By the time everyone had made their way back to my house it was long past dinner time. I tried my hardest to sleep during the time I had to myself, before Brian and AJ came home but sleep didn't come. In it's place deep pondering. I must have clutched that little business card with that note from Trish in my hands for hours. Wondering if I should tell somebody about it or if I should just throw it away. How I wanted so desperately just to forget about the whole thing. Now that Trish was in jail for life, I should have been able to move on. Damn Joe! Damn him!

"Hey buddy" I heard come from my doorway. I forced myself to turn around and saw Brian standing there waiting for an invitation into my room.

I rolled over and sat up, running my hands through my now messed up hair as I did it. He came and sat down next to me. The only light coming into my room was coming from the hallway so we both looked like we were in an eerie spotlight.

"How are you feeling? Any better?" I nodded but then quickly mumbled a yeah when it dawned on me that he probably couldn't see my head shaking.

"Good. I'm glad to hear it"

"Is everyone back now?" I asked him squinting while my eyes adjusted to the darkness. It's funny that I was so entranced in my thoughts that I hadn't even noticed the change from day to night.

"Yeah, well everyone except Kevin. Have any idea where he went?" I shrugged. I thought he was with them but maybe he went for a ride or something.

"You wanna talk about it? You want me to tell you what happened in there?" I looked down to notice his legs were dangling off the side. He was swaying them back and forth. That just meant he was uncomfortable. I hated that I made him uncomfortable these days. Then it dawned on me that I hadn't really talked to him or anyone else about what I had actually said in that courtroom. We glazed over it but we really didn't talk about it. Great! That would just be another thing we would have to discuss one of these days. Not now though, or anytime soon.

"I know she was sentenced to life without parole, I really don't need to know anything else" I said. His sigh made me realize maybe he NEEDED to tell me. Maybe it was something he needed to get off of HIS chest. I guess I should have been a good friend to him and let him go on and on about how bad it was for him. How disappointed the families were. How relieved Trish was. I just couldn't bare to hear about it. Not yet. Possibly not ever.

"I guess it's over buddy" He placed his arm around my shoulder but for some reason I winced. That threw him for a loop. "Did I hurt you? I'm sorry"

"No, I'm sorry Bri, I'm not sure why I jumped. I guess I'm just a little bit jumpy"

"That's understandable Nick. No need to apologize" He stood up ready to leave, "I think we are ordering a few pizzas for dinner. Come on down when you're ready" I nodded once again. He stood there for a minute as if he wanted to say something more, but then when his words failed to come, he left.

After Brian left I sat there staring at the wall in the hallway. I didn't feel like moving or eating or celebrating or anything. What was there to be happy about? I knew he was coming for me. I just didn't know when or where.

I stood outside the door dreading my entrance. Not wanting to lie about a thing. Wanting to shout at them all. Leave! Joe is alive and he's coming for you. Dave seeing me hesitate, put his hand on my shoulder. "It's okay Kevin, no big deal. Just get him to see Trish that's all"

"That's all?" I couldn't believe he had kidded himself into thinking it all was as simple as that.

"Look, you have no choice" but I did have a choice. I just needed to figure out if I was willing to make it.

Before I could put it off anymore David opened the door and together we walked inside. "Let me do the talking" He said as we met up in the living room to AJ and Howie's wondering glares.

"Where the hell were you?" AJ said to me almost pouncing on me like a leopard, "Did you hear about the verdict?" I had actually forgotten about the sentencing. It slipped my mind entirely but I guess you could say I had bigger things to think about.

"Um..no. What was it?" How I was hoping he would say death, although deep in my heart I knew she would live. She would live and Nick would die. How fair was that?

"Sentenced to life without parole. How could you not hear that?" I didn't like the way AJ was hitting me with all of these sharp accusations.

"It's my fault" Dave was quick to step in. "We had a security breech so I wanted to take Kevin to the source, we were nowhere near a radio or television"

"What kind of security breech?" Howie asked now making his way over. I was growing uneasier with every passing second. I was never big on lying especially not to them.

"It was nothing really. Just a strange guy kind of skulking around" Dave said matter of factly. I couldn't help but wonder how long he had been lying to us. I wasn't sure if I could trust anyone at all after this.

