“Rehab”
Cause in the dark
You can't see shiny cars
And that's when you need me there
With you I'll always share
Because, when the sun shines,
We’ll shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be a friend
Took an oath, I'ma stick it out till the end
Now that it's raining more than ever
Know that we'll still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella
- “Umbrella” by Rihanna
Chapter Nine: Christmas Miracles
All my stuff started arriving today. I had my mom and friends back in Los Angeles start shipping it down. It’s going to be at least a little while before I come back, and I have the means, so why not get my special stuff? I decided to take Nick up on his offer. I give him a little credit for making it to begin with. It surprised me. So now it’s Christmas Eve, and my stuff arrived at the Carter compound, and movers trailed behind me to carry stuff to the guest house I’ll be calling home for awhile. This one used to be Nick’s, styled like a native hut, away from the mansion itself. He always needed space from his family. Once they left the main house, he moved in, making it his own once more. I gazed around, seeing he left a lot of his own stuff here, realizing this had to be his escape, even now. A picture of us as kids caught my eye, and I smiled sadly. As much as I couldn’t stand him now, I wished just as badly to have that friendship back. It was distance that made it easier, having him back in my life was something I was unprepared to handle. It brought everything back. It’s easy to forget things when they’re not around to remind you.
Nick is in the main house somewhere, staying as far from me as possible. Now I ain’t so sure if that’s good or not anymore. I know how I started this, damning his name in every way possible. He is still the asshole, I haven’t forgotten that. I just, I started remembering was all. I’m too damn soft. Stupid hormones. Mel was coming in behind me with a load of stuff. She dropped the box on the bed, glancing around. It was a pretty nice set up.
“You know if this doesn’t work, you can run back to my place.”
I grin, hugging her. “Of course, besides I need a place to escape to when asshole drives me out my damn mind and I’m about to kick his ass.”
“You said you’d try anger management again.”
“After the baby was born.”
“Right.”
“Well, she’s not born yet.”
We both laugh, as she feels my stomach again. You can tell she’s Nick’s kid, hyperactive as all hell. “See even your baby agrees with me!”
“Nah, she’s just wishing she was out.”
“Inpatient like mommy. So you decide on a name yet?”
“Yeah, Haven Jean Carter.”
“Whoa.”
“What? I like Haven.”
“It’s not that, it’s more the “Jean Carter” part of it.”
I start looking though one of my boxes. Oh. I didn’t mean for them to send this, what I called my memory box. Full of things I wished I had the will to throw away. A box of mementos best forgotten. Mel was looking through it, curious. “Why’s that?”
“I figured you’d keep her with your last name and deny Nick any namesake. Oh by the way, you got a package from Kevin over at my place.” Ooh, present, I just sent mine out about a week ago.
I sigh as I pull out an old teddy bear, given to me by Brian actually, for my birthday, when I felt lonely away from Nick or on tour. I forgot I had the thing. Foozles. That bear was my hugest confidant over the years. I also found old pictures, concert stubs, notes accumulated, and things from other countries I was able to get or that Nick sent to me. Letters from Kevin describing in very long detail what was around them, telling me I’d see it too. Postcards, all this stuff reminding me of what was lost.
“She is his daughter, and he’s stepped up.”
“Does anyone other than me and Kevin know it’s his yet?”
I shrugged.
“Then he hasn’t stepped up yet. When he’s man enough to let the world know that hey yes it happened but he doesn’t give a shit who knows, when he’s thinking of that first instead of his selfish annoying asshole self, then he’s stepped up.”
“Eh, I think this whole preggy thing is mellowing me out. Cause I agree, totally, you know that, but part of me is wanting to give him a break.”
“Maybe it’s the whole Christmas forgiveness thing.”
“Maybe.”
************
I was at the door at Lissy’s. Waiting for her high maintenance, slow ass to get to the car. I know I gotta tell her tonight. If she loves me she’ll forgive it, let it go, and move on. If not, eh, oh well. I said it already, I don’t believe in that love bullshit anymore. I don’t think I’m capable of it now. Christmas Eve and I’m about to tell her that I had gotten Kayden pregnant thirty three weeks ago. I’m fucked up and I know it, so don’t tell me, cause I know aight. She hopped in the car, looking well damn sexy and pretty fucking perky, and not just emotionally aight.
“So where we going?” She asked, as I pulled the car out and drove away from her place.
“Recording studio remember?”
“Oh right, forgot this one was a business date.”
“I know babe, and I’m sorry since it’s Christmas Eve and all that but I was able to fix my equipment at my place, and got some of it upgraded.” Aight that had been done weeks ago, but she doesn’t know that.
“Okay, and I did decide about your latest song. I like Nowhere To Go, but it’s more your band thing, and I’m still trying to get my credibility as an artist…”
I bit my tongue; this was something that came up a lot. That I write well but fucking god forbid people know the song is written by a Backstreet Boy. Fuck it then, I’ll make sure we use it somehow. “Babe we gotta talk.” I parked the car in front of my place, knowing Kayden moved into the guest hut today.
She watches me, her brown eyes looking so damn innocent. Trust me, there’s a sex kitten hidden behind there. “Bout what.” Her look was cold and I knew I was dealing with her in bitchy mode. What the hell is it with women and them having this sixth sense about this crap? I swear they always know when I’m about to drop a huge ass bomb of bad news.
“It’s about Kayden.”
“What the hell is it about her now? Do I have to freaking kill the bitch to get her out of your damn life again? I swear I thought I handled this eight months ago-” I blinked at that. What the fuck happened between Lisette and Kayden eight months ago? That was when all the shit went down. What the fuck? Never mind, that ain’t important right now.
To be honest it’s a miracle this shit ain’t hit the tabloids yet.
“She’s pregnant.”
