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Chapter 63

AN: Thanks to Susan, Bianca, Diana, and Kaz for their thoughts and input – you’ve helped me out a lot! :)

As promised, later that day Nick spoke to the Tampa police department and the home security company, both of whom told him the same things Claire had – they didn’t know who or what had set off the alarm, and at this rate, they probably never would know. Nothing had been stolen or damaged, and it seemed no crime had been committed, other than trespassing. The police had found no evidence that could be used to help them find out who had been on the property, and the house had been perfectly secure ever since. The non-existent case was as good as closed.

Nick’s mind was hardly put to rest though. He had wanted definitive answers, and no one seemed to have any for him. He figured the police were probably right – being Halloween, it probably was just some punk kids messing around after trick-or-treating hours had ended – but he wanted some assurance before he took off for California again and left Claire all alone in his house. To make sure that she would be protected and to ease his own fears, he arranged for two security guards to come and patrol the property at night, just to watch out for potential intruders.

“They won’t let anyone in,” he promised Claire that evening, the night before he had to fly back, as they lounged upstairs in bed, hardly watching the DVD they’d put in. He ran his hand through her fine, silky hair, pausing to twirl a lock of it around his index finger. “You have nothing to worry about.”

She smiled, her nostrils flaring as she inhaled deeply. “I know,” she replied. “I’ll be fine.”

Returning her smile in relief, Nick rubbed her shoulder reassuringly as he turned his attention back to the TV and the movie that was playing. They watched in silence for a few minutes, until Claire sat up beside him. “I’ll be right back,” she said as she rolled out of bed and padded into the bathroom, turning on the light and closing the door behind her.

Not even a minute later, her cell phone started to ring. Pausing the movie, Nick listened to the annoyingly high-pitched “Quit Playing Games” ringtone for a few seconds before scooting across to her side of the bed and snatching the phone off of her bedside table. He glanced at the screen and scowled, his eyes narrowing as they saw the caller’s name. Jamie-cell.

Not again, he thought with a groan. His first instinct was, of course, to ignore the call, but a split-second later, he changed his mind and, smirking, pressed the button to answer and raised the phone to his ear. “Hello,” he said in a low voice.

There was a moment of silence, and then Jamie’s voice replied curtly, “Hey. Nick?”

“Yep.”

“Oh. Hey. You had me confused for a second; I didn’t know you were gonna be with Claire this weekend. She around?”

With a delightful rush of wickedness, Nick smirked and replied, “Well, she’s writhing under me as we speak, but she don’t wanna talk to you right this minute, man. Can I have her call you back when she’s caught her breath?”

There was another pause, and then Jamie said, “Uh-huh… I see. Well, yeah, have her call me back when she can.”

Nick could hear the amusement in his voice and knew that he didn’t believe him. Not that he really expected him to. Oh well. He still couldn’t help throwing in a loud, throaty moan and a few heavy pants before answering breathlessly, “Sure thing. Later.”

He was about to hang up when Jamie said, “Oh, by the way. Nick?”

“What?” Nick asked, annoyed.

“You’re welcome.”

“Huh?”

“For taking care of your girl while you were gone. You’re welcome,” Jamie repeated.

Nick’s heart skipped a beat. “What is that supposed to mean?” he asked guardedly.

“You don’t know? Your burglar alarm went off Monday night and scared the shit out of her, so I let her sleep in my hotel room. Good thing she had someone in town to take care of her, cause she was pretty freaked out, man. She’s always had this paranoia about people breaking in and attacking her, you know.”

Nick let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding and tried in vain to steady his racing heart and shaking hands. “Well I’m so glad you were there to watch out for her,” he managed to say through gritted teeth, his voice absent of any sincerity.

“Hey, anytime,” Jamie responded cheerfully. “You two kids have fun. Later.”

The line went dead before Nick had a chance to do anything. With a trembling finger, he shut off Claire’s phone and stared at the blank screen for a few seconds as his heart slowly sank. If Jamie was telling the truth, it meant she had been with him that night… not Laureen, as she had told him. She lied to me, he realized, his stunned disbelief turning to devastation. She lied…


If I asked you a question
Would you look me in the eyes?
Has our love been built on lies?
Well, why I’m asking
You see, the time is now
To turn our backs forever
Or work this out somehow…


Claire emerged from the bathroom just as he was putting her phone back on her nightstand and stood in the doorway, her hands on her hips. “Who were you talking to??” she asked, arching an eyebrow curiously.

