“Just Another Day”
Chapter 20: What I Want
Iz dropped me off hours later about a block away from my house. It was a peaceful night out and really, I wanted the time to think to myself. A lot has happened. A lot I let happen.
I guess school is first. I’ve neglected the hell out of it after Nick came in the picture, if anyone noticed. I admit it, my other classes I kept up in. Psychology 101? I was so doomed. I was interested and all, but not passionate about it. Art is passion, anything creative is passion, for me at least. Yet I always keep it to myself. I know my major is art, like I told Brian when I very first met him. But I’ve taken more classes for the career I’m supposed to be in. The major is just a technicality my family ignores because they expect me to change it. And, I don’t know, with Psychology 101...knowing it is supposed to be my one day career future didn’t exactly help the pressure to excel like Blossom. Who hasn’t called since the Nick thing made news. Same with Johnny D. Some brother and sister. Forgotten me, unless its about my future of course.
Oh and let us not forget Sebastian. Sebastian, well that was nothing but a mess. I guess he’s not who he used to be. Or who I remember him to be, but he was still my best friend along with Teddy. He was once a crush. I ever thought I still had it. Yup, even after meeting Nick. In fact I thought I was displacing those feelings on to Nick. (And I’m failing psych? I did absorb some things.) That theory was obliterated- (word of the day!) when I kissed Sebastian to hurt Nick. Cause again, I didn’t feel a spark. It…okay I admit it wasn’t like kissing Nick. There. I said it. Oh, and Izzy told me that he liked me in high school and she thinks he might even now. So now it’s complicated and all thanks to me.
So, is everyone caught up?
Now explain it to me and how I got to this point.
Because Lordie knows I am beyond lost.
Back to the school issue! I’m failing the subject everyone but Sebastian, Iz, Teddy…oh and Nick, expect me to turn into my future. Yep that’s my biggest worry. Lucky for me… parents? Have no clue. One point for Cally Rayne! One Billion points for the world against me. Yup, still losing. So not spiffy. So now I was just getting home, letting my thoughts take over. Nothing new to see, same boring neighborhood. Dogs barking, neighbors being neighbor-y, Nick and Sebastian brawling in my driveway…the night sky was actually pretty tonight and-
Wait! Hold Up! Rewind. What had I just said? Back up! I rushed over when I realized just what I was seeing, and that it wasn’t a hallucination of mine of course. Or a daydream/nightmare scenario. Had to rule those out. Lordie, I need a shot of red mountain dew. Seriously. Moving on.
“Sebastian! Nick! What the BEZELS are you two doing!? STOP IT!“
Of course, they continued. Forgotten me right? Why would they EVER listen to reason? (Yes, note the major sarcasm used here.) Guys can be so dumb acting. I’ve learned that. But of course, there’s no tests in Psych 101 on that.
Grabbing Nick, and trying to pull him away, I just barely caught sight of Sebastian pulling me off to the side. Nick, who was surprised to see me at my own home oddly, got sucker punched cause I distracted him unintentionally and all that. He stumbled back, getting ready to lunge at him. Both were sporting marks from their battle so it was obvious this hadn’t just started. Oh boy. Help? Anyone? Darn.
“Quit it! Both of you! I am so sick of all this drama! STOP IT! LORDIE!” Shouting it angrily into the night, I think I am finally at my boiling point. It only took me almost nineteen years to get there, as I pushed Sebastian away from Nick. Nick who was after that punch starting to sport quite the shiner.
“He started it.” My friend muttered, his gaze skipping away from mine.
Nick took a glimpse at me, an ashamed one I might add. “Cally Baby, I came by to talk…ya know? And I-”
So those gah worthy thoughts did happen. Darn Izzy, being right and all. “Honestly,” I interrupted, so tired, of everything. “I don’t want to hear it.” There was something off about Nick. Not sure what, but there was.
