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<h1 align="center">Chapter Twenty-Nine</h1>
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Nick was surprised when he was taken to his new
room to find Jess and Brian sitting in the room waiting for
him. Jess didn’t waste a second going up to Nick and giving
him a bear hug and a kiss.<br><br>

“I missed you.” Jess said in his ear. <br><br>

Nick whispered back to Jess in her ear, “I missed
you too.” <br><br>

Jess pulled back quickly from their embrace.

“Oh, Nick, you can talk!” She was so happy she
couldn’t hide her excitement.<br><br>

Nick smiled at her. He was afraid to say anything
else, she would know then that all he could do was whisper.<br><br>

“Hey pal, that’s great.” Brian smacked Nick on
the shoulder.<Br><br>

Both Brian and Jess stood there and looked at
Nick. They waited for him to initiate the conversation.<br><br>

Nick sat in the wheelchair and stared at Brian and
Jess. He wasn’t going to utter a word unless he had to.<br><br>
“You know, this staredown can last for quite
awhile. Don’t you have anything you would like to share?”
Brian commented.<Br><br>

Nick shook his head no. Jess and Brian glanced at
each other. <br><br>

“What’s wrong Nick?” Jess knew immediately that
Nick was hiding something from them.<br><br>

Nick finally decided to speak again. He cleared
his throat and spoke softly, “I can’t talk any higher than
this.” It was barely audible. <Br><br>

“For how long? This is only temporary isn’t it?”
Jess asked. She was hoping he would say yes, it was
temporary.<Br><br>

“I don’t know, they won’t say.” Nick whispered
back. His eyes started to sting with the tears that were
filling up in them.<Br><br>


“Awh, Nick, don’t get yourself all worried yet,
you just started talking today, didn’t you?” Jess said as
she put her arms around him.<Br><br>

“Yes.” Nick whispered quietly.<Br><br>

“And you just started speech therapy today also,
didn’t you?” Brian asked.<br><br>

“Yes.” Nick again whispered quietly.<br><br>

Brian looked his friend in the eyes. “It’s gonna
take some time, don’t get yourself all upset about this.”<br><br>

“That’s easy for you to say,” Nick whispered, “I
don’t know what I will be left with a month from now.” <br><br>

Nick let the tears slip down his cheeks. He was
so sick of not having his body respond the way he wanted it
to. He was beginning to feel as if he would never be the
same again. He was trying to fight the feelings of being
helpless and useless. He did not want to let Brian and Jess
know how he was feeling.<br><br>
“Nick, are you okay?” Brian always picked up on
Nick’s moods.<br><br>

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Nick lied.<br><br>

“Hey, I know there’s something bothering you,
don’t lie to me, I want to help you.” Brian rubbed Nick’s
shoulder. “Comeon, what’s wrong?”<br><br>

“It’s nothing, don’t worry.” Nick was starting to
get annoyed. <br><br>

Brian wasn’t convinced, but he decided to let it
go for the moment. He knew Nick all too well and knew that
he was hiding something. He was afraid that Nick was going
into a depression again, but hopefully it wouldn’t be as bad
as the last time.<br><br>
Nick decided he wanted to lay down in bed. He
moved the wheelchair over to the side of the bed and
grabbing the armrests on the chair, he pushed himself up to
a standing position. Once he was standing, he soon realized
that it was a stupid decision on his behalf to try to do
that without anyone standing near him.<br><br>

Brian rushed up and caught Nick as he was starting
to fall forward. “Whoa, I got you.” <br><br>

“Guess that wasn’t a good idea.” Nick said
softly.<br><br>

Brian stayed by Nick while he turned himself and
sat down on the edge of the bed. <br><br>

“Have you stood up yet, Nick?” Brian questioned
his friend.<br><br>
“Yeah, earlier with the therapists. Only once.”
Nick said quietly. “I shouldn’t of tried to do this on my
own but I thought I could.” Nick hated this. He was so
upset, he wanted to be left alone. <br><br>

“Don’t be so hard on yourself, you have been sick
for so long that you are anxious to do stuff for yourself.”
Jess tried to reason with Nick.<br><br>

Nick didn’t respond, he just pushed himself back
into the bed and laid down. He picked up his game boy and
turned it on and proceeded to play a game. He was hoping
that they would go away, he didn’t feel like talking to
anyone.<Br><br>

“Nick, I am starting to get worried about you
again.” Jess was getting annoyed that he was trying to
ignore her and Brian.<br><br>

Nick stopped what he was doing and looked up at
Jessica. He raised his voice above the whisper level and
was trying to say “Can’t you guys just accept that fact that
I can’t do a goddamn thing right now?”, but the only thing
that came out was not understandable. Frustrated, Nick
threw his gameboy on the nightstand. It hit the table and
then it slid off onto the floor and popped open.<br><br>

“Nickolas Carter, take a breath and count to ten.
You need to calm down.” Jessica was mad. She hated when
Nick’s temper flared up. He had a tendency to throw stuff
around and do a lot of yelling. It was easier about the
yelling stuff this time since he couldn’t yell.<br><br>
“Now that you broke your gameboy, you have to talk
to us.” Brian stated.<br><br>

