Chapter 11

The rest of the way home, Ali sat in silence, trying to figure out what to say to Nick. She knew it would be hard confronting him, but she needed him to know that she desperately needed him to be there. It wasn’t hard to predict how he would react, he was Nick after all, and Ali knew he would defend himself and deny what he was really thinking about the whole situation. She was also wondering when she’d be able to talk to him, and if he would show himself while she was awake during the next couple of days. She didn’t need to think about it for long though, because when AJ drove up to Nick’s house an hour later, they could see Nick’s car in the driveway, meaning that he had returned from whatever it was that he had been doing that day.

“Guess you didn’t have to wait that long after all.” AJ commented as he parked the car and turned off the engine.

“Guess not.”

“You want me to come inside with you?”

Ali shook her head. “Thanks, but no… I think I need to do this alone. And besides, Nick tends to act differently when you’re around, or I mean, not act differently, but I think it needs to be just him and I if I’m gonna get him to listen.”

“What are you going to say to him?”

Ali shrugged. “No idea… I was kinda hoping that I would get some time to prepare for this, but I guess not.”

“Are you gonna tell him that you’re in love with him?” AJ asked, knowing that he might be crossing a line.

“I’m not in love with him.” She answered quickly, though she knew she couldn’t have sounded too convincing.

“I don’t think you believe that anymore than I do.” He smiled a little, knowing what she was thinking. She looked down, and AJ continued. “You know… you’d feel a lot better if you tell him. I know it’s a hard thing to do with everything else you’re facing right now, but you know, he might come around again if he knew.”

Ali sighed. “But I don’t want him to come around again just because of something I’m not even sure of. I want him to be there as my friend. My best friend. Don’t you see? If I had to risk our friendship just because of some crush that I might have, I’d rather not tell him. I’d rather stay friends with him the rest of my life than risking losing him. At least when I don’t even know how long I’ll be around…” She was almost in tears by then, and AJ regretted the fact that he had even brought up the subject concerning her feelings for Nick.

“I wish I knew what to say to you Ali, but I can’t even imagine what you’re feeling right now… I really wish that there was something I could do to help,”

“You’re a great friend to me AJ, and that helps more than you know.”

“And I want it to stay that way. You know you can call me anytime, right, day or night?”

Ali nodded. “I know. Thanks. I should go inside and talk to Nick now.”

“Alright.”

She reached over to give AJ a hug and a small peck on the cheek. “Thanks for sticking up for me. You’re a great friend AJ.”

“Anytime.” He smiled at her as she got out of the car and closed the door behind her.

“Hey!” AJ shouted through the open window. Ali turned around.

“Don’t let him get to you, ok? There is no reason for him not to be there for you, and whatever he says, don’t give in to him. You have a right to be disappointed in his behaviour.”

Ali nodded and smiled. “Yea… thanks AJ.”

He smiled back and she turned around and walked towards the front door.

As soon as she walked into the house, she could feel Nick’s presence. She didn’t know if it was the distant sound from the TV, the radio that was turned on in the kitchen, or the fact that the lights were turned on in every room. She had barely closed the door, when she heard footsteps coming from the kitchen, along with Nick’s voice.

“Where have you been?” His voice sounded almost angry, but Ali knew it was his way of hiding the fact that he was concerned.

“Hello to you too.” She looked up at him and tried to force a smile. “I’ve been to the clinic. I had the second chemo treatment today. I thought you would remember.”

Nick’s expression went from being angry to being almost embarrassed. “That was today? But I thought that wasn’t until Thursday.”

“Today is Thursday.” Ali was trying her hardest to keep her voice calm. She wanted to scream at him for forgetting, and for abandoning her for the past few days, but she knew Nick, and she knew screaming at him wasn’t gonna solve anything.

“Why didn’t you remind me?”

“I’ve tried calling you for the past few days Nick, but your phone has been switched off.”

“You could have written a note telling me where you were. I was almost about to call the police.”

“Nick… you’re overreacting, and are you telling me to write notes telling you where I am, when you’re the one that hasn’t showed your face once for the past few days? I haven’t had a clue where you’ve been and what you’ve been up to.” She didn’t mean to sound angry, but she couldn’t help it. He could be so provoking at times.

“How did you get to the clinic in the first place?” He was raising his voice little by little now, and Ali knew this was him not trying to hide the fact that he was getting a little angry.

“AJ drove me there.” She answered matter-of-factly.

“AJ drove you there? So, he’s your new friend now?”

“Nick!!! Don’t be like this. What was I supposed to do? You said you would drive me there, and you weren’t here. This treatment plan could mean life or death to me Nick. I don’t know what that means to you, but I know I needed to be there. AJ has been a great friend to me, but he’s not my new best friend. There’s no such thing.” She couldn’t believe they were even having the discussion on who was a better friend. It was like they were 7 years old again, fighting over whose ninja-turtle was the better one. She walked past him and started walking up the stairs towards her room. She didn’t want the conversation to continue, because she knew where it would end. She would end up being more hurt than she was going in to the discussion, and Nick would get even more irritated and angry.

“Ali… I’m sorry…” He turned to face her, but didn’t move from where he was standing. “I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just---“

“I don’t wanna hear it Nick. I know you’re probably feeling scared and helpless and all that, but how do you think I feel? I meant what I said before. I need you to walk with me on the same side of the street. I need you to stick by me, and if you can’t do that, than don’t bother doing anything.” She had to force herself from not yelling at him;

‘I need you to let me figure out what I feel for you. I need you to tuck me in at night, to lie next to me and wake me from my nightmares. I just need you…’

… But she didn’t. She didn’t even turn around as she continued walking up the stairs and disappeared into her room, wondering where Nick would spend the night.