My skin crawled when I heard my name being screamed. I was in a dreamless sleep, at least I think it was dreamless. I was never one to remember my dreams anyway. But when I heard Nick scream my name at the top of his lungs, I opened my eyes and ran. When I got to his room, the first thing I noticed was his bed. It was still made. Not slept in at all. Then I saw him, cowering in the corner by his bedroom window.
Kevin, AJ and Brian were right on my heels as I stood in the doorway looking at my friend crying and screaming like a child. I moved to him and consoled him. That's about all I can do to make things better. But as I watched him stagger into the bathroom, sweats soaked with his own urine, I didn't think there was anything on earth that I could possibly do. That any of us could do for that matter.
We stood in silence just staring at each other, not knowing what to say. I relaxed a little when I heard the shower go on even though I could definetly still hear his muffled cries.
I hurt for him.
"What the fuck was that all about?" AJ asked walking over to the new stain on the floor where Nick was sitting earlier.
"I mean I know he has been having nightmares, but.." Brian looked over at me when he finished his thought "Has it ever been this bad?"
"No, I don't think so..but he has this stupid court appearance on his mind" I looked back over to his bathroom door, hoping that his muffled cries would soon stop.
"This is crazy! I mean..God he wet himself for Christ sakes!" Kevin said banging his fists against the wall.
I sat on the bed, looking at the clock. It was 6:30. Nick was due in court at 9.
God I didn't want to go to court today. To watch his face and see him reliving whatever hell he went through on the stand was too much for me to take the first time around. I left the room a lot then. I admit it. I just couldn't take being in there with HER. I also didn't want to hear any details.
The other guys constantly hound Nick about what he went through in there with Joe and Trish. Kevin especially nags at him wanting to know every detail. Not me though. To be honest I will die a happy man if I NEVER find out what my little brother went through. Does it make me heartless and selfish? Maybe. But I can't bare to hear it. I can't bare to hear the atrocities that could have happened to make a grown man so scared that he actually screams in his sleep. Scared to the point of wetting himself. No, some things are better left unsaid.
"What's wrong Howie?" I looked over at Kevin who was in the middle of wiping away the stain on the floor with a damp towel.
"Nothing, I just worry about him. That's all"
"He needs to start telling us what he is thinking"
NO he doesn't. I always ask him do you want to talk about it Nick? And I always breath a sigh of relief when the answer is no. I'm not ready for a yes. The early news program that was on flashed a picture of Trish on the screen which instantly caught my attention. Brian walked over and slammed the TV off.
"This is all your fault bitch!" He yelled.
"Shh keep your voice down Bri, Nick doesn't need to hear that"
Brian nodded at Kevin. He was mad as hell. He is always mad as hell.
"You know, with all this security shit he has in here, how come fifty gaurds didn't show up when he started to scream like that?" AJ asked looking up at the security camera pointed right at Nick's bed.
"That's a good question, one I plan on asking Dave myself when I see him" I rolled my eyes. A Nick trademark that I had developed.
"Probably because they were able to see he was just having a nightmare"
"Well maybe so, but still..I'm going to ask Dave anyway. In the meantime I am going to put in a call and see if I can get Nick some.."
"Some what?" Nick said as he came out of the bathroom. We always seem to forget he is within ear shot. I know I am guilty of it too. Talking about him as if he doesn't exist anymore.
"Oh, I was just saying that maybe we should ask your doctor for some more sleeping pills for you"
"I'm fine Kevin, just had a bad dream. It happens" He came and sat next to me. I smiled at him but I still felt awkward. He was towel drying his hair and acting like nothing had happened.
"But Nick..don't you think.."
"That you are over reacting? Yes I do" I smiled at him. Glad he didn't feel like talking about it again.
"Why were you screaming Howie's name?" AJ asked him. I put my head down, not really wanting to know the answer to that question.
"I don't remember" He lied. I can tell it was a lie by the sublte lick of his top lip as he said it.
"Well, guys I don't know about you but I think we should all get cracking, we don't want to be late today" I said getting up, ready to go back to my room for a little more peace. A word that didn't fit in today's dictionary.
"Good idea D..Nick are you sure you.."
"Yes I'll be fine" He wouldn't even let Kevin finish his thoughts.
We all slowly began leaving his room. I lingered behind just to make sure he was okay.
"Howie?" I stopped and looked over at him. He looked like the child I had met all those years ago. The same look of innocence. The same desire for acceptance in his eyes.
"Yeah buddy?"
"I just wanted to say thanks and I'm sorry"
"Why are you sorry?"
"No reason" Again maybe a better friend would have pushed the issue more. Had him admit that he was far from over his little nightmare. I however just gave him a wink and a smile. Closing the door on the subject. Happily.
Trying my best to ignore the sobs I heard once the door was closed.
I got maybe five steps away from his door when my overwhelming love for my youngest bandmate got the better of me and once agian I found my way into his room and into his embrace. I hugged him gently rocking him as he wept silently.
"It will be okay" I whispered to him. Fighting my own tears from showing their face.
"It will be okay" I said a second time, more for myself then for him.