"Really? Well, if he was hanging around HERE, then where the hell did you go?" AJ still not totally convinced with Dave's story. I was a little happy about that. Maybe I wouldn't have to say a word. Maybe AJ would do it for me. Suddenly both his eyes and Howie's eyes shifted to the stairs. I couldn't breath thinking it would be Nick, but it was only Brian. And he wasn't looking very happy.

"What's wrong?" Howie asked walking over to my cousin. He shrugged, "Just Nick"

"He gonna be okay?" Brian sat down on the bottom stair as if suddenly having to take another step would be more than he could bare.

"I don't know D. I wish I did, but I honestly don't know" Brian glanced my way then. I smiled, he didn't.

"Where were you?"

"Security breech" He looked as if he was going to start asking a ton of questions so before he could I added, "It's nothing. Turned out to be just a fan" He nodded and rubbed his temples.

"Kev, why don't you go see Nick. I'm gonna be on my way" Dave said, winking at me. It looked friendly to everyone else, but I read the real meaning of that wink loud and clear. He's watching you. Don't screw up.

After Dave left, I almost did spill my guts. I really wanted to. Brian and AJ had made their way into the kitchen and I was sitting all alone with Howie. No one would have heard. I looked around, searching for a camera or listening devices or anything. I didn't see one but just because I couldn't see one didn't mean there was none to be found later. No, for Kristin's sake, I couldn't take the chance.

So I said nothing.

Instead I made casual conversation. Nothing heavy. Nothing even Nick related. We talked about movies we had yet to see and CD's we had yet to purchase. He was telling me a story about one of his parties when he stopped short.

"Don't stop because of me...well..unless you were talking about me" I didn't turn around. I didn't need to. The childlike chuckle told me all I needed to know.

He came over and sat right next to Howie. I had to laugh. He has always been like that. There could be ten chairs in a room and A huge couch, but yet Nick always managed to sit right next to someone. I think having someone's body heat next to him made him feel safe.

He looked over at me and smiled. I smiled back, I had the urge to grab him into a hug but that would be too suspicious of me. I wasn't the touchy feely one. "Hell of a day huh kiddo?" Howie said lovingly putting his arm around Nick.

"Yeah, hell of a day" He echoed. So lost.

"Well, I'm going to run to the bathroom. I'll be back" I would have done anything in the world for Howie not to leave us alone. But he did. Nick just sat there not saying much. Flopping his long legs onto the couch and placing his arm behind his head.

"I guess now that this whole Trish thing is over you'll all be leaving soon" He said.

"I don't think you'll get rid of us that easily"

"I'm not sure if I want to" He said under his breath. I wasn't sure if he wanted me to really hear him say that or not. I think he did.

"Let's go have some pizza" I said thankful when I saw security walking in with the pizzas.

"Kev, can I tell you something?" I was standing over him at this point, stretching my arms way over my head.

"Sure, what is it?" From my position, I saw the unmistakable glint of tears in his eyes. I moved and sat next to him.

"That night..you know when I kind of..well wet myself?" I nodded. "I had this dream that Joe" When he said the name I gasped. He was surprised. I didn't want him to continue. If Joe was watching, which I was positive he was, he was probably beaming with pride at hearing his name. It made me nauseous. I put my hand on his shoulder as he continued, "Anyway..I had a dream that Joe made me pick one of you for him to...." He took a deep breath as a tear fell from his eyes.

"You don't have to tell me Nick. If it's too painful" I wanted to know. I didn't want him to tell Joe.

"I had no choice. I had to pick" I rubbed his back as Howie slowly walked back into the room watching the scene. I glanced over to Howie and he stood there looking as lost as Nick had when we spied on him earlier.

Howie came over to us and squatted down next to Nick placing both his hands on Nick's knees, "It's okay Nicky. It was just a dream. Joe is dead. He won't hurt you. No one will hurt you"

"But Howie...I"

"I know...it's okay. You were screaming my name. It was only a dream" I watched as my one band mate cradled the other in his arms. How I wished that it was only a dream. Especially when Nick spoke the next few words.

"Trish left me a note. She wants me to go visit her and I just don't know what to do"