"Just Another Day"
Chapter Five: Living in A Shadow
I stare at a chess board as I sat in the corner of a cute but not well known, coffee shop down the street from my college. I had no idea this was here and I pass by it everyday. Pop music filtered my ears, the young voice of Jesse McCartney floating around as I moved my pawn and waited for Brian to make his move.
"How did you know about this place?"
Brian gave me a small grin. My psychology homework and textbook were off to the side since I had brought them so he could help me out.
"I need little hidden places like this so the paparazzi and fans can't chase me as I'm trying to get some coffee." He chuckled. "Places like this help me out on that front." His sky blue eyes twinkled impishly at me as he made his move.
I sipped my hot cocoa lightly. Like I said, I wasn't a fan of coffee. Stupid coffee houses don't carry mountain dew. How dare they! Oh well. I scan the chess board for a good move. My brother Johnny had been the one to teach me. On one of our rare moments when he remembers he had two sisters instead of just Blossom,. A day he came by and we talked. I asked him to teach me and he did. We're still working on our bonding thing. When I say working, I mean I'm trying and he's not. "Are they really that bad?"
Brian smiled again, his dimples showing amidst his defined cheekbones. "Its part of the job, but it gets crazy. You're lucky you haven't seen it yet."
I nod, but really I can't comprehend it. Sure it must be annoying but still, its attention. That's a good thing. "So with classical conditioning, its where you develop a fear or an attraction that wasn't originally there?"
"Yes, and then to get rid of it, the bond tying it to the response must be severed, either by avoidance of the thing you like, or facing the fear. Once the reaction is gone, its called extinction."
"Ooh, kay. And then if that response comes back suddenly when the stimuli appear, its called spontaneous recovery."
"Exactly. See, not too bad." I spied his hand trying to move my pawns in his favor and I grabbed his hand laughing. "Hey now!"
"Hahehe, worth a try."
"So how's Leigh and Baylee."
"Baylee's staying at his grandmothers, which he thinks is a huge treat. Leigh's doing alright; she's started doing scenes for a small movie she's going to be in."
"I didn't know she wanted to be an actress."
"Off and on, Baylee's more important to her than her career."
"Ahh."
"So," He leaned against the small table between us, sliding the game aside since neither of us was paying too much attention to it now. "Did you take my advice yesterday?"
"And call Nick? Sure." I shrugged nonchalantly as if it were no big deal. Before Brian could say anything more, I could hear my cell phone ringing loudly. I grinned a bit at the ring tone, which happened to be "18 till I die" by Bryan Adams, loved that song. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Brian grin at that. I went by the door and answered.
"Yellow?"
"Calypso Lynn Rayne, where are you?!"
I frown at the tone my mother had when I answered. What the hell. "I'm studying with a friend; he's helping me with my psychology homework."
"You were supposed to be home today so you could help me and your father paint the house."
I raised a brow. Oh you had to be kidding me. Now they wanted me home? Now they wanted me to paint? Only when it suited them. That so freaking figures. Screw that, I may still live at home but I was turning 19 years old in a few months from now and I was an adult. Sort of. So why was I supposed to rush home from what I was doing, to please them? Forget that.
"Oh, but I thought my painting was useless."
"I don't like your attitude."
"Well you've been telling me all this time, go into psychology, its the better career. Painting is something I won't ever use. You never care when I'm out anyway. I try to fix things and nope, lets not do that.... You want me home now cause you need something." I was close to tears. I hate fighting with my parents. I hated the way this was making me feel. I can never win. I just wanted to be free of the people I was supposed to be. But that’s just a girl's fantasy I suppose.
"When you move out, you can do what you wish. Right now you still live at home. Why can't you be more like your siblings?! They were more respectful..."
"You always want me to be like them!"
"Maybe there's a reason to that, you could learn a lot from your siblings. Certainly something about respect and knowledge about the REAL world-"
I cut her off, knowing where this was going. I didn't want to hear anymore. "I'll be right home."
"That’s the right choice honey."
