“Just Another Day”
Chapter Two: Shallow Image
At the time I thought life was just fucked. I had four guys I considered brothers looking out for me, but I knew the world was fucked. I just knew. My family was a prime example. Abusive parents, eldest of six and ignored by everyone in my family by the time I moved out at eighteen. Six years later and nothing there changed much. Except when they need money or my mother wants to bring me down by calling and bitching at me. The world loved me and the world hated me. Well, the girls of the world loved me anyway. More accurately would be they loved my image. Nick Carter That was who they loved. Did they ever even like me? Nick? Can’t say, they never looked for him to find out. I had been working since I was barely thirteen and now I was twenty four. My life was hell at best and I was so sick of everything.
I knew there were some things not meant for me. I knew fame was because I had it. Loads of it. The youngest member in a band you might have heard of. Just maybe. Flames of Ice. Biggest group around since those gay Backstreet Boys. Though only way you knew of us is if you listened to our kind of music. We were fucking huge, but not overexposed like that boyband I mentioned. Music was my life. It was just a part of me. I write songs constantly and there is no bigger rush than getting up and performing. The tour bus always sucks though. I go fucking stir crazy on it and as Howie likes to tell me, “I drive them all loco”. So when I ain’t bouncing off the damn walls, I always was writing in one of my notebooks ideas for new songs. Yes I fucking carry notebooks around. No I ain’t gay, I just use them to get shit out. If I didn’t I would have lost it a long ass time ago. Wait, did I ever have it? Heh oh well. I’m one of the lead singers, and I’m on the guitar. Typical shallow rockstar I bet you’re thinking. So from thirteen on all I had were the guys. Damn good thing too or I would have been gone long before now. Not trying to get your sympathy or any of that shit. Just a fact.
Fame hit us all of a sudden. There were five of us in the group. All of them thought I would never grow up and they all thought they knew what was best for me. There was me, AJ, Brian, Howie, and Kevin. Kevin was the oldest, about seven years older than I was, he was on the keyboards. Him and I always butted heads. Heh. Now he didn’t have so much time to rag on my shit cause he was married and trying to start a family. Howie was the wanna be Donald Trump, he was on the drums. Can’t say he wasn’t bad either of them, he’s six years older than me. He was insane, but no one thought he was cause he had the “quiet one” image. Yeah right. There was my best friend Brian, four years older than me, and he‘s on guitar as well. He sings a lot of leads, in my opinion has a better voice than me but no one else agrees with that. Brian and I just kind of I don’t know, clicked since we met and I was thirteen and he was seventeen. Lately though things were different cause he was married with a son now. And AJ closest in age two me, only 2 years older, and well Jay was the top singer. He got the most leads and shit, and lives for getting the fans hyped. AJ was getting over issues he had to deal with. Fuck those I won’t share though, that’s a whole ‘nother story.
Now you may want to call me bitter. I dare you to then. I have a damn good reason to know the world hates me. I’m not going to delve into those though. Trust me though, I had reason. I don’t mean my fucked up so called family either. Can you fucking believe they’re only the tip of the iceberg that is my hell. I wanted to just die. End all the shit now. Save everyone trouble of freaking out about me. Not bug anyone anymore. It would just be easier.
Enough with the pity party I’m having. That’s not what you wanna hear anyway right. I know its not. I ain’t much of a writer. I ain’t much of anything really.
So one night I was doing the usual. Out partying and shit. Trying to make myself numb. Drinking usually helped do that for me. I didn’t care if anyone saw me. Fuck my so called perfect image. I didn’t care. I wasn’t perfect and I never would but everyone thinks I am. Hell at its best. About a month before I got arrested for a DUI, my ex-girlfriend was still trying to ruin my life, and guess what? My mother called and bitched me out today too. So I wanted to just make everything a blur. I didn’t want to remember, or bother the guys. They all had their own lives, I love them but I couldn’t keep running to them forever. So I went out. I had no one else to go to anyway.
By the end of the night everything was a blur. I remember calling Brian and I remember rambling on about something incredibly stupid. Oh yeah, I was rambling about how my image damage was going to hurt my younger brother’s career. Did I mention my brother Aaron used me to get famous? My mother was behind that. He became famous more cause of my status though but he still likes to pretend I’m not family now. It wasn’t always like that but the past two years its gotten that way. To think he used to be on my fucking side. What do you say when no one in your family wants you and with the exception of four friends the rest of the world only wants you for your fame and money? I fucking just hated everything.
Next thing I know I’m waking up at Brian’s the next morning with a pounding headache. For a moment I was very disoriented cause he lives in Atlanta actually, but was staying in his LA apartment because we were recording for our new album over the next few months. I groaned and sat up slowly. I could hear his two year old son Baylee babbling on in the other room to Brian and his wife Leighanne. All I wanted was the world to stop. That was impossible but…It didn’t stop me from wanting it any less.