Nick glanced at Brian and had a dark look on his
face. He picked up the remote for his television and turned
it on. He surfed through the channels and stopped at MTV.<br><br>

“Well, we can sit with you and watch tv.” Jessica
said as she sat down. Brian pulled a chair up next to her
and sat with her.<br><br>
Nick glared at them. “Alright, I can see that you
won’t go away.” Nick whispered with an angry tone in his
voice.<br><br>

“Nope, we’re not going away.” Brian answered.
“Not when we know your in this type of mood.” <br><br>

Nick resigned himself that he was going to have
company whether he liked it or not. He knew that they were
picking up on his frustrations, but it was so hard not to be
that way.<br><br>

They picked up on the MTV 30 second news update.
Everyone felt a sickened feeling in their stomachs when they
listened:<br><br>

<i>Backstreet Boy Nick Carter is back in the
hospital. Apparently he had to have emergency surgery to
remove blood clots in his spine. The doctors determined
that the clots were caused when Carter fell and not from the
automobile accident in June.<br><br>

It appears that the surgery was a success and he
is not permanently paralyzed, however, the doctors had to
preform an emergency tracheomotry because of the temporary
paralysis. Carter’s voice, unfortunately has been affected
by this surgery. Hospital officals are declining comment at
this time.</i><br><br>

Jess and Brian were both afraid to look at Nick.
They sat there with their mouths open in shock.<br><br>
Finally, Jess spoke up, “I can’t believe that
nothing is ever private. How the hell did they find this
stuff out?” <br><br>

“Not only that, do you know that they will have to
have a guard outside your door again?” Brian shook his
head. This was the hardest part about being famous.<br><br>

MTV showed a video that caught everyone’s
attention after the 30 second news update. It was the long
version of Backstreet’s Back video.<br><br>

Nick remembered how much fun he had doing that
video. It took them over sixteen hours to film it but they
had so much fun doing it that it didn’t seem that long.<br><br>

Jessica was captivated listening to Nick’s voice
in the beginning of the video talking. Once the music
started and the dancing and singing, Jess couldn’t help but
watch Nick out of the corner of her eye to see what he was
doing while it was on.<br><br>

Nick watched the video intently. He never
realized how well he could dance, something he had always
taken for granted. Now that he was not able to stand up on
his own, let alone take any steps, he was looking at the
video with envy. It was making him angry as each momement
went on. It was almost as if MTV was ridiculing him and
mocking him. Nick started to feel as if the world was
against him and laughing at him.<br><br>

Brian could see Nick’s body tense as the video
continued. He was beginning to realize that this was a
terrible mistake watching television. It was Nick that
turned the set on so they did not have any control over what
had been selected.<br><br>
There was a faint knock on the door. The door
wasn’t closed and when they looked in the direction of the
doorway, a girl was standing there with a food tray.<br><br>

“Come in.” Brian said to the girl.<br><br>

She walked into the room quickly and set the tray
down on the stand in front of Nick without making eye
contact with anyone. She left the room as quickly as she
had entered it.<br><br>

“Oh, doesn’t that look good?” Brian remarked as
he looked over the tray.<br><br>

Nick’s response was shoving the tray away. He
didn’t want to eat, he was too upset to eat.<br><br>
“Nick, you gotta eat, man.” Brian tried to reason
with him.<br><br>

Nick sank back into the bed, his eyes were in a
fixed glaze. He looked sullen, dark.<br><br>

“Dude, you can’t be doing this to yourself, you
need to eat to get better.” Brian looked Nick in the eyes
and tried to get him to at least look back at him.<br><br>

Nick seemed to look through him. He didn’t want
to eat, he didn’t care to eat, and he felt he didn’t need to
eat. He would just assume starve himself than to let this
stuff continue. He knew he would never be the same again.
He felt that he would always be a burden to someone. He
plain just didn’t care anymore.<br><br>

“Would you eat if we went away and left you alone
for awhile?” Jessica suggested.<br><br>

Nick pondered the idea. He was thinking to
himself that if they left him alone he would be able to send
the tray back untouched. No questions asked, no witnesses.<br><br>

“Yeah, why don’t you go for awhile.” Nick
whispered quietly.<br><br>

Reluctantly Jessica gave Nick a kiss and turned to
leave.<br><br>

“We’ll be back later on this afternoon then. Try
to eat, please and get some rest, okay?”<br><br>
Nick didn’t answer Jess he just forced a smile and
waved at her and Brian as they were leaving.<br><br>

After Brian and Jess left, Nick’s nurse, Mary came
into the room. She took a look underneath the lids covering
the food on the tray.<br><br>

“Something wrong with the food, you haven’t
touched it.”<br><br>

“Nope, not hungry,” Nick whispered.<br><br>

“I will be back in an hour and I expect to see
your plate clean.” Mary said as she walked out.<br><br>

Nick watched her leave and envisioned her coming
to a quick and painful death. He seized the opportunity and
moved himself out of bed and into his wheelchair. Grabbing
the tray of food, Nick wheeled himself into the bathroom and
took each plate, bowl and cup and dumped it’s contents into
the toilet. He flushed the evidence away and returned the
tray with empty dishes back onto his bedstand and then got
himself back into bed before anyone saw him.<br><br>