AJ poured water into his ice trays as Kevin watched smiling, "What's so funny Kev?"
"With all the money you have made in your life, you think you could afford one of those refrigerators with an ice maker in it" AJ smirked as he placed the two trays into his freezer. He was having a get together later that day. All five of the boys meeting again.
"Yeah, well I like to spend my money on more important things"
"Oh you mean on tattoos?" Kevin raised his eyebrows which made J laugh again. It had felt good to laugh, he hadn't done it in a while. Having the courage to invite Kevin down, was the best thing he could have done for himself.
He looked through his cabinets to pick out some glasses for the men to use, and found himself picking up an old ceramic hen instead. He held it in his hands and seemed entranced by it. Kevin only looked on with a vested interest. "What's the deal with that thing?"
Kevin felt stupid for asking, because deep in his heart he already knew the answer. In a beat AJ continued, "It's hers" He faded into that place he went when he thought about Sarah. Somewhere between reality and a sweet daydream. He remembered when she brought that stupid looking thing into his house the first time. How he had made fun of it. And rightfully so, it was the tackiest thing he had ever seen.
"This thing meant a lot to her" He said as he placed it on the counter. He had stopped laughing about it when the tale behind it's ownership started to reveal itself. A dying grandma, her favorite granddaughter, and a passing off between generation to generation.
"If it meant so much to her, then why is it still here?" Good question, maybe she hadn't packed it so she would have a reason to come back. A great trick.
But unrealistic.
The real reason was simple, she was in a rush. A rush to get her stuff and get out before she changed her mind. This was left behind by mistake. She would miss it someday. Maybe she already has.
"I guess I'll just put it aside for her" He then started shuffling through his cabinets again this time coming up with five plastic cups from Burger King. They were the special edition BSB cups from when they merited such a thing.
"Oh bringing out the fine china I see" He gave Kevin the one with his own likeness all over it.
"Only the best for you my man" Kevin held it up and smiled as he turned the cup around in his hands.
"It seems like such a long time ago doesn't it?"
AJ didn't answer, he only nodded. The nod went unnoticed as Kevin continued, "I think my Mom has like 80 of these things"
"That's a whole lot of you"
"She has us all" AJ found himself glancing once more at the ceramic hen. A glance that Kevin caught.
"It'll get easier you know" AJ decided to move to the table and take a seat across from Kevin, "Spoken like a happily married man"
"A happily married man who knows what it's like J"
Now it was AJ's turn to turn his own likeness around in his hands. He remembered how he felt when he first saw his face on a cup. Not only the cup but also the little action figures as well. He felt so cool. He wished he could recapture some of those still frames in his mind. The pictures of him at his absolute peek. His highest highs.
The glory days.
"What are you thinking about?" He glanced up from his thoughts to find Kevin's green eyes trying to pierce through the thoughts flowing in his brain.
"Just about how happy we were when all this happened" Kevin nodded.
"Do you think that we'll ever find that place again?" AJ glanced upward to his friend, feeling the same nostalgia.
"What place?" He asked now moving onto his cousin's glass and laughing at how odd Brian looked as a super hero.
"The top?" That made Kevin glance back towards his friend. He smiled hoping he would see it mirrored on AJ's face. Only an expression of sadness remained.
"So what's on the menu for tonight? Please don't tell me you are going to cook"
AJ seemed relieved at he sudden topic change and let out a sarcastic grin, "Uh...don't think so Kev. Does my house look like a house of someone that cooks?"
The answer was no. AJ had maybe three pots, a frying pan and a microwave. Sure he had a lot more when Sarah lived there, but he told her to take it with her, he would never have a use for it. His meals consisted mainly of take out and late night drive thru windows. Never Burger King ironically enough.
"We are having food delivered"
"Cool"
Sarah loved to go out and eat but she was also one to make a really good home cooked meal. Every Sunday, when he wasn't on the road, she made him fried chicken, mashed potatoes and biscuits. He looked forward to it all the time, so much so that the other guys would grow jealous. One time he was even forced to bring Nick home because of a lost bet. Of course, Nick probably made that bet just so he could get a nice home cooked meal but even still Sarah was happy to oblige.
That's how she was
"You're thinking about her again aren't you?" AJ never noticed Kevin standing up and making his way over to the window overlooking the outdoor pool.
"Yeah...I miss her"
"I know you do" Kevin turned to face AJ and smiled, "AJ, when all this happened you were doing drugs and drinking excessively. When the deal with Burger King happened, you were already out of control"
A harsh statement, but it was the truth. Funny what your mind lets you remember as fact. Truth is, he barely remember this at all.
"Yeah and?"
"Why would you call that the top?" All AJ could do was shrug.
"And when you were with Amanda, and she cheated on you and left you, you would sit here at this very same table, granted a different house, and you would smile as you remembered how PERFECT things were with the two of you" AJ felt himself tense, he wasn't sure what the point of this conversation was but he didn't think he liked it much anymore.
"Kevin, if you're trying to make me feel worse, it's working" Kevin rolled his eyes and took a seat next to AJ, wrapping his arm around him, "I'm sorry...I'm not trying to make you feel like shit, I'm just trying to make a point"
"Okay, and that point would be?"
"After Amanda left, you didn't think you could go on, but Amanda leaving only paved the way for Sarah's entrance...Just like Sarah's leaving will pave the way for someone else"
"I don't think so Kevin"
"Think about it AJ, after you called her, you said you felt good, like you made the right choice. That means she wasn't really the person for you"
"It doesn't feel like the right choice"
"Not yet, but it will...just like how to you, these days" He held up his Burger King cup, "you felt like you were living at the top, when in actuality you were getting ready to hit rock bottom"
Kevin's words sat on AJ, like a tea bag, gradually sinking in. "You're right Kevin"
He gently pushed his friend away in a loving manner, "I'm ALWAYS right"
"The right girl is waiting for me to find her"
"Yup"
"Thanks man"
"Not a problem"
AJ sat and looked at the cup once again, this time seeing the real picture. A grim picture of him gradually loosing control of himself little by little loosing the real Alex. Late night drug binges chased with a dozen or so beers. And that was on a good night. He hated himself back then.
He smiled, he was wrong, he wasn't living at the top of anything back then. Maybe the best was yet to come...
