All I Have to Give by Jenna

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<h1 align="center">Chapter Thirty-Six</h1>
 

Jess walked nervously down the hospital corridors
towards Nick’s room. She hadn’t seen him in six days and
was anxious to see him and see how he was feeling. As Jess
neared his room, she saw a security guard sitting outside of
the door. When he saw Jess walking towards him, he stood
up. 

“I need to see some identification before I can
let you go in, ma'am.” The large man stated. 

Jess fumbled in her purse and found her billfold
and pulled out her driver’s license. The guard took it and
looked at the picture and then looked at Jess and then he
looked at the list of names on his clipboard. As he handed
the drivers license back to her, he thanked her. 
Jess sighed as she knocked on the door. 

“It’s open.” Nick said from the other side of the
door. 

Taking a breath, Jess pushed the door open. She
felt her heart skip a beat when she was Nick sitting up in
his bed reading a magazine. 

Nick looked up and was happy to see Jess enter the
room. He set his magazine down and started to get out of
the bed. 

“No, don’t stay where you are.” Jess asked Nick
to stay in bed. 

“Hey, I can get up, it’s okay.” Nick offered. 

“No, it’s easier for me to kiss you when you are
sitting, Nick.” Jess laughed as she spoke. 

When she got to the bed they first hugged and then
kissed. Jess took everything about Nick in when she looked
at him. She felt like it had been years instead of days
that she had seen him. She felt like crying because she was
so happy to see him again. 

“I missed you so much, Nick.” Jess said with
tears in her eyes. 
“Hey, I missed you too, darling, and please don’t
start crying on me, please.” Nick said back to Jess softly. 

“I won’t, it’s just that I was beside myself this
past week worrying about you.” Jess sighed. 

“Yeah, I guess I pretty much had the easy part of
this whole thing, this is the first day I have been actually
awake. They kept me pretty much sleeping the whole time I
have been here. I was awake only long enough to eat and
then within an hours time, they had me out again.” Nick
told her. 

“So how are you feeling?” Jess asked. 

“Um, tired, but it’s a good tired it’s not that
exhaustion crap.” Nick replied. 

“That is good. Has Brian been up to see you yet?
I called him as soon as I found out this morning.” Jess
asked. 

“Nope, he hasn’t been here yet.” Nick said. 

“He was so happy when I told him you could see
people. He has really had a hard time with not being able
to come and see you.” Jess said. “Have they mentioned when
they are gonna spring you outta here yet?” Jess asked while
she sat down in the chair next to the bed. 

“Nope, not a word. I am getting so sick of being
in here too. Don’t get me wrong, they have been great here,
it’s just I want my life to be normal again, you know?”
Nick looked out the window from his bed as he spoke. 
“Yeah, I understand, babe.” Jess said as she took
Nick’s hand. 

As Jess looked at Nick, she could tell he was
fighting the urge to fall asleep. 

“Go ahead, put your head back Nick. Just sitting
here with you is plenty for me. I want you to get better.” 

“Awh, I am so tired of sleeping though. They
stopped giving me stuff every four hours. I think they cut
it back to twice a day now.” Nick answered sleepily. 

“Shh, just close your eyes.” Jess reached up and
smoothed his hair back. 
Nick closed his eyes and fell asleep quickly.
Jess moved the magazine and the remote control that was
laying on his stomach. She sat back in the chair and looked
at Nick while he slept. Jess couldn’t help but think about
what things were like before the accident. She remembered
all of the energy and life that Nick was full of. Now that
was replaced with depression and tiredness. Nick looked so
peaceful resting that for a second it seemed to Jess that he
was okay, he was only resting. 

A lot that had happened to Nick since June. He
had gone through the accident, losing the usse of his legs,
regaining the use of his legs, total paralysis and losing
his voice and then after getting it back and reaching his
goal to be onstage again, he was only held back by
collapsing onstage. It didn’t seem fair to Jess to have
Nick suffer so much. It wasn’t like he was some horrible
person that needed to suffer, he was such a good person,
always willing to help others. 

Just as Jess was feeling tears fill her eyes, she
heard a soft knock on the door. She stood up and walked
over to the door and opened it a crack. She saw Brian’s
smiling face on the other side. 

“Hey, glad to see you.” Jess whispered to Brian. 

“Same here.” Brian whispered back as he quietly
entered the room. He looked over at the bed and saw Nick
sleeping. 
“He just fell asleep, he was fighting it but he
finally gave in.” Jess spoke quietly to Brian so that she
would not wake Nick up. 

