CHAPTER 28
*The chapter where I am killing time until the album comes out.
HALEY NARRATING
“What do you wanna do today?” I asked.
“I don’t know.”
“You’re just full of ideas aren’t you?”
“Always. Isn’t everyone else coming up today?”
“Yeah, at like six tonight. So we have like eight hours to do something. Do you have any work to do today?”
“No. Nothing until Monday. And then it’s just a couple interviews.”
“So, what do you want to do?”
“Movie?”
“Nothing out.”
“Sex?”
“For eight hours?”
“Yeah. What’s the problem there?”
“Sorry forgot who I was talking to.”
AJ NARRATING
“AJ, me and you just have that one interview right?” Brian asked.
“Yeah, then I have one later with Kevin, but you’re free. Lucky bastard. How come I keep getting screwed?”
“Because you talk the most.” That was true.
“Let’s just go.” I sighed.
About an hour and a half later we were on the air answering the same questions we answered in every interview. Our fans knew all the answers by heart anyway. Why did we have to repeat these answers?
“So,” the DJ started, “I hear Nick has recently started a relationship.” Maybe this would get interesting.
“Yes.” Brian answered.
“You gotta give us more than that. The girl’s hot. We wanna know more!”
“Uh…” Brian said.
“Like, how did it start? Come on.”
“Alright. I’ll just jump in here.” I offered. “First, she was on the team that won the sponsorship, and at the first meeting Nick could not take his eyes off her. It was pathetic actually. So after a huge ordeal, he ended up asking her out, and by some miracle she said yes. So they went out, he made a total fool of himself on the date, ended up late to our show because he lost track of time. Just a very funny situation to watch him go through. I thoroughly enjoyed it.”
“So is she a bad influence on him?”
“No, but he is a bad influence on her.”
“So,” the DJ asked, “is she better than Paris?”
“Oh God, yeah. On Haley’s worst day and Paris’ best, she would beat her hands down.” Brian said. Ooh, Brian’s getting feisty. I love interviews without Kevin. Much more entertaining.
“Really, why’s that?”
“Well,” Brian started, “she gets him where he needs to be, and he’s even been on time since he started dating her. He’s just been a lot happier. We’re a lot happier for not having to see her anymore.”
“Yeah, that is a plus.” I said. “She was such a whor- horrible person, she drove us crazy.” I am just gonna stop talking now.
“I would be happier too if I got to spend the night with that.” The DJ said. “Seems she does a lot for him. So, what does he do for her in return?”
I laughed really hard at that. This was some funny shit. Why was no one else laughing? Oh, no one else took it like that. Never mind. Really didn’t mean to twist that there. Well, yeah I did I can’t lie.
“Why are you laughing AJ? Something funny?” Brian asked. He loved to set me up like that. You know, get me into a question I just couldn’t answer. Especially when it was somehow sexually related. Asshole.
“Just thinking of something funny. So, what does Nick do for Haley Brian? You answer.”
“Well, he’s very loyal.” Well, that was sweet. I think I’ll spice this up a little bit.
“And, if anyone hits on her, he’ll kick their ass. Or at least try. He’s really not that strong.”
“So, I guess that kills my chances then.”
“Yeah. Kills mine too.” I said. “Learned that the hard way. Still have few bruises…” This was fun. I could get used to this.
DANIELLE NARRATING
“Let’s go. It’s already after five. We’re late. Although, that doesn’t matter considering we are doing absolutely nothing until Monday. But whatever. We’re probably going out to dinner. Move your ass Mel. Jen’s already in the car.”
“I’m coming. We’ll be there in less than two hours. We’ll be there in time for dinner. Just call Haley and tell her we’re gonna be late.”
NICK NARRATING
I heard Haley’s cell ringing, and she was in the shower, why wasn’t I there too? Anyway, I answered the phone.
“Hello?”
“Nick?”
“Yeah.”
“It’s Danielle. Where’s Haley?”
“Shower.”
“And you’re not with her?”
“It surprised me too.”
“So, just tell her we’ll be there at seven. Don’t forget.”
“I’ll go tell her now.”
“NO! Do not go in there. You’ll be distracted. She’ll be done soon. You know what? Just have her call me.”
“I can tell her. I won’t forget.”
“Fine. Remember seven.”
“Bye.”
DANIELLE NARRATING
“Hell no! I am not listening to that song. Either change the station or turn off the radio.”
“It’s a good song!”
“Dammit Jen. Turn it off or I’m sending you to Chicago tomorrow!” Instead she just started singing. Bitch.
“You and me baby ain’t nothing but mammals, so let’s do it like they do on the-” So I just reached over and switched the station. Great. Cry Me a River. My favorite. And ironically the next station had Britney Spears. I just could not win. Fuck.
NICK NARRATING
Haley came out of the bathroom. She’s so hot. Damn, I just wow I do easily get distracted.
“Your friends will be here at seven.” See, I could be responsible sometimes.
“Okay. We’re eating at 7:30. And it’s already quarter to seven. You should get ready.”
The nine of us were all at the restaurant by 8:30. Did I mention that my friends do not get ready quickly? And we were all starving and the waiters here took forever. We didn’t even have drinks until 9:15. That was just wrong to keep the alcohol from us that long. I think it was the alcohol deprivation that led to our next activity.
