All I Have to Give by Jenna

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<h1 align="center">Chapter Thirty-Eight</h1>
 
You will have to take it easy, and I mean no concerts,
nothing for the next three to four months, and I am serious
about this, if you don’t take my advice, you will be in the
hospital again and again. Your body needs time to rest and
heal and you are pushing it too hard. 

Nick had the doctor’s words go through his mind
over and over for the last two weeks. He felt fine, he
didn’t feel as if he was tired more than usual. He felt as
if Jessica was watching him a little too closely, but other
than that, he felt alright. 

Nick picked up the remote control on the coffee
table and clicked on the television. After scanning through
the stations, he stopped on MTV. He set the remote down and
got out of the chair to go into the kitchen for a glass of
icewater. Nick stopped short of getting into the kitchen
when he heard a reporter on MTV: 

Sources have reported that Backstreet Boy, Nick
Carter was being seen in an outpatient facility for his
prescription drug addition. Carter was seriously injured in
an automobile accident in June of this year and had been
under a doctors care since that time for numerous surgeries
and a suicide attempt. Carter is allegedly abusing vallium
and restoril. The group was to have finished their
Millenium tour by this date, but due to Carter’s collapse
onstage at their November 2nd concert in Orlando, the tour
has never been able to get off the ground. It appears that
because of Carter’s illnesses, that the group is breaking up
and the other members are doing their own projects. We will
keep you updated as the details are released. 
Nick couldn’t believe what he had heard. They are
all lies, how could anyone start these types of rumors? Nick
thought angrily. His mind was racing. He desperately
needed to do something or the group would be through and it
would be his fault. Nick’s mind started racing thinking of
what he should do. He picked up the phone and called the
first person he could think of. 

Nick hastily dialed Brian’s phone number. It
seemed to take forever before Brian actually answered the
phone. 

“Hello?” Brian was quiet when he answered. He
had forgot to turn his answering machine back on and was
always leary about answering the telephone because he got
too many calls from fans that would figure out his phone
number. 

“Hey, Brian, it’s Nick.” Nick waited for Brian’s
answer. 

“Hey Nick, how are ya doing?” Brian replied
happily. 

“Did you see MTV a few minutes ago?” Nick just
jumped into the question, he didn’t want to make small talk. 

“No, I didn’t have the tv on, why, something
wrong?” Brian could sense the tension in Nick’s voice. 

“Yeah, they said we were breaking up.” Nick said,
his voice was thick with emotion. 

“Who’s breaking up? You and Jess?” Brian was
confused. 
“No, not me and Jess, they were talking about us.
They said you guys decided to disband the group because of
me. Oh, Bri, they were saying that I was a junkie, strung
out on prescription drugs and that I was hurting the group
and that you guys were going to do your own projects.” Nick
was getting upset. The tears were stinging his eyes. 

Brian was starting to feel his temper flare. It
irritated him to think that they would do such careless
reporting. “Easy there, Nick, you know that isn’t true.” 

“Well, I know it, you and the guys know it, but
what about the fans, other people, they are gonna think that
I just held you guys back and that I am a suicidal junkie.”
Nick replied bitterly. 

“Now, Nick, you can’t let this stuff get to you.
Let me call Nikki and see if she can get this stuff
straightened out.” Brian was hoping that by calling their
publicist it would make Nick feel a little more comfortable. 

“Oh, yeah, like Nikki could convince them that
this insn’t true.” Nick was certain that this was the one
rumor that would damage any chances for the group.

“Nick, don’t be so negative, let’s try this and
see what happens. I will call you back in a few minutes,
okay?” Brian waited for Nick’s reply. 

“Yeah, okay.” Nick hung the phone up. He started
thinking over the rumors and how could he ever get rid of
them, they were plaguing him and he seemed to get the
feeling he was looking over his shoulder constantly when he
was going anywhere, including a doctor’s office. 

As Nick sat the phone down, he noticed how much
his hands were shaking. He was so upset that he was
shaking. Without thinking, he grabbed the bottle of vallium
and took two of them. It was an automatic reaction. He was
taking it when he needed to calm down, it was no big deal to
Nick, just a natural reflex. 

Nick decided to surf the internet while he waited
for Brian’s call back. He went into a Backstreet Boys
chatroom to see what the fans were talking about. Nick
never went online with his own name, he always came up with
odd names. 

