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Chapter 93

Claire’s first feeling upon waking up was pain. The second was confusion. She had a horrible headache, which was only made worse when she opened her eyes; even the small amount of light streaming through the slats of the mini-blinds hurt. Squinting, she looked around blearily for a way to block out the offending brightness. That was when she realized with a start that she was not in her own room.

With a gasp, she threw the covers off of her, then froze, as she felt the cool room air on her bare thighs. Looking down, she noticed several things. She was nearly naked from the waist down, though, thank God, she still had panties on. On top, she was wearing nothing but a baggy t-shirt which was not her own. It was clearly a guy’s shirt, and the sheets she’d thrown back were dark gray – guy sheets. Oh God, Claire thought, squirming with shame at the realization that she had woken up in a man’s bed. Still discombobulated from sleep, she tugged the sheets back up to cover her lower half and tried desperately to remember the night before.

She didn’t have to piece much together, for at that moment, the bedroom door opened, and Jamie appeared. Dressed in nothing but his boxers.

“Morning,” he greeted her with his usual smirk.

Claire didn’t answer right away. Her eyes traveled from Jamie’s bare chest to her own body, which suddenly felt very exposed, despite the t-shirt. His t-shirt. Where were her clothes? She looked around the room frantically, finally spotting them in a heap on the floor, her tangled bra on top. The jeans and green tee he’d been wearing the night before were lying in their own pile, just a few feet away.

Horrified, Claire looked back up at Jamie, feeling her face growing warm. “What happened?” she asked hoarsely, wanting to gag on her words. “We didn’t… Did we…?”

“Sleep together?” inserted Jamie, his smirk broadening. “Well, we definitely slept together… but we didn’t sleep together, if that’s what you mean.”

Claire blinked and looked away from him for a moment, thinking hard. She finally decided he was telling the truth; she didn’t feel like she’d had sex last night. The scary thing was, she didn’t remember. All she could recall was being with Jamie in the bar, drinking and dancing… and then…

The kiss.

It was the last thing she remembered, kissing Jamie in the park. Her lips tingled as the memory, and soon all the hairs on her body had risen. She pulled the covers closer around her as the shivers rushed through her body and chanced another look up at him, her cheeks reddening as she met his eyes. “Oh God… we made out though, didn’t we?” she asked bluntly, cringing at the question.

She felt ashamed. It was the closest she’d ever come to having a one-night stand, though it was anything but. They’d already established that they hadn’t had sex, and kissing wasn’t a crime. Besides, it wasn’t like he was a random stranger she’d picked up in a bar. He was Jamie.

Oh God. He was Jamie.

Jamie nodded slightly. “I was hoping you’d remember that much,” he replied, the corners of his mouth turning upwards in a small smile.

Claire squirmed again, uncomfortable with the way he was looking at her. She felt like she was in some kind of time warp. This isn’t right… I got over him years ago, damn it! she thought desperately, staring up at him. “What do you mean?” she asked flatly. “Why were you hoping I’d remember it? Did you like it?”

He gave her a wounded look. “Of course I liked it,” he replied defensively. “Why wouldn’t I have liked it?”

Claire gave him a long, hard look through narrowed eyes. “Because I’m your friend, Jamie. Nothing less, nothing more. You made it perfectly clear that we should just be friends years ago, when you told me we shouldn’t date anymore. So why should you enjoy kissing me now?”

Jamie cleared his throat and lowered himself to the edge of the bed. Turning to face her, he looked her right in the eyes and answered, “Because I was wrong years ago. I never should have broken up with you before college. And what’s funny is, I realized that when we were still in college. But you know me… too damn proud to admit it.”

Claire swallowed hard. She could feel her heartbeat starting to accelerate, as she realized what he was saying. But she didn’t quite know how to react yet, so she let him go on without saying anything.

“And then you… you got sick-” Jamie faltered, his gaze momentarily leaving her eyes as he shifted his weight awkwardly. “-and the timing just never seemed right. I mean… I had enough trouble just being a friend to you then, right?” He blushed shame-facedly, briefly looking away from her again, then returned his gaze to her. She couldn’t find the breath to speak, so she simply offered him a smile, wordlessly encouraging him to go on.

“But I’m older now… more mature. We both are. I’m a completely different person than I was in high school, and I know you are too, but… you’re still the only person who makes me feel… well, the way you do. You know I’ve never had a relationship that lasted as long as yours and mind did, since I left you. I’ve dated, had a few ‘girlfriends’ if you wanna call them that, but none of them meant as much to me as you do.”

