He didn’t say anything, and I didn’t know how much longer I could take the silence. Through my hazy mind I could see him sitting there, just staring at me, silently admitting defeat.

“This is all my fault.” his voice broke the deafening silence. I glanced up at him to find unshed tears wallowing in his eyes. “If I hadn’t yelled at you, you would have still been at the house with us… none of this would have happened. I caused you to run away, I caused…” he paused, looking around at the damage I had caused. “all of this.” he finished off.

“Kevin…” I whispered, feeling my mind and body begin to sober up from all that was happening. “This… all of this, is not your fault. I caused all of this to happen… I didn’t have to run away as soon as you yelled at me, but I chose to. I didn’t have to destroy everything that was around me, but I chose to. I didn’t have to sit here and try to drink my problems away, but I chose to. I chose to do all these things because I’m weak Kevin.”

He began shaking his head at my response, “You’re not weak AJ… you are honestly the strongest person I know. How can you sit here and tell me you’re weak when… look at all that you’ve been through?”

I felt anger rising up within me again, my mind didn’t want to hear excuses, or the truth for that matter. “Stop it… just stop it already. If I was so strong, I wouldn’t have chose to do what I did… if I was so strong, I wouldn’t have allowed myself to break… but I did. Nothing can possibly hurt me anymore if I’m broken… I’m tired of bringing myself back up only to be taken down.”

Kevin just stared at me, stared at me as if he didn’t know me, as if I was a complete stranger that hurt him and was now seeking for an apology. I should of expected it though, because he doesn’t know me anymore… I don’t even know who I am right now. “I don’t want to hurt anymore Kevin…” I whispered, breaking down right after I got those words out.

I felt a pair of strong arms embrace me, holding me tight as if that was all that was holding me together… this time, I didn’t fight back. I just allowed myself to cry on his chest.

“I’m not gonna let anything hurt you anymore.” I heard him whisper as he tightened his grasp around me. “I swear on my life Alex… everything is gonna be okay. I‘m not gonna let anything else happen to you, or to Brian, Howie and Nick for that matter. I‘m gonna end this.”

I knew that tone of voice… he sounded so strong and confident, that is the way he wanted to come across so he could reassure you, make you believe his words. But if you listen carefully, under those layers of strength in his voice, you can hear uncertainty wavering. As I glanced up from his chest I could see his face through my blurry vision. His face was hard and stern, his lips pursed into a thin line. His emerald eyes were blazing with fire, his look dark and… determined.

I let my head fall back onto his chest and had wrapped my arms around his torso, holding on tight to him, as if he was going to leave me and I never wanted to let him go. That look of determination scared me… a part of me wants to believe that everything will be okay, that Kevin will protect us and put an end to everything that was happening… the other part of me didn’t care what happened anymore, because I didn’t want Kevin to be the one, the only one to protect us, to be the one to end everything. He’s now on a mission, and he’s not gonna stop… there’s no way in hell I’m gonna lose Kevin, not like this.