Chapter 8

“You ok?” Nick asked Ali for the thousand time that day.

 “Nick… Stop asking me if I’m ok. You know I’m not!”

It was the next day, and they were sitting in Dr. Martins’ office, waiting for the doctor to give them more information on Ali’s situation.

“Sorry… I just…” Nick had run out of words to say. He kept asking Ali if she was ok because that was the one thing he felt he could say without touching the subject and make Ali feel worse. The only think he could think of was how unfair the whole thing was, and that Ali was the one person he could think of that didn’t deserve being in that situation. He wanted to tell her, but he couldn’t bring himself to say it.

They were both exhausted after a long, sleepless night. Nick had been feeling restless and even though he wanted to sleep, he couldn’t. He was sharing a bed with Ali, as they had done so many times before, but they had both stayed on their side of the bed, lost in their own thoughts. Normally, they would have cuddled up against each other out of old habit, but Nick wanted to give Ali some space, and Ali was too upset and tired to even move an inch from her side. Eventually, they had both been lying there, listening to each others breathing and trying to sort out their own thoughts.

“Good morning.” The door to the office opened and Dr. Martins entered the room. He seemed pretty cheerful, but Nick had a feeling he was only putting on that face to lighten up the mood. Nick and Ali shook his hand and the doctor sat down by his desk opposite to them. He pulled out a file from a drawer and put it in front of him.

“How are you feeling today Alicia?”

Ali had been looking down the whole time, and still didn’t look up as she responded. “Tired…”

“That’s understandable. Did you get a chance to look at the brochures I gave you yesterday?”

Ali shook her head no. “I went straight to bed once we got to the hotel. I have them in my bag though.” She reached out to pull them out of the bag she had placed on the floor next to her.

“There’s no need to, Alicia. I’m here now. I’ll tell you all you need to know. Do you have any questions on top of your mind, or do you want me to start explaining?”

Ali hesitated. She did have a question, but she knew it was a stupid one, and that it was the last thing she should be worrying about, but she couldn’t help it.

“Alicia?”

She knew that both Nick and the doctor had sensed she wanted to ask about something.

“Don’t be afraid to ask him Ali.” Nick leaned towards her and took her hand in his.

Ali nodded. “Will I lose my hair?” She looked down. “I mean… I know it’s silly of me to worry about it when there’s so much more I should be thinking about, but I’ve seen what chemo therapy does to people, and I was just wondering… you know…” her voice trailed off.

Dr. Martins gave her a small smile. “It’s not silly Alicia. Actually, a lot of people do wonder about that too. To answer you question, unfortunately, yes, you will most likely lose most of your hair. I know it’s not what you want to hear, but the point of chemo therapy is to stop your cells from splitting and producing more cells, to stop the cancer from spreading. This also means that the cells in your body that isn’t affected by the cancer yet will be weakened, and in this case it will result in hair loss.”

Ali sighed. It was the answer she was expecting, but also fearing.

“What other side effects will I have?” She asked, her voice shaking.

“The extent of the side effect varies from person to person, but the most common ones are nausea, tiredness and anemia. In addition to these, you may experience memory loss, depression, sore muscles and liver damage. But it’s important for you to know that each patient reacts differently to the treatment. These are just the basic, most common ones.”

“Ok…” Ali wasn’t sure what to say. She knew there would be side effect, but she didn’t know there would be that many. “What about the treatment? How does it work? What’s the purpose of it? How long will I be doing it for? How often?” She didn’t know where all of the questions came from, but suddenly, she felt like knowing everything.

“As I told you yesterday, your bone marrow is producing too many white blood cells. The purpose of the therapy is to stop these cells from reproducing and spreading. The chemo itself, which is actually poison, is given by an injection mixed with salt water that goes straight into your blood. You will be doing the treatment until the cancer is either gone, stabilized, or retreating. It really depends on how your body accepts the treatment. In some cases, chemo therapy does nothing to prevent the cancer form spreading, sometimes it removes it completely and other times it just gives you a little more time.”

“A little more time for what?” Nick asked, looking at Dr. Martins.

“Live…” Ali whispered. “When do I start the first treatment?”

The doctor looked at his watch. “They’re expecting you in just under an hour.”

It was an hour later, and Nick was sitting in the waiting area outside the room where Ali was being given her first chemo treatment. He wasn’t allowed inside with her because of all the precautions. He had no idea how long it would take, and all he could do was sit there and stare at the white walls that were surrounding him. Suddenly, his phone started vibrating in his pocked. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to talk to anybody, but the need to hear a different voice than Ali and Dr. Martins’ were growing inside him. He looked at the display to see who it was and decided to answer.

“Hello.” He knew he sounded tired.

“Hey.” AJ’s voice was on the other side. He was the one person that Nick felt completely comfortable talking to at the moment. AJ had been there when they had found Ali in Russia and knew what kinda relationship Nick and Ali had.

“Hi…” Nick was struggling to find something to say. He wasn’t sure if he wanted AJ to know what had happened or not, even though he knew he would find out sooner or later.

“What’s wrong? You sound weird.”

Nick paused for a few seconds.

“Nick?”

“I’m….”

“What’s going on Nick?”

“I’m at this clinic with Ali…”

“Clinic? What’s wrong with you?”

“Nothing’s wrong with me. It’s Ali?”

“What happened? Is she alright?”

“Ummm…”

“Nick… you’re making me nervous here.”

“She’s not alright… she had cancer.”

“What?”

“She was diagnosed with leukaemia yesterday.”

“Oh my god… What happened? I mean… how did you find out?”

“She’s been feeling really sick for the past few weeks… or actually, since she came back. We thought it was just because she’s was living under such poor conditions, but she was getting worried, and so was I, so we drove here yesterday, and they diagnosed her with cancer.”

“Man… I’m so sorry. Gosh… she’s the last person I can think of to deserve this. How is she feeling now?”

“She’s getting her first chemo therapy treatment right now. I don’t think she’s realized what’s happening to her yet. She’s kinda… just sitting there, trying to be brave. You know her. She hates showing how she feels about things. She cried a little yesterday, but that’s all. I’m really worried how she’s gonna feel about this when we get back home.”

“Dude… if you need anything, just call or… anything, ok?”

“Thanks Jay.”

“Do you want me to tell the rest of the guys for you?”

“Could you do that? Just tell them I’ll call when I know more about this whole thing.”

“I will. Just let me know if there’s anything else. Tell Ali I say hi.”

“Alright, I will. I’ll call you later.”

“Bye.”

“Bye.”

It was 30 minutes later when Ali walked out of the room that Nick, in his mind, had started referring to as the “chemo-room”. He was reading a magazine on plastic surgery when she suddenly stood next to him.

“Nice breasts.” Ali said smiling a little, nodding at a picture of some clearly enhanced breasts. Nick jumped in his seat and quickly put the magazine away.

“Heeey.” He stood up and pulled her into a hug. “How did it go?”

Ali sighed, and just as quickly as the smile had appeared, it was gone.

“Let’s just go home…”