“I take it you’re not holding out much hope for you and Sarah?” Claire asked with a smirk. She knew she shouldn’t be joking right now, when he was pouring out his heart to her, but it was all too much for her to take in. She wasn’t ready to have to react to that yet; she didn’t even know how she felt about it. So she’d delay thinking about it as long as possible.

Jamie grimaced. “Nah… Sarah’s beautiful, don’t get me wrong... she has a real pretty face, but inside-“ He tapped the side of his head. “-there’s not much. I like a girl with a brain and a sense of humor.” He offered her a smile. “Sarah hasn’t got much of either.”

“Typical pretty airhead then.”

“Yeah.”

“So you put me through the blind date from hell to find this out?” Claire smirked again, enjoying watching him squirm.

“My mistake,” he conceded. “Let me make it up to you.”

“I thought last night was your way of making it up to me.”

Jamie smirked and leaned closer to her. Lowering his face so that it was directly in front of hers, he whispered, “Then let me do it again.” And he closed his eyes, his lips making a beeline for hers.

Startled, Claire caught him by the shoulders and held him back. “Jamie, stop,” she protested, her voice cracking a little. His eyes flew open, looking slightly wounded. She shook her head sorrowfully. “I’m sorry. I just- This is a little too sudden for me. I mean, last night I thought we were just friends, and now… now you want to be more again? I just need some time to think about that, okay?”

He nodded. “Understandable,” he relented, easing back and straightening. He cleared his throat and asked, “Um, you need some aspirin or anything?”

“You don’t have to go changing the subject,” she said. “Just no kissing, okay, for right now? But since you mentioned it… a couple aspirin would be great.” A sheepish smile accompanied her pleading tone; her head was still throbbing with the effects of a hangover, and his confession had sent it spinning.

Jamie got up immediately. “I’ll get you some,” he told her and left the room.

As soon as he was gone, Claire let out a shuddering sigh and closed her eyes, pressing her palm against her forehead. So Jamie really did still have feelings for her. Everyone who had told her that – Dianna… Nick… - had been right all along.

Nick…

As his face swam before her mind’s eye, she felt a pang in her heart… a stab of guilt. Though they had been apart for months, a part of her felt as if she’d betrayed him by letting herself kiss Jamie last night.

But the worst was the realization that she’d enjoyed the kiss… and it hadn’t been just because of the warm, contented feeing she got when she drank. As much as she wanted to deny it, she’d felt something. The same feelings she’d experienced every time she’d kissed him as a teenager, still young and innocently in love. Her body broke out in tingles just thinking about it now, and she was startled to feel goosebumps rise on her skin. She jerked the covers up higher around herself, but she knew she wasn’t just reacting to the chill from the air conditioner.

No, there was something. She didn’t want to admit it, but the way her heart was fluttering in her chest was a dead giveaway – try as she might to ignore them, she still had feelings for Jamie. She thought she’d gotten over them, but the kiss had brought them all hurtling back to her.

She imagined Nick laughing snidely, humorlessly, reacting as if he could read her thoughts. “I told you,” he spat scathingly. “I told you so. All along, you’ve just been interested in getting back together with Jamie Turner.”

She hung her head. No, she thought fiercely. It’s not true. I loved you; I really loved you. I still love you.

But another voice deep inside her probed, But do you also still love Jamie?

Claire fidgeted on the bed, torn. Torn between a sense of loyalty to Nick and refusal to believe for a second that she’d had any feelings for Jamie while she was engaged to him… and the way her heart was beating erratically at the memory of kissing Jamie last night.

Maybe she did still love Jamie… or maybe she didn’t. But either way, she could no longer deny there was something there. The kiss had stirred up feelings in her she thought had vanished long ago… but there was no arguing it now – they were back. The question was, was she merely enjoying the memory of those feelings, a memory Jamie’s lips had evoked?

Or had she never stopped loving him?

***

“What’s so wrong with the idea of you loving Jamie anyway?” Dianna asked two weeks later, arching her dark, perfectly-sculpted eyebrows at Claire above her frozen latte.

Claire sighed, avoiding her friend’s eyes. “I dunno… it feels so right and so wrong at the same time. I don’t know if that even makes sense, but that’s how it is.”

“Yeah… why does it feel so wrong to you?” probed Dianna.