“Lypsi-”
“Sebastian, stay here for a few, and Nick-” I blinked when I didn’t see him next to me. Oh Lordie. Then, seconds later, I spotted him moseying along. Yes I like the word mosey. Very slowly, and every once in awhile, a bit out of step. I guess he was off to his Cadillac. I have no idea what I’m doing, take note of that. I jogged over to catch up with him, again, not having a clue of what I’m doing.
“What Cally?” I smelt…was that alcohol on his breath?
“My god, you’re not drunk are you?” That would explain at least something.
He turned, looking insulted. “No. Why do you care?”
“Seems when you drink something bad happens.”
That was when he shot me a hurt glare. “You want to pin this on me Cally? Fine. Do it. That way you can go back to that bastard you call a friend. And then I’m gone, just like you want, right?”
I stared at him, did he JUST say that?
“Right?!”
*****************
I wasn’t drunk aight? Lemme get that straight. I had a couple damn drinks after that Trace nightmare. Can you blame me? After that I came here to see Calypso and was met by the asshole she kissed. Heh, and I had been done with that playing nice idea obviously. Now she wants to blame this shit on me?! What kind of crap is that ya know? Dammit AJ! I’m killing him for the ya know’s.
“I’m right! Aren’t miss Calypso Lynn Rayne!”
Then, her face went freaky red. And she soon exploded in a way I never expected from this soft spoken girl who had snuck into my life and began all this.
“Dammit Nick! I am NOT NOT NOT NOOOOOOOOOOT trying to blame you! You think all of this is so simple, so easy! It’s not so darn easy for me! You’re mad at Sebastian cause I kissed him. Nick, I’m the one who did it! You and I are only friends anyway! Ever since we met my life got uber-complicated. You want to be mad? Well be mad at me!”
“Why DID you kiss him Cally? Why even bother with me if I complicate things so damn much!? Huh? And it IS easy, that’s what scares you!”
“Maybe I wanted to kiss him.” She said, quietly, the anger and yelling very slooooowly sneaking away from her voice.
“You didn’t get anything from it. You know it. Why would you want to kiss him?”
She looked up at me, in some strange ass way I can’t explain. “Question of the night. And you know Nick, it’s not easy. Unless you’re some millionaire rockstar who’s used to getting what he wants. I live in reality, not in that Hollywood alternate universe.” She did NOT just say that. She knows me better than that. I grabbed her arm, pulling her not forcefully, back towards me when she tried to walk away. Oh no, I’m a stubborn ass and this ain’t ending that easy.
“You KNOW I don’t have it easy Cally. Look at you, you don’t have family trying to use you. Your family actually gives a damn!”
“No instead they want me to be some perfect Cally. I am SICK of being controlled by everyone Nick!”
I stepped back, okay was that directed at me? I stared at her hearing the thunder boom above us, as clouds began to roll in against what was supposed to be a quiet night sky. “I never controlled you. Just what do you want from me Cally!?” With that she ran off, back to the friend who hated me. I watched her go.
I don’t think she knew what she wanted.
That was the problem.
************
I don’t know what I want, and it is so the problem. I just wish someone other than the confused me can see that. Well, I knew I want everyone to be happy and very not hurt, but I didn’t think I could have that. In fact, as I walked away from Nick yet another time, I knew it for sure. Still, I kept walking. Time to face Sebastian, which if anyone has noticed, I’ve managed to avoid very nicely until now. Bah, I hate consequences. They stink. I wanted to just sneak to my room, barricade myself inside and just paint. Too bad Sebastian is staying there with us. Shame my parents are coming back today. WHERE is that cave when I need it? You ever noticed that a hole never appeared for you suddenly fall in when you needed one? Poo.
There is Sebastian, as the thunder begins to roar angrily. Mood fitting right? He stood there as the wind began to pick up around us. His sapphire jade eyes were colder than I’ve seen them in the past. Oh boy. “Calypso, what the heck is going on with you?”
