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CHAPTER 25

MELISSA NARRATING

“Haley, ass in car now!” I screamed. “Everyone else is here. Hurry the fuck up!”

“I’m here. Calm down. We’re not even late.”

“I know, but I didn’t know how else to get you down here.”

“I can tell time. I’m not stupid you know.”

“I know. Just get in the car okay?”

“Fine. I didn’t know you were looking forward to this so much.”

“I am totally looking forward to this photo shoot.” Said Jess. Yes we were doing a photo fucking shoot. None of us could believe it either. “Think about it. I get to go spend like three hours with AJ.”

“I’m sure he’s just as thrilled as you are too.” Said Haley.

“You really think so?”

“Oh yeah. Who wouldn’t be?”

“I’m so excited!!”

NICK NARRATING

This was kinda fucked up. I mean, who does a photo shoot with five girls from a cheerleading team? I don’t care if one of them is my girlfriend it was still the worst idea ever. Who’s gonna buy fucking poster with us and then five random girls on it too? It was just stupid.

“When are they getting here?” I asked.

“About twenty minutes ago.” Brian said.

“Seriously?”

“No I made it up to see what you’d say. Of course I’m serious. They’re all getting dressed. Although all they have to do is put on their uniforms and put on their competition make up. Considering they came with that on they’re probably done getting dressed.”

“Thanks Brian.” I said. I went back to where all the dressing rooms were. I was bored so as usual I went to find Haley. What else was I going to do if I was bored? Sit with the rest of the guys while Kevin yelled at me for something I couldn’t even remember doing? Yeah right.

“Haley?” I called out just kind of hoping I was in the right spot.

“Yeah?” she called from behind a door.

“Where are you guys?”

“The dressing room. But we’re done you can come in.”

“Okay. Where’s the dressing room?” She stuck her hand out of the door next to me.

“Right here dumbass. There’s a fucking sign taped to the door that says dressing room in three inch letters.”

“Guess I missed it.”

“You’re a blind fucker.”

“If he were blind he wouldn’t practically have a hard on now.” Danielle said.

“I do not have a hard on!”

“Not yet.”

“Shut up.”

“Nice comeback. You’re not even making this fun.”



NICK NARRATING

This was weird. The photographer was first of all the gayest person I had ever met. And I had met some really gay people. He kept gushing over how fabulous we looked. Not the girls either. The five of us. Mainly me. It was fucking creepy.

We finally had a break after what seemed like hours of this photographer screeching, “that’s fabulous Nick. You are just so sexy.” I mean shit. It was really creeping me out.

“That photographer thinks you’re sexy!” said AJ.

“Fuck you.”

“I’m sure the photographer would love to. Although I’m sure you would be his first choice. I suppose he would settle for me if he had to.”

“You have problems man.”

“Stop making things up Nicky.” What the fuck? Oh, Jess was here. Super. I’ve been around that photographer way too long. I gotta stop saying that. “He’s perfect just the way he is.”

She was walking over cooing at him and everything. “I’ve gotta go.” Said AJ. With that he literally took off running. Not that it did much good, because she just ran right after him, but you gotta give him credit for trying.

Then Haley came over so naturally AJ was completely forgotten. I mean think about it, some guy you’ve known for like a hundred years, or the hot new girlfriend? Who would you remember? That’s what I thought.

“Hey.” I said.

“Hi. So, I saw Jess chasing AJ through the building.”

“Yeah. She’s kinda nuts. Why are you friends with her? No offense.”

“No I don’t know. She used to be normal.”

“Ok.”

“Just if you see AJ tell him that if Jess is ever chasing him not to go into a bathroom. She takes that as an invitation.”

“Ok. Good to know. What if he locked himself in a stall?”

“She’d crawl under.”

“Seriously?”

“You really don’t know anything about her if you don’t believe that she’d crawl on a bathroom floor for sex.”

“Guess not.”

“All my bitches!!” Danielle screamed from about ten feet away while she was walking towards us.

“Hey.” I said. “What’s up?”

“I just saw AJ hiding from Jess under a table. So I told him to go into the bathroom.”

“You’re mean.” Haley said.

“I know, but it’s fun.” She said. “Do you know where Jen and Melissa are?”

“No why?”

“Because I want to see if Jen has her camera so I can take pictures of Jess terrorizing AJ. That way I can relive it day after day. Ok, well I gotta go find her. Bye.”

“You’re friends are all crazy.” I said.

“That’s not true. Melissa’s not totally nuts. Just a little bit.”

“Well, she’s the only one.”

“Yeah. So you wanna go to the bathroom and watch Jess chase AJ?”

“Definitely.”

“K. Let’s go.”

AJ NARRATING

This girl is fucking crazy. Not crazy. Like literally she was fucking crazy. She needed help. I think she was a sex addict. Oh well. All I have to do is get to the bathroom. That’s what Danielle told me.

There it was. I’ve never been happier to see a bathroom in my entire life. She definitely saw me go in too. So I should be safe. Well, just in case I better go lock myself in one of the stalls. That way the only way she’d get to me is if she crawled under the door.

I went into the first stall and waited. I heard the door open.

