It was a few days later before I got around to opening my e-mail and I knew it was going to take me forever to get through it all. To my surprise, Morgan and I had continued on without a very high level of awkwardness. At first it was a little weird, but we pretty much fell right back into our best friend routine, like the kiss was just something that best friends do. Maybe it is normal for best friends to have one kiss.
It was mid afternoon and my mind kept wandering as I skimmed through my mail. When my eyes landed on one from Allison, I quickly opened it up. I had meant to call her as soon as we got back, but I just didn’t get to it. Now I felt bad that I hadn’t made sure to make time for it.
Baylee,
I’m sorry to do this through an e-mail, like this. But I couldn’t get a hold of you on your cell, and it was really important for me to explain.
Uh oh. This wasn’t sounding good. Darn my phone for not getting signal out in the middle of nowhere, on the family farm! You’d think that, with today’s technology, there wouldn’t be an inch on earth that didn’t get cell phone signal. We have laptops that are paper thin and can work just by voice command or touch…cell phones that are tiny and do just about everything, except read your mind…TVs that follow voice command and automatically record your regularly viewed programs, without you having to do a single thing…yet they can’t perfect cell and internet signals to reach everywhere? Go figure.
Dad just got re-stationed and I’ll be leaving for the navy base in North Carolina before the end of break. I have to transfer schools and every thing. I’m really sorry Baylee. We were just getting to know each other so well and everything.
Wait a tick! Re-stationed? How did I not know Allison was a military brat? I knew she had only been in our school a year and a half or something like that, but had no idea that was the reason why. Why didn’t she mention that? I mean, it seems like one of those things you would tell someone! Logic tells me it would be one of the FIRST things you’d share…“Oh, by the way, my dad is in the Navy and I may pick up to move without much notice, if any.” Geesh!
I’m hoping we can keep in touch, and still be friends. You’re a great guy Baylee and I really enjoyed hanging out with you. I really wish we could have said ‘good-bye’ properly…I’m going to miss you. But, I’ll talk to you soon, ok?
-Allison
Well isn’t that about a kick in the head? I wasn’t even in the mood to go through any other e-mails, now. Turning off the computer and setting it aside, I leaned back against the headboard and let out a long sigh. I really shouldn’t be bothered, much, since we weren’t in any kind of committed relationship or anything. Thinking for a moment…I realized something…other than the short notice, of it all…I wasn’t all that upset…actually…I wasn’t upset at all. Was that a good thing? It seems like I should be at least slightly upset. We weren’t in anything serious, but it’s still a break up…and I wasn’t the one doing the breaking up.
Tomorrow it was back to school, and I’m totally ready for spirit week. I wonder if it will seem different without Allison there. Speaking of different…would anyone be able to tell that something happened between me and Morgan? Would Morgan tell the other cheerleaders? No…she wasn’t the ‘kiss and tell’ type…at least I don’t think she is.
It was only one in the afternoon and I was already getting tired from how much my mind was spinning. It seems like my brain can’t stay on one thing for very long and sometimes it gives me a headache. I have to admit that things have been a little easier since the guys started getting along more. Granted there have been an argument or two since we’ve been back, but nothing compared to what it used to be. Mason was home with his dad and he told me last night, on the phone, that things were going great. He said that Kevin was spending a ton of time with him and that he felt like they were bonding again. That made me feel really good…Mason needed his dad. And, whether or not he would openly admit it…Kevin needed his son.
Listen to me. I’m starting to sound like Morgan, with all her psychological mumbo jumbo. Have I ever mentioned that sometimes I think I spend a little too much time…
I found myself yawning and dozing off, to sleep, before even finishing the thought. My eyes drifted shut as my thoughts seemed to dissipate. There was always so much on my mind, that the clearing of my thoughts and the sweet peace of slumber was always welcomed.
“Nick! Nick! My dad’s back!” I saw myself running through a dark hotel room, in to jump up on a large bed that held a large sleeping form. “I saw him! He’s really here!” My voice was squeaky and high, my body was small, but my curls looked about the same.
“Huh? What?” Rubbing his eyes, Nick sat up and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. A long groan escaped his lips as my childhood body jumped up and down beside him. “What are you talking about BayBay?”
“My dad! He’s back…he’s really back! I woke up and I saw him…he’s here…somewhere! You gotta help me find him!” Jumping from the bed, my small feet hit the floor with surprisingly loud thumps as I ran back into the main section of the hotel suite. I saw my own hands, much smaller than they really are, opening the closet door. “I know he’s here!” Searching through the closet, my eyes saw nothing. After slamming the door shut, I ran to the bathroom…nothing.
“Bay…Bay, he’s not…” Nick’s firm, yet gentle, hands rested on my shoulders. He shook me just slightly, bringing my eyes up to his. “Baylee…he’s not here buddy…he’s gone…remember?” My body stiffened, as I looked up to see the tears forming in the corners of his eyes. “I’m sorry Baylee…but…he’s not coming back.”
Gasping, my eyes flew open, sweat covering my entire body. Slowly my eyes moved down to my hands…they were back to their normal size…and so was the rest of my body. After looking myself over, I started to let my eyes wander around the room. I was in my usual bed…at home…there was no hotel suite.
“It was just a dream.” I let out a shaky breath, in a poor attempt to slow my heart down, from its pounding pace. Just as I was about to close my eyes again, I saw him. Shooting straight up, in the bed, my eyes flew open wider than I think they ever have. My head whipped from side, to side, trying to see the face that I could swear was just staring right back, at me. I licked my lips that had gone dry and I swallowed hard, then I saw something from the corner of my eyes. That was it. I freaked.
“NIIIIIIIIIICK!” Flying out of my bed, my feet carried me through the house faster than I thought imaginable. “NIIIIIIIICK NICK!” My curls fell in my eyes as I ran down the stairs, nearly falling over when I turned the corner.
“Baylee? What’s wrong? What happened?” He sprinted out of the office, a concerned look on his face as he hurried toward me. I nearly knocked him over when I threw myself into his arms, which I knew surprised him since his hands went up, like he was being arrested.
“You….dream….dad….” I hadn’t started crying, but I could feel myself trying to choke them down. It wasn’t just the dream, or swearing I saw my dad in the same room, but it was the flood of memories that were invading my mind now.
For so many years, I learned how to push away the pain I had felt when I lost my parents. Yes, I miss them. Yes, I think about them. But the pain…the pain, I learned to tune out and ignore…for the most part. I didn’t let it effect me as badly as it used to, even though it threatened to surface fairly often, I had become pretty good at pushing it away. At this very moment, the pain was swelling in my chest and this time…it wasn’t going away.
“Shhh. Calm down, Bay.” I felt his arms wrap around me and his hands start rubbing my back, in an attempt to soothe me. There was such a wild mix of emotions, surging through me, that I wanted to hug him…push him away…punch a wall…throw something…cry…scream…and forget everything…all at the same time. “Talk to me, buddy. Let it out. It’s okay.” That caring tone he had in my dream…or flashback…whatever it was…was in his voice now. He was back to the role of caring and loving friend.
“NO! IT’S NOT OKAY! I…AM…NOT…OKAY!” My teeth ground together while my hands shoved him away. From that point, I lost all control of everything…my emotions…my words…my mind…my heart. Everything flew out of me, all at once, making my head spin. Years of trying to ignore it had finally come to this…an explosion.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Here we go again...you know I couldn't go too long without some serious shit goin on...but, this is only the beginning. I have the next chapter in my head, so it shouldn't be too long before you see it. Thanks for stickin with me and Bay. i hope you enjoy!