**************
So that evening I was staying at Brian‘s. My place wasn’t far but he wanted me to stay that night. Heh, more or less because he wanted to keep an eye on me. The others were fucking paranoid I would make Jay’s mistakes and do the shit he did. Like I’m that stupid? Damn I’ve got a shitload of my own mistakes to make. There was a lot I needed to figure out. Things I wanted to figure out. I was having a fucking load of trouble doing that too. Everyone thought I was a happy go fucking lucky guy who liked to party like crazy. There was a lot going on with me that no one saw. No one saw through my fake smile. I was good at it. Been practicing since I was just a little kid. Hell sometimes I wondered if I even had a fucking real smile anymore. I don’t even know. The guys didn’t see through it either, it was that convincing. They knew what went on that no one else saw. They knew what I was dealing with but, they didn’t know how I was dealing. They thought I was alright, I knew I wasn’t. Who knew if I ever would be. So I played it up as being insane and happy. Why bring the guys down? They couldn’t help, I was alone. Part of that was my fault I knew, it had to be, but I couldn’t fuck up the guys’ lives with my shit the way I fucked up my own.
While Brian tended to Baylee, Leighanne was cooking dinner. I use the term cooking lightly. Word of fucking advice? Never go to the Littrell's home for dinner. Not if you want real food. Instead of the rubbery substitute you get there. Now they’re my friends, well closest thing to family I got but, neither of them can cook worth a damn. Makes me feel so damn bad for Baylee. Now I can’t cook either, but at least I ain’t gonna torture you with that. I use the handy speed dial to call shit in, or I take you out someplace. When I’m alone then its whatever frozen food I got stocked in the fridge. Shit, usually I eat those “Kid’s cuisine” TV dinners as I watch 24, the one series I attempt to keep up with my crazy life. So when I’m at Brian's, I usually feed the damn monster they call a dog. Litty Leigh, its called. Most evil freaking cocker spaniel I ever fucking met. Those things used to look cool to me too. Damn deceitful ass dogs. I never did shit to it but it likes to bite the hell out of me. So I feed the so called food there to it. Stupid thing deserves it. All freaking Cockers hate me. My ex had one too that hated me. Now I love dogs but those things are evil.
So I was attempting to entertain myself. Watching TV in the living room and laying back on the couch. My hangover had pretty much gone away thank fucking God. Then I spotted Brian's cell phone on the coffee table. Now that was not smart on Brian's part. He knows me. He knows how I work. I always get into his shit. I’m nosy, sue me. I’ve gotten into his net accounts and shit when I get bored. His fault for having passwords that are far too easy. See mine are hard, no one can crack mine cause mine are so damn random. Besides I was bored and I knew everyone in the address book in his cell anyway. Met them all at some point or another since I had known him eleven years and counting. Friends, record company executives, our manager, religious people, (did I mention Brian once wanted to be a pastor? Just a side bar of info for ya.), family…and wait what was this? I then spotted a number I didn’t recognize. The name said “Cally - interesting girl”. Hmm so who was this? Heh well I wanted to find out. So I just called. I figured why the fuck not?
***********
I was attempting to study when the phone rang. I almost lunged for the phone. I needed the break. Another fight with my parents and I was pretty much locking myself up in my room. I tried to sketch something out to paint later but I couldn’t concentrate. I adjust my glasses and push a strand of hair out of my face as I check the caller id. The guy I met yesterday? Calling already? I had completely forgotten about him in all honesty. I had been hoping it would have been Sebastian or Izzy but hell I would take whatever came.
“Hello?”
“Hey, who is this?”
I raise a brow and frown. Ooook this wasn’t Brian, that or his voice sounded ten years younger at least, all of a sudden. Great, probably a prank call. I’ll give him ten minutes and if he messes with me I was so gonna hang up.
“This is Calypso, and who is this on Brian's phone?”
I heard a low chuckle. “A friend of his.”
I lay back on my bed. “Oh yeah? Got a name?” I put a cd in the cd player. Spirit In Smoke by a group I just started getting into, Flames Of Ice. Been liking them since I heard one of their songs during one of the rare times I turned on the radio. I hated infomercials so I just burned random music friends suggested on my computer instead. I listened and a voice sounded familiar, oh, my lordie. So I looked up a picture of the band. Then there he was, in the picture... was Brian. The man I met yesterday. Oh. My. God. That was why he expected me to act weird and was surprised when I didn’t! See I never keep up with celebrities. All I cared about was the music. I didn’t watch MTV or VH1 or see those music videos, I just listened to my cds. And I never really looked at the cd jackets ever, when I didn't just download. I never kept up with trends of celebrities. I only knew a couple actors cause of their faces in movies. I just didn’t care about entertainment news. My friends did, my mom did, but I just didn’t. Cause it didn’t matter. But good Lordie, how could I have spaced on this? I thought he had looked familiar, I must have seen their album cover in a store. Shit. I had to act sane or there was no way I could keep Brian as a potential good friend. He seemed a cool guy. I had to forget he was ever a celebrity. I kept myself calm but my mind was racing. He is human, and it’s a good time to remember that.
“Hello? You got a name?”