Ummm…play dumb? Geeze I go from never been kissed to kissed by some freaking rockstar and then kissing my best friend to chase him off. When the heck did my life spin out of my control again? Let me know, cause if I ever found Doc from Back To The Future I’d use that time machine to reverse it all. I think. “What do you mean?”
“You kiss me and then avoid me for an entire day to start with, after a phone call where you sounded crazed.”
“I needed you okay? And I avoided you cause I had a lot I had to think about, AWAY from any guys.” I say softly, but firmly. I can’t even look him in the eye. Way to be spineless Calypso Lynn Rayne.
That was when he grabbed me roughly by the shoulders, so sharply it shocked me back to reality. Still he gripped them, enough to where it was beginning to hurt. “You still didn’t answer why you kissed me and then ran.” His voice was harsh, almost fierce.
I tried pulling away, staring at him with frustration when he wouldn‘t let me. What happened to the best friend who let me be me? Who said I should make my own choices no matter what and learn from them? Was that only because I was doing what he wanted before and now I’m not? Even when he comforted me when he first got here, was that just because he thought I wouldn’t go anywhere near Nick again? “I don’t have to answer, I don’t know why, just let me go.”
“I don’t understand you at all anymore.”
He did let go and I glanced at the stars above us. I wish I was up there sometimes, my soul at peace, drifting among the stars above before being reincarnated again to live another life. A pipe dream, but a dream none the less. “The feeling is mutual Sebastian.” I said, turning to go into the house. I’m so tired of all this. Really I am.
Then I saw the headlights from a car pulling into the driveway. I glanced over. Oh no, no more Nick drama. That drama hurts and I really just want to paint and maybe sleep. I saw the car. Oh no. Come on. Not now…
“What’s going on? Cally, Sebastian…” I hear my mother ask, my father stepping out of the car after she did. Reality check for me. Reality stinks. Give me my painting creative world any day please.
“Hey Mr. and Mrs. Rayne.” I heard my friend call out earnestly. At that I watch him, just curious. “I was just trying to talk some sense into your daughter.”
No.
He wouldn’t.
He couldn’t!
“What do you mean?” My dad was asking, looking to me. I looked more like him you know. Personality, well if it wasn’t for looks I’d sometimes think I was adopted. I never did fit in with my family that well sometimes. Can I be invisible again? I’m thinking I’m starting to miss it.
“Well…” I stare down my friend. He’s not doing what I think he is. I’m dreaming. Yet, I’m not, I was witnessing a backstab in motion and it hurt. A ton. Like a punch to the stomach almost. “She keeps hanging out with that musician…neglecting her studies…”
HOW did he know about the school issue?!
“…So much that her Psych Professor called about her failing grade, in concern and wanted to speak to her about a make up cause she has potential.” Nail in coffin. “She’s acting strange, avoiding everyone, including me and Isabel…” That’s a lie! “And I confront her about it and she just wants to avoid me again…Maybe you can talk some sense into her.”
And there I was, faced with two very mad, upset, and lets not forget disappointed, parents standing before me. Tears were on hold in my eyes. Not going to let them fall. Nope. No. Not going to let my EX friend see how much that stung. That was low. The lecture came of course.
“What do you mean you keep going to see that musician?!” My father roared, his eyes flashed with fury.
“I wanted to be friends with him.” Did I really sound so meek just now?
“He’s just using you!” Gee thanks mom. “He’ll hurt you as soon as he’s done with you.”
“You know it’s for the best to stay away from him! Leave that shallow star to his groupies. I don’t know what he wants but you know he’s using you for something.” My dad stayed silent in most of this. Only thing he commented on was that he just said. My father never fully understood me but he gave me more leeway than my mom ever did. Guess the Nick issue bothered him the most.
“Not to mention your grades are slipping! How could you be failing Psychology! It’s your passion!”
I listened to their yelling, seeing Sebastian smirk just slightly. Not enough for my parents to notice but I knew him enough to spot it. He did this to comfort me about how it’s for the best later.