“Jamie,” he answered without hesitation, raising his own brow in a silent challenge. He dared her to try to lie her way out of this one. Normally he wouldn’t trust Jamie farther than he could throw him, but something told him Jamie wasn’t just lying to stir up trouble. If he was, Claire would call him on it right away; she wouldn’t put up with that shit, even from him. No, there had to be more to it than that. And the only way to know for sure was to confront Claire about it. “You know, he said something pretty interesting…”

Claire’s face had already started to turn red, and he knew without even asking that he’d caught her in a lie. The realization made him feel sick to his stomach, but he had to get her side of it. He wouldn’t accept it until she’d told him it was true. “… He said that you stayed with him the night the alarm went off,” he continued, his voice surprisingly even and calm compared to the turbulence that rocked his insides. “Which is funny, cause I could have sworn you said you stayed with Laureen.”

Claire bit her lip, shifting her weight against the doorframe. “Not the night it happened,” she said quietly. “I couldn’t get a hold of Laureen or Dianna or anyone, so I called Jamie, and he let me stay with him.”

Nick inhaled and exhaled slowly, trying to keep his composure. “In his hotel room?” he asked, his voice starting to rise.

“Yes,” she replied evenly. “In his hotel room… with separate beds. I got there at three in the morning, and I left before seven for work, and the time in between, I was sleeping in my bed, and he was sleeping in his. Nothing happened.”

“Then why did you lie to me?” Nick fired back instantaneously.

She pressed her lips together, and he could tell she was starting to lose her composure as well. “Because I knew you would get suspicious and make something out of nothing… like you are now.”

“Like I am now?” Nick repeated doubtfully. “What the hell is that supposed to mean? All I’m trying to find out is the truth.”

“‘In his hotel room?’ ” Claire mimicked his earlier words. “I know what you think, Nick, and it’s not true. Not a damn thing happened, but I knew you wouldn’t trust me if you knew, so I just didn’t tell you.”

“Well, here’s the thing, Claire,” Nick shot back. “You might as well have just kept right on lying to me because if you had stood there and told me that Jamie was the one lying to cause problems between us, I would have given you the benefit of the doubt. I would have trusted you because I thought that we could be honest with each other. God damn, maybe I should have lied to you about that girl in the bar – then you wouldn’t have that to throw back into my face every time we argue. But I didn’t. I fucked up, but at least I was honest about it. I don’t see why you’d feel the need to lie to me if you weren’t trying to cover something up.”

Claire sighed. “You’re right; I shouldn’t have lied about it. But I swear to you, there was nothing to cover up because nothing happened. I knew that wouldn’t be enough for you though – you would have freaked out at the mere mention of the words ‘Jamie’ and ‘hotel room’ in a sentence together.”

“Well, gee, maybe that’s because I don’t expect my fiancée to go around sleeping in other guys’ hotel rooms! And if you knew I’d feel that way, why did you do it??”

“Nick, I had nowhere else to go!” she insisted. “I tried my girl friends first, but it was the middle of the night, and everyone was asleep. Jamie was my last resort.”

Nick rolled his eyes. “Well, how convenient that your ex-boyfriend, who just happened to be in town that night, was the only one to answer his phone.”

“Oh, right, this is all just part of a huge conspiracy against you, Nick. Jamie flies down every weekend so he and I can fuck each other behind your back,” Claire hissed, her voice packed with biting sarcasm. “Do you see why I didn’t tell you in the first place? Do you hear yourself? You turn into a jealous, suspicious asshole every time his name comes up, so I’d rather just not mention him!”

“Maybe that’s because he used to be the goddamn love of your life! You told me so! And he basically told me that he still has feelings for you. So what am I supposed to think??”

“Does this ring you put on my finger mean anything to you??” Claire asked, thrusting her left ring finger towards him. “Because to me, it means that we’re committed to each other, and each other only. So I would expect you to think – no, to know – that you’re the love of my life and I would never be unfaithful to you, no matter how anyone else feels about me. This isn’t about Jamie and his feelings; it’s about you and me and our love for each other.

