Anita sat in her hotel room staring at the wall in front of her. She didn’t remember how long she’d been sitting there, but she knew that she’d come to a conclusion. A painful conclusion. Anyways, after tonight’s show the guys would go on their short vacation time, with their families and she wouldn’t want to impose. They’d been more than good to her, and she felt that she could stand on her own two feet now. Hopefully!

There was a faint knock at the door, she hesitated to open, but stood up and trudged to the door. When she opened the door AJ was standing there with a glum look on his face, but he looked all dressed up for the show.

“Hey…I heard about your sister. I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to flake out on you, but I couldn’t…”

Anita forced a smile, as she sniffled away the tears. “It’s ok. Nick was a lot of help. You’re looking sharp.”

“Thanks! So I have to go, but I thought I’d come by and see how you are doing.” Without warning he pulled her in for a tight hug. “Everything is going to be alright Anita. You will see. Anyways things are always brighter in California.”

She squeezed him tight, ignoring his California comment. “I hope so AJ. I really do.”

They parted and he gave her a playful chin chuck. “Well we are leaving after the show tonight, so I hope you got your things ready.”

“Yeah about that…”

AJ’s bodyguard came from the elevator and motioned that it was time for him to get downstairs. “Sorry, but it’s show time. I wish you would be there, but I know you will be at the hospital. We’ll be coming by after the show…” he was already walking as he said the last words. “Bye,” he mouthed hopping into the elevator.

There was already a nasty ache in her heart, no more company, hotel rooms, laughter, comfort. It would all end tonight and it was scary to her. “You’ll be fine.” She told herself as she closed the door.

Later that evening she stared out the hospital window at nothing but darkness, she wondered how the show was going and if the guys would really be coming by afterwards.

“Anita…” She recognized the voice, even though it was faint.

Quickly she rushed to her sister’s side, “Alva…you remember me.”

“Uh…of course I do. What the hell am I doing here?” Alva stood up and looked around the room. “I need to get out of here. Every time I end up here, they want to put me away. You’re not going to let them put me away right Anita? Have you come back to stay?”

Anita swallowed hard imagining going back to that miserable life of hers. It seemed that things might not change for her, that once Alva was back home she’d go back to being herself. And for a split second she contemplated her decision.

The show hadn’t been all a success, Nick knew he didn’t sound his best. But there hadn’t been anything he could do about it. The only thing that kept him from having a fit was the decision he’d made, since that day in the hospital. There was something that he needed to do. Something he should have done a while back.

“Everything ok man? Looks like you’re thinking too hard.” AJ snickered.

Nick couldn’t help to grin, “As a matter of fact I am thinking.”

“I hope you’re thinking about something positive and not about how sucky you were tonight. It’s not your fault man.”

“Uh…I’m going to ignore that, but thanks.” They walked down the corridor and out a backdoor to a waiting limo. It was almost midnight and they were pretty sure that they wouldn’t get to go into Alva’s hospital room. “I just hope to sound better tomorrow…especially, with Kevin finally giving into appearing at one of our shows. Sometimes I still don’t understand why he left.”

AJ shrugged, hell, he didn’t even understand it either. “He’s an old fart…why else? Oh wait…what about marriage and Mason.”

Nick rolled his eyes at AJ and his smart ass, “Very funny…dumbass!”

The limo pulled up to the emergency entrance and they all filed out, except for Brian who had gone back to the hotel room with Leighanne and Bailey. They all stood around while Nick asked for Alva or Anita.

“Do you know the last name?” The chubby cheeked nurse asked, looking at him like she could be doing something more productive than answering his question. “I can’t find her without a last name.”

“Shit…” he meant to mumble, but the word was clear. “Isn’t there a way you can just call for Anita over the speaker…tell her Nick Carter is in the lobby. Please.” He wondered if the woman even knew who he was, by the looks of it, no.

With a quick roll of her eyes and a loud sigh of agitation, she lazily took the phone and while looking at Nick called for Anita through the speaker. “There…now don’t blame me if you get a bunch of fake Anita’s coming to look for you.” She spun around and mumbled clearly enough, “Damn celebrities!”

Nick walked over to where AJ was leaning against the wall, and Howie was sitting in a chair with his eyes closed. “Damn woman did know who I was.” Nick and AJ both glimpsed at Howie, who was softly snoring. “Looks like Kevin isn’t the only old fart!” Nick snickered.

“I heard that!” Howie muttered with his eyes still closed.

