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Chapter 11

“You know, I just don’t know what to do.” Cass said.

She was talking to Mary, the nurse, who had decided to see how the girl was doing. Mary had been so nice to Cass, bringing her food, magazines, and always making sure that she was alright and had everything she needed. Mary was the only one at the moment that Cass could talk to without being afraid of having to trust her. Her kind eyes always made her feel safe and her warm smile reminded Cass about her grandmother who passed away years before.

“Why? Tell me dear.” Mary said in her British accent.
Cass shook her head. “I don’t know Mary. I’m so confused right now. So many bad things have happened in my life the past years, and being here, only make things more confusing.”
“Would you like to talk about it?” Mary asked concerned. There was silence for a moment. Cass wanted to tell her, but she was afraid to open up to her. By doing that, she was once again letting herself know the truth. Mary sat there, waiting for Cass to continue. Slowly, Cass looked up and nodded.
“I just don’t know where to start…” Her eyes were filled with tears. “I’ve never spoken to anybody about this, and I just don’t know how to…”
“Honey.” Mary took Cassidy’s hand. “I am not going to force you to tell me, but I know that keeping it to yourself won’t help in the long run. You have to be honest to yourself at one point, and I’m more that willing to help you.”
Cass sniffed and nodded. She wiped away her tears and began talking.

“I’m an only child. My parents were never married, but they had been together for over six years when I was born. When I was ten, my dad suddenly just left. It broke my mom’s heart… and mine. He never came back, or made any effort to keep in touch. Four years later, my mom got married to this guy, Noel. He was really nice to us at first, but after about two years, he changed. Everything changed.” She paused. She could feel her eyes swelling up again. Mary squeezed her hand and Cass continued.

“One night when I was sixteen, I came home and found my mom on the kitchen floor. She had been beaten so badly that she was barely conscious. I called an ambulance, and she stayed at the hospital for two weeks. Noel didn’t come to see her once. I tried to convince my mom to leave him, but she was so scared, Mary.” Cass was crying now, and she had a hard time talking. But she knew she couldn’t stop now.

“She went back to him, but things only got worse after that. I remember lying in bed at night and listening to him screaming at her and beating her. I was so scared, you know. I didn’t know what to do, so I stayed in my room most of the time. I have no idea how many times she ended up in hospital after his beatings, and every time, she always went back to him.
I didn’t have any friends, because I was afraid that someone might find out what was going on at our house.” Cass sighted and wiped away a few more of the tears rolling down her cheek.
“One night, three years ago I was sitting in my room, and I could hear them fighting again. I tried not to listen, but I could hear him beating her, and her screaming out in pain. I ran downstairs and saw her running out the front door. I tried to follow her, but Noel was blocking the door. I remember screaming out my mom’s name and hitting him with every bit of the strength that I had. He finally let me pass, and I ran out seeing my mom drive away.”

Cass was crying so bad that her whole body was shaking. The memories from that night washed over her, and the pain she felt were almost as real as it had been that night eight years ago.
“She was in a car accident that night. Noel had beaten her so bad that she lost consciousness while she was driving. She was brought to the hospital, but there was nothing they could do to save her. I was sitting right next to her when she died. She was only conscious for a short period of time. She spoke to me, Mary. Her last words are still haunting me. ‘They’re all the same Cassidy. Don’t give in to them, promise me that. You’ll only end up like me.’ She said. Then she died.”
“Oh, Cass. I’m so sorry.” Mary was crying too now. She didn’t know what to say. She felt so sorry for the girl, and she could only imagine losing someone that way. Cass was rocking back and forth, crying like baby.
“There’s more, Mary.”
Mary looked at Cass, stroking her hair. “You don’t have to tell me Cass. I can see what this is doing to you.”
Cass shook her head. “No, I want to continue. I can’t stop now. I just want to get it over with. You were right. It hurts now, but I think it will be better in the long run.”
Mary only nodded and let Cass continue.

“After my mom died, Noel forced me to move in with him. I mean, I didn’t have anywhere else to go, but I was so scared and so angry. He had killed my mom, and there was nothing I could do to prove it. He threatened to hurt me of I spoke to anybody about it, so I kept it to myself. One night about a month after her death, I was asleep in my bed when I woke up seeing Noel standing over me…” Her voice trailed off and she had to gather her thoughts a little before she continued.
“I didn’t have the time to react, and before I knew it he was holding me down and forcing himself on to me.” She cried even harder now, if possible.
“Oh, Mary, I didn’t know what to do. He was so strong and I couldn’t do anything to keep him away from me.” She put her head in her hands, and Mary stroked her back.
“It’s ok Cassidy. Just let it all out.” A few minutes passed before Cass continued.
“He kept coming into my room at least three or four times a week after that. Eventually, I didn’t even do anything to resist him. I just let him finish what he came for. Then, about a year and a half after my mom had passed away, I found out that I was pregnant. I was almost 21 by then. I decided to tell him one night. He got so mad, calling me a wh*** and beating me so bad that I ended up losing the baby.”
“Oh my…” Mary couldn’t believe what Cass was telling her.
“And the worst part is that I wasn’t even sorry. I didn’t want his baby.” She was sobbing now. Her voice wasn’t as sad anymore. She almost sounded angry, or bitter.
“The night I ended up here, I was running away from him. I can’t go back there Mary. I can’t let him win. And staying here is only making me more confused.”
Mary nodded to show that she understood her situation.

“Nick, right?” She said.
Cass looked down.
“Yea…Did you know that he’s famous?” Mary shook her head.
“He’s in a group called the Backstreet Boys. You know, I had such a good time with him today, but I just can’t trust him. I can’t forget my mom’s final words, but at the same time, I can’t forget his smile either. I don’t want to give in to him. It’s too soon. I just want to get out of here, and forget that I ever met him, but I don’t have anywhere to go.” She was crying again now.
“Well,” Mary said, hesitating, “you can come and stay with me for as long as you need Cassidy.”
Cass shook her head, and smiled a little. “No, I couldn’t. I don’t want to interfere.”
“Oh dear, you won’t interfere at all. It will only be nice to have some company.”
Cass looked at Mary. “Are you sure?” she asked.
Mary smiled. “Yes, I’m sure. I want to help you Cassidy.”
“Oh Mary, thank you so much,” Cass said, and threw her arms around Mary’s neck. For the first time, she had something to look forward to, a ray of light to help her start her new life.
“Do you know when I will be able to leave this place? I just want to get out of here as quickly as possible. I want to forget about everything, about Nick, about my past. Everything.”
“I don’t know Cassidy, but I’ll find out for you ok? I think you need to rest now. It’s been a long day for you. Will you be ok?”
Cass nodded and wiped away the last of her tears.
“Good. I’ll talk to you tomorrow then.” Mary gave her a quick hug, and walked out of the room.