Nick entered the room where Cass was lying. His whole body was shaking as he walked over to her bed. She was hooked up to different machines, and the beeping that was monitoring her heart beats was the only sound in the room. To Nick, it sounded hollow, and too loud. Beep… beep… beep… At least it was the sound of life.

As he sat down next to her bed, he felt tears forming in the corner of his eyes again. She looked so fragile lying there, but still, so peaceful. He gently took her hand in his. It felt cold against his warm skin. Déjà vu he thought to himself as he smiled sarcastically.

“Hey baby…” He said, stroking her hair with his other hand. He tried coming up with something more to say, but found that he couldn’t, so he just lay his head down next to her on the pillow, and cried silently. 

A few hours later, Nick was still sitting by her side. He’d only been out of the room once to go and tell Aj to go home and get some rest. As he was about to lay his head back down on her pillow, his phone vibrated in his pocket. He quickly pulled it out and looked at the display. Brian….

Nick cleared his voice, and took a deep breath before he answered.

“Hey Rok.” He said, trying to sound cheerful.

“Hey buddy.”

Nick could instantly hear that Brian had put on the ‘are you ok?’ voice that he used whenever something had happened.

“Are you ok?” Brian continued.

Nick smiled a little to himself. ‘I know him too well…’ He thought.

“Well, you know… I’m trying to hang in here.”

“Aj called me and told me what happened. How’s she doing Nick?”

Nick sighed. “Nothing new… she’s still unconscious.”

“She’s a fighter. She’ll wake up soon.”

“I hope you’re right.”

“You sound doubtful.” Nick could picture Brian frown on the other end. He paused for a few moments, trying to figure out what to say.

“I don’t know Bri. It seems like the only thing we do is spending time at the hospital crying over each other. Maybe we’re just not meant to be…”

“Nick, you love her, right?”

“More than anything…”

“Then you can’t give up on what you have. You’ve been through so much together. You have to give her the support that she needs right now.”

“I know Brian… I just don’t know what to say to her when she wakes up. I wasn’t there to protect her, and she counted on me, she trusted me.”

“Nick, you can’t blame yourself for this. There is no way you could’ve known. She knew you were on your way, there’s nothing else you could’ve done. And the fact that you’re there right now, may give her the strength that she needs to recover.”    

Nick nodded to himself and fought back a few tears.

“You’re right. It’s just that I desperately want to forget all the bad things that have happened over the past year, and now, I feel like I’m back where we started. It makes it so hard, you know.”

“I know Nick. Just promise me that you’ll stay with her, ok? She needs you now more than ever. Are you at the hospital right now?”

“Yea, I’m sitting right next to her. She looks so pale, Bri.”

“I’ll pray for her, Nick.”

“I know you will…”

“I’ll pray for you both.”

“Thanks Rok.”

“I love you man.”

Nick smiled a little. “Yea, yea… don’t get all girlie with me now. Love you too though.”

“I know. Call me if anything happens ok?” Brian said, glad that he had gotten his friend to speak to him.

“I will.”

“Ok. Bye Nick.”
”Bye Rok.”

A week passed, and nothing happened. Nick spent every hour of the day by Cass’ bed side, only going home for a few hours now and then to change and eat, usually at the crack of dawn after spending a sleepless night in the chair next to her bed.

It was now Monday, eight days after the accident and Nick had just gotten back to the hospital after going home to take a shower and get something to eat. He walked down the familiar corridor, and was met by Cass’ doctor just as he was about to enter her room.

“Nick,” He said almost cheerful, “I’m glad I found you. Let’s sit down for a moment, shall we?” He led Nick over to a bench down the corridor and they both sat down. They had had a few conversations over the past week, and Nick trusted that he would do everything in his power to help Cass.

Nick looked at him with a worried expression on his face. “Is something wrong?”

“Well… no. Rather the opposite actually. She woke up Nick.”

Nick looked at him in shock, as of he didn’t believe what he had just said.

“What?” He asked.

“Cass woke up about an hour ago.”

A smile spread across Nick’s face. “Really? And everything is ok?”

“Well…” The doctor hesitated. “Why don’t you go talk to her?”

Nick frowned. “Ok…” He stood up and walked over to her door. He looked back at the doctor, who nodded to confirm that it was ok for him to enter.

Nick opened the door and walked straight over to Cass’ bed. She was lying in the same position as she had all week, her eyes open, looking up at the ceiling. Nick let out a sight of relief as she turned her head to look at him, tears rolling down her cheek. He bent down and put his arms around her, as they both cried for several minutes.

“God Cass… I’m so sorry.” Nick sobbed, holding her head in his hands.

“Nick… I can’t feel my legs…” She said, looking into his eyes. “I can’t feel them…”

Nick looked at her in horror, as she began to cry even more.

“What?” He said confused.

“I can’t feel my legs… I’m paralyzed from the waist and down.” She said, her sad eyes filled with tears as she looked at him.

“Oh god…”

“What do I do Nick? I can’t feel them, I can’t move…”

Nick didn’t know what to do or say. He just pulled her closer to him, as she cried on his shoulder.

A few hours passed, and Nick could still not believe that Cass had lost the feeling in both of her legs. He had crawled up in bed next to her, just to be as close to her as possible. She hadn’t said a word for the past two hours, just lying there, staring up at the ceiling

“What happened to Noel?” She suddenly asked out of the blue, turning her head to look at Nick.

Nick looked at her and put a hand on her chin. “He’s dead Cass…”

Cass just nodded and turned her head to look up at the ceiling again.

“He was shot by a police officer right after he shot you and another officer.”

Cass didn’t respond.

“I’m so sorry Cass… I should have been there to protect you, but I wasn’t. This is all my fault.”

“No… Nick, don’t say that. You didn’t know this was going to happen… The fact that you’re here right now is all that matters to me.” She whispered, looking at him again.

Nick smiled a little. “You sound like Brian.”

“Well… that’s no surprise I guess.” She said. “I wish things were different though…”

“Hey…” Nick said, kissing her lips softly. “We’ll get through this together.”

A couple of days passed, and Cass was still feeling numb from everything that had happened. She had forced Nick to go home every night to get some sleep. Both because he was exhausted, and because she felt like she needed some time on her own to gather her thoughts. Dealing with the fact that she was paralyzed was hard for her, and she spent every minute of the day – and night, thinking about it. The doctors had ran a lot of tests and found out that if she worked hard enough, she might be able to walk again. There were still a few nerves in her legs that were working, but it would require a lot of effort to get them to function again. Cass wanted to believe that she could do it, but at the time, she felt completely helpless, and even if she tried, she couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.

There were also other things taking up space in her mind. The thoughts scared her to death, but she knew she couldn’t reject them. She had thought about it for a few days, and had decided that it was the best thing to do.

As she was thinking about this one morning, Nick entered her room, looking more cheerful that he had in a long time. Cass felt really guilty for having to spoil his mood.

“Hey baby.” Nick said, sitting down next to her.

“Hi.” Cass couldn’t look at him, knowing what she was going to say.  

Nick sensed that something was wrong right away, and looked down at her forcing her to look at him.

“What’s wrong?” He asked.

Cass took a deep breath, and paused for a moment to gather her thoughts.

“Nick… I think we need to talk.”

Nick shifted in his seat, and frowned.

“Talk? About what?”

“I… umm…” She had to force herself not to look away, “I don’t think we should see each other any more.” She said, tears forming in her eyes.

“What?” Nick looked shocked.

“I’m breaking off the engagement Nick. I can’t be with you.”