"Love you mom." I hung up and wiped my eyes. I hoped Brian didn't hear too much but I knew he had. Damn. I walked up and got my things together. That hot cocoa suddenly became so damn fascinating, I mean, look at those whipped cream swirls! Its hard avoiding a twenty eight year old rock star though. Surprisingly enough.
"Are you okay?"
I nodded, shifting away. My eyes, are windows to emotions. I just wish I knew how to put the blinders on. Life for me would be so much easier if I did. But I don't, and honestly? It sucks. "I'm all the good, I just....have to get going though." I replied quietly, for once not wanting attention.
"Are you sure you're alright Cally?" I could hear the concern in his voice, and it made me even more upset. I loved my parents, they're good parents. Don't get me wrong in all this. But sometimes, they were blind. Especially when it came to me. Why when I was on the phone, my mom didn't hear how upset I was? My back is to Brian, as I put my notebooks and textbook in my backpack casually. It was all in my voice, despite my struggle to hide it there. Why could he hear it and not her? It wasn't fair.
I sighed, I've put up so many walls around me growing up, its hard to tear them down. "I'll be okay, anyway I can hitch a ride from you home?" I asked, really not in the mood to ride my bike. Besides, his jeep could fit it in the back with no issues. Lets just hope my parents don't wonder who I got the ride from. I doubt they will. They know so little about me anymore.
"Sure hun, we'll talk on the way as you give me directions and you can tell me what's bugging you."
He put his large concealing hat on, along with dark shades I knew were to conceal himself. He told me that he doesn't get followers in even a 10th of the scale Nick gets them, but he likes to be careful. No one took notice of us as we left the coffee shop, hopped in the Jeep after putting my bike in, and sped off.
************
" Somebody listen please, it used to be so hard being me. Living in the shadow, of someone else's dream... trying to find a hand to hold but every touch felt cold to me. Living in a nightmare, never ending sleep..."
I turned off the radio on a small table behind me. I ain’t much for Ashlee Simpson anyway. For some reason though Calypso came to mind at it. Then again, she's starting to float in my mind often. Too often. Trace was back home in Las Vegas, Nevada. She had been on "vacation" from her day job when she had come out here to be an extra in our video and met me. So now she was on the phone with me again. Only this time not yelling. Thank the freaking damn lord. My ears couldn't take much more damage. I shouldn't be on the phone. I'm supposed to be paying attention since we're doing a recording session at this small studio in downtown LA. Mostly underground artists use it. Or, the few bands who know of it and don't want to be found. Which would be us. We had a number of songs we're trying. Me and Kevin usually are the main writers of the band, though Brian tends to throw his writing skills in here and there when he has the time to when he's not taking care of his son. Howie's a really talented writer, but he's got those business ventures with real estate that he's doing keeping him busy. AJ, well, honestly, I have no damn clue about Jay. He's fresh out of rehab though so we give him leeway so he can work on that. As long as the song represents the band as a whole and we love the vibe and flow of it and the music, it's usually a keeper.
Though I have to say, I've had the craving to try and convince the band to cover a Nirvana song. That band was classic. Inspiration. You can feel the pain Kurt Cobain put in his music. I haven't found my way to fully do that yet. But hell, maybe its cause even the band don't know. Only my trusty journal, which has my scribbles, doodles, songs, poems, rants. It never leaves my sight either. I'd fucking die if fans ever nabbed it.
Right now we're testing vocals for who fits the lead most for a song I penned. Its fucking awesome, I think. It's called Blow Your Mind. I let go on that one. I wonder if Cally would be interested in the recording process? She does seem the creative type... I should be paying attention...oh shit! Trace!
"You'd love this apartment I'm looking at Nick..." Oh good. She thinks I'm listening. Wait a fucking minute. Apartment!?!
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, apartment Tracy?"
"I think we could consider the possibility."
"We've been dating only two weeks, give it time. Besides your job is in Las Vegas, and mine mainly focuses in LA." I lean back in my swivel chair before the controls in front of the vocal booth.
"You're a musician, you tour half the time."
"We record in LA. The guys live in LA...This is way too soon for an apartment."
"Nicky, I thought we had a connection." I cringed. We had no damn connection if she's calling me Nicky. I hate being called that, my mother used to call me that.