After a few minutes in the room, Nick was
beginning to see what a terrible mistake he had made going
in there. The fans were talking about how much Nick Carter
was destroying the group with his problems, and then they
started making remarks about his looks saying he was fat and
he was going to drag the group down if he got any heavier. 
Upset, Nick got offline quickly. Ge walked into
the kitchen and got a beer out of the refridgerator. He
opened the beer and sat down on the couch. This definately
was not his day. 

The cold beer tasted good to Nick. Without a
second thought, Nick grabbed another beer and drank that
down quickly. Nick rarely drank, but he was upset with the
television report and the comments in the chatroom didn’t
help matters much more. 

When the phone rang, Nick reached out to grab it
and knocked it off the coffee table. The combination of the
vallium and beer had hit him hard. By the fifth ring, Nick
finally answered the phone. 

“Yeah.” Was all that he could manage. 

“Nick?” Brian wasn’t sure if he had dialed the
right number. 
“Yeah.” Nick’s voice was loud. 

“Ah, I got a hold of Nikki and told her what was
going on. She thinks she can persuade the press to release
an official statement. Does that sound okay to you?” Brian
waited for Nick’s answer. 

“Yeah.” Nick didn’t want to say anymore, he knew
he couldn’t. 

“Hey, buddy, are you okay?” Brian was starting to
worry. 

“Yeah.” Nick replied. 

“Alright, something’s up with you. Tell me what’s
going on.” Brian was beyond worry, he was now panicking. 

“I’m fine,” Nick’s speech was slurred, almost to
the point of being incoherrent. He sounded very tired to
Brian. 

“Hey buddy, what are you on?” Brian tried not to
let the worry show in his voice. 

“Huh?” Nick was growing tired. The mixture of
the vallium and beer was taking a hold on his system. His
head started to drop and the phone fell to the floor. 
Brian wasn’t sure what to do. He was two hours
away from Nick’s house. He waited to see if Nick would pick
the phone up. Brian wasn’t sure what was wrong with Nick.
He would hate to call the paramedics if he were simply
drunk, but would also hate to not call if it was something
seriously wrong with Nick. 

Brian started to yell into the phone, “NICK ARE
YOU THERE. PICK UP THE PHONE.” 

There wasn’t any response from Nick. Brian picked
up his cell phone and dialed Jess’s phone number. It seemed
to take forever before Jess answered the phone. 

“Hello?” Jess was out of breath after running up
the basement stairs. 

“Hey, Jess, it’s me, Brian, I need you to do
something for me right now, okay? Brian’s voice was loud
and he spoke very quickly. 

“Whoa, wait, what’s wrong?” Jess tried to get
Brian to calm down. 

“Jess, I need you to go to Nick’s, I think there
is a problem, I’m not sure what it is.” Brian ran the words
together again. 

“Oh, no, I’ll go right now.” Jess grabbed her
keys and ran out the door. The drive to Nick’s house would
take about twenty minutes. She desperately wanted to drive
faster, but the traffic wouldn’t allow it. 

After Jess hung up the phone, Brian listened back
onto the phone to see if he could hear Nick. The only
sounds were background noises of the television set. 

“NICK, WAKE UP BUDDY, ANSWER ME, PLEASE.” Brian
pleaded into the phone, he was hoping to get some type of
reply from Nick. 
Brian kept his end of the conversation up while he
waited to hear Jessica walk into the house. Nick was not
reponding to Brian at all and he was worried. 

Brian finally heard sounds of a door opening and
Jess calling out Nick’s name. 

Jess walked into the living room and found Nick
laying face down on the couch. His arm was draped over the
side and the telephone was laying on the floor beside his
hand. She struggled to turn Nick over as he was dead weight
and was having a hard time turning him. 

After she got him onto his side, Nick gasped for
air. The noise startled Jess and she started to shake. She
picked up the phone. 
“Brian, I am here. Nick looks like he was passed
out on the couch. I don’t know what to do.” Jess was
scared, she never dealt with anything like this before. 

“Shit, I’m not sure either, shake him and see if
you can wake him up.” Brian suggested. 

Jess grabbed a hold of both of Nick’s shoulders
and started to push them vigorously. “NICK, WAKE UP.” Jess
yelled at him. 

Nick’s only response was a soft moan.

“Nothing Brian, he just moaned really quiet and
that was it. What now?” Jess was panicky. 