“’Cause… I was in love with Jamie when I was a teenager. I’m not a teenager anymore. I’m a totally different person now, and I shouldn’t still have feelings for my high school sweetheart! I got over him years ago!”

“Or you think you got over him, ‘cause you felt like you had to,” Dianna pointed out. “But maybe you really never did. Don’t forget, he’s the one who broke up with you. You were heartbroken; don’t you remember?”

“Yes… but that was so long ago!”

“Oh Claire… what does that have to do with anything? Maybe you still feel this way because he’s the one. Have you ever thought of that? Think how romantic that would be – apart for all these years, resigned to just being friends, only to rekindle your romance and get back together!” gushed Dianna, smiling dreamily.

Claire just rolled her eyes, fighting the smile that was tugging on her lips as well. Dianna had been over the moon when she found out what had happened on St. Patrick’s Day and would have liked nothing more than for Claire and Jamie to get back together. “You two were the cutest couple ever in high school, and you only broke up so you could be free in college. Well, college is long over, and none of your relationships since have worked out, so… why not give it another try together? I mean, what have you got to lose?” she’d reasoned.

Her logic had made sense to Claire, but it sounded so clichéd, like the plot of a cheesy love story. The long lost high school sweethearts, ending up together years later, as adults. She always wondered, if they were so meant to be, why had they broken up in the first place? Clearly, something hadn’t been right.

“Yeah, well, welcome to the real world, Di,” she replied cynically, making a face at her friend across the table. “Anyway, you can’t talk about anyone being ‘the one’ when you’ve only been going out for two weeks.”

Going out… dating… were those the proper terms? Claire wasn’t sure, but that’s what it seemed like she and Jamie had been doing these last couple of weeks. Against her better judgment, she’d gone out drinking with him several more times that first week, and in the second, they’d moved on to dinner together, just the two of them, bowling on Thursday, and last night, a movie. Of course, these were all things that friends did together, but somehow, Claire knew they’d unceremoniously moved past the ‘friendship’ line.

Still, they were taking it slow. She wasn’t ready to call him her boyfriend again yet, and even ‘dating’ seemed like a stretch, but if they kept this practice up, she’d have to start using the term eventually. As guilty as it made her feel, she was having fun spending time with Jamie again, and she was well aware of the sparks that flickered every time he touched her or looked at her in just a certain way these days. The kiss had ignited something between them that didn’t seem about to die anytime soon.

“But you haven’t just been going out for two weeks. You dated for over a year! Longer than you and Nick dated, I might remind you… and you thought he was ‘the one,’ didn’t you?”

Claire groaned. “Please, don’t mention Nick, Di,” she mumbled.

Dianna’s brow creased with sympathy. “I’m sorry, girl… I thought this was a sign that Nick was just a thing of the past, you dating Jamie.”

“Yeah, well, apparently I have problems letting people go. If I’m still in love with Jamie after eight years, I’m allowed to still have feelings for my ex-fiancée, who I only broke up with four months ago.”

“Good point… and you don’t have to get a tone with me.” Dianna frowned.

“I’m sorry. Just… leave it for now, okay?” Claire pleaded, finishing off her smoothie with a rather loud slurp. “You ready?”

“Sure.” Dianna picked up her drink and her shopping bags and slung her purse over her shoulder as she stood up. Claire grabbed her purse and pitched her empty cup in the trash bin as she followed Dianna out of the dusky coffee shop and back into the open of the brightly-lit mall.

Now that it was almost April, all of the stores had been stocked with their summer lines, and their were huge sales on the leftover “winter” clothes. Dianna had dragged Claire shopping with her, and they were slowly making their way from store to store, Dianna pouring over the new summer fashions while Claire rummaged through the clearance racks, hoping for good finds among all the ugly clothes no one had bought in December. She wasn’t having much fun though. It was too much of a hassle to try on clothes with her arm in a cast – not that she enjoyed trying on clothes in the first place – and as much as she loved Dianna, the woman could be so damn nosy sometimes.

Still, she wasn’t sure why she was in a bad mood. She should have been happy with the way things were going in her life right then. She was starting to move on from her failed engagement to Nick... next week, she had appointments with both her eye surgeon, to fix her remaining cataract, and her orthopedist, to get her cast off… and tomorrow, Jamie had promised to take her shopping for a new used car, to replace her totaled Toyota. Everything that had gone wrong for her in the last few months was starting to fix itself.

So why was she so hesitant to go with the flow?

***