Howie sat on the balcony right off of his bedroom, it was the early break of dawn. The sky a magnificent dull pink. The moon still visible through the clouds, but now being overshadowed by the waking sun.
This was his favorite time of day. The quiet and stillness of the world as dawn broke, almost brought tears to his eyes every morning.
It was beautiful.
He took a sip from his cup of hot tea, holding his hands around it hoping it would help to warm him. Not that it was cold, on the contrary, it was very warm, already. Warm and humid, but for some reason no matter what the temperature outside, he always got the chills first thing in the morning.
He was so glad that he purchased this condo. With so many properties carrying his name, this place had always been his favorite. He pictured this place being the one he would give to his child one day.
As a present.
All that he had worked for culminating in the look on the face of his son or daughter as he handed him or her the keys. He guessed he would have to settle for giving it to a niece or nephew instead. But he was okay with that.
When he made the choice to take on this lifestyle, he had also made a choice not to sacrifice anyone else's happiness because of that. He knew how hard it was to be in this business and maintain a sane, happy relationship. He saw it in the high level of divorce.
When he first got a look at how busy his schedule would be, he had to make that choice. No matter how painful. He would not put somebody he loved through all that.
So he didn't.
He choose the single life and for the most part it suited him just fine. Casual dating, nothing more. The only time he felt himself longing for the real deal, was in these wee hours of the morning. How nice it would be for his wife to be hugging him from behind. Kissing his neck as they both looked out at the beautiful sky.
He pushed the thought aside. Knowing it was too late for all of that and ventured into his bedroom to get dressed. He felt like he needed to be close to the water today. Not entirely sure why. But he thought he would take a good old fashioned walk on the beach before anyone was even up. So he put on a pair of jeans, the only time he would get caught dressing so casual, a hooded sweatshirt and his sneakers and headed off to the beach below.
He walked down the white sandy beach against the oncoming wind. Walking slowly and looking at the small shells at his feet. He stopped to pick one up. It was gray, purple and had a hint of blue to it.
Nature could produce the most beautiful things.
He put it into his pocket and kept walking. A smile formed on his lips as he thought about the first time he had collected seashells. He was about six maybe and he was absolutely horrified to pick up one, afraid that at any moment something would crawl out of one of those shells and bite him. He remembered laughing when he had heard Brian almost give the same story about his first time collecting seashells.
It's funny how similar their lives were. Even before they knew each other.
Now Brian was a husband and father. Two things that Howie had forbid himself to become. It seemed to be working for Brian though.
Maybe he had made a mistake.
Maybe he could find the love of his life and settle down. Afterall he wasn't even thirty yet. Still young enough to find happiness. He had turned so many people away in his lifetime. So many people he had fallen head over heels in love with.
But he had done it for them.
No, it's too late for love. He found himself thinking as he continued to walk down the beach, hands in his pockets and head buried in his sweatshirt.
The pink of the newborn morning gave way to the blueness of the time when life happens. When normal people, with regular lives, start to get ready for work or school. Husbands kissing wives goodbye.
Feeling like he didn't have the right to be out there anymore, he made his way back to his home...