“You know, I see pictures of you with other women all the time,” she continued. “Fans of yours who post their photos online. I know that they want in your pants, but you don’t see me getting all upset about it because I trust in your love for me. Maybe I shouldn’t because you cheated on me once, but I do.”

“Oh there you go, bringing up that night again,” Nick groaned, rolling his eyes and cursing himself yet again for that kiss in the bar. “You can keep up the innocent act, but I know you don’t fully trust me, not anymore. If you did, you wouldn’t keep rubbing that in my face. And how am I supposed to trust you now that you’ve lied to me?”

“I don’t know, Nick; you’re gonna have to figure that one out on your own. I’m sorry for lying to you, I shouldn’t have done it, and I don’t blame you for not trusting me, but it’s out of my hands now. I can’t take it back, so you’re just going to have to decide whether or not to forgive me for it and trust me when I say that there’s nothing going on between me and Jamie or any other guy. As far as I’m concerned, we’re even now, and we can either forgive each other and move on or be constantly paranoid that the other is off cheating on us while we’re stuck on opposite sides of the country. And personally, I don’t think the latter’s going to work. It’s hard enough to keep a long distance relationship going as it is.”

“Don’t I know it,” Nick sighed, raking a hand through his hair. “God, Claire, what are we doing? I’m leaving again in the morning; I don’t wanna fight with you.” All he’d wanted was another nice night with her, their last night together before they had to be apart for a few more weeks. And now it was ruined.

“Me neither,” she said quietly, taking a step towards him. He scooted to the edge of the bed and patted a spot next to him. Reluctantly, she came over and perched beside him. He cautiously put his arm around her and felt her body stiffen, then slowly relax against him.

He released a sigh. “I miss you,” he murmured, rubbing her upper arm as he held her. “It’s just so hard being that far away from you… It’s not that I don’t trust you, but it’s easy to get jealous when I think of you alone here with other guys who might be interested in you.”

“One could say the same about you – you’re out in California with all kinds of hot young women who would give anything to be with a celebrity,” she replied. Her tone was not accusatory, but simply matter-of-fact. He was not as convinced that any of those hot young women actually wanted to be with him, but he kept that to himself.

“Well, maybe that’s the problem,” he said. “I’ve tried to have long distance relationships before, Claire, and they’re really hard to maintain. They take work… a lot of compromises and even sacrifices.”

He heard Claire sigh against him. “If you’re leading back to the ‘quit your job and come to California with me’ thing again, don’t even go there. We’ve talked about that before; I’m not ready to quit my job,” she said flatly.

“I know, I know,” Nick replied quickly, trying to hide his disappointment. It wasn’t like he’d really expected her to say that she would – like she’d said, they’d been over it before, and she’d made herself very clear. Still, he sort of wished she would. It would be so much easier if they could just be together, and it wasn’t like he could turn his back on his career. He had four other guys counting on him, and besides, music was what he loved. Claire loved her job too, or so she said, but it just wasn’t the same. She cleaned teeth for a living – how could she possibly be as passionate about that as he was about singing?

“Well… what if you just took, like, a leave of absence?” he asked before he could stop himself, not taking the time to think about what he was saying. “You said your boss is pretty understanding; maybe he’d-“

He was cut off when Claire suddenly pushed away from him and jumped to her feet again, her hands instantly going back to her hips. “Stop!” she cried. “You just don’t get it, do you?! You’ve never had to work a regular job; you don’t know how it is! People can’t just do that! Not without a good reason anyway – medical leave, maternity leave, that’s all fine, but I can’t just ditch my job for a few months to go gallivanting across the country with my boyfriend and expect to find it waiting for me when I come back!”

“Let’s have a baby then, so you can call it a maternity leave,” he replied with a smile. He was only joking, in an attempt to calm her down, but she just got even more riled up.

“Baby?!” she repeated, her eyebrows shooting upwards. “What baby, Nick? We can’t have a baby, unless it’s genetically Jamie’s, and I got the impression you wouldn’t want that.”

“Relax, I was just kidding,” Nick said soothingly, reaching up to touch her arm, but she shoved his hand away.