“Yeah but do I have to tell you?” He replied teasingly. “Your name is…..interesting you know.”
I couldn’t help but smile a bit at his tone. “Technically? No, but I’m curious. And yeah I hear that tons, you tend to with a name like Calypso Rayne, call me Cally.”
“You know what happens to curious peoples?”
“They eventually find out info?”
Then he laughed at that one. I was surprised I wasn‘t nervous but I felt more at ease on the phone. All it took was a simple hang up to escape. Not like in person meetings. I couldn‘t help but laugh too, his laugh was infectious. “No those are investigators like private eyes, and tabloids do, the curious stay curious.”
I laugh some and put this pouty tone in my voice. “That would be mean to make me stay curious.”
“Maybe I am mean like that.”
“nah you don’t sound it.”
“Lucky for you I ain’t. Cally you said right?”
“Right” What was it that was keeping me on the line? I wasn’t sure but there was something, I was sure of that.
“You can’t tell him I called or he’ll bitch me out for taking his cell and calling you.”
“I won’t.” I look for more photos of the band. Usually this is something I never do. Who wanted to stare at pretty boys, even if they did make good music. Now I wanted to look at them though. Yep, there was Brian. Well, I wasn’t going to get blinded by his status. I wouldn’t let myself. He’s human just like everyone else. But oh my God, that was just weird that it was him out of all the people in the world. And I couldn’t tell a soul, or I’d be hounded by people wanting an in, or by people who would think I was lying for attention. Great. How did hell did me of all people find him? Lord I’m just a boring wallflower, why did he even think I’d be an interesting friend? I mean honestly, he had to meet better people than me every day.
“You promise?”
“Yep.”
“Alright, I’m his best friend, Nick.”
My eyes widened as I looked at the the picture. Then at the text where it said who was who. Only one Nick. Nick, had to be Nick Carter. Had to be. I had just stumbled on to two members of a famous band all because of a canceled hang out and crashing a bike. What were the freaking odds?
“That’s interesting. And you wanted to call me because?” I look away from the photo, more or less focusing on the conversation and making myself forget who this guy could be. For all I know I could be mistaken and its all coincidence anyway.
“Because Brian doesn’t add new numbers often so I wanted to see who you were and why you were special. That and I’m bored out of my fucking mind.”
I smile, and hug my pillow. “Well I’m bored too so it works out.”
“Cool then so while Leighanne tries to cook something and it might end up poisoning me I can talk to a sexy girl that has to be cool if he has her number on his cell.”
Sexy? Yeah freaking right. I knew then I better enjoy this now cause the moment he saw what I looked like it would be all over. I would go to the sister/buddy status I always am at. It didn‘t matter with Brian since he was married anyway, but Nick seemed interesting. I knew it was only over the phone and we‘ve barely talked during the call about anything important but there was just something about him. Beyond his possible celebrity status. It could be look-a-likes posing for all I knew. Wouldn‘t be a first in the celebrity world. “Brian’s wife?” I should warn him now about my looks. I hate to, but I have to be fair. “And thanks but I’m not sexy trust me.” I say with a laugh I force to sound natural.
“Yeah that’s her, and I’m sure you’re sexy. All girls are in their own way.”
“You haven’t seen what I look like even.”
“So take a pic with your cell and show me baby.”
I snort at that one. Damn this guy came on strong. So why did I not hang up? Why did I like it even? He was not getting a picture though. No way. That and I knew I looked horrible. My hair was in a tied back mess and I was in boxers and an old sports jersey. “No way I look horrible.”
“I got this theory that the more a girl thinks she looks like shit, the sexier she must be so you better be careful before you go and turn me on or something.” he says with a teasing tone in his voice and was that flirting I was detecting? I was so hopelessly naïve when it came to this stuff. Good lord I didn’t know how to handle this. I had one experience under my belt…which I never wanted to think of or talk about. It wasn’t huge but it hurt all the same. But why was he flirting? Probably cause he was a guy and doesn’t know what I look like. Guys flirt with their female friends sometimes. I knew that much but I never got much of it ever. This was new. It would die out fast though. My silence caused him to speak up again.
“Errm bad time to ask this but you’re legal right?”
“Yeah I am. Barely, I‘m eighteen, nineteen in September.” I chuckled at that one. “why you don’t like jailbait?” I tease back. May as well use this as some kind of learning thing anyway.
We ended up talking for three hours. Three hours straight, about random things. Things that were stupid and small but he made me laugh. I couldn’t help but smile. But I couldn’t let this guy get to me in the way he was trying to. He was either a friend of a look look-a-like poser or one himself even. If he was a celebrity on that small chance…he wasn’t worth the trouble. Besides, once he saw me, he wouldn’t want me. I’d be just a friend. But if he was a friend, I would make sure I looked beyond the shallow image. Cause there is always more behind the glamour. I was a bit curious as to what and I planned on finding out.
Author's Chapter Notes:
There's a lot of cursing, but there's also a reason for it. But I thought I'd put the warning. :) Feedback is nifty hehe.