Uh oh. I feel a pair of eyes on me. Five bucks says they're a pair jade green ones that look pissed off. I looked up and gave a grin. Yep. Someone should owe me five dollars now. Damn, I should have said fifty. "Trace, babe, I need to go...yeah...bye." I hang up my sidekick quick. I love my sidekick, I am so damn addicted to this thing. That and my ipod, especially during a boring meeting. Howie and Kevin are the business savvy ones here. Me, I stick the earplugs in and turn my ipod on shuffle, and text my way to happiness...
"Nick, are you even paying attention?!"
Shit. I did it again. Okay, my ADHD meds are doing shit for me. Don't tell Kevin that. He's my self appointed foster dad. He does a better job than my actual father, to give him credit. He'd force me to get my medication upped.
"Yep, of course I am."
"Who's in the vocal booth then?" He stood in front of me, blocking my view. Uh oh.
Please be Bri, please be Bri. "Brian of course."
The look of surprise told me I won. Yay me! "Okay then, just coming to tell you you're up next."
I grin. "Yep, I knew that."
Howie chuckled and tried to shoo AJ away, who wanted to braid his hair for some odd reason. Jay's a freak sometimes I think, and wants us to be like him. It's fun bugging Howie though, so I snickered. AJ laughed. "You did huh Nickay?"
I smirk as Brian headed out and I stand to go lay down some vocals. Time to clear my head. Yet I couldn't fully do that. It's bad too. Very bad. But I felt like I was needed, and it wasn't by the fellas.
***********
Suffice it to say, painting the house didn't go well. I also had to work tomorrow. That sucked. I do have a job. A very crummy one by the way that I do part time around my school schedule. Arby's. The least glamorous job you can think of. That night though, I was in my room. Very depressed, and alone. After another lovely fight with my parents, they went out. There was no one to call really. Iz had a date tonight. I got Teddy's voice mail, and still couldn't call Sebastian. So I put on my Evanescence cd on full blast, sitting on a bean bag in my room before a canvas. I was in the mode to paint, to let all those screaming, raging, crying emotions out and into a piece, a vision escaping my head and onto paper. Nothing was coming though. Likely cause I was still too upset. And that pissed me off. The fact they even took the joy of painting from me. If only for tonight. I screamed, letting the tears of frustration run down as the music blared its haunting tone. I love that band.
And then my phone rang.
I debated picking up but I did, not even taking a glance at the caller id. I sniffed a bit, its been a long night.
“Cally’s house of crazies, if you’re a loon you get a room.” I said softly, attempting to sound light.
“Hey, its Nick..” A pause. “Are you alright?”
“I’m fine. Where are you? I hear music.” I suck at lying. Change of topic is good.
“Recording studio. You sound so sad, what’s wrong?”
“It’s nada, I swear…”
“On a case of red mountain dew?” I had to laugh there. I had mentioned my addiction to the soda. He happened to be addicted to Starbucks and Dr. Pepper by the way.
“Ooh did I just hear a laugh.”
I smile and pretend to pout. “No.”
“I did toooo… so really Cally, what’s gotcha down?”
“Life sucks and then we die.”
“Sounds cynical, that’s more me, not you.” I started painting then, not sure of what, just what was coming to mine after I set the phone in my room to speaker so I had my hands free. My parents wouldn’t be back for hours so I had no worry of them hearing.
“Well it does. Especially when you’re not who you’re supposed to be.”
A sigh came on my end, and did I hear one on his? “And who are you supposed to be?”
“Someone else.”
Is it sad that he could tell something was really eating at me, far quicker than my parents ever had? Some of my friends even. Well he did, and he made me feel better. Even without knowing the problem, since I didn’t let that part of the conversation go too far. Too dangerous. He wouldn’t like the real me being around all the time. Nobody else did. Best she lives in the shadows.
“What’s wrong with being you?”
“Far too much Nick…far too much.”
Author's Chapter Notes:
I thought I'd update this one again. I plan on working on Rebirth or As Reality Crumbles. For those who read my other stories/collabs. We'll see how that works out. Anywho, thanks for reading, reviews are totally spiffy, and enjoy the chapter.
