It had been our sixth year of marriage when it began. Howie by then was a major part of the Backstreet Boys. I loved that he loved his job. He got to tour around different countries and sometimes I would get to go with him. Not very often though. If they weren’t on tour, they were practicing in the studio. It was starting to be that I rarely ever got to see him.
“ Howie, can’t you take off just a few days? I mean we haven’t really seen each other in two months.”
“I can’t just take off Willow. I can’t leave the guys hanging. We’re in the middle of planning the tour and I need to be there as much as a can.”
“Not even one day?” I had given him puppy eyes that he just couldn’t resist.
“Oh Willow ple…I’ll see what I can do.”
I had given him a much-missed kiss in return for just a hope of seeing him. He was so absent and I was starting to feel empty. He looked around the room as if he were lost. He stared at me as if he had never before really seen me in his entire life.
“ Honey, what’s wrong?”
“I don’t know. You ever have on of those feelings…those that just sit in the pit of your stomach as if you know something bad is going to happen but you just don’t know it yet?”
“ Don’t have that feeling, Howie. Everything is ok. Nothing bad has been happening at work has it?”
“No. Everything is fine. Eh…I’m not gonna worry about it. Well I gotta get back to the studio.”
He left without really saying goodbye. It was the first time he had done that all the years we have been together. I used to get phone calls saying when he would be late or even just to say that he loved me. That stopped a while ago. That night tipped me off the edge. It’s what started the thoughts in my head.
I walked outside to sit under the willow. We got the house because it had one. In my mind, it was in the memory of my grandpa and when I would sit under the tree, he was there with me. I sat and wondered. Were things going a little different between D and me? I could hear some voice talking to me…telling me things I hated to hear and things I have longed to hear.
You should just give up. He doesn’t care about you anymore. If he did, he would be around more often. He would call you while he’s away. He can’t wait to get rid of you. You should show him what you’re really like.
The devil was racing through my mind: what could I say, what could I do. It seemed as if I wanted to just yell and make it all go away. He loved me. He’ll come back to me.
Or so I thought. He left that next week for tour and didn’t even invite me to come along. It was at that time when I came to realize I made a mistake. I didn’t demand the love I needed from him, the affection that I daily needed to continue on. This is when I found my solution. His name was Daniel.
Author's Chapter Notes:
After this chapter I promise it will start to pick up and get a little interesting...I know it's kinda slow.
