Chapter 33

            “Breathe Car, breath!” Nick yelled as another contraction rocked his girlfriend’s body.  She grabbed hold of his hand and squeezed it harder he thought possible, causing him to cry out in pain. 

            “Shut up you big baby!” she screamed at him as a drop of sweat rolled down her forehead.  “I’m the one having this baby and you can’t even deal with a little discomfort in your hand!” 

            “I’m sorry baby, you’re right,” he stammered as he pulled his hand away and turned around so he could rub it without her noticing.  Who knew she was so strong? 

            “You’re doing great Caryss.  I know the contractions are very intense but you are completely dilated and almost 100% effaced; you’ll be able to start pushing in a few minutes,” the nurse explained as she discarded her latex gloves and threw them in the trash can.  “I’m going to go call Dr. Reed and tell him we are almost ready.”  The nurse left the room, pulling the door shut behind her as another contraction started.  They were right on top of each other now, a good thing for the birthing process, but a terrible thing for the woman experiencing them. 

            “Ice, I need more ice,” Caryss breathed as the contraction faded slowly.  Nick grabbed the cup off the table and plopped an ice cube into Caryss’s mouth.  Three more contractions came and went before Dr. Reed walked through the door of the birthing suite. 

            “I hear that someone is ready to have a baby,” he said cheerfully as the nurse helped him get “suited up” for the big event.  He checked Caryss once more, nodding his head in approval to the nurse.  She walked out into the hall and was back a minute later followed by two other doctors and three more nurses.  Caryss recognized the doctors from her visits with them about the baby and his or her possible birth defect. 

            “Okay Caryss, when the next contraction comes, I want you to push,” Dr. Reed told her.  He started to explain to her how to push so she got the best results and before he could finish his sentence another contraction came. 

            “Push Caryss, push!” he told her.  She wrapped her hands under her legs and pulled them towards her, pushing as hard as she could.  Before she could put her legs down and rest another contraction started to build and she pushed several more times until the contraction passed.  It went like that for almost half an hour but the baby’s head was not moving any further down the birth canal. 

            As another contraction came, Dr. Reed’s expression showed a bit of concern.  “Prep for OR,” he told the nurse, who scurried out of the room after the command was given. 

            “What’s wrong?” asked Caryss, blocking out the pain of the contraction with worry. 

            “Your blood pressure is climbing dangerously high and the last thing we need is for you to have an aneurism while you give birth.  I think we need to play it safe and deliver the baby via cesarean.”  He watched Caryss’s eyes drop and the sadness and look of failure come across her face.  “I’m sorry Caryss, I know this isn’t what you wanted, but I don’t feel that it’s safe enough for you to continue with a vaginal delivery.  I’ll give you two a moment alone while we get everything prepped.  The nurses will be back in shortly to get you ready.”  He patted her leg gently and walked out of the room, leaving Nick and Caryss to deal with the change of plans. 

            “Baby, it’s for the best,” began Nick as Caryss started to cry.  “I can’t raise this baby alone and we are not taking the chance that something could happen to you.” 

            “I know, but I feel like a failure.  Every woman wants to have a natural birth, and now I can’t have that,” she sobbed as Nick hugged her tightly.  Another contraction climbed over her body and her demeanor changed instantaneously.  “I don’t care what they have to do, get this baby out of me!”  Her screams were almost deafening and it continued that way for another thirteen contractions, until she was settled on the operating table and feeling very little discomfort thanks to the local anesthetic she was given in her spine for surgery. 

            She lay on the table, Nick by her head, and waited for ten minutes to hear her baby’s first cry.  She wasn’t even listening to anything the doctors were saying, all she could concentrate on was the anticipation of hearing that sound. 

            “Why isn’t it crying?” she asked in a panic-stricken tone as the doctor’s continued to work on her.  “What’s wrong?  Why isn’t it crying?”

            “Because they haven’t delivered it yet,” said Nick calmly as he stroked Caryss’s cheek.  A minute and a half later, screams of a newborn echoed throughout the operating room as Dr. Reed made the long-awaited announcements. 

