Lenore sat on the edge of the stage at the start of the next results show. Not even Ryan had come out yet. And since she was still incredibly hurt, and didn’t have her BSB CDs to comfort her anymore, this is what she sang.
Here I sit and watch my world come crumbling down I cry for help but no one’s around Silently screaming I bang my head against the wall It seems like no one cares at all
Lenore looks down momentarily, then looks up again.
Always an emotion, but how can I explain? – how can I explain? Kind of like the scent of a rose, with words I can’t explain The same with my pain Caught up in emotion – goes over me head – goes over my head Sometimes I got to think to myself is this life or death? Am I living or am I dead?
Lenore shifts slightly, as her bottom was starting to fall asleep from sitting on the edge of the stage.
I search for personality and look for things I can not see Love and peace flash through my mind – pain and hate are all I find Find no hope in nothing new – never had a dream come true Lies and hate and agony – through my eyes that’s all I see
Lenore looks out at the audience sadly.
If I’m gonna cry – will you wipe away my tears? If I’m gonna die – Lord please take away my fear Before I drown in sorrow – last thing that I’ll say How will I laugh tomorrow – if I can’t even smile today? Today, today – when I can’t even smile today Today, today – when I can’t even smile today
Lenore sighs heavily closing her eyes, then opens them again. She sings with tears in her eyes.
How will I laugh tomorrow – if I can’t even smile today? How will I laugh tomorrow – if I can’t even smile today?
Lenore finishes to loud applause and cheers like always. Normally she loved the attention, but right then she wished they’d all disappear, sp that she could drown in her sorrow.
Randy smiled at her as he shook his head. “The emotion in that was heart-breaking,” he told her. “I just - I wanna hug you, Dawg.”
Lenore gave him a tiny smile and a slight nod. She waited for Paula to critique her.
“Sweetie, you are such a little doll,” Paula said. “You know how to pull the audience in, so that they can feel your emotions.”
“I felt that song a sympathy cry,” Simon stated. “Your voice is amazing, but that song was all wrong. There is no need to think Clay doesn’t care, when he’s been busy, and you refuse to listen.”
Lenore glared at Simon for the first time ever, and stuck out her tongue. She knew if she gave him the finger she’d immediately be spanked, and didn’t want that. Once putting her tongue back in her mouth, she jumped up and ran backstage as fast as she could.
Lenore awoke two nights later in a cold sweat. She’d had yet another nightmare of the crash that had claimed half of her family. She was sitting up in her bed sobbing, with a teddy bear clutched to her chest. She glanced over at the other bed in the room, and noticed that her brother still slept soundly.
Clay was in a deep sleep, when he thought he felt someone crawl into his bed. He groggily opened his eyes and found his baby sister staring at him – tears streaming down her small face. “What’s wrong, Honey?” he mumbled. He sighed into his pillow as she just kept on crying. He sat up and pulled her into his lap and held her as she cried.
Lenore buried her face into her brother’s chest and cried – wetting his pajama top with her tears.
“Honey, I can’t help you, if you don’t tell me what’s wrong,” Clay told her softly. He handed her, her notebook off the night table, and watched as she attempted to scribble him a quick note.
Want Mommy an’ Daddy. She wrote to him. An’ I had a nightmare.
Clay, who didn’t know about all her other nightmares, just rubbed her back and kissed her head. “What was it about?”
You left me all alone. Lenore answered. An’ Jeff was mean an’ yelling an’ kept spanking me an’ stuff. An’ Amy hated me an’ so did Brett an’ Kayla.
“Nobody hates you, Honey,” Clay assured, hugging her closer. “We all love you, no matter how mad you may make us.”
Promise?
“Of course I promise,” Clay said, giving her a warm smile. “I’m always going to love you, Hun.”
Lenore hugs him even tighter upon hearing those words.
The two of them snuggled down into the covers, Lenore cuddling into Clay as much as she can.
Across the state, in Malibu, A.J. McLean stood pacing his living room. “You’re sure the girl’s name was Lenore Parker?” He asked as he paced back and forth.
“Yes!” Nick exclaimed exasperated. “I’m not deaf, Alex!”
A.J. stops pacing long enough to glare at him, then resumes his pacing. “I’m just asking.”
