Chapter 43

            After the foursome arrived at Alex’s Malibu mansion they went their separate ways to unpack and get settled, Andrea and Nick to one room and Annie and Alex to another.

            “Is everything okay baby?” Nick asked empathetically, noticing that Andrea seemed agitated and preoccupied with more than just unpacking. She was ruffling through her suitcases, attempting to organize her clothes before putting them away in the dresser drawers, but all she was actually doing was folding and refolding the same shirts over and over again.

            “I am just getting a little stir crazy, that’s all,” she responded, lying through her teeth. “We’ve been in a car or on a plane since six o’clock this morning and I just need to go for a walk and get some fresh air.”

            “Go for a walk on the beach,” Nick suggested, not wanting to press his wife about the issue any further. The past few days were hard on her emotionally and she didn’t need him adding to it right now. “Just go out the back door and down the steps, they lead right to the beach.”

            “I think I will, thanks for the suggestion,” she responded as she walked over to Nick and stood on her tip-toes to give him a quick kiss on the lips. “I’ll take my cell phone with me in case you need to get a hold of me.” She kissed him again and then walked out of the room quickly.

            She walked down the under-decorated hallway, pausing in Annie and Alex’s doorway. She listened for voices or sounds that would ensure they were in their together and would not see her leave. She heard dresser drawers opening and closing and the sound of boxes being shuffled from place to place, but heard no one talking.

            They must be too busy putting all of Annie’s crap away to talk, she laughed to herself as she remembered helping Annie pack all of the items she was going to take with her for her move to California.

            “Do you really need to take three different types of hairdryers? And why are taking things that you can             replace when you get there? If you pack every single item you have in this house, you’re going to need seven             moving trucks to get your stuff there!”
            “Dude, what am I supposed to do with this stuff I don’t move it with me?”
            “Have you ever heard of Goodwill or throwing it away?”
            “You know I can’t throw stuff away.”
            “Here, let me do it then.”

            She almost laughed out loud as she reminisced about that conversation and how she had grabbed a garbage bag and nonchalantly started throwing miscellaneous items into it while Annie sat on the bed gaping at her in disbelief.

            “I’m really gonna miss having you around all the time,” she whispered to herself as she walked away from the doorway and made her way down the stairs towards the back door to the mansion. Her eyes started to tear up at the thought of this, causing her to not be able to see very well as she walked through the kitchen and into the living room.

            She hurried so fast to get outside and onto the beach away from the house that she did not look into the living room as she walked through it, thus not noticing that Alex was standing there by himself, watching her walk out of the house and down the steps to the beach.

            She ran down the steps as fast as she could, almost falling a few times as she did so. As soon as her feet hit the sand she took off full speed, trying her hardest not to trip. She ran until she could no longer see the mansion, then fell to her knees and screamed as loud as she possibly could.

            “AAAAHHHHHHRRRRRGGGG!” she cried at the top of her lungs as she slammed her fists down into the sand in frustration. She pulled out her cell phone and dialed it, still breathing heavy from her sprint down the stairs and the beach.

            “Come on Michelle, answer the phone. You always know what to do,” she pleaded as the phone just rang and rang.

            Just as the voice mail was about to pick up she heard a click and a quiet “Hello”.

            “Michelle, its Andrea, I need your help,” she said despairingly into the phone. Michelle was one of Andrea’s High School classmates and they remained close to this day. Andrea was a bridesmaid in her wedding, as was Michelle in Andrea’s.

            “What’s wrong honey?”

            “It’s this thing with Alex. I can’t get him out of my head ever since that kiss. I had no feelings for him what so ever before that, and now I’m having this mental and emotional affair on Nick!”

            “Okay, just slow down for a minute. Step back and take a good look at what you’re feeling about AJ. Do you feel love for him or do you feel desire for him? I think your problem is that you know he wants you but he’s not acting on it right now like he did the night you kissed, and now you are upset about that and you crave for him to keep wanting you even though you have no real intention of doing anything with him, and all of that is overwhelming your mind. Think about it for a little while and see what you come up with. I’m sure once you’ve had time to rationalize everything, you will have a new perspective on the whole situation.”

            “I hope you’re right. I’m sorry I called you at work, but I didn’t know what else to do or who else to call.”

            “Don’t worry about it; you know I’m always here for you, whenever you need me.”

            “Thanks babe, I’ll talk to you later.”

            “Bye hon.”

            Andrea snapped her phone shut and kneeled in the sand in silence for a minute or so. Okay, do I love him? Is what Michelle said true? Am I only wanting him because he’s not outwardly wanting me? Andrea continued to mull over all the suggestions and advice her friend had given her as she stood up and continued her trek down the beach.

            “What if I do love him?” she said out loud, as tears started falling down her face. “What if he flipped a switch that was always waiting to be turned on and now there’s no way for me to shut it off? How could he do this to me? Why would he do this to me? Why Alex, WHY!?” she screamed into her hands, the frustration and anger of the whole situation taking its final toll on her.

            “Because I am selfish,” a deep, regret-filled voice said from behind her. Andrea had been so deep in thought and so inundated by her own turmoil she had paid little attention to her surroundings, which included her noticing AJ following her down the beach.

            “What?” she asked him without turning around to face him.

