Chapter 9

The ride home was made in complete silence. Nick wanted to ask Ali about the chemo therapy, but didn’t know where to begin. He sensed that she wanted to talk about it, but he was afraid to upset her even more, so he decided to leave it. Instead he turned up the radio and pretended to be thinking hard about something. It wasn’t far from the truth though. He was thinking really hard – about Ali.

Once they got back to Nick’s place, Ali disappeared quietly into her room. She needed to be alone for a while. She hadn’t been by herself since she had gotten the news about the cancer, and she needed some time to just reflect. But no sooner had she laid her head down on the pillow, did her phone start ringing. She sighed quietly and reached over to the nightstand to grab it.

“Hello?”

“Ali, it’s Leighann. I just heard. I am so sorry…”

Ali closed her eyes.

“How are you holding up?” Leighann asked.

“I… umm… I… How did you find out?”

“Nick talked to AJ a few hours ago. AJ called Howie, Howie called Brian, he’s on the phone with Kevin right now. You know how they are… It’s a chain reaction.”

“Right…”

“Oh Ali… I’m so sorry. I mean, I didn’t know if you wanted us all to know. But I mean, we just want to be there for you.”

“I know.”

“Out of all the people I know Ali… And it had to happen to you.”

“Yea…”

“Look, I’m gonna let you get some rest, you must be exhausted. But if you need someone to talk to other than Nick, you know you can call me anytime. I’m here for you Ali.”

“Thanks Leigh.”

“Alright, well… take care Ali. Be safe, ok?”

“I will… bye.”

“Bye sweetie.

Ali put down her cell phone and popped her head back on the pillow. Her thoughts were spinning in every direction. She didn’t know what to think, what to feel or how to react. The familiar feeling of being alone and helpless entered her mind again. She closed her eyes, and within seconds she was back in Siberia, back in the cold, closed spaces, where there was only her. Deep down, she knew she had Nick. Sweet Nick, who had always been there for her, and whom she treasured more than anything in her life. But he wasn’t the one dealing with the actual feeling of drifting towards nothing. He was there, physically, someone to lean on, but she knew he would never understand. And then there were the rest of the guys, always there to help, always to put a smile on her face. She was grateful for that. They never made her feel different. The last thing she wanted was to feel different, to feel like an outcast. She didn’t want people to feel sorry for her. She didn’t want phone calls like the one from Leighann a few minutes earlier. Of course, she knew the intentions were good, but a part of her just wanted to go on like everything was alright. Even though, deep down, she knew things were as far from alright as they could possibly get.

Downstairs, Nick was back on the phone with AJ. Sometimes he wonder why he always called AJ when he needed to talk about things. He figured it was because he knew AJ had been through a lot, and because of that, he always had some good advices.

“I just don’t know what to do Jay. I mean… I wanna be there for her, but I don’t know how to act. I don’t know what to say, what to do. I know that she hates being treated differently. I don’t want to treat her like she might be dying, you know…”

“I know man… I wish I knew what to tell you. I guess the only reasonable thing for you to do right now, is to treat her as normally as you can, and show her that you’re here for her when she  needs you”.

“Yea… I guess I just need some time to get used to the thought… Gosh, I can’t believe I might lose her again.”

“I know. I don’t know what to say Nick. I know this is hard for you. Just hang in there alright.”

Nick sighed and nodded to himself. “I will. Listen, I should go. I’m gonna go take a walk on the beach or something. Clear my head a little.”

“What about Ali?”

“She’s in her room. I think she wants some time to herself.”

“I can understand that… Call me if you need anything, ok?”

“I will. Bye.”

“Later.”

Nick stood up from the couch and walked over to the large window with the view of the beach. Looking at the waves always made him feel calm and peaceful. It was his place to go when he needed to think and let his mind wander. The beach was where he had spent most of his time when Ali had been missing. Nick walked over to the glass doors leading out to the porch, and stepped outside. The windy evening was bringing the tidal waves closer to the sandy beach and the sun was slowly moving towards the horizon. It was his favourite time of the day. The beach was almost empty and the only sound filling the air was the waves breaking as they hit the shore. Nick kicked off his sandals and walked barefoot towards the water, making his way away from his house. After walking for a few minutes, he sat down in the sand, facing the water. A thousand thoughts were running through his mind. Ali. Cancer. Death. Life. Love. Ali…

He had no idea how long he had been sitting there, when something suddenly hit him hard in the back of his head. He looked around, startled. A Golden Retriever was running towards him wagging its tale, aiming for a small tennis ball that was lying in the sand next to Nick.     

“Rocket!!! Rocket! Come here!!!”

Nick looked to the side. A girl around his age was half walking, half running, towards him, shouting the dog’s name as the dog caught the ball and jumped on Nick.

“Rocket!!” The girl approached Nick. “I am so sorry. Rocket, get down!!”

Nick smiled. “That’s alright. Hey boy.” He scratched the dog behind its ear. “It’s a nice dog. His name is Rocket?”

The girl nodded. “Yea. He’s still a puppy, so he’s a little playful. Sorry about that…”

“I don’t mind. I have a puppy myself. I just got her a few weeks ago.”

“Really? What kind?”

“She’s a pug. Her name is Leyla.” 

“How come you didn’t bring her to the beach with you?”

“Oh… I normally do… I just needed some alone time. You know… no puppy or anything.” Nick looked back at the water.

“Oh… ok. I’m disturbing you… I’m sorry. Rocket, come here boy.” She proceeded to walk away.

“No, no. I didn’t mean it like that.” Nick didn’t know why he stopped her, but it felt nice talking to someone who didn’t know about his problems. “You and Rocket are more than welcome to join me for a little while. I don’t mind.”

The girl looked surprised. “Ok… thanks.” She sat down in the sand next to Nick, playing a little with the dog.

“I’m Nick.”

“Lucy.”

“Nice to meet you Lucy.” He smiled at her, and for a brief second, he forgot all about Ali. But then, he looked more closely at her, and he suddenly realised how much she reminded him of Ali. They had the same dark brown hair, the same friendly smile and the same passion in their eyes.

“So, what brings you down to the beach?” Lucy asked.

Nick shrugged. “I don’t know… just… life I guess. How about you?”

“Same I guess. And Rocket loves it down here.”

“Do you live nearby?”

“Yea, just a few miles from here. I come here every evening for a walk.”

They continued talking about random stuff and telling each other about life and where they were going, although Nick avoided the subject revolving Ali and his career.

He didn’t know how long they had been sitting there talking, but he suddenly realized it was almost dark outside, and his thoughts wandered back to Ali again.

“I should be getting back…” He said and stood up, brushing off sand from his jeans.

“I should too.”

They walked together towards Nick’s house, still making small talk, Rocket running around and in between their legs.

“This is me.” Nick said as they reached the yard leading towards his porch.

“Alright.” Lucy said, grabbing Rocket’s collar. “It was nice talking to you Nick. Maybe I’ll see you around.”

“Yea. Maybe you will. Take care. Bye Rocket.”

He turned around and walked towards the house.

Upstairs, Ali was sitting by her window, wondering what the scene she had just witnessed was, who the girl was, and if she should worry.