It took some persuading to let Leighanne even agree to a little family outing at the beach. He had begged her, pleading his case saying it would do them all a world of good just for the change of scenery. She had been reluctant, not wanting to take their son out in public. But Brian had been persuasive and in the end, they piled into their newly purchased minivan and headed for the beach.
Brian laughed at Baylee's facial expressions as his son slapped the water making it hit his nose. Nothing much topped watching a child go into the water for the first time. The look of total fascination, scared at first but then quickly jubilant. Most of all that look of reassurance. Looking up into his father's eyes and knowing that as long as he was in those protective hands, he would be safe.
He wished he had packed that video camera.
But he was in a rush. Afraid that if he even took more then a beat to get in the car and go, his wife might change her mind. And he needed to get away. Even if only for the day.
He felt isolated.
Before this, he was never alone. Always having at least ten people there at all times. Band mates, bodyguards, agents, publicists. Everyone there just to tell him where to go and what to do. He thought he hated that lifestyle. Never feeling like an adult. Always treated like a child. That was the one thing he was happiest about when he left that behind.
Being his own person.
He looked forward to getting up whenever he wanted to and eating whatever he felt like eating. He looked forward to being able to spend time alone with the people he loved. Not having to worry who was lurking around every corner.
The sound of his son laughing brought him back to the here and now. He looked down at Baylee and kissed the top of his head as his child continued to splash in the water. Squinting, he looked for his wife. She was laying on the beach in her bikini under an umbrella. Sound asleep.
She was beautiful.
He loved spending every waking moment with his wife and child. Hours doing nothing. Sometimes not even getting dressed they would sit in the living room and watch television. Leigh making a big vat of popcorn while Brian rattled off useless sports trivia facts to his son.
They were a real family.
But always, in the back of his mind like a dull aching, he missed that other life. He longed for the attention, the screams, the guys. He missed playing endless hours of Nintendo and eating pizza at three in the morning. He missed people caring about what he was going to do or say next.
Now that it was gone he missed it.
He picked up his son, now holding him to his chest and walked back to where his wife was resting. He laid Baylee down on the blanket and kissed Leigh on the neck. She laughed.
"Leigh, What about you and I going out and having some fun tonight?" She never even opened her eyes.
"What do you have in mind?" Just by the inflection in her voice, he could tell that he was not going to get his way this time.
"I don't know. I was thinking maybe you and I can go to a movie or maybe play basketball or something"
"Brian, don't be silly. Isn't this good enough for you?"
It wasn't.
He sighed deeply before snuggling next to his wife. The baby placed right in between them. He was so happy.
But yet so empty...
