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Chapter Nineteen



Brian walked into Nick’s room and found Nick sitting up in
bed with a tray of food sitting on the stand in front of
him. As of yet, he hadn’t touched his plate.



“Hey buddy, how’s it going?” Brian asked Nick
cheerfully.



Nick barely glanced up at Brian, he didn’t smile
and seemed to be off in thought someplace else. “Okay, I
guess.” Nick mumbled.



Brian looked up at the television to see what Nick
was watching. As usual, MTV was on. “Don’t let me stop you
from eating.” Brian suggested.


“It’s okay, I’m not hungry anyway.” Nick said as
his shoved the tray back.



“Nick, if you don’t eat, you’ll never leave this
place.” Brian commented.



“Does it look like I would be going anyplace
anyway?” Nick answered back sarcastically.



“Comeon, Nick. Why are you doing this to
yourself? You’ve already pushed Jess out of the way, are
you going for each of us one by one? We want to help you
but we can’t if you don’t let us.” Brian tried to reach to
Nick.


Tears started to well up in Nick’s eyes. “Why
should I try, Brian? I can’t do a damn thing on my own, I
can’t get up and walk across the room to the door, I can’t
put my clothes on by stepping into them, I have to squirm
like some damn animal. I am sick of this shit.”



“Nick, it takes time.” Brian said.



“Yeah, we’ll I’m running out of time.” Nick
snapped back.



Brian had an thought that would possible reinforce
the fact that Nick’s fans didn’t care if he was walking or
not, they cared about him.



“Come on, I want to show you something.” Brian
motioned for Nick to get into the wheelchair.



Nick got out of bed and into the chair in almost a
quick sweeping motion. Brian was going to comment on how
well his friend was doing in that aspect, but decided
against it.



Nick rolled the chair himself, he already hated it
when someone would push the chair for him. He felt more
like an invalid when they did that. He went out open door
that Brian held for him.



As they approached a small lobby that was encased
in windows on one side, Brian walked over to the windows and
looked down on the hospital grounds. He saw the large mass
of about 150 people standing on the ground holding up signs
every so often conveying greetings to Nick.



“Nick, I want you to come over here and look out.
There is something you need to see.” Brian pointed to the
window.



When Nick looked out the window, he was shocked to
see the number of people standing on the lawn.



“Nick, they’ve been here since the accident.
There has always been a crowd of people. They care about
you Nick. I’m sure that they don’t care that you can’t walk
right now or if you had lost an eye or an arm. They care
about you and that you are alive. They want you to come
back. Nick, we don’t need you to run onstage. You don’t
have to dance, just sing. They love you for your voice.
They love you for you. You helped others forget about their
problems when they listen to you sing. If you never sing
again, you would take that away from them.”


Nick listened to Brian as he looked out the
window. Hot tears slipped down his cheeks. Nick quickly
wiped them away.



“Yeah, but Bri, don’t you think it would look
stupid for me to be onstage? What would I do for an encore,
pop wheelies?” Nick asked bitterly.



“Nick, you’re not listening to me. I said it
doesn’t matter to the fans, they want to see you.” Brian
said.



He looked down at the lawn and noticed that some
of the people on the lawn were pointing up towards the
window. The group started going wild and the signs were
popping up. The only words that could be made out on some
of the signs was Nick’s name and we miss you.



“Hey, they’ve spotted you, why don’t you waive to
the crowd?” Brian asked.


“Because I would feel like a dork.” Nick replied.



“Comeon Nick, let them know you know they’re
there.” Brian encouraged.



Nick lifted his arm and gave a half-hearted waive.
The crowd below started to waive back and go wild.



“See pal, you still have it even from the sixth
floor.” Brian commented.



Brian had an idea. “How would you feel about
seeing a few fans?”



“Where? Here?” Nick asked.



“Yeah, just a few. I think it would be a good
idea.” Brian suggested.



“Oh, I don’t know...” Nick’s voice trailed off.



“Let me ask your doctor and see what he says.”
Brian said.


“The psych doc?” Nick asked in a sarcastic tone.



“Hey, don’t snap at me, you’re the one who was
selfish and tried to kill yourself, not me. You brought this
doctor on yourself.” Brian snapped back.



“I’m going back to my room, if it’s alright with
you.” Nick turned his chair around.



“Hey, Nick, if you don’t get your attitude in
better form, they’ll keep you here even longer. Try to work
with us, will you?” Brian called out to his friend. Nick’s
response was a waive. He never turned back.



Brian walked down to the nurses station and asked
about Nick’s psychologist. The nurse gave Brian the phone
number to his office. Brian took the number she had written
on the pink slip of paper and thanked her. Brian was
wondering if he even needed to consult with Nick’s doctor
about having some fans come in and see him. He decided
against having the doctor involved in it since he probably
would say yes and then charge Nick a $90 fee for
consultation.