“Obviously Nick, I caught a glimpse of the slut. I watch the news; they already mentioned that she is but that she won’t say who the father is. Likely cause the tramp don’t know and-”
Sometimes my girl gets on my last damn nerve. “Shut up Lis and let me say it aight.”
“What then? I don’t like your tone Nickolas.”
I hate my damn name. “I’m the father.”
And here is where she goes completely batshit crazy.
“You’re WHAT?! Nick how do you even know it’s you?! That tramp fools around, and it can be anyone and she just wants money! You need the DNA test-”
Told ya. “Look, I know from the date, and she don’t need money, she has her own damn career. And she hates me, so why would she tell me unless I was. Think Lis. Look cause I am, she‘s staying in the guest house-”
“Oh no this is getting taken care of RIGHT NOW!” That’s when she lunged her ass out of the car and went running for where Kayden just moved in.
Heh, that went better than I thought it would.
********
Some things never change. I swear. Eight months before, I saw a woman try to destroy me. Now it’s the same bitch, only now I’m huge. She succeeded then only partially, she did ruin my bond with “her” man. So you know how I spent Christmas Eve? Having her ass bang on my door demanding I let her into the guest house I just finished moving into.
And they say I’m the crazy bitch? Come on now, screw that. I opened the door though, knowing asshole has to be somewhere behind her.
“You didn’t get the damn message when I told you I’d get you out of his life did you?!”
“Ain’t like this was my choice.”
“Know this, even with that demon spawn of yours, I ain’t going anywhere. Maybe that kid won’t even know its father.”
I can feel my blood boiling here people. Similar threats, just like last time. Only now, they involve my baby and that is NOT going to happen. “She WILL know her father, Nick is fucked up in a lot of ways but he wouldn’t treat his kid worse than how he was.”
“Heh, you keep on thinking that Kayden, I got that boy wrapped…”
And with that, she left, passing Nick and going down the road, using her cell I’m assuming to call a taxi up here. Nick stood there, halfway between me and her. Just like last time. If only that boy could sort all his shit and actually see things for what the fuck they are. But no, and then he goes back to thinking of himself. Because in the end, that’s what makes Nick asshole. So much can change in a year; while so damn much can stay the same. Man, last year, was nothing like this bull crap we’re dealing with now.
Christmas Eve, 2005
Kayden smiled as Nick kissed her again. Despite it all, all the trouble it caused, all the protesting she had done over the years, it felt good to be within Nick’s arms. It felt right, safe, protected. It was as if their growing up as friends had only lead them to the inevitable, no matter how hard she fought it. Sure Paris Hilton had damaged Nick like no other, only a year and a half before. But she knew, slowly, she would break down the walls, heal the scars that heiress had inflicted on him.
They lay in the bed together, at yet another hotel. She was here for a major game, he had come up to see her between recording sessions now that the Never Gone tour didn‘t pick back up overseas till January. He hated Christmas, while she loved it. Nick, knowing she hated the idea of spending it alone, even for work, had come to surprise her only a day before. So now they were together, snuggling so simply in the bed. This had been their first together, and she was just glowing. For Kayden had been virginal until this very night. Their bodies were still intertwined, and she couldn’t help but enjoy the feel of her fitting against him, skin to skin. Her hair, longer then, past her shoulders, was intertwined within his fingers. She was unable to resist a chuckle at his hair fetish. That had never changed, and she doubted it ever would. She felt his hands trail slowly along her cheek.
“I love you.”
She stared at him. They had only been dating a couple months. Nick wasn’t one for emotions. And at that her own heart turned, did she love him to? Her stomach turned, because she couldn’t say it yet. She felt it, felt like she had for no other, yet the words couldn’t escape her mouth. So she forced a smile, looking into his deep blue eyes waiting for her response.
“Ditto…”
I hate this, remembering stuff that only brings pain. I had been day dreaming so bad, I didn’t even see him walk up. I eyed him carefully. “I take it she knows.”
“What’d she say to you?”
Tell him? No, cause then I would have to explain it all. And if he couldn’t see it then, when he let it all go down the way it had eight months before. He chose that path then, I’m not going to try and change it now.
“Just how mad she was that I didn’t tell you till now, you know she hates me anyway. Look, its Christmas Eve, and I figured…because I found something…” I went and grabbed the box I wrapped. He stared at me, and then took the box, almost in shock. Yeah I know, I’m scared too that I’m doing this. I watched him open it, look inside, and then really look at me. Not with disgust, or hatred, but with a look I haven’t seen from him since it all happened. A look that almost resembled one he gave me a long while ago.
“This is Foozles.”
“I found him earlier; Brian gave him to me when I needed company, or a confidant. I may hate what you’ve become, and you may hate me, but I ain’t blind Nick. I thought maybe this could be that for you. Or remind you of…” And that’s where I trailed off, because I couldn’t say it. I couldn’t ask for asshole to remember how he wasn’t so fucked up once. “I dunno, but yeah, I know its lame, an old stuffed bear…”
I could see his face hinting at a smile. “It ain’t lame…didn‘t know you still had this.”
“When I had my stuff sent over, thinking I’d still be at Mel’s, they sent a box of old stuff I had, not knowing I didn’t need it. Discovered Foozles there.”
Then there a silence, but not awkward, almost like we were both just, enjoying the peaceful moment, as if afraid we’d never have another. Which with us, I wouldn’t be shocked at. But then, but then he hugged me. “Thanks Kayden. Means a lot.”
Not the reaction I expected. In fact, I think I’ll just enjoy this one moment. Don’t expect more, don’t over think. Why ruin it? For it won’t last, it never does. Miracles never do.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Hey, I was able to get another chapter out. Thankies again for all the feedback, I love it. It's so helping me and this story flow. Anywho, enjoy the chapter :)