            “I am selfish,” he stated again. “My therapist called it Kindergarten Syndrome: He has it, so I want it, but once I have it I won’t want it anymore. But what I didn’t realize is that I can have it too, just with a different person.”

            “So all this, all the heartache you caused me, and all the confusion you made me feel, all the guilt that plagues me, all the pain you put Nick and Annie through, all of it was just because you couldn’t control yourself?” She wheeled around and looked him in the eyes, making sure he saw all the fire and rage burning in hers. “You fucked with my head and my emotions and MY HEART and your whole reasoning is Kindergarten Syndrome?”

            “Andrea, please--”

            “Please what?” she snorted, cutting him off. She was so upset at this point her body was trembling and she physically felt like she was going to vomit. “Please don’t get so upset? Please don’t yell at you? Well, you know what—I am through caring about what you want! You have shown no consideration for my feelings when you decided to have your little “five year-old” fit, so fuck you and fuck what you want! You are way more than selfish, you are an asshole, a pig, a fucked up piece of shit!” She wanted to continue defaming him, continue denigrating his character, but the tears began to brim her eyes once more and she could no longer stand to look at him.

            She looked around frantically as her mouth started to water and her stomach began to churn. She saw a metal trash can a few feet away that appeared to be used for fires and ran to it, lowering her head into it as far as she could. She retched and gagged, the entire contents of her stomach emptying into the garbage can. AJ hurried over to her and tried to help her by pulling her hair back.

            “Get away from me!” she yelled as she tried to keep him at bay by outstretching her arm and pushing it against him. She continued to heave into the garbage can, crying hysterically as she did so.
           
            When there was nothing else inside her to come up, she stood over the garbage can for a minute, using both her hands to support her. She felt weak and dizzy, she felt deflated and used, she felt like the biggest fool in the world. Once again, AJ tried to touch her, to comfort her in some way, but only succeeded in agitating her more.

            “Don’t touch me, don’t freakin--” she began, but faltered as she began to wobble on the garbage can, her legs almost giving out under her. AJ went to grab her, to keep her from falling, but she slapped his hand away, using the last ounce of fight she had in her to do so. As her hand smacked against his, her legs gave out completely and she cascaded onto the sand.

            “It’s okay, I got you,” Alex soothed her as his arms cradled her before she hit the ground. She wrapped her arms around his neck and he did the same around her waist.

            “Oh Alex, what are we going to do?” she sobbed into his shoulder as he held her, her body trembling and exhausted.

            “I’m so sorry Andrea. I’ve made such a mess out of things, and I never meant to hurt you. You need to realize that you don’t have anything more than platonic feelings for me; you only think you do because I confused you with that kiss.”

            “Well you seem so sure about that; so what about your feelings for me?”

            “All I can say is that under different circumstances, maybe we could have had something, but after Saturday night, I realized that putting myself in hypothetical situations and playing the what-if game only ends up hurting everyone involved. No good comes of it. After Annie told me we are going to have a baby, something just clicked. It made me remember all of things I love about her, and I realized how much I am in love with her. Now I can honestly say, baby or no baby, she is the only woman I want to spend the rest of my life with.”

            “So you can just forget about me like that?”

            “Andrea, I will never forget about you. You are an amazing woman, and we are going to make so many more memories together. You are one of the best friends I’ve ever had, and I never want to lose that friendship. It’s going to take a while to get it back, I’m sure, but once I have it again, I’m not going to let it go anywhere.”

            “Thank you. I needed to hear this.”

            “I know you did. And I needed to say it. I’m the one that caused you this pain and I had finally figured out a way to help fix it. When I saw you walk out of the house alone I followed you, knowing this would be my only chance to talk to you alone.” He reached into his pocket, pulled out a handkerchief and handed it to Andrea.

            After wiping her eyes and rinsing her mouth out with some water from the water bottle Alex brought with him, she allowed him to help her stand up. He held onto her as they walked slowly back to his house, helping her keep her balance. “I can’t believe I made you vomit,” he said smiling, laughter infiltrating the sadness that had previously filled his eyes.

            “Shut up, you’re lucky I didn’t vomit on you…cause I really wanted to.” Andrea also cracked a smile, although it took more energy that she had to spare. Actually, that was the way it had been a lot lately; lack of energy and feeling purely exhausted. The vomiting was something new though, and something she hoped wouldn’t happen again for a very long time.

            Alex noticed her eyes roll slightly back into her head, signifying to him that she really wasn’t doing well and was in serious need of something to eat and some rest. He also noticed the color had not returned to her face yet, which he thought was quite odd. “Come on sweetie, let’s get up the stairs and then you can lie down.” As they approached the first step he lifted under her armpits to help her take the step up, but she just could not make it.

            “Alex, I can’t--” she breathed, then without a warning collapsed into his arms.

            “Hang on baby,” he grunted as he slid his right arm under her legs and wrapped his left arm under her back and lifted her off the ground. He carried her up the forty-three steps from the beach to his back yard and started yelling for Nick as soon as he navigated the last step.

            Nick came bounding out of the house when he heard AJ’s cries, Annie following right after him. Nick relieved AJ of his carrying duties, scooping Andrea out of his friend’s arms. He took her inside and laid her on the couch while AJ frantically told them what happened on the beach and expressed his doubts that the vomiting episode Andrea had would make her pass out like this.

            When Andrea woke up a few hours later, she never expected the news that she was delivered.