“Don’t,” she snapped, and he looked up to see angry tears in her eyes.

“Claire,” he started softly, stricken, but she interrupted him.

“Maybe we’ve got this all wrong, Nick,” she murmured, looking away as she fumbled with her engagement ring, twisting it around and around her finger.

“What?!” Nick cried, his heart beginning to race with panic. “What do you mean, wrong? What does that mean??”

She looked back up at him, her eyes still shining with moisture. “We’re so different, Nick…”

“No we’re not!” he argued. “This sounds cheesy, but you’re like my other half, Claire! You understand me better than anyone! We understand each other! We’ve been through the same goddamn shit together – how can you say we’re too different??”

“That’s just it… We went through hell together, and when it was all over, we threw ourselves into this relationship and thought we’d live happily after… But honestly, having cancer is what brought us together - it was the basis for our friendship, and it was something we could both relate to. But now that we’re hopefully past all of that… what else is left? As people, we’re just different. Our lives are different. You’re a superstar, and I don’t want anything to do with that kind of fame. I’m just an average person with an average life and an average job that I happen to love, while you’re never going to be Mr. 9 to 5. It seems like one of us is going to have to give up everything we know to make this work… but I won’t let you give up everything you’ve worked for just for me, and I’m not ready to give up my life yet either. I’m only twenty-five… I don’t know if I’m ready to settle down and make this kind of a commitment yet.”

“What are you saying??” he cried again, apprehension rising within him like bile in his throat. “You mean you don’t want to get married??”

“I don’t know,” she confessed quietly, and a tear finally spilled from her eye. He watched its path down her cheek as she took a shaky breath and continued, “I just feel like maybe we rushed into this and had no idea what we were getting ourselves into.”

“I did!” Nick insisted, jumping up from the bed so that he was standing as well. Balancing on his one leg, he took her by the shoulders and looked down into her tearful eyes. “I love you, and I want to marry you! I’m the same goddamn age as you are, and I’m ready to settle down and get on with the rest of my life. I don’t want to wait, Claire… you never know what could happen, to either of us. Life’s too short to wait.”

Unexpectedly, she wrapped her arms around him, pulling him into a tight hug and burying her face in his chest. “I love you too, Nick,” she murmured, her voice muffled by his t-shirt. “I do. I’m just not sure if I’m ready yet. There’s so many things we haven’t thought about, so many things we need to work out before we commit to a marriage.”

“Well, come on, let’s talk then, let’s get this stuff worked out,” urged Nick, hugging her close to him, almost afraid to let her go. She was terrifying him.

“I need some time to think,” she said, pulling away from him. She took his hand and gave it a squeeze. “I’m gonna go take a drive or something… I just need to get away and clear my head. I’ll be back.”

She dropped his hand and turned to walk away. “Wait!” he cried as she headed for their bedroom door. “Claire, don’t leave, please. Let’s talk about it together.”

“I want to be alone,” she insisted, kindly, yet firmly. “Don’t follow me. I promise I’ll be back later. And Jamie’s back in Iowa, so you don’t have to worry about me sneaking off to him.”

A flicker of anger ignited within him, but he quickly extinguished it before he could explode at her. “I wasn’t worried about that,” he said, clenching his jaw. “Just please, don’t walk away. Let’s talk.”

She glanced over her shoulder at him. “We’ve said enough as it is, Nick. I need to think about all of that… and I don’t want us to fight anymore tonight.” She reached for the doorknob.

In desperation, he started to hop after her on one leg.

“Don’t,” she warned as she pulled the door open. “I don’t want to have to run you to the ER when you fall down the stairs and crack your head open.”

“Then get back here!” he demanded.

“We’ll just fight, Nick – look, we’re already starting again! We both need to cool down. I’ll be back later.”

She strode quickly out the door and shut it behind her, cutting him off from her. He kept hopping to the door, breathing hard with the exertion, but instead of trying to go after her, he slammed his hands against the door with a loud thud and a strangled cry. Turning around, he bent his knee and slid slowly to the floor, his back pressed against the door. Hugging his good leg to his chest, he lowered his forehead to his knee and closed his eyes to soothe the burning of the tears that had risen in them.