Brian nodded his reply. He was just as happy as
Jess was just to see him again. 

“He looks like he’s feeling better.” Brian
remarked quietly. 

Jess nodded. She didn’t want to talk for fear of
waking Nick up. She gestured towards a chair that was in
the corner of the room. Brian walked softly over towards
the chair and picked it up and carried it over to the same
side that Jess was sitting on. When he sat the chair down,
Brian accidentally bumped the bed. Both Jess and Brian held
their breath as they looked at Nick. 

Nick’s eyes fluttered open and it seemed to take a
second for them to focus on Brian’s face. 
“Hey buddy, how are you?” Brian smiled and
touched Nick’s shoulder. 

Nick smiled at Brian. “Hey, glad to see ya.” 

“How are you feeling?” Brian asked. 

“Pretty good, better.” Nick answered. He was
getting sick of people asking him that question, but he
realized they were asking out of concern. 

“That’s great, you look good.” Brian rubbed
Nick’s head and messed his hair up. That was always a sure
fire way to annoy him. Brian didn’t get too many chances to
do that to Nick when he was standing because of the
difference in height. 

“Hey, comeon, quit that.” Nick protested
hoarsely. 

Brian just laughed. He liked getting a reaction
out of him. 

“Hey, you would do that too if you could move fast
enough!” 

“Ha, ha, very funny, you are so full of it.” Nick
answered back as he was trying to sit up in bed. 
“So when are they letting you out of here?” Brian
asked. 

“Don’t know, no one wants to tell me, I guess.”
Nick replied softly. 

“You’ll get out as soon as they think you are
ready and not before, we don’t need to have you back in here
again.” Jess answered. 

Nick rolled his eyes and sighed. He was getting
so sick and tired of being sick and tired. He was beginning
to feel as if he would never be normal again. He wasn’t sure
what normal felt like anymore. 

“Hey, don’t you be rolling your eyes at me,
mister.” Jess laughed. 
Nick rolled his eyes back at her again, this time
more slowly for emphasis. 

“Ohh, big man,” Jess laughed. 

“Thanks, I’ll take that as a compliment.” 

“You’re welcome, it was my pleasure.” Jess
replied. 

“Okay you two, quit it, this is getting on my
nerves.” Brian interjected. 
Nick settled back into the bed and sighed. “This
is really driving me crazy, you know that, don’t you?” 

“Yeah, we know.” Both Brian and Jess spoke at the
same time. 

A nurse appeared into the room. “I’m sorry, but
you will have to leave now, the patient needs his rest.” 

“But, we’ve only been here for not even thirty
minutes,” Jessica protested. 

“Come on, why can’t they stay?” Nick looked upset
to think that Brian and Jess would have to go. 
“Sorry, doctor’s orders.” The nurse tried to look
appologetic and failed miserably. 

Before Nick could say anything more, Jess stood up
and whispered in his ear, “Just relax, we will be back in
awhile, okay, you need to rest to get better.” 

Nick just looked at Jess and then Brian. “I can’t
believe this shit.” 

“Hey, relax, we will be back to see you again, I
promise.” Brian touched his friend on the shoulder. 

The nurse held out a cup with medication in it and
a cup of icewater. Nick just looked at the items and then
looked at the nurse. Everyone that was in the room knew it
was obvious that he had no intention of taking the meds. 

“Nick, you have to take that. If you don’t take
it, Brian and I will not come back to see you.” Jess tried
to plea bargin with him. 

“Jess, if I take that, I won’t know whether or not
you came back to see me.” Nick said angrily. 

“What is it?” Jess asked. 

“Tranquilzers.” Nick replied flatly. He was
getting so sick of taking mood enhancers and things to relax
him, he was beginning to wonder if he would know how to fall
asleep on his own. 
“Well, I guess you have to take them Nick. The
doctor wouldn’t prescribe them if you didn’t need them you
know.” Brian tried to encourage Nick to take the drugs. 

“I honestly don’t see where I need to take this
stuff anymore.” Nick was trying to get the nurse to leave
with the medications. 

“Nick, you still need to take it, they wouldn’t
give it to you if you didn’t need it. Now, please!” Jess
begged him to take his medication. 

Nick reluctantly held his hand out for the cup of
pills. Taking the cup he tossed the pills into his mouth
and then took the glass of icewater from the nurse. After
he swallowed the water he put on a fake closed mouth smile
for the nurse. 