“Well, you’ve all been asking since we got that letter,” Nick retorted.
“It’s because Clay does have a little sister,” Brian piped up. “She sings at the beginning of every American Idol results show.”
“How am I supposed to know that, when I don’t even watch the damn show?” Nick snaps.
“I’ve actually only caught a few shows myself,” Kevin said.
“Me too,” Howie admitted.
“I watch it every week,” A.J. stated. “And the lil’ girl’s cute, though I forget her name.”
“Clay’s parents and two siblings did pass away not too long ago,” Howie put in. “I remember seeing it on Entertainment News.”
“That doesn’t help us any, D.,” A.J. groaned. “It just means that the whole world knows how they died and not just Clay’s family.”
“I do know what the girl looks like,” Nick reminded them. “I can always point her out if I see her again.”
“And the chances of you seeing her again are very slime, Frack,” Brian replicated.
“Yah never know, Frick,” Nick smiled. “It could happen – if it’s fate and god’s will.”
“Okay, did Frick ‘n’ Frack switch bodies again and not tell us?” A.J. queried.
“Looks that way, Bone,” Kevin laughed. “You never know with them.”
Frick ‘n’ Frack shared a look, then beaned Kevin with couch pillows in unison.
Everyone laughed at the look on Kevin’s face, then took cover as an all-out pillow fight began. As usual, they teamed up, and as usual, Kevin was left alone to fend for himself.
An hour later, they all collapsed to the floor on their backs, completely hysterical. They hadn’t had a pillow fight like that in a long time.
“Hey, guys,” A.J. began once he’d sobered up some. “I’m gonna find that lil’ girl.”
A chorus of “Me too!” was heard from the other four Boys.
The end of that week was Christmas; so all the remaining Idols got to go home for the holidays.
Lenore and Clay headed home to Raleigh, North Carolina, down-heartedly. They both knew that half the gifts they’d gotten would have to be returned.
Amy met them at the airport alone, as Jeff had stayed back at the house. She drove them home, only her and Clay talking, as Lenore had dozed off in the backseat.
Once they reached the house, Jeff came out to help Amy with the luggage, while Clay carried Lenore inside and to her room.
“How’s she been?” Jeff wanted to know, once Lenore had been put to bed. “She been behaving?”
Clay rolled his eyes. “I’ve had to spank and take away her BSB CDs twice,” he told them. “She keeps taking off to find A.J.”
Jeff shook his head. “I said she’d get in the way. But does anyone listen to me?”
“Give it up, Jeff,” Amy stated. “She’s a kid; give her a break.”
The three of them went to bed, after having had made sure that Santa would indeed come that night. They all slept soundly until morning; they all awoke to Lenore banging away on the keyboard Santa had brought for her.
Lenore grinned at her older siblings as they trudged downstairs into the den where she sat. She stopped playing long enough to run over and give them each a hug. She then ran over and plopped down in front of the fully decorated Christmas tree. She couldn’t wait to open all those pretty looking gifts.
Jeff sat down in the chair, which his stepfather had always sat in, and began to pass out the gifts.
Lenore hugged them all upon unwrapping a gift they’d gotten her, then would resume her spot on the floor to open more.
Every so often one of them would stop, as a memory would hit them. But other than that, the missing members or their family weren’t mentioned. The oldest three figured it would be too painful for Lenore, and none of them wanted to ruin their little sister’s happiness right then.
Eventually Lenore disappeared, then re-entered the room with a gift behind her back. They watched as she slowly and shyly made her way over to Jeff. She blushed slightly as she handed him the homemade present.
Jeff took it from her and opened it carefully. He could tell she looked nervous and wondered why. She never looked this nervous – not even when performing live for all the American Idol fans. He realized why she was nervous once he’d finished unwrapping his present.
The gift Jeff now held in his hands was an amazing drawing of Lenore and him. Everything from the shading to the colouring was absolutely perfect and amazing. It was also in a homemade frame.
“Did you draw this?” jess asked, once he was able to find his voice.
Lenore nodded slightly, as she blushed.
“It’s amazing,” Jeff whispered as he pulled her into a much needed, and long overdue hug. He’d never received anything this special before in his life!
Lenore beamed even more, and crawled into his lap – she remained there most of the day.