“Try slapping his face, go ahead, slap him hard.”
Brian wasn’t sure if Jess would do it. 

“I don’t know if I can.” Jess was scared to. 

“You have to, just do it.” Brian almost yelled at
Jess out of frustration. 

Jess slapped his face hard on both cheeks. While
she slapped him, she yelled Nick’s name over and over again. 

Finally, Nick started to respond to the hitting.
He put his arms up to the sides of his head. His eyes were
still closed. 

“NICK YOU SON OF A BITCH, WAKE UP, ANSWER ME NOW.”
Jess was getting angrier by the minute. How could Nick
possibly have done something to himself again, he knew how
everyone felt the last time he was stupid and did something
desperate. 
Nick’s eyes opened. He looked at Jess and it
appeared that he was looking through her. He looked around
the room. His eyes looked wild. 

“What are you on? What did you take?” Jess asked
him, hoping he would say. 

Nick just stared at her blankly. He could not
remember what he did before Jess started hitting him. 

Jess picked up the phone again to talk to Brian.
“He is not talking to me yet, he looks like he doesn’t know
where he is right now. What should I do now?” Jess was
still worried. 

“Have him drink some coffee for you, or do you
think you can get him to get up and walk with you?” Brian
asked. 

Jess looked at Nick laying on the couch. There
was no way she would be able to move him herself, she would
have to have Nick help her. 

“Um, Nick, I need you to get up and take a walk
with me, can you?” Jess asked him. 

Nick just stared at Jess. 

“Hey, I need you to do this for me, you have to do
this. Come on, help me.” Jess pleaded with Nick. 
Jess pulled at Nick. Nick was not very
cooperative he made it harder for her to pull him up off of
the couch. She dropped his arm and talked to Brian on the
phone again. 

“He is not helping me at all, it’s as if he can’t
move.” Jess was growing more worried by the minute. 

“Won’t or can’t?” Brian asked her. 

“I don’t know, he doesn’t seem to want to
cooperate with me at all. What else can I do, I am not that
strong. I wish there were someone that could come in here
and help me move him.” Jess was getting more and more
frustrated by the minute. Nick was not helping her at all. 

“Make him some coffee and see if he will take that
from you.” Brian suggested. 

“You realize, by the time I do all of this, you
could have been down here by now?” Jess remarked as she
walked with the phone into the kitchen. “I do see some
empty beer cans, but there are only two of them, and that is
hardly enough to do anything to someone like the way Nick is
acting, I wonder if he took something without thinking about
the beer, but what did he take?” Jess was wondering outloud
as she got the coffee started. 

“What kind of stuff does Nick have around the
house that he would take? Look on the counters and in the
livingroom.” Brian suggested to Jess. 

Jess walked around the kitchen, the countertops
did not have any particular item that was out of place. She
walked into the livingroom and looked at every endtable and
didn’t see anything sitting out ontop of it. 

“There’s nothing laying out here, Brian, I don’t
know what he took.” Jess sighed. 
“Hey, check his pockets, maybe he put it in his
pockets.” Brian was trying to think of where Nick would
have put something. 

Jess felt Nick’s shirt pockets and they were
empty. When she reached into his left front pants pocket,
she felt a bottle in it. Pulling the bottle out, it was a
prescription bottle. She was almost too afraid to look and
see what was in the vial. 

“Um, I found it, it looks like he took vallium. I
can’t imagine why though, he hates taking pills and he was
totally disgusted in the hospital when they made him take
the stuff.” Jess said as she was reading the bottle. 

She walked into the kitchen and taking out a
coffee mug from the cupboard, she filled the mug up with
strong coffee and took it into the livingroom for Nick to
drink. 

“Here, drink this.” She held the mug out for Nick
to take it. He looked at Jess, but his eyes did not focus
on her, it looked as if he was looking through her. 

Just as she was about ready to give up, there was
a knock on the front door. Setting the cup down on the
table, Jess went to answer the door, she still had the phone
with her. 

She was relieved to see AJ standing on the front
porch. 

“Oh, thank god, someone I could use right now.”
Jess was so happy to see AJ, that she hugged him. 

“Hey, I should come over here more often.” AJ
laughed. 
“I’ve got a problem with Nick and I need you to
help me with him. I think he took some vallium and he was
drinking too, AJ he is really out of it. I can’t do
anything with him.” Jess barely got the words I’ve got a
problem with Nick out and AJ rushed past her into the
livingroom towards Nick. 

