she found herself admitting, completely taken with the moment.
There was an awkward pause as Nick looked down at his hands. “Listen, I know I’ve apologized about a million times about last night, but I even can’t believe the way I acted. I could barely sleep all night just thinking about how not only was I total prick to you, but to Chris and the rest of my friends as well. I can’t take back the stupid things that I did last night, but I really don’t want you to leave on bad terms with me. Especially after everything that we have ahead of us.”
Alyssa just listened carefully and then slowly nodded. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about last night myself. And like you, I doubt I even slept a wink because I was so wound up and upset. I know we both said a few things that we probably didn’t entirely mean and I don’t want to end things like this. Especially with you going back on tour. So after laying awake for pretty much the whole night I realized that if we’re going to really do this; to really get back into a relationship that we need to do it right starting this very minute.” She paused and licked her lips nervously. “I think that we should become exclusive.”
Nick felt as if he had just had a bomb dropped on him. Exclusive? The term was downright frightening. When had there ever been talk of being exclusive? He hadn’t expected this talk to come until after he arrived home from Australia. This whole week in LA was supposed to be about them just acting freely without the use of labels and it had seemed to work wonderfully for the most part. So why start trying to define things now? “Uhmm… define exclusive,” he shakily asked, once he had found his voice.
Alyssa just looked at him through narrowed eyes as if he were some kind of idiot. “Exclusive… You know. Like we don’t see anyone else, but each other. Like we make it official.”
“You mean like we make it serious?” he asked sounding rather dumbfounded at the idea.
“Well, I kinda hoped it was already sort of serious here Nick. I mean I’m not going to move across the country for just a simple friendship.” He wanted to kick himself seeing how hurt Alyssa looked. “Look, if this isn’t what you want then please let me know now before I invest any more time in this. Personally I think that it really could work out between us, but that’s just me. I thought you felt the same, but maybe I was wrong.”
Nick sighed in frustration. He did feel the same way and that was exactly the problem. He felt the same way and it terrified him. Deep down he knew that it would only be a matter of time before Alyssa demanded more of him. He just wasn’t counting on it being right before a time where they’d be separated for a whole month and right before he was off halfway around the world on tour. In his mind, there couldn’t be more of a wrong time to do this. But how the hell was he supposed to tell her all this? And furthermore would she even believe him or would this be the last straw for her and her impatience would send her running into quite possibly the arms of another man? “I do think that there’s definitely a connection somewhere between us,” he started off.
“But?” Alyssa prompted.
“But…” he bit his lip knowing that this wasn’t going to elicit a very positive response from her. “I just don’t think that this is the right move for us just yet. Maybe after the tour we can talk about it again but-“
“This is coming from the same man who flipped last night every time another guy even looked in my direction?” she cried, interrupting him. “Nick stop fucking around! Get your head out of your ass and make a goddamn decision for once in your life!” Nick looked shocked at her outburst since this was completely unlike Alyssa, but she still continued. “Last night I realized something about myself that I hadn’t realized in the last few years because I was so busy pining over you. No, I’ll never be a supermodel, but I’m not all that unappealing as I originally thought. I used to think that I could never do any better than you. Well, last night I realized that there are other guys in the world that find me attractive and maybe it wouldn’t hurt to get to know a few of them. So, if you’re going to sit around and play little boy games with me and waste my time while I’m the one giving you literally my all, then I guess its better if we end this right now. It’s either all or nothing from this point on. If you can’t promise me that, then well I can’t promise you that I’ll still be available when you return from Australia.”
The silence in the car was deafening for a moment as Alyssa took in a shaky breath completely blown away with the words that had came out of her mouth. When did I grow balls? she wondered, feeling strangely exhilarated by her speech. Of course the moment was even more satisfying just seeing the surprised expression on Nick’s face.
Nick wasn’t sure how to even begin to respond to all of that. Alyssa was basically giving him the ultimatum to take a relationship with her or forget the possibility and ruin their friendship. He didn’t want to lose her, but the step wasn’t one that he was completely ready to take. Then of course there were his own selfish reasons. It wasn’t something that he proudly admitted, but there was a tiny part of him that felt like he needed to have this one last tour as a single man. Sort of a ‘last supper’ of sorts. He’d never done well with resisting the temptations of tour life, even in his younger years. In fact, outside of the early days of touring Europe as a teenager, the only other tour that he’d managed to not indulge in all the women throwing themselves at him was the Black and Blue tour, and that was only because Alyssa had been there by his side the entire time. He wasn’t even sure if he could remain faithful to Alyssa when they were on two completely different ends of the earth. So, instead he stayed silent, waiting for Alyssa to further question him.
Finally realizing that Nick seemed to have nothing to say in defense of himself, Alyssa could feel her composure beginning to crumble bit by bit. “Don’t you have anything to say for yourself?” She grimaced once she realized how much her tone sounded like a mother scolding her child. “And why the hell are you so adamant about not making any decisions until after the tour? What’s the difference in us becoming official now or a month from now?”