“AJ,” holy shit. She fucking followed me into the men’s bathroom. This was just weird. “where are you AJ? Oh there you are. Right in the stall. I’d recognize those beautiful shoes anywhere.”

Fuck. This is fucked up. Oh well. If I stayed in here long enough she’ll have to leave sooner or later.

“AJ?” Do I answer? I really have no idea what to do. Believe it or not I’ve never actually been in this situation before. No one else I know is this insane. “AJ?”

“Yeah?” I said reluctantly.

“What are you doing in there?”

“Uh,”

“How about I just come see you.” What? How would she do that? HOLY FUCK SHE IS FUCKING CRAWLING UNDER THE FUCKING DOOR. That is just crossing a line that no one should ever cross. I have to escape. I can’t go out the door or under the door for obvious reasons. That left…

I hopped on top of the toilet and pulled myself up on top of the door. Yes, I was fucking crawling on top of a bathroom door. I was in the process of turning around when Jess started yelling at me. “AJ what are you doing?” Surprisingly I had no answer. “Get down from there right now and come have sex with me!!! I mean. Get down from that door. You might get hurt sweetie.”

I didn’t move because I was just so shocked that she first of all, chased me throughout the entire building, followed me into a men’s bathroom, and crawled under the door to the stall I didn’t know what else to do.

Apparently that made her mad so she unlocked the door and shoved it open. At that exact moment the other four guys and the other four girls came running into the bathroom. I was totally never going to live this down was I?

NICK NARRATING

“What the fuck is going on man?” I asked.

“He won’t have sex with me. He keeps running away!” Jess screamed. Then she started pushing the door. So now AJ is not only on top of the bathroom door, is now swinging back and forth on it. This was fucking amazing. I would never forget the sight before my very eyes.

“Quit fucking laughing and do something to help me!” Then Jess started kicking the door so it swung faster. We all know AJ doesn’t like big rides, so he started screaming. Totally started screaming. Like a little girl too. This was just great.

“Danielle, you are so mean.” Haley said laughing.

“You knew she would follow me in here Danielle?”

“Well, yeah. I did.”

“So I can blame you for the fact that I am straddling a bathroom door? Great. Very glad to hear that.”

All I could do was laugh. It was just plain funny. I don’t know. Just there’s something about seeing one of your best friends squirming on top of a bathroom door. It was just a perfect way to spend the afternoon.

“Jess, I cannot have sex with you!”

“Why not?”

“Because um, because well, I , I have a girlfriend.”

“Oh, that’s so sweet. What’s her name?”

“Uh, Greta. Greta Floofinloggin.” Greta Floofinloggin. It just got better by the second.

“Oh, well if you had told me that I wouldn’t have chased you in here. Tell her hello for me.”

“Will do.”



After we finally managed to get AJ down from the stall door we had to get back to work. Throughout the second half of the day the photographer was a little less interested in me and a little more interested in AJ. The creepy part was AJ was totally going with it. He didn’t even seem creeped out at all.

“AJ,” said the photographer, “maybe after we’re done here you could sing to me.”

“Sure man. Sounds great.”



After the photo shoot…

“Oh AJ, you didn’t forget that you promised to sing to me right?”

“How could I forget.”

“We know each other so well now.”

“Yeah. I’d say so.”

“But there’s gotta be at least one thing you don’t know about me.”

“Probably. I’m gonna just start singing now.”

“NO! First, come up with a question so you get to know me a little better.”

“Ok. What’s your favorite color?”

“A little more personal.” Okay. Why did he put emphasis on the personal? This was freaky. Why wasn’t AJ disturbed? That’s what scared me the most.

“Ok. Fine. What’s your favorite movie?”

“Oh, without a doubt, Spice World. I tear up just thinking about it.” He said waving his hand in front of his face like he was crying. This was just fucked up.

“Uh huh. K I’m just gonna sing now if that’s alright.”

“That would be just swell.”

“Okay.” So AJ started skipping, yes I said skipping around him in circles singing. “If you want my body, and you think I’m sexy. Come on sugar, let me know. If you really need me just reach out and touch me, come on honey, tell me so!!!!!!!!”

And with that he took off running and everyone else just followed him. Well, that was why AJ hadn’t been freaked out. He’d had a plan to do that. A plan he had apparently had for hours. He really has way too much time on his hands. Who thinks of something like that? Only AJ I guess.

AJ NARRATING

“See Nicky,” I said, “you don’t have to get freaked out by gay people that think you’re hot. You just gotta have some fun with them.”

“Not too much fun.” Danielle said.

“You have a dirty mind.” Haley said.

“Yes I do. And I’m proud of it. And you love it. It makes you laugh.”

“Oh, by the way Danielle. I do have to do something to get back at you for leading me into your little trap.” I said.

“What trap?” she asked innocently.

“Bullshit. You know what I’m talking about.”

“You know, I thought you straddling the stall door was extremely attractive actually. And so did Jess, so I don’t know what you’re complaining about.”

“Do you know how freaky it is to have someone chase you like that? She’s completely crazy and so are you!”

“Yes, I’ve been told that once or twice before.”