AJ wasted no time in grabbing Nick by the arms and
pulling him up. Nick’s head dropped backwards and then in
bobbed to the front. AJ pulled Nick up off the couch,
“Jess, go on the other side of him and put his arm around
your shoulder, I need to try and get him to walk.” 

Jess ran over to the other side of Nick. She put
his arm around her and it just hung over her shoulder. 

As AJ attempted to get him to walk, Nick’s legs
dragged behind him. There was no walking with Nick, he was
lifeless and did not respond to any commands. 

“Let’s get him into the shower.” AJ told Jess as
they dragged Nick towards the bathroom. AJ pulled Nick into
the shower and turned the cold water on. They stood there
fully clothed with the water beating down on Nick. AJ then
started to slap Nick’s face and yell. “COME ON NICK, SNAP
OUT OF IT, DAMMIT, DON’T PULL THIS ON ME. COME ON, WAKE UP
NICK.” As AJ repeated the phrase over and over he kept
slapping Nick’s face. 

Finally, what seemed to take forever, Nick started
to come around. Nick stood in the shower and started crying
loud, almost painful sobs. 

“Hey, it’s okay, Nick, we’re here.” AJ tried to
comfort Nick. He knew he was scared about what was going on
as well as being confused. 

“Nick, it’s gonna be alright, okay” Jess talked
to him in a soothing voice. 

Nick’s only response was looking at them while he
continued to cry. His legs gave out on him twice, and AJ
was there to hold him back up so he wouldn’t fall down to
the shower floor. 

“Nick, what did you take?” AJ asked with his face
in Nick’s face. 
Crying, Nick stammered, “I, um, I..I..dddon’t
rremembber.” 

“Come on, you have to remember, what was it?” AJ
tried to persue the issue. 

Nick’s teeth were chattering from the cold water.
Jessica noticed that his lips were turning blue. 

“Vvvallium.” Nick replied. It was barely
audible. 

“Yeah, how much?” AJ demanded. 

“I, um, I, I, think two.” Nick said. 

“Two? Are you sure about that? I can’t imagine
two would do this to you!” AJ was in Nick’s face again. 

“It was two! I swear!” Nick yelled back at AJ, he
was starting to get agitated. 

“Come on, I know that two of them wouldn’t get you
messed up like you are, what did you have with it?” AJ
yelled back at Nick. 
“I drank some beer, not much, I know, I was dumb.”
Nick finally admitted what he had with the tranquilizers. 

“You’re damn right that was dumb, it was stupid.”
AJ said as he turned the water off. 

Both Nick and AJ were dripping wet. Jessica
grabbed a couple of towels and handed them to AJ and Nick. 

“AJ, I’m gonna give you a pair of Nick’s sweats to
put on, I’ll throw your clothes in the dryer.” Jess called
back over her shoulder as she went into Nick’s room. 

“Thanks.” AJ replied as he was toweling off and
looked at Nick. “Just what the hell were you doing there,
Nick?” AJ appeared upset with Nick. 

“I forgot I had taken the vallium, I was getting
mad at the report on the tv and I decided to have a beer.
The first one I drank tasted good, so I went ahead and got
another one. I had called Brian before I drank the beer and
I guess my mind slipped.” Nick ran his sentenances together
without a pause. 

“Yeah, your mind slipped alright. Why did you
take the vallium in the first place?” AJ asked. 

“I was upset with the tv report and when I got off
the phone with Brian, my hands were shaking. I usually will
take them to calm down. I have in the past, no big deal.”
Nick tried to shrug it off.

“No big deal? Boy, you sure take stupid things
lightly. Do you realize what could have happened to you?
Tranquilzers are not things to play around with, do you
understand?” AJ was in Nick’s face again.

“I’m sorry, okay? Just leave it at that.” Nick
was starting to get annoyed at AJ, he was becoming too
demanding. 

“Just remember what I said Nick, alright?” AJ was
hoping he was getting through to him. 
“Yeah, I’ll never forget.” Nick barely said the
words to AJ. He was getting sick and tired of people trying
to run his life for him. 

“You better not, do you understand?” AJ was
persistant. 

“I said yes!” Nick was cold and wanted to get out
of the shower.

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