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CHAPTER 20

Nick Narrating

We didn’t have anything to do for the rest of the day, and I didn’t want to just sit in the room even if Haley was there. So what could we do? I’d been thinking about it the entire time she had been in the shower. And usually when she was in the shower the only thing I thought about was her in the shower, so this was new for me.

Maybe, if I actually thought about things other than sex I’d actually get something done. Yeah, not worth it. But anyway I thought of the perfect thing to do. She got out of the shower and I told her.

“Haley, we’re going to an amusement park!” That was so sophisticated too. I loved the idea.

“Don’t you have grown up things to do?”

“Not really. People think this job has so many loose ends, but Kevin usually takes care of those. It’s great. Leaves me totally free to go to amusement parks.”

“Well, I hope you haven’t been straining yourself for the new album or anything.”

“Don’t worry. I haven’t been. I’ve been saving my energy for sex. So let’s go on some rides!”

“Fine. Why don’t you invite the rest of the guys too. That way you’re at least with them.”

“Okay.” I called the other four. I could actually do that now since I had their numbers! Kevin decided not to come, I convinced Howie to, and I thought Brian and AJ were going to beat me there. “Kevin is no fun.”

“Why?”

“He said that he has eleven interviews and stuff to set up so he can’t go with us.”

“Well, I guess that’s important.”

“Oh, no it’s not.”

“Don’t you guys have people to do that?”

“That’s what I said and he said no and leave me alone.”

“Oh. Okay. So you ready to go?”

“Yep. Let me just make my hair spiky.”

“Your hair doesn’t have to be spiky to go on a fucking rollercoaster. It’ll just get messed up.”

“Yes, but until we actually get on one, it’ll look good.”

“Yes, that’s very logical Nick.”

“I know. That’s what I’ve been trying to make you see.”

“Silly me.”

“I know.”



AJ Narrating

“Oh good. We’ll be able to spend the day with one of California’s sexiest women!” I said.

“I’m from Massachusetts dumbass.”

“It’s all the same. But you should have told me Nicky. I would have made myself foxy for the pretty lady.”

“I said no hitting on her.” Nick said.

“Oh, what’s a little flirty gonna hurt? You jealous?”

“No I don’t- ooh let’s go on that one!”

“Holy shit. That’s a big fucker!”

“I know. And it goes upside-down too.”

“I’ll pass.” I said.

“Fuck that AJ. I’ll carry you on if I have to.”

“I’m not going on that. Maybe if you go on like forty times and you don’t die then maybe I’ll THINK about it. But hell no.”

“Be a man J. Get on all strapped in there and go for it.”

“You’d like me all strapped in wouldn’t you?”

Nick Narrating

“Shut up and go on the fucking ride!” I finally convinced everyone to go on the ride. I actually didn’t have to convince Haley. She wanted to go more than anyone else.

We got on the ride and I distinctly heard AJ yell, “Son of a bitch!” He was gonna hate this. I was so glad I’d dragged him on. In the middle of it I looked over and saw AJ screaming like a girl and covering his eyes. He was so never gonna live that down. If he thought my first date with Haley was gonna come up in interviews he should wait until I throw this in his face.

We got off the ride and AJ was a little dizzy. I told Brian to make sure he didn’t fall over. I’d have told Howie to but I figured he would just kinda let him. Brian would at least try to catch him.

“Nick you little shit.” AJ said. “I hate you. That was the worst experience of my entire life.”

“Just wait until you have a girlfriend and we all have dinner. Then I can tell everyone this story about you.” Payback’s a bitch.

AJ Narrating

Oh, payback’s a bitch. I hate him. Had I mentioned that? I was too dizzy to remember. Then I noticed a bunch of girls who looked to be in college walking in. They started muttering and looking our way. Now, as much as I hate the little shit I now understood how shitty that first date must have been.

Nick Narrating

You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. Flashback!

Haley Narrating

You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. That’s got to be the funniest thing ever. I think we were about to get chased. Again!

Brian Narrating

I was so not in the mood to run right now. Maybe we should just sign something. Oh no there’s like thirty of them. I swear to God, girls cannot do anything alone.

Howie Narrating

I didn’t want to run right now. I just finished fixing my hair after we got off the ride. Damn.

Nick Narrating

“Guys, should we just sign something?” I asked.

“You think of that this time?” Haley asked me.

“I learn form my mistakes.”

“There’s like thirty of them. And they keep multiplying.” Brian said. Holy shit, he was right. First there were like four, now there had to be at least twelve, and more were still coming. It was like a bad horror movie.