“…You may want to rebel like a delayed silly teenager now but one day you’ll be glad you gave up that silly painting and stupid musician and chose the life meant for you! This is what you really want-”
“I-”
“And if you decided to do otherwise you’d see that the talent and guy would never last and never work out and you’d wish you’d been smart like your IQ says despite your dumb actions and-”
“Well I-”
“I still can’t understand how you fail what will be a career you will live to do…will love-”
“Lypsi, I know all of this will work out, listen to them and me. I’ll be there for ya…” Oh now he sounded concerned.
After a few attempts of trying to get a word in, I guess it happened. As the thunder roared and the rain finally began to fall, I lost it. Just blew. I glared at the three before me as bitter tears began to blend with an angry rainfall. “No. Things are NOT going to be okay Sebastian. YOU only want me to be me when you think you can control me. What you want me to stay alone forever so you can pity me and play with my feelings?! Was that all I ever was, someone you could play savior to? You‘d think after what you dealt with growing up, always sick of others controlling you, playing a false freaking martyr, you wouldn‘t do it to me! You are NOT who I thought you were!”
“Dad, I love you, but Nick if anything ever happened, which hasn’t…he wouldn’t use me.”
“Calypso! This is certainly out of-”
“And YOU mom! I used to like Psychology. Now I think I really HATE it because everyone is forcing it on me! I’m not perfect Blossom! I’m not awesome Johnny! I am ME only! Why can’t you ever ever ever see ME and not who Blossom and Johnny are!? Am I that bad? Am I that invisible?! If I’m not enough, find another daughter! I am so sick of this! In fact I think I’m dropping out of college! Actually, yes, yes I am dropping out of college! I am going to try art and see where my REAL passion freaking takes me!”
“You’re just a little excited and-”
“No! I’m being me! And ME is dropping out of school! ME is saying SCREW psychology!”
“Calypso Lynn Rayne, if you drop out of college than you can find another place to live young lady.” Her brown eyes were ablaze with fiery fury. Fury at me and I didn’t care. I was done. No one cared what I wanted and so forget it.
“That’s so peachy! I will!” I raced inside, shoving Sebastian out of my way, grabbing his keys from where they were off the counter in the kitchen. Did I really just say I’d quit school? Crazy as it was, I didn’t say it just to make my parents mad. I heard them calling after me through the open door but I ignored them. They thought I was just going to my room likely. Shows how well they know me. I went to my room, grabbed my wallet and a few other things and stalked into the garage. I got into my former friend’s car. Soon I was revving the engine as the garage door opened. Starting it up, I turned the radio on, volume almost full blast. Without thinking I backed up with full speed just missing my parents’ car by an inch, then, put it in gear and sped off. I slammed in a random mix CD into the CD player Sebastian had put in when he first modified the van. I just drove, making turns and not giving a darn where I was going, as long as it was away. My only companion was a song by Kelly Clarkson.
…Are you listening…hear me, I’m crying out, I’m ready now. Turn my world upside down, find me… I’m loose inside a crowd, it’s getting loud. I need you to see I’m screaming for you to please… hear me. Hear me, hear me, can you hear me? Hear me…
Tears fell freely now, dancing their way down my chubby cheeks. My vision blurred as the windshield wipers struggled to battle the rain. Being smart, and freaked, almost paranoid about car accidents, I pulled over to the side of the road. I sat there, letting the music comfort me. I was basically told to get out. I decided at random I was done with school. I actually stood up for myself. And Nick, well that was still complicated. I was alone, and now unable to get a hold of Teddy or Izzy as I fiddled with my cell phone. My breathing was still heavy, and the tears still were coming in salty bitter streams.
Oh…and did I really just commit grand theft auto?
Author's Chapter Notes:
Another chapter, yay for being a late night insomniac! lol. Enjoy :) And for everyone who's reviewed, I love ya all hehe.