The nurse asked him to open his mouth. Nick
shrugged his shoulders and opened his mouth and stuck his
tongue out and lifted it up to show her that the pills were
gone. 

Once the nurse was convinced he had swallowed his
pills, she reminded Jess and Brian that they needed to
leave. 

“Can we stay until he falls asleep?” Jess asked. 

The nurse knew that Nick would be asleep in less
than five minutes after taking the pills. 

“I guess that would be fine, but I will be
checking back here in ten minutes.” The nurse turned and
left the room. 
“Witch.” Nick said quietly after she left the
room. 

“Hey, now she was doing this for your own good,
don’t take it out on her.” Brian softly reprimanded Nick. 

The pills were already starting to effect Nick.
His eyelids appeared to grow heavier each time he blinked. 

“Where are you guys gonna go while I sleep?” Nick
asked. His speech was slurred to the point where it sounded
like he was drunk. 

“Probably out to eat or something.” Brian
replied. 

Nick’s head started to drop and then he jerked it
back up again fighting the sleepiness that was starting to
overtake him. 

“That’s okay, Nick, let it go, go to sleep.” Jess
talked softly trying to soothe Nick into sleep. 

Nick couldn’t fight it any longer. His head
dropped and stayed down. Jess pulled the covers up to his
chest and kissed him gently on the forehead. She turned to
Brian and pointed at the door. They walked quietly out of
the room. 

Jess let the door close softly. Nick’s nurse was
walking towards the room as they turned toward the
elevators. Once she saw Brian and Jessica, the nurse turned
around and walked back to the nurse’s station. 
“Man, did you see that? She was actually coming
back to see if we had left.” Jess said to Brian in a
shocked tone. 

“Well, she is doing it for Nick’s own good.”
Brian reminded her. 

“I’m just wondering how much longer he needs to
stay and how much longer they are going to be giving him
meds, I hate to see him strung out on stuff like a junkie or
something, you know that tranquilzers can be addictive.”
Jess said worriedly as she pressed the down button on the
elevator. 

“Oh, don’t worry so much, Nick is in good hands
and I am sure they wouldn’t keep giving him something until
he is dependant upon it.” Brian insisted. 

“Let’s hope you’re right on that, I mean, look at
some of those rock stars that are always doped up.” Jess
pointed out. 

Brian just laughed at her. “I cannot believe how
paranoid you can be. Relax, Nick hates taking pills, that
would be the furthest thing from his mind to constantly take
stuff all the time. So, where did you want to go and eat
at?” 

“I don’t care, you decide.” Jess said quietly. 

“Okay, let’s just get out of here first, if you
don’t mind?” Brian asked Jess as they got on the elevator. 

“Any place but here is fine by me.” Jess said as
she watched Brian push the button to the lobby. 
Neither one of them spoke while the elevator
stopped on every floor to either let people on or off. They
eventually ended standing towards the back when the elevator
finally reached the lobby. Jess and Brian had to move
through the people that were standing towards the front. 

Jess looked out towards the lobby when they got
off the elevator. She was surprised to see a television
camera with a reporter standing in the lobby doing a
broadcast. Brian tugged his hat down lower and stood next
to Jessica’s left side to be obscured by the camera just in
case they were there reporting about Nick. Jess and Brian
both strained to hear what the reporter was talking about as
they walked past her. 

Their suspicions were confirmed when they heard
the reporter mention Nick’s name. Jess and Brian
automatically stepped up their pace towards the front doors
and tried to be inconspicious as they walked past the
televsion camera. One of the television crew members caught
Brian and approached them and literally stepped in front of
Jess and Brian. 

“Excuse us, please.” Brian asked the man
politely. The man still stood in front of them, as Jess and
Brian tried to step to the left, the man also stepped to the
left. The same happened when they moved to the right.
Brian was starting to get agitated. “I said, excuse us,
please.” Jess could detect anger rising in Brian’s voice. 

The reporter came rushing over with her television
camera rolling. 

“Hi, Brian, I am Angie from WSTB channel 4 in
Tampa. We are taping live and we would like to ask you a
few questions regarding Nick Carter.” The tall blonde girl
asked Brian as the cameras were rolling and she stuck her
microphone in his face. Jess could see how annoyed Brian
was becoming. She had her hand on his back and rubbed it up
and down in an attempt to soothe Brian, she could feel the
tension growing. 

“Ah, this really isn’t a good time for this right
now.” Brian tried to be polite. 