“I think I’ll have to have Jessica’s help for
this.” Brian thought to himself. There would be no way
that he could go to the crowd and select a few fans to
accompany him to Nick’s room.



Brian decided to drive over to Jess’ house and see
if she would help. He managed to escape the crowd by
walking out the door with a group of people and he kept
farther away from the drive where the crowd would see him.
He knew that it would be impossible for him to approach the
group to ask them anything.


Brian found Jessica at home reading. She greeted
him with a hug. “How’s Nicky doing?” Jess asked anxiously.
She had not been back at the hospital since the day Nick was
taken to ICU for the suicide attempt. She stayed away
because she didn’t want to aggrivate him any further. He
was having so many violent outbursts that it scared her.



“A little better, he’s still so depressed.” Brian
replied.



“Oh. They’re still working with him though,
aren’t they?” Jess wondered.



“Yeah. They’ve got him on a few things now. I
hope that doesn’t go on for long though.” Brian hated the
thought of anyone having to be on mind enhancing drugs.
They put Nick on prozac and vallium. It seemed to even out
his temper a little, but he was still quite moody but not so
violent.



“I had an idea this morning when I was at the
hospital and I was wondering if you could help me on this
one?” Brian asked.


“Sure, anything.” Jess sounded excited. She
wanted so desperately to help Nick.



“Okay, Nick has been down about the use of his
legs. He feels worthless and that no one would want him the
way he is.”



“Yes, still?” Jess was hoping Nick would get out
of that feeling.



“Yes, but I have a thought. I tried to convince
Nick that the fans don’t care if he is dancing or not. They
love him for him and his singing. It wouldn’t matter if he
was in a wheelchair or not.” Brian continued.



“Go, on.” Jess waited for him to finish.



“Well, you know all of the fans on the front lawn
at the hospital, I was wondering if we got maybe ten or
twelve of them and had them come up to Nick’s room for
pictures and autographs...”



“Wait, what did Nick say about this?” Jess asked.



“He didn’t say much of anything. He got mad when
I said I would talk to his doctor first. I think it would
be a good thing for Nick.” Brian was psyched. He was
hoping that Jess would agree.



“Ten or twelve fans? How would we go about
finding some calm girls?” Jess was still considering the
idea. “I would hate to have some psycho come into his room
and hurt him. Don’t you think this could be dangerous?”



“Aww, I think it would be safe. We would have to
devise a plan to pick out some girls that would be okay.”
Brian said.


“Oh yeah, that’s gonna be easy, Hey anyone want to
see Nick Carter, follow me, but I can only take about ten of
you. I can see the mayhem unfold already. Jess said
uneasily.



“Quit being so negative. Comeon, we’ll think of a
plan on our way back.” Brian said as he turned towards the
door.



“Wait a minute, I need to get cleaned up before I
go. I don’t have any make up on and my hair looks like
crap.” Jess pleaded with Brian.



“You look fine to me.” Brian answered.

“Ha, ha, you can sit down and wait a few minutes.
Nick is depressed right now, I don’t want to depress him any
further.” Jess pushed Brian by the shoulders back into his
seat on the couch. “Watch some tv or something, entertain
yourself, I won’t be that long.” Jess hollered back at
Brian as she ran back to her room.



Brian reluctantly sat back and turned the
television on.



While Jess showered, she tried to devise a plan on
how to get a group of fans to come with them to Nick’s room.
She had an idea, and knew if they or rather she approached
the crowd in the right way, they would get only a few
people.



Brian scanned the stations and stopped on MTV.
They were counting down the top ten videos of the week. The
one that was on was not his particular favorite. It was
Britney Spears, “Sometimes I Run.” He rolled his eyes while
he watched her attempt to dance.


“Awh, man this is so lame.” Brian said outloud.
Most groups didn’t get on his nerves, but this girl was so
competetive that once when the groups were at Disney, she
whined because she was going onstage last.



“Jess, I hope you’re almost done, I can’t take
much more of this.” Brian yelled towards the bathroom. He
starting singing along with the video in a high pitched
voice, mocking Britney.



MTV news in brief came on after the video. Brian
turned the volume up:



Nick Carter of the Backstreet Boys is still in
Tampa Bay Hospital recovering after an alledged sucide
attempt on Wednesday. He has remained hospitalized since a
car accident in Florida on June 20th.



“I am so glad that they share everything with
everybody. Poor Nick, now he has this thing hanging over
his head.” Brian thought outloud.



Jess came out into the living room and sat on the
couch as she towel dried her hair. The music video that was
starting was the newest Backstreet Boys. Jess watched Nick
intently through the video.


“Brian, I hope this nightmare ends soon and things
get back to normal.” Jess sighed.


“Me too, Jess, me too.” Brian agreed.