AJ NARRATING
“Let’s stick stuff in the candle. Here’s a napkin.” I said handing it to Nick. If someone’s gonna catch fire Nick would be the one so, I figured I’d give him a head start.
He could have said no, but the dumbass took it so, whatever.
There was a collective whoa as the napkin caught fire and Nick had to shake it frantically to put it out. I could see the headlines now. Backstreet Boy burns down restaurant.
Next I handed Nick a straw. That started to melt. OOH, sparks! Cool. This was totally awesome. We should burn shit more often.
“Guys,” said Kevin, “I don’t think this is safe. Paper napkins in fire is just not smart.”
“He’s right.” Said Haley. “Try the dinner rolls instead.” So Nick picked up a dinner roll and dropped it right in the candle.
“NICK! You weren’t supposed to drop the whole roll in the candle you fucking moron!” Danielle said. “Holy shit. There’s flames.” There were too. Flames were kinda shooting from the bread. You wouldn’t expect that to happen either. I mean bread was baked. You wouldn’t think it would catch fire so quickly.
“Do you wanna do something?” Brian asked. “Like, I don’t know, maybe PUT OUT THE FIRE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DINNER TABLE?”
“Good idea.” Nick said. Gee, you think. “How?”
“Water. I think would be a good choice.” I said.
“Right. I need water.”
“You’re drinking water Nick.” Haley said. Was it bad that this all occurred while there was small inferno on our table?
“Jesus Christ.” Danielle said picking up Nick’s water. She threw most of it on the flames and luckily they went out. “What kind of idiot are you?”
“What do you mean?”
“How do I put out fire? Are you kidding? You learn that when you’re three. Stop, drop, and roll and water puts out fires.”
Howie had something to say about that. “Actually I just saw something on the news that says they’re changing it to stop, drop, cover your eyes, and roll.”
“Wow, so not my point.” Said Danielle.
“Sorry.”
“No. Please go on. I was riveted.” She could be pretty sarcastic sometimes. This was fun. Just starting the trouble but not really being involved in it so by the time it blows up in your face people have forgotten you had anything to do with it. I have got to start bringing Danielle everywhere.
“Your food is ready now. Sorry for the wait.” The waiter said. Apparently she noticed the candle was burnt out, “would you like me to relight your candle?”
“NO!!” we all screamed.
”O, Okay.” She said and walked away. Always an interesting evening with the Backstreet Boys.
I happened to look over to see Danielle pick up Nick’s now half full water glass. She looked at it for a minute before throwing the rest of the water at him.
“What the fuck Danielle?”
“How do you put out a fire? Come on! And I noticed you were staring at Haley and I figured that wouldn’t end well, so you know two birds one stone, kill it before it jumped up.”
“But it’s cold.” Everyone was just laughing. Even Kevin. This was awesome. Seriously Danielle was coming everywhere with me from now on. “Haley, are you gonna let her do this to me?” he whined.
“Yes. Yes I am.” Good times.
HALEY NARRATING
“I can’t believe the album comes out tomorrow.” Nick said.
“I know. It’s been a long time.” Howie said.
“What if nobody buys it?” Brian asked.
“People will buy it.” I said. “Some of your fans plan on buying at least ten copies and then just taking nine back as soon as the sales are counted. If anyone was going to take a break and come back it would have to be you guys.”
“I hope so.” AJ said. “What do we do if it totally flops?” Nobody really answered since they were all concerned that that would actually happen. To be honest I was too.
NICK NARRATING
“Haley, what are you doing?”
“Just getting a little something ready for you. I thought it might get you in the mood for the album to come out.”
“What?”
“Some old school Backstreet.” She said putting a tape in the VCR.
“What’s this?”
“You’ll see.” Before I knew it I was reliving every single old performance we ever did and every interview from Millennium on. “I had Melissa bring them up.”
I was such a fag. Not even just when I was like fifteen. But even when I was like twenty. What a fucking faggot. Why didn’t someone tell me I needed to cut my hair. “You really should have cut your hair a lot sooner.”
“Why couldn’t I have met you like six years ago?”
“Sorry honey. Great things only come once in a while. Just keep watching. It gets much better as the years go on. We’re purposely watching in reverse chronological order so it gets worse as we go along. Next is the Diary thing where you talk about Table Mountain.”
“Oh no. What do I say?”
“Just watch.”
“There’s this mountain. And it’s flat like a table. Looks like God goes up there to chill and eat breakfast or something.”
“Seriously I needed to meet you like six years ago. Maybe I could have avoided some of these moments.”
“Don’t feel too bad. That’s what I base my love on. That you need me to keep you from sounding like a jackass. Now, we’re onto Rosie O’Donnell. Before we get to the trivia portion, would you like to tell me anything about the Funky Chickens?”
“The what?”
“The Funky Chickens.”
“Oh, dear god. Oh no. That’s for a whole other day.”
“Maybe after your album goes number one and you are the biggest group in the country.”
”You may have to wait a while.”
“Or maybe only a week. And I’ll get you to tell me anyway. I can be very persuasive sometimes.” She said flipping her hair. She knew I thought that was sexy didn’t she?
“Yeah, I’ll probably be telling you by the end of the night."
Author's Chapter Notes:
this is kinda just to kill time before the album comes out, so it's not great, but it's up.