He was so confused and, more than anything, afraid. He feared he was losing her, and he felt so helpless. He’d been powerless to stop her from leaving tonight… what if she decided to walk out of his life forever? He didn’t know what to do, and it was killing him. The thought of being alone again scared him – if Claire couldn’t handle a relationship with him, who could?

Please come back, he begged her. Please don’t leave me. I don’t think I could handle it…


And I want to see you
I want to feel you again

Hey you
Do not walk away
Let’s choose love, come on
What do you say?
Hey you
Know that I would spend
My whole life all over again
To find you…


***

Eventually, Nick got up and put his prosthetic leg on solely for the purpose of pacing around the house. He went downstairs and discovered that Claire’s car was gone, so for hours, he meandered around the front half of the house, waiting and hoping to see the headlights of her car pulling back into the driveway. But they never came.

It was well past midnight when he finally crawled back upstairs to bed. His stomach was in knots from all the waiting and worrying he had done, so he took a sleeping pill to keep him from lying awake for another few hours and hoped that when he woke up, she would be back. The effects of the pill took hold of him quickly, and he let his eyes shut, giving into his emotional exhaustion and the drug-induced sleep.

And just as he had hoped, when he opened his eyes the next morning, she was there, sleeping soundly on her side of the bed as if nothing had happened. He exhaled a slow sigh of relief, instantly feeling much better than he’d felt the night before. She was back and in bed with him. Surely that was a good sign. At least it meant that their relationship wasn’t over.

He wanted to wake her up, but he held back, telling himself that she’d had a long night too. It was still early, and he didn’t have to be at the airport to catch his flight back to Los Angeles for a few more hours. He could let her sleep for a little longer.

Careful not to jostle the mattress too much, he scooted closer to her and smoothed her hair off of her face. She sighed in her sleep, but didn’t wake up. Knowing what a deep sleeper she was, he lowered his lips to her warm cheek and kissed her tenderly. He’d never been so glad to see her face.

“I love you,” he whispered ever so softly into her ear before lowering his head back to his pillow, content to lie there and watch her sleep for as long as he could. Yet he was glad when she opened her eyes not half an hour later. “Hey,” he said cautiously as she sat up and looked around, bleary-eyed.

“Hey,” she replied through a yawn and offered him a tiny smile. “Told you I’d be back. I’m really sorry about last night… I just really needed to clear my head. Are you alright?”

“Yeah. Are we alright?” That was the only thing he wanted to know. He didn’t care where she’d been last night, as long as she’d done her thinking and decided that she still wanted to marry him. He didn’t think he could take hearing anything other than that.

She nodded and smiled again. “I love you, Nick.”

“I love you too,” he sighed, pulling her in for a hug. “I was so afraid I was going to lose you.”

“You’ll never lose me, Nick,” Claire said softly, playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. “No matter what happens, I’ll always be there for you.”

For some reason, her words sent chills down his spine, but he played them off, concentrating on the warmth of her body against his as he held her. “Same here, baby. I know you have your doubts, but we’re gonna make this work. We love each other, and that’s the most important thing, right?”

“Mm-hm,” she murmured in his ear, leaving a soft kiss on the side of his neck as she slowly pulled away. He let her out of his embrace, but kept his hands on her upper arms as he looked at her face. Something still didn’t seem quite right to him, but it must just have been awkwardness because of their fight the night before. Determined to wash away the awkwardness, he pulled her back to him and kissed her soundly on the lips. Their kiss felt no different; it sent tingles through his limbs like every kiss before it, reassuring him that nothing had really changed between them.

“I love you,” he whispered again as he gently released her, gazing into her large blue eyes, the eyes that had watched him go through the worst moments of his life and still loved him anyway.

He knew that they would make it. They’d already been through too much together not to.


We’ve layered on hurt on hurt
I’ve seen pain cloud your eyes
But we are bruised, not broken
Like a phoenix, love will rise

Do you see me?
Do you feel new again?

Hey you
Do not walk away
Let’s choose love, come on
What do you say?
Hey you
Know that I would spend
My whole life all over again
To find you

Look in my eyes, kiss my mouth hard
Let your conviction reassure my heart
Promise me now; I’ll promise you too
I love you

- “2 Find U” by Jewel


***