“What do we do?” Haley was standing next to me just laughing her ass off like it was the funniest thing ever. “What is so funny?”

“Just the fact that you guys are scared of like fifteen teenage girls.”

“Teenage girls get very grabby. And not necessarily in a good way either.” AJ said.

“Then go over there and sign some stuff before they announce to the entire park that you’re here.”

“We can’t sign fifteen autographs without looking obvious.”

“You won’t have to. Only about six will be real fans, and then like four or five will just get your autographs because they can, and why not. The other five will just go get in line for a ride.”

“How do you know?”

“Um, I know how girls work. Now go!”

“But,”

“Suck it up. You’re four grown men. Go face those mean teenage girls.” She was right. I’m manly enough for this. Maybe not to have embarrassing stories told about me, but I was definitely manly enough for this.

We walked over and Haley was exactly right about every number for each girl. Six were fans, five got our autographs just because they could and the other four left. How the fuck did she know?



After the impromptu signing session we went on three more rides. Then AJ begged to go on the carousel. Here we were four grown men riding pink and purple horsies! I must have no pride.

Then we were all hungry so we decided to leave the park and get food from somewhere. The only place we could all agree on was a pretty classy and expensive place. Yep, that’s right. McDonald’s. We sent Haley in to get our food and decided we would eat in the car just in case anyone else recognized us.

She came out five minutes after going in with all our food. The first person to finish was AJ so he chose to drive around while the rest of us finished eating. He drove in circles until we were done. We all wanted to go back to our hotel, but we were lost. And I mean like totally lost. It wasn’t until then that I wished the other guys weren’t’ here. I would have rather been lost with only Haley. At least she would make it fun.

We kept driving until we discovered a new road that we hadn’t turned onto yet. We tried that one and it was wrong too, except AJ spotted a mini golf course. Before I knew it we were playing mini fucking golf. I hated mini fucking golf. I was bad at it and I hated it. Actually I hated it because I was bad at it.

We were at the first hole and while AJ was bitching that his club was crooked and that was why the ball went off the course, Haley pulled me over.

“Nick,” she whispered. I loved it when she whispered. “I’ll make you feel manly once for every time you get a hole in one.” Fuck. She picks the one thing I’m horrible at! She couldn’t make me feel manly for every roller coaster I went on!

Next was y turn. I’d really have to concentrate. I had to get a hole in one. The hole was about ten feet from me and it was a straight shot. Probably couldn’t do it. I hit the ball, and thank God! It went in. I had never gotten a hole in one before in my life.

“Where did that come from Nick?” Brian asked.

“I had a little motivation.” Next Haley went. She got a hole in one too. She was just one of those people that are good at everything. At the next hole AJ was complaining that his ball wasn’t the right size or something so I pulled Haley over and whispered, “can I make you feel manly every time you get a hole in one?”

“I’m girl. I don’t want to feel manly.”

“You know what I mean.”

“Okay. Fine.”

“Good.” I ended up with two holes in one. Amazing what happens when you really care about how well you do. And, Haley got three. That was FIVE all together. Luck was so on my side today.

I looked over at Haley while she was laughing at something with Brian and I realized how pretty she really was. I loved her hair. And the way she smiled. I was just so glad she was here.

Haley Narrating

I was so glad I was here. I had had such a good time today. And I got to go make Nick feel manly five times. And he’d make sure it was at least five times too. I knew that. There would be no way it would end up being only four.

Then I looked behind us to see the girls that had saw us at the amusement park. They were just finishing their game of mini golf. I watched them get into their car and I saw a McDonald’s bag sitting in the back seat. Holy shit.

“Nick, I think those girls are following us.” He told the other guys what I just said, and we all figured out that they had been following us. I don’t know why. Maybe they wanted Kevin.

We got in the car and decided to try and avoid them. We got in and realized that if we drove to the hotel they would know where we were staying. So we tried to lose them AJ kept making crazy turns, and we all thought we were going to get pulled over. AJ said he was driving like a maniac to avoid the girls, but I think we all knew he just secretly liked to drive that way.

“AJ, why are they still following us?” Howie asked.

“I think the girl driving is just a better driver than me.”

“Oh good. Haley, any more ideas?”

“Just go to the hotel. They’ll figure out where you’re staying eventually. Besides, how many people can fit into that little car?”

“It’s not really just that car anymore.” Brian said. We all looked behind us to see seven or eight cars following us. “Do you have any ideas now?”

“Maybe we should have brought security.” I said.