I remembered the first time I had met the group. Howie had taken me to a recording session. We had been together for about five months by that time. He thought it was time I had met the guys. I remember that Kevin was the new definition for tall, dark and handsome. Brian was someone that could always get a smile out of me with his boyish charms and antics. Nick was a spunky kid that reminded me of Ang for some odd reason. Then there was AJ. I wasn't sure what to think of him at first. He seemed like he could be a total bad ass but yet as I learned down the road, he had a very kind heart. I remember sitting in the studio and looking out at them while they were singing. Howie would smile at me every now and then but it was Aj that struck me the most. Every time he sang, it was as if he were singing to me and just to me.

            There was after a time that I was there that he came to me. I was waiting for Howie before we went to dinner. Aj was wearing a black dress shirt with dark jeans and a pair of blue sunglasses.

            "Hi Willow"

            "Hi Aj. Nice singing today."

            "Thanks. Hey there has been something I have been meaning to ask you."

            "Sure anything you want. What's up?"

            He was about to say when Howie walked through the door and walked toward me.

            "Hey Will. Ready to go?"

            "Yeah just a sec. AJ was askin' me something." I turned my attention back to him.

            "Oh it's ...it's nothing. Go have fun." He looked disappointed.

            "Are you sure? It wouldn't.."

            "No, I can talk to you later." He walked away quickly.

            He never did ask me again. But he was always with me the entire way. He was Howie's best man and my closest friend. He was so shy back then. So much compared to the courageous man who was about to release his utmost secret to me.

            "About 8 years ago, you wanted to ask me a question. Do you still remember it?" I looked at him and watched his eyes soften from the slight hardness they contained.

            "I wanted to ask you...no Will this is stupid. We never should have brought this topic up."

            I leaned over the back of the couch as he started to walk into the den. "Come on, AJ. Now is your chance to ask. Howie isn't around this time to stop you."

            He suddenly gave the appearance of a boy nervously planning his next move to make sure he didn't look stupid in front of the girl he had a crush on.

            "I wanted...," he looked down briefly, trying to retain his courage, " to ask you how you got to be so beautiful." He laughed to himself before continuing. "It almost seems like a sad pick up line after all these years but that is what always captured me about you. Not just how beautiful your eyes are when you're laughing or your smile or anything else. But your strength, humor, loyalty and most of all your passion." He hesitated. He looked me in the eyes and must have seen that I was not upset before he continued. " I know this is a lot to have thrown on you, especially what you just went through but remember you asked me the question."

            "I know. I don't regret asking either. I always wanted to now what you wanted to ask me. I'm glad I waited to hear the questions and the answer behind it."

            He looked at me totally bewildered. It was always a special treat to see him so shocked. I laughed a moment.

            "AJ, don't look so shocked. It's almost as if you had seen a ghost."

            "I'm just trying to understand the fact that you wanted to hear what I just said. I guess I expected you to completely knock me down."

            "Well I mean it isn't like you are telling me that you love me or something like that."

            I looked at him and recognized the restless silence that was around us. God, at that time I wish I could have read his mind cause it might have helped me out with a couple mistakes in the future.

            "Are you telling me you love me?" I stifled out not trying to sound shocked.

            "Remember the first night you stayed here?"

            "Yeah. What does that have to do..."

            "You told me that you loved me. Are you telling me that was a lie?"

            "I love you as a friend and.."

            "And you never loved me as anything else?"

            I was flabbergasted by what he said at that moment I didn't know what to say. I began to think about it more and realized there was a time that I did. This was not the right time to say this to him, however.

            "When you can answer that question, then I'll answer yours." He grabbed his coat and headed toward the door. "I got to go to the studio. We're working on some new songs and might start recording so...yeah." He looked one last time my way before opening the door and walking out. ‘What just happened here?' What just happened was the fact that AJ was going to be another component that would complicate my life. Before I took a step in any direction, I needed to come upon some realizations of my own.

            I went up to the room that I had made my house for the past two years and pulled out a suitcase. Slowly, I started to pull out the clothes, carefully folded and placed them in the bottom of the suitcase. It wasn't long until I stared into an empty closet trying to decide my next move. I moved the suitcases toward the door of the room and went to the writing desk so write on last note before I left. Slowly I began to write what I almost didn't want to.

            AJ,

                        I think that I need to move on to the next step in my life. You have helped me so much on this journey but I feel that not only am I holding myself back but I'm holding you back as well. It's time that I let you be free again. I need to discover myself again and I think that leaving here will be the best thing.

                        Love,

                                    Willow

            Tears began to drop down onto the letter, leaving swells in the note. I tried to wipe them off but realized I should leave them to show that I wasn't leaving because I was selfish but that I was thinking about the both of us. I let the not on the desk and grabbed my two suitcases. I was about to go down the steps when something inside me made me stop. I was directly outside AJ's room. The room that some two years ago I ran to finding solace in the arms of the only man to really know me. I opened the door and I looked around the room, noticing a picture on the side table I didn't see before. It was a picture of AJ and me at Howie's birthday. He had me in his arms and I was looking like some goofy creature. I closed the door with that picture lingering in my mind. I went down the stairs and to the door. Looking around one last time I left, closing the door on the life I knew before.