            “It’s a boy!” he exclaimed as he passed the baby over to the pediatric nurse. 

            “A boy?  We have a boy?” asked Caryss as uncontrollable tears flooded out of her eyes and down her face onto the operating table. 

            “Yes we do, and he’s beautiful,” cried Nick as he bent down and kissed Caryss.  The nurse walked over to Nick and placed the baby boy in his arms, swaddled in blankets.  He positioned the baby so Caryss could see him and she cried even harder. 

            “He is beautiful,” she whispered, finding it hard to form the words to express the love she felt for that child at once.  Laney was right.  He is perfect, because he’s mine.  “He’s so perfect,” she said aloud as she gazed at her newborn.  She studied his eyes that slanted upward and his nose that was slightly flatter than most and her heart ached with unconditional love that only a mother knows.  “Hey there beautiful baby,” she cooed as Nick brought the baby closer to her.  “You’re so beautiful, so perfect.” 

            “We need to get his measurements and such,” the pediatric doctor said as she walked over to the family.  “Dad, would you like to carry him and come with?”  Nick’s eyes lit up and he nodded his head with excitement.  Nick carried the baby in his arms and followed the doctor out of the operating room to the nursery.  Dr. Reed walked to Caryss’s side as they left and smiled at her. 

            “Everything went beautifully.  The nurses are going to get you cleaned up and back in your room and I’ll be by to check on you, well, in a few hours,” he said as he looked at the clock on the wall and noticed that it read 3:57am.  “Try and get some rest, and congratulations; you have a beautiful baby boy.” 

            “Thank you,” replied Caryss as a few more tears escaped her eyes.  Dr. Reed left the operating room, almost running into the Nick who was trying to come back into the operating room.  He approached Caryss slowly, a look of devastation on his face.  He did not feel devastated for himself though, he felt devastated for the news he was about to deliver to his wife.  He saw the way she looked at her son, how perfect she thought he was, and he knew how much it would hurt when that perfection was tainted.  

            “What’s wrong?” Caryss asked when she saw him.  “The baby’s okay right?”  She felt panicked now, afraid that something had happened. 

            “He’s fine,” Nick began slowly, dreading what he had to tell her. 

            “Then what is it?  We just had our baby, you should be happy.” 

            “I am happy Car, so happy.”  There is no easy way to say this, so I’m just going to spit it out!  “He’s got DS,” he told her somberly, using the initials they had come to know so well over the past few months while learning about Down syndrome.  He stared at his girlfriend, waiting for the reaction he was certain of, a reaction that would never come however. 

            “I know he does,” she said softly as she looked into Nick’s eyes.  He could read the love and affection she had for him in those eyes, but he did not see any pain or sadness in them like he expected to see.  “I could tell by his eyes and his nose when you brought him to me.” 

            “You knew?  Why didn’t you say anything?”

            “Because he’s still perfect, and nothing needed to be said at that moment.  Laney was right, it doesn’t matter.  It doesn’t matter,” she repeated as she reached her arm out to Nick.  “He is perfect Nick, our perfect son, right?”

            Nick grabbed Caryss’s hand and brought it up to his lips and kissed it.  “Yes, my love, our perfect son.” 

            An hour later, Caryss was back in her birthing suite and the feeling was finally starting to return to her lower extremities.  She held her son, Nickolas Gene Carter, Jr., in her arms and was singing to him softly.  She kissed him softly every few minutes, rubbing his tiny hands with hers and rocking him gently.

            “I know this isn’t going to be easy for either one of us Nickolas, but I love you so much and I will always be here for you,” she told the infant softly and she nuzzled him a little.  “And no matter what anyone ever says, you will always be my beautiful, perfect son.”  She rested her head back and began to doze off to sleep.  Nick silently got up from the chair and removed the infant from her arms. 

            “Ditto,” he said quietly as he rocked the infant to sleep.