“We just have a few questions that concerned fans
are wondering about. Could you tell me why Nick is here?”
The reporter smiled as she stuck the microphone back in
Brian’s face. 

Brian just stared at her in disbelief. He
couldn’t believe the audacity of the reporter to ambush him
like that in the lobby. He was also wondering how a
hospital would allow a reporter in the lobby to begin with. 
“I really feel that is between Nick and his
physician.” Brian answered quietly. 

“Good answer, Brian.” Jess thought to herself
quietly. 

“Well, the fans are truely concerned about Nick.
He has been very ill since the last part of June. We were
wondering if this had anything to do with his collapse
onstage last week?” The reporter was persistant. 

“Could be, it’s really between Nick and his
physician.” Brian answered again. 

“Well, what is wrong with Nick?” The reporter
asked and this time put the microphone in front of Jess’
face. 

That evidentally was enough for Brian. He put his
hand over the microphone. He pushed the mike down away from
Jess’s face. 

“I would appreciate it if you would leave us
alone, I have already told you anything that I would want to
share with you and I do not appreciate being ambushed on
live tv by you. If and when we do an interview, I would
appreciate you contacting my agent and then I may consider
doing one, but I do not do interviews about my friend while
I have just left him. That is not fair to me and it is
certainly not fair to Nick, understand me?” Brian was
visibly upset and tried to keep his composure. 

The reporter appeared as if she was not going to
give up even after Brian had begged her to leave them alone.
Brian turned to walk away and the cameraman stepped in front
of him filming him as he was attempting to walk away. Brian
just put his head down and kept walking and grabbed Jess by
the arm as he walked away. Jess had no choice but to follow
Brian. The cameraman kept up his pace along with Brian and
followed them through the parking lot. Jess couldn’t
believe that they insisted on following them out to the car.
Brian opened the drivers side door and motioned for Jess to
get in and slide over. She quickly did as Brian instructed
and Brian was right behind her. 

Brian didn’t say a word as he put the keys in the
ignition and started the car up. Jess had never seen Brian
this upset and angry before in his life. She didn’t think
he really had the capacity to be that way. He was always
such a easy going person. 
“This really sets the mood for an enjoyable lunch
now, don’t it?” Brian said as he pulled out of the hospital
parking lot. 

“Um, yeah.” Jess didn’t know what to say or do to
make Brian relax and forget about the reporters. 

“I really cannot believe how people could be so
intrusive, I mean, here poor Nick is trying to get on with
his life and then you have these idiots trying to magnify
anything and everything that has been going on with him
since June. How could anyone ever start to recover with
that kind of shit going on?” Brian just started rambling on
as he drove. He needed to get it off of his chest, it had
been building for such a long time. He usually didn’t mind
reporters and television cameras, he knew that they were
trying to make a living too, but this time, there was
something there that struck a raw nerve with him. 

Jess sat in the passenger seat and quietly
listened to Brian. She knew that she was a better friend
just listening to him and not saying or offering anything to
him unless he asked her. 

Suddenly, Brian realized that he was talking and
not paying much attention to Jess. “Oh, God, I am so sorry
Jess, let’s change the subject, this has really got me shook
up for some damn reason.” 

“Don’t worry about it Brian, I’m here to listen,
you need to let it out.” Jess said quietly. 

“Nope, where shall we go?” Brian asked as he
scanned the buildings along the busy road. “What are you in
the mood for?” 

“Nothing.” Jess replied. 

“Comeon, why am I always the one to make these
decisions? Where would Nick go right now?” Brian decided
to try and turn the tables on Jess. 
Jess thought about it for a second, an image of
Nick popped into her head. “Um, I guess he would go for a
big juicy cheeseburger and fries.” 

“Sounds fine to me. Now, lets see where a good
place that has the best burgers would be at.” Brian looked
down the street. The only restaurants that were along the
strip that they were on were all fast food joints. 

Jess spied a bar coming up. “Hey, let’s go to
that place, it looks kind of interesting to me.” 

“A bar? Are you sure about this?” Brian asked
her. 

“Hey, it’s not like I’m gonna sit back and drink
beer for an hour. Bars are always notorious for good greasy
cheeseburgers. Let’s try it, hey it may end up being the
best place for food and I discovered it.” Jess tried to
coax Brian into her decision. 

“Alright, but if this place bites, you’re paying,
right?” Brian teased. 

“Sure, we’ll use Nick’s credit card, okay?” Jess
laughed. 

“Sounds like a deal to me.” Brian said as he
pulled the car into the parking lot.

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