Nick’s eyes nervously darted away from hers. “I just don’t see any point in getting involved and making things all official when we can’t even physically be together.”
He had intended the remark to be innocent, but Alyssa took it otherwise. “So, this is just a sex thing? Is that what you’re trying to say? That just because I’ll be all the way in New York and not around to take care of your needs, you need to be free to fuck other girls?” she accused, her eyes flashing. “That’s really unbelievable Nick.”
“That’s not what I meant!” he sputtered, trying to defend himself, but he could see in her face it was way too late.
“I’m sure! Nick, how can I believe anything that you’ve told me when you’ve done nothing to step up to your actions?” She looked away with tears beginning to glint in her eyes. “I really thought that I was more to you than just some long term groupie.”
“Hey!” Nick gripped her shoulders forcing Alyssa to look at him. “You may not believe me Alyssa, but I can assure you that you mean a million times more to me than some groupie. You have to know that deep down.”
Alyssa just sniffled. “If I mean that much to you than I don’t understand why you don’t want to be with me?”
Nick just sighed. “I do want to be with you Lyss. It’s just complicated. I just don’t want to start a relationship where the entire first month we’re doubting each other because we don’t know what the other person is doing.”
“But I’m willing to be faithful. It’s not a problem for me. I’ve gone over two years without sex. A month is nothing,” she pointed out. “The question is, can you?”
“I… I don’t know if I can,” he shamefully admitted. “Especially when there’s a lot of partying and a lot of girls practically throwing themselves at me.”
Alyssa pursed her lips. “I think that you just don’t want to try. There are ways of avoiding all of that. Can’t you just keep a low profile? Or just give me a call or something? You do realize that even if we get back together after the tour what happens the next tour? If you think that I’m one of those girls who are fine with an open relationship just because you’re a musician and that’s what musicians do, then you’re completely wrong.”
Nick had to admit that she had a point there. Not wanting to let her know that he decided to turn the tables on her a bit. “Were you serious when you said that you might see other guys when I’m on tour?”
Alyssa just shrugged. “If you’re off canoodling with other women and the opportunity arises I don’t know if I’d turn it down.”
“I don’t like that idea…”
“I know you don’t. Just like I detest the idea of you with other women. Maybe it’s a good thing that you aren’t thrilled about it. Now you know exactly how I feel.”
Her words struck a chord within him and he realized that she was exactly right. All this time he had sort of been stringing her along. He’d wanted a relationship with her, yet he was too stubborn to completely give up his own independence and freedom. But he’d learned a valuable lesson last night. Jealously was a bitch and it worked both ways. He hated thinking about Alyssa in the arms of another guy, so he could only imagine what seeing him with other girls did to Alyssa. And besides it was only a month…
Then there was the fact that he definitely didn’t want Kevin’s warning to come true. After last night, he realized that he wanted Alyssa all to himself. He didn’t want to have to share her with any guys. And the only way to ensure that would be to tell her how he really felt about her and now would be the perfect moment. He just wasn’t sure how to go about it. He hoped that the words would flow off his tongue naturally. He drew in a huge breath and his mind scrambled over how exactly he should start.
But Alyssa cut him off before he could even begin to formulate a speech in his head catching him completely off guard. “So, what do you say about giving this thing another chance? And doing it for real this time?”
Nick hesitated for a moment, knowing that this was the moment of truth. Looking up at the anxious expression on her face, he realized just how much getting back together officially would mean to her. With everything that she had done for him he owed her at least this. “I think we could give it a try,” he slowly started off. “In fact, I-“
Alyssa was so excited that she didn’t even allow him to finish this sentence. She just threw her arms around him. “You really mean that?” she asked, her eyes wide with hope. “You really want to give this a try? I mean I don’t want you to feel like I guilt tripped you into something that you’re not one hundred percent into. I don’t want you to agree unless you’re going to be serious about this.”
“You didn’t guilt trip me Lyss,” he assured her. “I’ve been fighting myself on this for a while now and you just made me realize how precious you are to me. I don’t want to lose you while I’m overseas.” He paused and licked his lips already set upon uttering those three words that had been stuck in his head ever since New Years Eve. “I-“
He’d paused too long though. Alyssa’s face broke into one of the happiest expressions he’d ever seen on her. Seemingly oblivious that he had more to say she pressed a finger over his lip. “You don’t have to explain anymore to me Nick. I’ve already figured all that out by now. I’m just glad that you finally did.” Before he could react her mouth was slowly drawing nearer until her lips were pressing gently against his.
While Nick submitted to the kiss as it deepened something in the back of his mind realized that he’d just lost his chance to confess his feelings to her. What little nerve he had worked up was already beginning to crumble. He was going to have to find some other way to tell her and he was going to have to do it soon. They only had a few short hours left until Alyssa was due to fly back to New York. After that he wouldn’t get another opportunity until the following month.