“Hey guys!” Anita stood with a big grin on her face. “You should be glad most of the girls that know who you are…are confined to a hospital bed.”

Nick couldn’t help the dumb grin on his face, although she was looking tired, he thought she looked amazing. “It was the only way to do it! How is your sister?”

Anita shrugged, “She’s a bit better. At least she can recognize me now. It’s going to take a lot of time for her to get better.”

That statement didn’t sound so good. It actually seemed to alter his plans a bit. “What does that mean?”

“What happened?” Howie woke up abruptly. “Did I miss something?”

“Jesus Howard…come on let’s go get some air.” The twosome walked out into the chilly night and AJ quickly lit up a cigarette.

Nick and Anita stared at each other in silence for a beat. “Um…I was thinking and…well…I wanted to know if you…”

Anita took two steps and was up close to Nick, she placed her finger over his lips and shook her head. She bit down on her lip, “Please don‘t say it. Don‘t make this hard for me…”

He looked at her confused, “What are you talking about? I really need to tell you something. Something I should have said a while back.”

“I’m staying Nick.”

“Wait…what? Ok…um…I’ll be right back.” Without another word, she watched him storm out to where the other two were. He was talking to himself, arms flailing. The other two looked at him puzzled and decided to leave him be.

AJ walked up to Anita, just as confused as Nick had looked. “What the hell is going on? Blondie is out there arguing with himself. He said something about you staying here. Is that really a safe choice?”

“Yeah I mean, we wouldn’t mind you coming back home with us. You know that we all…”

She cut the guys off, with a wave of her hand. “I know! I know guys. But my sister needs me and I have to find my mother. It…I know that it sounds insane…but they are my family.”

Howie and AJ looked at each other, although they weren’t too crazy about her decision. They had to respect it.

“I’m not good with goodbyes so I’ll be the first to say it.” Howie frowned, “I’m sorry…for what we did.”

Anita smiled and hugged him tight, “I’m not…not anymore. Because of what happened, I’m a different person. I’m stronger.” They parted and she gave him a kiss on the cheek. “Stop feeling guilty…thank you…for everything.”

He nodded and returned the kiss on the cheek. “Take care of yourself and your sister. Maybe we will meet again soon.” He gave her hand one last squeeze and headed out to meet with Nick.

“Wow he got all mushy…” AJ laughed nervously. “I guess I can respect your decision too. Man, I thought you would come back home with us. Nick is gonna be devastated.” AJ whined, he pulled her in for one of his big hugs. “I’m sorry once again for all that we put you through…or should I say what I put you through.”

“You were a jerk for a while. A big one, but who knew there was such a sweet guy behind all that.” She giggled, there was a knot in her throat. “I’m gonna miss you…”

He shrugged and smiled widely, “Of course…it’s hard NOT to miss me. Well I should cut this short…before you get all….mushy too. Listen, just take care of yourself and you know where to find us…me.” He kissed her cheek and gave her one last hug.

She bit her lip to keep from crying. “You take care too and be good.”

When she saw AJ disappear through the sliding doors, and Nick didn’t budge from his position outside. She decided it was best to go back up to Alva’s room, she spun around already feeling the tears run down her face. It hurt so bad to say goodbye, probably because she knew that they would never see each other again.

“Anita!”

Her stomach clenched and her heart skittered in her chest as she heard him say her name. sniffling away the tears she slowly turned around to face Nick. Quickly he was right in front of her, his tired blue eyes gazing into hers. “I can’t leave without telling you something. First of all I want apologize for being so hard on you. I was hurt and mad…I shouldn’t have reacted like that and I should have let you explain.”

“It’s alright Nick. I shouldn’t have lied…”

“I love you!” He just blurted it out and took her face in his hands and kissed her hard. His heart felt like it might burst, he didn’t know if it was from the excitement of being so close to her ,or if it was the realization that instead of this being a makeup kiss, this was a goodbye kiss.

She held on tight to him, she wanted the kiss to last forever…that moment to never end. There was an ache in her heart, because she knew this would be the last kiss from him. That life would go on tomorrow and with time he’d forget her. “I love you too Nick…always have and always will.” She caressed his face and gave him a crooked smile. “Please go now…goodbye!”

“See you later…” He didn’t know if it that would happen. That he’d see her later, but it felt easier to say, than goodbye. He watched her disappear into the hallway, and stood there staring at nothing.

“Come on man…we got a bus to catch.” AJ placed a hand on his shoulder and guided him back out, where they all quietly climbed back into the limo. “The show must go on man.”