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Once I arrive back at home I am terrified to go in. What if Nick can see the guilt on my face? What if he knows somehow that I just slept with Alex? I seat in the car and take a deep breath. “Calm yourself Dess, just act as if nothing happened.” I say out loud to myself. I get out of the car and walk up to the house. Looking down at my watch I realize that I have been gone for hours. I walk inside and find Nick sting on the couch still watching TV. Had he even noticed that I was gone? I shut the door and head straight up stairs not even acknowledging my presence. I get in the shower in hope to wash Alex’s scent off of me. I could still smell him; I could still feel his lips on mine. What in the world was I doing? Could I seriously pull an affair off? I mean what if Nick doesn’t want to make love to me at all while I am pregnant? Am I just supposed to go without? I am fucking pregnant for GOD sacks….Pregnant women are horny!!!


After my shower I get in bed and prepare myself for sleep. Finally Nick comes in the room. He sit’s on the edge of the bed and looks down at the floor. “I am not sure I can do this Dess. I mean I want to be the supportive boyfriend, but I am honestly terrified. I mean what if the baby isn’t mine? Hell, what if the baby is mine? I have no clue how to be a dad. And if it is AJ’s shit, what is going to happen to us? It is like either way, I am so scared that we just will not make it through this?”


“Nick, what are you trying to say?”


He looked me dead in the eyes and said “I am so sorry, but I really wish that this pregnancy never happened. It is like, so fucked up. Who gets pregnant and doesn’t know who the father is. To make matters worse the two possible fathers are best friends. I just, I don’t know I am so lost here. It is like hard for me to even look at you. I really tried to get past it, but it has been eating away at me. I want to be with you, I am so in love with you; yet every time I look at you, I can’t stand the idea of touching you, when you may be carrying another mans baby.”


Tears are pouring down my face at his point. I mean here is Nick opening up to me and all I can think is AJ didn’t have a problem making love to me. I almost said it, but I really didn’t think it would be a good idea to tell him at this point. Nick may have gone nuts. Instead I nod my head and say, “You don’t have to make love to me Nick. You don’t have to fucking touch me. IF you don’t want to be with me Nick, I am quite sure AJ….” I shut up before finishing when I seen Nick look up at me.


“AJ, what?” he demanded. I just stared at him “AJ what , Dess? He will still fuck you? You think so? Is that what you are saying? Well feel free Dess, go get it. I promise you, you don’t have to worry about me wanting any. All I think about when I look at you anyway, is how you fucked my best friend. How somehow you managed to get both of us to fall in love with you. Who the hell are you? No one! What is special about you? Nothing!”


Nick was standing up yelling as I sit on the bed crying. I never understood why guys always get so mean when you fight. It is like they are telling what they really think. Like they are too afraid to say it any other time.

“Nick that isn’t what I meant. It is Just that AJ is so excited about the baby. He wants to be involved. I can’t even get a half a smile out of you when I talk about it. I know that I fucked up sleeping with both of you, but come on Nick, we all know that when you step back and look at the big picture this is your fault.”


Nick stood there for a minute just staring at the wall. Finally he looked over at me “I think maybe this little trip we are going on is going help. I need to get things in perspective. Go ahead and get your friend down here…..I am going to sleep in one of the guest beds.”


To its Friday. I am picking Elle up in about an hour. I am on my way to the airport now. Nick and I have hardly said two words to one another and I haven’t spoken to AJ at all. The guys are leaving right before Elle gets here. I wanted her to finally meet Nick, but I really don’t think that this would be a good time.


Once I arrive at the airport we park the car and get out. Nick and I walk in silence as we reach his terminal. All of the other guys are waiting already. Nick looks over at me and gives me half a smile as he takes my hand and we walk up. It was almost like he wanted them to think everything was fine.


“Yo, Nick I haven’t seen you in a couple weeks man. How have you been?” asked Howie.


“Good, we have been good.” Nick replied.


AJ walked up and gave me a little wink as he touched my tummy and said hello to the baby. I could see the anger in Nick’s eyes. No one else seemed to notice.


“So, Dess how is the baby doing?” asked Brian.


“Good, I am almost out of my first trimester. After that I will stop being so worried about loosing it again.” I answer honestly.


“Well, I am glad to see that everything is going well.”

‘All passengers for flight 1892 you may now begin to board.’
“Well, that is us.” Replied Howie as he and Brian start to walk toward the gate.


Nick looks down at me and for the first time in a long time I seen sadness in his eyes. Lately they had been more empty that sad. He leaned down and kissed me softly and pulled away. “I love you Dess, and I am so sorry about all of this. Maybe this will help.”


I nod as I brush tears off of my face. AJ then walks up and hugs me. He whispers that he loves me and that he is still mine. I grin at him as he turns and walks away. I really did care about both of them so much. How will I ever really choose ONE of them? I guess only time will tell.


The guy’s plane took off and I am now waiting on Elle. I hear the intercom announce the arrival of her flight and walk to the gate and wait for her to exit. I notice her immediately. I run to her and wrap my arms around her. It was so good to see one of my friends.


Elle and I had been friends in High School. Best friends actually. We were both obsessed with the Backstreet Boys back then. We then joined the Navy together. We went to the same duty station every time, so that we could be together. We were always room mates. I really trusted her like I trust myself. Although, right now that doesn’t mean much!


“Elle, I am so glad to see you!”


“Let me see your tummy”


I lift my shirt and she smiles “AWWW……”


“Whatever” I reply “You can barely tell.”